Please listen every where i go i get pushed aside and said im crazy i need help


Ok i want to tell you my story and if u could tell me if they symptoms are of anxiety.

Ok on june the 14th i had called a escort i dont know why but i did just to see what would happen i guess.

She came to my house and we talked and she started stripping and then gave me oral with a condom on.

Now during this session she came down hard on the condom once but it didnt break and i didnt notice anything unusual.

I took the condom off and it didnt break cuz i didnt see anything broken and i threw it away altho i didnt really inspect it.

The next day i told my dad cuz i was kinda upset about what i did and that whole day my hands were shaking bad.That night i saw my cousin and he said i was gonna get aids.
So i went home and layed in my bed and it felt like my stomach was eating my insides.
So i ran to my computer and looked up hiv symptoms and boom there it was.

Stomach pain the next day i slept all day and didnt want to get outta bed i felt sick and exhausted and couldnt do anything.Then 3 days later which i think was friday yeah friday i finally got outta bed to help my dads friend move.

I was lightheaded couldnt eat all those days and was ligh headed friday as well.So i helped him anyway lifting stuff.

That night i went to work i work 11:30pm to 7:30am friday and saturday security in a abondoned building.

When i wa at work i started having ubelieveable muscle pain in arms in left calf.I started to cry cuz i saw that muscle ache was hiv related.I fell asleep and woke up shaking like i was cold and put the heat on and fell asleep again.

Then i woke and went home tired and sick and knew i had to go to the hospital.So i went to er and told the doc the story and he said he would give me a std test via schwab in the uerthra but i didnt need a hiv test becuase theres no way i coulda caught it that way.

So i agreed and they did the schwab.The next night was my b-day on saturday the 19th.Again i slept all day and my cousin came bye and said do you wanna go out.At that time my sister showed up with her kids and i didnt want to go near them cuz i thought i would get them sick.So i went out light headed sick and tired.I had a few beers went home upset three hours later layed in my bed and felt a unbelievable tingle around my waist and on my groin and i couldnt get erect no matter how hard i tryed.(I tryed to cuz i figured lack of blood flow to penis)

I flew up to er crying and they said again its my nerves or the drinking and that my std test was negative.

I couldnt accept it and got a reguler doc for a physical and told her the story and she did a hiv test (to ease my mind)and a thyroid test (both were negative.) she alsp checked my penis for cuts there was none i dont think but it was a few days after :( i never felt any pain but i didd see a little purple below head on bottom of head below urethra

So i went to hospital again cuz i had muscle pain all on left side of body and a sharp pain inbetween my knee and a lump there like a bruise.The hospital again said u dont have hiv u sprained it or puled something.

Now im getting agravated and i get pain on kneecap to the touch on top and calf is still tight my kneck ached then dissapeared a hour later weird i thought but passed it off and said i was fine.

Then at my sisters i still couldnt eat and felt a unbeliavable pain like someone squeezing my groin but passed it off as nerves still fearing i had hiv i didnt want to go home so i decided to sleep at my grandmas 30 miles away.

So i got in my car and headed up there at around 1:00am On the way i felt the groin pain againa and decided i would go to er up there to get another hospital idea on things so i went to the er and the doc said i was becoming mental and it wasnt hiv it was all stress and nerves.And i dont need to test anymore im crazy etc.

Then i started noticing red dots on my thighs (ingrown hairs or pimples)
And had a apointment last wedensday and went to doc she checked my knee and the dots and confirmed in grown hair and my knees were fine no fluid at all etc and told me test results.

Still concerned i went home slept but evertime i wanted to get up i was tired heres a example.

Go to work 11:30pm get dont at 7:30am slept from 8:00am to about 6:00pm and tired.

So went to er again and talked to like the tenth doc and he said it wasnt hiv it was my nerves i told him preety much everything and he tested me for mono and it was negative.

Now here i am heres a list of the symptoms.

Muscle aches back mostly left leg some right leg a little that come and go

pain in my abdomen are that come and go

diheria drymouth like im thirsty outside when i felt nervouse i got a cold feeling on my shoulders but no sweat i dont think.

nightmares

unable to eat and sometimes when i try like i dont wanna swallow the food

tiredness constant yawning

Dont wanna stay at home and want to stay away from my computer cuz i keep looking at hiv stuff.

lightheaded blury vision hard focusing first week

tingley feet and hands

noticing like i had a rash that dissapeared in like ten minutes small on my hand

clearing my throat sometimes like flemy.but then dissapeares

all docs said my throat looked a little red all these three weeks.

Feeling scared and depressed.

afraid to be near family and home.

thinking but not sure like a cut healing thinking it shoulda healed quicker ?

what do you think about all this ?

is it hiv im very scared and cant fuction every day and dont know what to do.
my stomach makes squishy sounds too and i have a cut in upper part of mouth i think from food i ate i had it all day tho :(

muscle spasms too alot as well in variouse areas.

YOU DON'T HAVE HIV!

You have classic, classic symptoms of stress. Everything, from your throat, to your aches and pains, to your groin pain, to the pimples on your thighs (normal!), to the feeling of tiredness, to the mood swings, to the rashes on hands, is ALL due to anxiety. It's all totally normal anxiety.

How on Earth you can still be worried I have no idea, I mean, your exposure was zero risk in any case. It's as if you are trying to find reasons to believe you are HIV positive!

You DON'T have HIV and there's nothing you can do about it.

For all out there. A classic case of why NOT to use the internet to search for symptoms, HIV stories etc. Leave it all alone and walk away from your computer. Even have a cigarette cause I think that may be even healthier!

Longwaysouth

the next time you feel you have to go to a doctor please talk to them about anxiety. you have to realize that you are not alone in this. i know this means nothing to you, but millions, yes millions of people suffer from anxiety. it is called general anxiety disorder. a chemical imbalance triggers this usually brought on my a large amount of stress all at once. every symptom you described is that of anxiety.

just to ease your mind, what you did was not wrong. you should not feel morally bad because you were curious. if anything you should be proud that you DID use protection. unprotected oral sex is considered such a low risk, most doctors don't suggest testing if the only act was oral. the fact that you used a condom makes your chance so small that it is like trying to pick out one single star in the milky way.

HIV is NOT easy to get. out of the millions and millions of people having sex, unprotected, every year in america day in and day out there is onlly 40,000 new cases a year. i know 40,000 sounds like a big number but compared to the hundereds of millions that put themselves at risk each year it is really a very low number.

you have a 1/500-1/8000 chance at getting infected WITH A KNOWN + PERSON thru high risk activity like unprotected vaginal or anal, slightly higher for IV drug use.

they don't even have a calculated risk category for protected oral.

you don't have to live like this. believe me i know, i did the same thing you are right now. i got smart about HIV facts and got on xanax. i tested negative and learned from my mistakes.

please take care of your self, don't let the mere thought of this disease ruin one second out of your day. ----YOU DONT HAVE IT

The mind is a powerful tool. Use it wisely.

I agree that it is anxiety and NOT HIV. By reading up on the symptoms of HIV you have convinced yourself mind and body that you have it and therefore are displaying the symptoms. But as everyone has said, these symptoms are also a sign of anxiety.

ok im gonna take your word on this i know i posted alot and pissed off alotta people but oddly i dont feel any more pain ? no muscle aches not tired ate alot so my apetites back its been three weeks and i actually took a solid dump lol.

Is that bad being better after 3 weeks cuz i heard after 3 weeks hiv symptoms dissapear so its making me a little nervouse.

Plus at my cousind while laying in his bed my penis felt like i had to pee but let out a drip or two i think i didnt sting it felt coldish i noticed two little yellow stains in underwear is that herpes i had a std test a week after it was negative or was it cuz i was thinking stuff and was nervouse.

the night when i had the test i was dripping alot but passed it off as urine cuz i was peing alot and was nervouse has hell.

I just dont know what to think people are calling me a hypochondreiac but what the hell do i know im just a jackass i guess im afraid to jerk off too lol i got tons of porn but afraid to whack the meat cuz i keep thinking **** ya know.

Im not interested in gaming anymore either i havent played a game in 3 weeks.

"Whack the meat!" (rofl)

did you read anything i said?

it sounds like you are going through some kind of moral crisis right now. for some reason you are so ashamed of what you did (which was no big deal) that you are punishing yourself to the point of being out of control.

i would take a long hard look as to why you feel so compelled to almost wish yourself sick than accept a negative result and a basically 0% chance of infection and move on.

furthermore, why on earth are you afraid to masterbate? that kind of behavior is self loathing and guilt compelled as well. even if you have ebola you can't infect yourself any further but masterbating.

please know that we are here to help you in anyway that we can, but you have to help yourself. it gets frustrating when our knowledge and advice falls on deaf ears. please feel free to talk about your situation at any time, but i really hope you can find a way to let this HIV thing go away.

Happy,
You really need to go to a mental health doctor and talk to them. I have read ALL of your posts and regardless of what you are being told, you refuse to believe anyone. It gets very frustrating for those of us out there trying to ease your mind, and it appears that not even the doctors or the actual test results are conviencing you. I agree with one of the other posters: You are having a moral issue with this and now it has mushroomed into anxiety and OCD. Have you ever had sex before this encounter???? If so, did you worry about contracting an STD or HIV?
You need to get some mental help for what you are going through. Again, look in the OCD thread of this healthboard. There are people there that suffer the same kind of issues you are feeling. But please,,,,,get some help.

I agree with the susie...go get some help because you are driving yourself nuts for NO reason! Everyone member of this board has told you numerous times that you have nothing to worry about. Every doctor you've been to said your fine. You've also been tested and the results were negitive. So, my question to you is "whats the problem?"

Seriously, go see someone who can help you get over this fear you have. I hate to be saying this considering I'm going through the same but each and everyone of us with concerns right now have a legit reason...unlike your case! Take a chill pill and RELAX!!! Stop looking as this message board and get out and enjoy life! You owe it to yourself!

Jon

Hi sweetheart,

I call you sweetheart because right now I want to hug you because I feel all you are doing is talking without breathing every chance you get about this. Hun, you have no chance AT ALL. You are not pissing people off..you have every right to type as much as you want and if it pisses people off then screw it because it is about you and only you. But!! :yawn: What you are doing is making people sit back and say "wow I wish I was in his shoes" because you are fine and giving yourself something else. If you feel sick for any reason then go get checked for other things other than HIV. HIV is really hard to get..People who sleep with people who have it sometimes fail to even get it! So imagine you. I live with my mom who has HIV and I used her razor a million times even after she showered!!! and I used her tweezers and nail clippers and sometimes stung myself with it and still was negative..I drink out of her cup a million times even with a cut on my lip once and still nothing..I don't worry about things like that and in your case you really caught nothing but panic and depression. Just like people who look at themselves in the mirror and think they are fat when they weigh ninety pounds..that is you!! You feel an itch you think its something and sweety I am not judging you because I am practically the same and I end up realizing that I am healthier than I thought. So now with my worries, yeah I believe there is a good chance I am HIV positive..but later will find out everything I read online like LongWAy mentioned and every little ache I had was all do to my craziness..You need to lay back in a hot bath and go over what everyone here has told you..and sleep like a baby..because there are people in far worse cases and there are those with the illness and are living life better than they ever did. Right now as you worry my little HIV positive mother is laughing upstairs and looks beautiful..and you on the other hand don't have it and is feeling like you are dying..Think happy and watch your problems fade away.

Mimma

i have had plenty of sex in highschool with girls i never knew tons of oral without condoms so its weird that i would freak about this.

the reason im freaking is becuase of the pain thats why.

i just dont get it i woke up with a soar shoulder aching and it dissapeared in like 10 minutes my apetites back tho hiv symptoms last 3 weeks thats what scares me sum 1 said i might not be infected on another board (keyword mightnot)

im scared what do you think be honest that little purple mark on edge of head below urethra dissapeared so it had to be a cut right im scared a doc said i would have to have a deep gash not just a scratch and she would have to bleed plus break the condom im scared what do yall think

am i definetly negative :)

i posted earlier and it didnt seem to make it on the bored and im tired of typing.

Heres wat concerns me.

1 i would have never freaked unless i felt something

2 all these things in three weeks (how long do symptoms last 3 weeks)

3 now it seems theres no pain im up early not tired and eating yet im still worried.

4 im screwed i know it

5 is everyone just trying to make me feel comfortable till i find out the truth cuz thats how i feel.

6 i dont want to masterbate becuase if i get semen anywhere im afraid someone might come in contact with it and get hiv or whatever else.

7 im scared yes and i have a good reason too be i was still at risk and you know it keyword risk so i am not in the clear at all.

8 i called this girl and she said shes negative gets tested every three months has papers to prove it and im worrying her yadayada yeah right she probably prostitutes to pay for her hiv meds and figures us guys are safe as long as we use condoms. she also stated (what are you worried about i would have to be worried not you its easier for me to catch u cant get it that way.hahahahaahhahaha yeah right from what i read you can.

9 how many condoms broke in this girl she was wicked loose looking she is a prostitute.

hey AGAIN...lol

No, we aren't just telling you these things just so you feel better...its all the truth. I'd give anything to be in your situation right now!...and I mean that 100%!!!

Everyone who is paranoid about this disease feels like they have symptoms...thats why we all get curious and start posting asking questions. Your right, anytime anyone has sex, you're at risk. The point we are all trying to make is you sometimes have to take a deep breathe and realize that what is it that you're really freaking out about. You gotta keep pumping the thoughts into your head that..."yeah, my risk is extremely low, almost non existant!"..."that I'm fine and stress is causing all my symptoms!"..."that this girl maybe didn't have anything to begin with!" "that, I tested negative and my doc said its all good!"

I know...there is the maybe's, the what if's, the chances, the mights, the risks, etc... But, you know what...so is everything in life! Sitting around sulking, worrying, and being depressed all the time isn't going to change anything...in fact, the only thing it will do is make you feel worse! Then your cycle starts all over again, you'll feel something from your stressing and think its a symptom again...see this crappy cycle you get into when you are obcessing about something?

You feel like crap every morning because the adrenline in your body from the stress has no where to go...it sits in your muscles and never gets burnt...especially when its on your mind before you fall asleep!...research stress a little and see for yourself! It makes sense...you said it yourself, it goes away in about 10 minutes after you wake up...thats because you are burning it off doing your daily activities...HIV symptoms won't come and go like the wind...they'll stick around.

like mim and I said, everyone that is worried would love to be in your shoes! :) ...you screwed up..learn from your mistakes, don't do it again and move on!

Jon

Hey guys,

No tienes nada! I say in spanish! Didn't you say you got tested and it came out negative? A purple mark on your penis is not HIV for one..Your test came out negative and what you did, did not put you at risk at all practically. I feel like :confused: this typing to you because I do not know what you want to hear..you want me to tell you that you got it out of the clear blue sky? :rolleyes: Well you didn't..you are going to give yourself a heart attack..and people who stress can give themselves mroe serious things. My first semester I was stressed with mommy sick, plus school and plus my relationship with my boyfriend at that time. I hardly ate right and worked out so much I went from 124 pounds to 110..in a month! I then got a pap test because I do that normally and found out I had early stages of cervical cancer..but you know what? CANCER IS WORSE in some way because you can't live so long when you reach a certain stage. I caught it on time to get treated but!!! Doctor said stress could have changed the way my cells are running..So don't go and think you have cancer now!!!!! :nono: I rather you eat a nice plate of food and relax before you get something else!! Muah!

Mimma