Hi I could really use some advice right now. I honestly have no clue as to what to do or where to go from here.

For those who don't know my situation a post is below entitled: "pyschiatrist overrule a school and recommend a pupil to say?" is mine and it explains to some degree what's been going on.

I sent the following letter to my teacher (via my parents):

Dear Miss,


I hope you are well and looking forward to the summer holidays.

Please don't class this letter as harassment. I honestly don't mean to come across in that manner. I guess the reason the decision was reached for me to leave school would be so we wouldn't have any contact with each other. As this is the case I don't wish to leave school with bad feeling between us and I'd appreciate a chance to apologize and explain myself.

You most probably will agree with the school and that it would be best for me to leave, which I have done, and as much as I might not want to, I can see your point of view. I was really unfair when I tried to give you that note. I just lost control. I wasn't myself. Afterwards it felt like a dream. I wasn't sure if it was real, and I am truly sorry that it was. I never thought it would affect you like it did (my parents informed me of your feelings after meeting with Mr Ellis) and I'm sorry for that. I was messed up, although I do know that is no excuse for my behaviour.

I didn't mean to scare you, nor to ruin your half term break. By the time of the last incident I was really low and I didn't know what to do. What happened now, looking back, seems pathetic but at the time I really couldn't help it. I'm also sorry that my anxiety attacks affected you; I failed to realise that they did until recently.

I don't know why my problem centred on you as I've said previously. I can differentiate between you as a person and you as 'the reason for my distress', as I have mentioned previously. This, I think was probably the basis of why you felt comfortable to arrange the second meeting, which I felt really made a difference.

So if it helped why am I back here? I guess this question is a fair one. However the meeting really did help. I was comfortable going around school and I felt that all issues had been resolved. However I was going to enter in to a course of exposure therapy to help sustain this which you obviously felt unable to do with me. I do understand that you had your reasons but I was only asking for minutes a week. I guess you just wanted it over. That honestly was- and still is- my aim too.

When you refused, I felt it set me back and that you lead me to believe you would go along with with the scheme suggested by Joe Green (my psychologist). I believed I needed the therapy because although I was 'okay' I still felt nervous around you and that, in itself, scared me. I didn't want to go backwards. I wanted to keep going until I was at more ease. I know you had your reasons for feeling unable to do this, but I did feel hurt by your refusal and that is the only explanation I , or anyone else, can offer as to my current state.

My feelings seem to cloud my thoughts. I know that nothing I seem to feel is logical but I can't seem to help it. This is what is happening in the scenario I wish to explain to you:

As you know I've been seeing a psychologist and counsellor. (I also recently saw a psychiatrist - nice guy - wrong planet!) I don't yet feel I can be aided in this situation by these professionals although I am regularly attending sessions. My 'way of thinking' seems to prevents them from helping me. However weird it sounds I feel that for this to end it would have to be with you.

I don't know what I need you to do; this is probably where my following proposition will seem challenging . However I feel I do need your help because in all of this I truly believe that you are the person who I need to help me. It's hard to explain the strength of this in a letter, but my psychologist agrees with me.

I'd like to hopefully be able to end this on a positive note- for both of us. I won't be at Longhill next year and I'd appreciate a chance to resolve this before I start at Varndean. I'd like to, therefore, meet one last time to hopefully gain closure on the situation. I wish to be able to make a fresh start at Varndean and I'm sure you would like a clean break for yourself too.

Please don't take offence over any of the content in this email; I honestly don't mean to offend you. I am sorry you were badly affected by this situation and I hope things get better for you.

Thank you for reading this.

I wish you all the best.

Take care,


It wasn't an unfair letter. I felt I was apologetic. I just really badly needed 'her' to do this for me. I don't know what to do now. I have no idea. The head emailed back not 'her' personally saying 'she' didn't want to do it. :S

I'd apprechiate some advice. I feel at a total loss. It was even agreed by my pyschologist and counseller that the meeting would be a good idea. Plus it was also said that 'she' was the only one who could help me. Which I still believe and is why it is so hard to accept.

Any comments/advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Take care xxx