jawolf
06-30-2004, 04:56 AM
I am new to the world of CP. Six months ago I befriended a 26y/o man with CP. Physically he can get around with a walker, or by using something to lean on such as a wall, couch, etc...He is stunted in growth and is caught in a life long look of almost pre-pubecence. People often ask him if he is a child or a girl, and it stigmatizes him. He has full use of one arm, the other is a little twisted and of not much use. He does not have full control of his bladder or colon, and it is a combination of the effects of CP and the horrible abuses that he has suffered from since birth.
His first six years of his life was filled with daily physical and mental beatings by his alcoholic-drug addicted, Vietnam Vet, father. Horrible abuses! He can only bring himself, and asks me not to say words like beating or hitting, even saying, "physically abused", sends him into a catotonic state. He will only allow me to say "discipline" and nothing else. He now longs for his dad in a devistatingly unhealthy way. He has mad his dad a Demi-God now who can do no wrong.
In his pre-teen years he had live-in babysitters because his weak family structure. The least traumas suffered by him when his babysitter and friends would put him on the kitchen counter and run water until he deficated on himself, then they would get angry and make him sit or play in it then clean it up. The worst atrocity was the babysitter forcing my friend to pleasure him repeatedly a day, and over two years. He had a breakdown and told his family years later. They did not seek help for him, instead they ignored him and made him feel guilty because his family didn't want to talk about it, ever! His babysitter said he would kill his whole family if ever he were to tell. My friend cannot distinguish sarcasm, joking, write or wrong like normal people. He takes words very litteraly. He did not take his medicine for months because the doctor said, "Take one pill in the morning.", and since he is mortified of the dark, he cannot sleep till he sees daylight, he is never up in the morning to take the pill.
I truely could go on for hours, and far deeper than this. I am the only one he has ever told everything to. He had two hallucinations where he described in detail what he saw, as he was seeing them, right in front of me. Voices call from outside his window when it gets dark. Taunting him, and trying to break in. Sometimes he 'sees' shapes and sounds. Always out of the corner of his eye, (he has definite vision and hearing problems.) there 'shapes' or 'sounds' manifest into an animal like a lion or bear, or human, or a muntant crossbreed. He races in absolute fear to lock doors, windows, etc...but it always gets in and they fight to the death each time. He collapses in total exaustion and is found on the ground the next morning.
Since our long talks it has only happened twice, whereas it happened almost daily since his father choked and threw him around the room in rage, while he was in college. Instead of feeling good about the attacks not happening, he tells me he is really sad because in a way he has lost a part of him. I have learned when he is payed a compliment a shouting voice inside him drowns out the rest of the compliment with, " you insignifigant little troll your no good!"
He has no concept of time. He sees a spot or a bug fly off from his t.v. screen and he will have to feel the spot. Smell it. Taste it. Over and over. He has a texture fettish. I put some KY jelly on his finger to see his reaction and if I had not pulled him out of his trance, he would have rolled it in his fingers and smelled it, etc., for hours. Thousands of questions croud his head, overlapping, mixing and he just shuts down.
I cannot stop. I could write forever the atrocities suffered by him, yet I haven't even told you why I write this.
On July 7th he will be without his mother for the first true time in his life. She does absolutely everything for him. Sort of...She has devistationgly sheltered him and he has no concept of reality such as relationships, working, social interaction, etc. His views of what happens in the world outside his bedroom is so twisted and warped. I taught him how to peel a potato and to vacuum at twenty six, though in all honesty he mentally is around five or six. His mother has since taken the vacuum or peeler out of his hands each time he has tried to practice. Yet she is willing to leave him here in Seattle alone.
When I met him he was going visibly catotnic, each day a little more. Since we have been talking his vocabulary is growing, his attitude has been brighter, he can finish a thought or a sentence without being distracted by the voices and barrage of thoughts shutting him down. Now with the biggest move of his life approaching he acts like life is a breeze, like he can tackle anything. It is as blatent as I have ever seen false confidence. So I asked him about after he moves into this room he rented from a couple he hardly knows, and that he hasn't even seen yet, what will he do so far from town all alone. He couldn't handle the thoughts. He and I know he won't eat, brush his teeth, shower, take his medicine, etc. unless he is told. He eats only out of a can, or box. He cannot cook. He has to work up courage to go to the store, even days after he is out of food or sundries. Most times his mother is forced to go. He will sit in his room for days, in defication, not being able to move.
He says he will kill himself before he lives in a group home or assisted living, yet the people he will be living with no nothing of his dependence on others, the psychotic attacks at night where he throws everything in sight, the frequent bowel releases and ensuing messes, etc...He is so pumped up he can do it this time, where every other time failed. He talks about how easy it is going to be, not like before. The way he rationalizes what is going to happen and how he is a new person reborn, is to listen to total delusion. I am afraid shortly after his mother is gone and reality sets in he will go into his "box", as he calls it, for good.
I have been able to get him a medical doctor, physical therapist, and a psychologist team that truely will do all they can to help him heal, but it will take months to even start the therapy proccess. In the mean time he is moving into a place where reality will soon overtake his false confidence. He has lived next to a bar his entire adult life. It is his sanctuary. He must go every night till they kick him out at closing because he is trying to be around people while it is dark out. Where he is moving there is nothing to occupy his time. He has no where to go when it gets dark and the voices come to taunt him, and the fears manifest into the thing that attacks him.
If I had the money for first, last, and deposit, I would get a bigger place, but extra money is impossible at the moment as I am on temporary disability. There is a 7000 person list he would be behind getting section 8 housing. I have tried. He will not go to assisted living or a group home, and even if he would there are none in this short time open.
What the heck do I do? He will be too far away to go each day to remind him to take his pills, brush his teeth or shower, or to snap out of a three day deficating stuppor, etc., and on and on. The people who he is going to be living with know nothing of what they are in for, and are not home for days at a time, quite frequently.
He is, despite all he has been through and has gone on, a beautifully, innocent, moral, human being. He would make the toughest killer cry as he told with child-like innocence and nievity of how he wants, and yet can only wonder what it is like to be loved, and to love another human being, how he would treat a woman with respect and make her dinner and comfort her. How he longs to be held by a woman other than his mother. How he wishes to be like other people and have a body that works, a wife, a house, a family of his own. To see his euphoria evaporate as reality sets in when on this subject, is crushing right to the soul. To see him "shut down" right before your eyes as he goes from his "happy place" where he has a family, a wife, house, and his body is miraculously healed and he crushes his walker under his powerful feet, to his "box" where every bad thought, memory, and atrocity hits at once.
I need a real solution. There are no homes accepting boarders at the moment, section 8 is maxed out in my area, I cannot raise a thousand or two in this short of time, the people he is going to live with are party"ers" from hell and not home a lot of the times. Brad has his "episodes" each time he knows his mother will be away more than a few hours. I am truely at a loss and need "manna from the sky" so to speak type of miracle.....If you know of resources in my area I would ask you to write me. CP of Washington is of no help.
jawolf2012@yahoo.com
PO Box 1781
Renton, Wa. 98057
His first six years of his life was filled with daily physical and mental beatings by his alcoholic-drug addicted, Vietnam Vet, father. Horrible abuses! He can only bring himself, and asks me not to say words like beating or hitting, even saying, "physically abused", sends him into a catotonic state. He will only allow me to say "discipline" and nothing else. He now longs for his dad in a devistatingly unhealthy way. He has mad his dad a Demi-God now who can do no wrong.
In his pre-teen years he had live-in babysitters because his weak family structure. The least traumas suffered by him when his babysitter and friends would put him on the kitchen counter and run water until he deficated on himself, then they would get angry and make him sit or play in it then clean it up. The worst atrocity was the babysitter forcing my friend to pleasure him repeatedly a day, and over two years. He had a breakdown and told his family years later. They did not seek help for him, instead they ignored him and made him feel guilty because his family didn't want to talk about it, ever! His babysitter said he would kill his whole family if ever he were to tell. My friend cannot distinguish sarcasm, joking, write or wrong like normal people. He takes words very litteraly. He did not take his medicine for months because the doctor said, "Take one pill in the morning.", and since he is mortified of the dark, he cannot sleep till he sees daylight, he is never up in the morning to take the pill.
I truely could go on for hours, and far deeper than this. I am the only one he has ever told everything to. He had two hallucinations where he described in detail what he saw, as he was seeing them, right in front of me. Voices call from outside his window when it gets dark. Taunting him, and trying to break in. Sometimes he 'sees' shapes and sounds. Always out of the corner of his eye, (he has definite vision and hearing problems.) there 'shapes' or 'sounds' manifest into an animal like a lion or bear, or human, or a muntant crossbreed. He races in absolute fear to lock doors, windows, etc...but it always gets in and they fight to the death each time. He collapses in total exaustion and is found on the ground the next morning.
Since our long talks it has only happened twice, whereas it happened almost daily since his father choked and threw him around the room in rage, while he was in college. Instead of feeling good about the attacks not happening, he tells me he is really sad because in a way he has lost a part of him. I have learned when he is payed a compliment a shouting voice inside him drowns out the rest of the compliment with, " you insignifigant little troll your no good!"
He has no concept of time. He sees a spot or a bug fly off from his t.v. screen and he will have to feel the spot. Smell it. Taste it. Over and over. He has a texture fettish. I put some KY jelly on his finger to see his reaction and if I had not pulled him out of his trance, he would have rolled it in his fingers and smelled it, etc., for hours. Thousands of questions croud his head, overlapping, mixing and he just shuts down.
I cannot stop. I could write forever the atrocities suffered by him, yet I haven't even told you why I write this.
On July 7th he will be without his mother for the first true time in his life. She does absolutely everything for him. Sort of...She has devistationgly sheltered him and he has no concept of reality such as relationships, working, social interaction, etc. His views of what happens in the world outside his bedroom is so twisted and warped. I taught him how to peel a potato and to vacuum at twenty six, though in all honesty he mentally is around five or six. His mother has since taken the vacuum or peeler out of his hands each time he has tried to practice. Yet she is willing to leave him here in Seattle alone.
When I met him he was going visibly catotnic, each day a little more. Since we have been talking his vocabulary is growing, his attitude has been brighter, he can finish a thought or a sentence without being distracted by the voices and barrage of thoughts shutting him down. Now with the biggest move of his life approaching he acts like life is a breeze, like he can tackle anything. It is as blatent as I have ever seen false confidence. So I asked him about after he moves into this room he rented from a couple he hardly knows, and that he hasn't even seen yet, what will he do so far from town all alone. He couldn't handle the thoughts. He and I know he won't eat, brush his teeth, shower, take his medicine, etc. unless he is told. He eats only out of a can, or box. He cannot cook. He has to work up courage to go to the store, even days after he is out of food or sundries. Most times his mother is forced to go. He will sit in his room for days, in defication, not being able to move.
He says he will kill himself before he lives in a group home or assisted living, yet the people he will be living with no nothing of his dependence on others, the psychotic attacks at night where he throws everything in sight, the frequent bowel releases and ensuing messes, etc...He is so pumped up he can do it this time, where every other time failed. He talks about how easy it is going to be, not like before. The way he rationalizes what is going to happen and how he is a new person reborn, is to listen to total delusion. I am afraid shortly after his mother is gone and reality sets in he will go into his "box", as he calls it, for good.
I have been able to get him a medical doctor, physical therapist, and a psychologist team that truely will do all they can to help him heal, but it will take months to even start the therapy proccess. In the mean time he is moving into a place where reality will soon overtake his false confidence. He has lived next to a bar his entire adult life. It is his sanctuary. He must go every night till they kick him out at closing because he is trying to be around people while it is dark out. Where he is moving there is nothing to occupy his time. He has no where to go when it gets dark and the voices come to taunt him, and the fears manifest into the thing that attacks him.
If I had the money for first, last, and deposit, I would get a bigger place, but extra money is impossible at the moment as I am on temporary disability. There is a 7000 person list he would be behind getting section 8 housing. I have tried. He will not go to assisted living or a group home, and even if he would there are none in this short time open.
What the heck do I do? He will be too far away to go each day to remind him to take his pills, brush his teeth or shower, or to snap out of a three day deficating stuppor, etc., and on and on. The people who he is going to be living with know nothing of what they are in for, and are not home for days at a time, quite frequently.
He is, despite all he has been through and has gone on, a beautifully, innocent, moral, human being. He would make the toughest killer cry as he told with child-like innocence and nievity of how he wants, and yet can only wonder what it is like to be loved, and to love another human being, how he would treat a woman with respect and make her dinner and comfort her. How he longs to be held by a woman other than his mother. How he wishes to be like other people and have a body that works, a wife, a house, a family of his own. To see his euphoria evaporate as reality sets in when on this subject, is crushing right to the soul. To see him "shut down" right before your eyes as he goes from his "happy place" where he has a family, a wife, house, and his body is miraculously healed and he crushes his walker under his powerful feet, to his "box" where every bad thought, memory, and atrocity hits at once.
I need a real solution. There are no homes accepting boarders at the moment, section 8 is maxed out in my area, I cannot raise a thousand or two in this short of time, the people he is going to live with are party"ers" from hell and not home a lot of the times. Brad has his "episodes" each time he knows his mother will be away more than a few hours. I am truely at a loss and need "manna from the sky" so to speak type of miracle.....If you know of resources in my area I would ask you to write me. CP of Washington is of no help.
jawolf2012@yahoo.com
PO Box 1781
Renton, Wa. 98057