What is going on with me? Just recently (past couple years or so) it seems I tend to become emotionally attached to things more so than normal. It can be a person, an animal, even an inanimate object. Some recent examples -- my fish died. I only had him a few months, and I never even really cared about fish before. But because I fed him/cared for him, etc., and he was "mine", I was crushed. I cried for days. I was too embarassed to really tell people just how upset I was. My boyfriend knew I was upset and then went out and bought me another pet (one I decided I could not keep and had to return to the pet store). I had the little animal for only 2 days and giving him back to the pet store, I was a mess. You would think I was giving my child up for adoption!!! I don't understand this tendency to latch on to something like that to the point where it brings pain that is unwarranted. I even have some stuffed animals that, God forbid they were ever lost, I would be devastated. Even the thought of losing them brings tears to my eyes. Even my "boyfriend" is another example of latching on in an unhealthy way. One of the biggest reasons I am with him is because I feel bad for him and want to make sure he is taken care of and "ok". He loves me, but I don't feel the same - I just worry about him, hope he's ok, feel guilty more so like a mom than a lover. I feel like an emotional basket-case. I wonder if this may have anything to do with hormones? Perhaps my biological clock is ticking (I'm in my mid-30s with no children) and I need something to care for and nuture? Anyone else understand this?

By writing down your feelings I think you have gotten to the heart of the matter. I think you know that you are at a crossroads in your life, but you are afraid of change so you cling to anything and everything you can. It's your way of holding on to a life that is just not working for you. Deep down you know it.

I think once you make an effort to change your life, these attachments that bother you will go away. Could your boyfriend be at the heart of the matter? Certainly if you don't love him, I can't imagine you wanting to have a child with him. And feeling that your biological clock is ticking away can only create more anxiety for you.

Keep writing to yourself. You are your best therapist.

silver and gold

i have written about this sort of thing on the schizophrenia board and the anxiety board

my ex had schizophrenia and after 10 days i was extremely attached.
but becuase of his problem we didnt stay together and it has hit me really hard.

it has been nearly a month and i am only just starting to get over him

it brought back my anxiety attacks (anxiety and stress board) and it made me do things that i wouldnt normally do
i went off food for a week and started getting hallucinations (lack of food)
i started to feel schizo myself.

anyway hope things get better for you

look after yourself