My friend has been in an emotionally abusive marriage for many years. Mental abuse drove her to the point of suicide. In the past few months, I thought she finally had a grip on it and had decided to divorce and move on. Her young daughter as been mentally and verbally abused as well as locked out of the house. Now, I receive this email from her. What do you advise I tell her?

Excerpt from email:
I have to tell you that Bob has now done a complete, 100% back flip and is now crying all the time, being really morose and feeling sick, and saying that he cannot believe that my daughter and I are moving out, that he still loves me and has never stopped loving me, that he has never begged for anything in his life.......why didn't I just tell him 3 years ago when I was feeling so depressed that I was suicidal? Why didn't I discusss blah blah blah with him, if he'd only known.

Virgo,
I'm very sorry to hear that your friend, and her daughter, have been put through so much abuse. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for them. I'm sure that your friend is greatful to have you in her corner, supporting her through all of this :-).

My best advice would be to tell your friend to stick to her guns. She at least needs to get away from the situation in order to 1.) protect herself, and her daughter, from further abuse and 2.) to get a clearer, more objective, persective on how to proceed. While it's wonderful that her husband seems to be remorseful for all the pain that he's caused her and her daughter, I would still tend to be skeptical about his motivations and potential for abuse in the future. After all, people don't change over night. There have to be some deep-seated issues which have caused him to behave so horrendously toward his wife and daughter and, I'm sure, other people. What prompted him to become so remorseful all of a sudden? In your opinion, does he seem genuine about it? The bottom line here is that your friend and her daughter do not derserve to be abused, and they shouldn't continue to live with a person with this sort of track record, unless he agrees to some counseling/therapy, etc. to allow him to work out all of his issues. Even then, I would still be very concerned about their safety and well being, and advise that they take things very slowly with him.

Colleen

Collene, thanks so much for your advice. You have given me many pointers to start with so I can help my friend.
I will keep you updated.