My father in law he's 60 yrs old and was diagnosed after having the side of his neck puffed out and very large. It has gone down but he's only had about three chemo sessions and he has lost a lot of weight in a short time and has had transfusions of all kinds and now is on isolation with chicken pox, a skin infection and some infection of the blood. He's now on new antibiotics that took away a persistent fever he was having. I have not spoken to the doctors this is the translation from the family members who are just learning medical terms. The thing is we suspect that he is depressed because although the cancer and treatment may be responsible for his loss of appetite and weight we are very concerned and shocked by his appearance which can be best described as skin and bones. The frustrating part is that he doesn't want to eat and alot of cohersion and patience goes into getting him to eat just a little bit. If he has what adds up to just a small meal a day that is a good day. He wont drink the prosure cans that are packed with calories and vitamins. What we are wondering is if this is a normal part of the cancer experience and how much more can he waste away before the doctors get concerned. He also doesn't want to get up out of bed and he's been hospitlized for quite some time. They have him in isolation now. He's developed pneumonia. We, the family think that at the rate he's going it may not be the cancer that might kill him but the treatment side effects and malnourishment. Any insight will be appreciated, thank you in advance.

My father in law he's 60 yrs old and was diagnosed after having the side of his neck puffed out and very large. It has gone down but he's only had about three chemo sessions and he has lost a lot of weight in a short time and has had transfusions of all kinds and now is on isolation with chicken pox, a skin infection and some infection of the blood. He's now on new antibiotics that took away a persistent fever he was having. I have not spoken to the doctors this is the translation from the family members who are just learning medical terms. The thing is we suspect that he is depressed because although the cancer and treatment may be responsible for his loss of appetite and weight we are very concerned and shocked by his appearance which can be best described as skin and bones. The frustrating part is that he doesn't want to eat and alot of cohersion and patience goes into getting him to eat just a little bit. If he has what adds up to just a small meal a day that is a good day. He wont drink the prosure cans that are packed with calories and vitamins. What we are wondering is if this is a normal part of the cancer experience and how much more can he waste away before the doctors get concerned. He also doesn't want to get up out of bed and he's been hospitlized for quite some time. They have him in isolation now. He's developed pneumonia. We, the family think that at the rate he's going it may not be the cancer that might kill him but the treatment side effects and malnourishment. Any insight will be appreciated, thank you in advance.
Part of the side effects of chemo is depression, the malnutrition can cause depression, the entire picture you are painting is the horror of cancer. I wish the best for your father-in-law and family. Hopefully he will begin to feel better soon and some of these side effects will be corrected. There is no sure way of telling from your description what can be done for him, but some one needs to advocate for his overall well-being.

His birthday was yesterday and he couldn't eat his own cake. He's in ICU now with a fever that wont go away and they don't know where the infection is. He's had so many different antibiotics and still the fever wont budge. They say he has a blood clot in his lung, they are running more tests. He has to be the skinniest person there, it is so scary since only two months ago he was talkative and up and about, sixty pounds heavier.

Cancer affects people in different ways. My mom had non- hodgkins, and she happend to handle chemo pretty well. Her appatite did not change at all. she went into remission for 5 years and then recently it came back. She was then put on a series of shots, and that seemed to put her in remission. I would ask the doctors more questions. Your father needs to eat so he can build strength to fight off infections better. I hope they at least have him on IV's. I would talk to the doctors more, how can he possibly fight of his infections when he is not eating at all. Maybe they will have some ideas of getting him to feel better.

Thank you so much for both of your responses. For those of you whose family members or yourselves had a big problem with nausea, is it really that bad that you can't force little bits throughout the day just for the sake of living? Once again we don't know if it's the depression or that the nausea is really that bad, as is the only excuse that my father in law gives, and that he doesn't like the taste of prosure. I'm wondering should we tackle it with the anti nausea meds and administer them in a special way so that by the time he does try to eat they have kicked in and will work or should we get a psychiatrist and will that gives us enough time to change things around. Antidepressants take weeks to work. Yes, he's on IV's. His family and his son (my husband) is so torn by this situation.

I'm so sorry,
It could be nausea, a lot of patients have nausea and vomiting with chemo, it is pretty commen. Even my mom had her bad days. And as you know anytime you are sick with the flu or are just nauseated, the last thing you want is to eat. Which can also make you depressed. I would for sure ask for anti-nausea medicine, which could help. Maybe even getting him into a support group or a counsler would also help him deal witht the stress and depression. I wish you the best, and keep us posted.

I had non-hodgkins intermediate grade stage 4 in 1991 at age 73 and it came back in one year so had chemo treatments for the second time. Went for check ups for ten years every sic months and was released as cured in november, 2003. The chemo was pretty bad-got pneumonia and left my feet numb and I have been slightly dizzy every since but I am still going aat age 86

I had non-hodgkins intermediate grade stage 4 in 1991 at age 73 and it came back in one year so had chemo treatments for the second time. Went for check ups for ten years every six months and was released as cured in november, 2003. The chemo was pretty bad-got pneumonia and left my feet numb and I have been slightly dizzy every since but I am still going at age 86

Thanks JenBrooke123, you know, that's just it, he is on antinausea meds but I thought there could probably be a specific time before meals where it should be given to provide the maximum benefit, just thought it may have been wearing off by the time he did eat. I don't know I'm just taking guesses. But as far as group counseling, that would be great. Unfortunately he has been moved to ICU now and is on a feeding tube and we're awaiting more news of whether or not he's going to need a respirator. Could you believe it, it seems just yesterday we were so happy becasue his prognosis was so good.

Hparks13, I'm so happy about your recovery, it really makes looking on the bright side so much easier. How were you able to maintain your strength throughout all that chemo, did you concentrate on staying healthy and eating well? You know, yesterday, I even bought him some organic flaxseed oil and even found organic waffles that had this ingredient, omega-3, but he's so weak now and with that feeding tube. Kind of makes me feel bad we didn't encourage these things early on when he was still sitting up in bed joking with us, just a month ago, it's unbelievable. I wish he would've not been so finicky then and would've seen past the taste of the prosure. None of us has known what cancer is like, maybe he didn't expect it to hit him so hard and never thought being a picky eater made a difference. Like my father says when your falling down stream you have to try to hang on to whatever you can on the way (best interpretion I can do) I think doctors should educate people better so that they can have a plan in place as to how they're going to approach their own healing, don't you think? I've been sending the family articles I find on the internet, there was alot that they didn't consider before. You mentioned your non-hodgkins was intermediate grade stage 4, I didn't even know there were classifications like that, I'm looking that up next and I wonder which class his falls under. Thank you.

I know when I was on antinausea medicine for surgery it didn't even work for me. Some people get so sick on chemo, You might want to ask if there is a different kind of med they can use, or if another medicine he is on is conflicting with the anitsausea one, I know when I was on Prednisone for my asthma nothing would make me feel better. My mom was intermediate grade at stage 3 I think. You have the right thinking into asking your doctors if he could take the medicine closer to the time he eats. How many treatments of chemo has he had? did he have raidiation?

He's had 3 chemo treatments I think, and this is the second time it gets put on hold because of fever or all his cells being so low. Today they're removing the chemo port because its growing fungus and they think it may be what started what ever it is that is showing up on the lung xray. Good thing is that he has not gone on the respirator yet, he is still breathing on his own. He hasn't had radiation yet. I can't imagine what he would look like with radiation treatments if he still struggling to recover from the 3 chemo treatments and complications. When he goes back on food we'll make sure to ask more questions concerning the antinausea meds, he could use all the help he can get. I was also thinking accupressure. Has anyone supplemented their treatment with vitamins and accupuncture etc? My husband is there now and will ask the doctors about which stage and grade he has. He was a pretty healthy man his father that's why its so shocking the decline in his health so quickly, I'm wondering how someone with Diabetes, like my mother, would fare in that situation. Since they already have problems with healing, I wonder how dangerous it must be when their platelets drop. An earlier reply to my post mentioned how can he fight off infection when he doesn't eat and it reminds me of him being still strong up in bed and complaining that he hated the hospital food and refusing his eggs if they werent just so and refusing the taste of the prosure....back then it had nothing to do with nausea, then, it was just ignorance. Had we known the cancer picks up his metabolism and how hard he was going to get hit we would've probably done a better job of informing him and encouraging him. I do hope he recovers from all of this soon. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I do appreciate it so.

It saddens me to say that he was put on the respirator because as the Dr explained it, he shouldve been at 300 with all the oxygen he's gotten and it was dangerously low at 50. He's been sedated and will remain that way. I found out his stage is 4 and used to be A but reading on the internet he most resembles a B now, with the fever and he's lost 20% of his weight. I also found out that the worse that could happen as a chemo side effect is secondary cancers. Whatever is showing up in his lung, the biopsy wont be ready until Monday. If it's fungal or cancer we'll find out then. The fungus could cause a heart attack, and the cancer would have to be tackled rightaway. There aren't too many people talking about their experineces on this board only people that are scared their lumps are cancerous. I was thinking of buying a book, if anyone knows of one that is good please let us know of it. Thanks in advance.

I had skipped over to the regular cancer board thinking there I might find more experiences to relate to my father in law's and I came across a thread by justsophie. I was deeply saddened by it as I read all 96 posts under it. It makes me realize how easily it is to be so scared and not find it easy to talk to your family.

There was no one in the room when they intubated him and sedated him.

Have you tried the message boards at www.cancer.org. This is the website for the American Cancer Society. It might be what you are looking for. It has message boards for family of people with cancer. I hope this helps!

momof4luvs2run

Thanks momo,

Today my husband is bringing a priest with him to baptize his father while he sleeps. He's been stable. A specialist was supposed to come today because his urine was black in color. We also get the results of the biopsy taken from his lung today. If he ever wakes up to yell at us for baptizing him, it'll be music to our ears.

My father in law has passed away from complications brought on by a fungal infection in the lungs. It was totally unexpected at least to his family. Who would've thought he would be talking to us last week and now.....to think also he was given a 90% chance of survival two months ago before he started chemo. I just don't get it. To all of you out there looking for care of your loved one it would probably be a good idea to consider a cancer hospital over a regular hospital....we only wish we would have.

My father in law has passed away from complications brought on by a fungal infection in the lungs. It was totally unexpected at least to his family. Who would've thought he would be talking to us last week and now.....to think also he was given a 90% chance of survival two months ago before he started chemo. I just don't get it. To all of you out there looking for care of your loved one it would probably be a good idea to consider a cancer hospital over a regular hospital....we only wish we would have.

I am so sorry to hear that! I am praying for you and your family in your time of loss.

Momof4luvs2run

When reading this posting, it was like reading the story of what my mother just went through with non-Hodgekins. She lost her appetite and lost a tremendous amount of weight. She was hospitalized many times with treatment with blood infections, shingles etc. Lymphoma is cancer of the immune system. So, in order to treat it, they have to completely suppress the immune system in order to kill the cancer. Try to be understanding that food doesn't taste good to them right now. Nutrition shakes like Boost or Ensure might be helpful. My mother literally lived on them for months. Peanuts are also a good source of protein and carbs. Food did not taste or smell good to her and it would ball up in her mouth. All of this is typical for this type of cancer. Your father-in-law is probably depressed, but it is secondary to his condition. My mom told be that she felt like a burden and that so many resources: family, medical etc. were going into making her well and she felt guilty. I hope this helps. It's a really difficult time. We healthy people that like to eat find it hard to understand a person who doesn't want to eat. My dad struggled a lot with that and would try to cajole her into eating. It doesn't work and it just makes the person with the cancer feel bad. Hope this helps!

Thanks momo. My father's brother is in his 80's also fighting cancer with only 3 months to live but he doesn't know it ....under the doctors advice not to tell him. You have to see him fighting for his life and staying healthy, he even opted to go for chemo but the doctors keep telling my family not to go into denial, he's just too far gone, pancreas, gall bladder involved and the treatments are just to buy time. The doctor said we'll know when to tell him. For now he looks very happy and family has pulled together. Two days ago his son was killed in a train accident and again the doctor advised not to tell him and the family agreed. Two funerals in the same week and another to come. Thanks for your words of kindness.

Sunshine It's too late, he's gone and that was just it he wouldn't take the shakes either, most of the time just a simple soup, that's all. But it's too late he's gone.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to hear that.

You and your family have my deepest sympathy! It's so hard to know what to do in situations like this. My mom died 2 months after being diagnosed with liver cancer. She was feeling pretty good when she went into the hospital, but went down hill fast after starting treatments. I have no doubt that she would have lived much longer, and with out so much pain, if we had let her stay at home with no chemo, etc. But, what do you do? You feel like you have to try.

Thanks Kaycee, Sunshine,

Tomorrow is the burial. We got him a nice spot next to a beautiful tree and a nice bench and a manicured patch of flowers near by, not that it makes much difference to him right now but it makes us the family feel better and I guess if he's looking at us from somewhere out there it makes him smile too.

I've thought often about the choice to just stay home and die surrounded by loved ones being able to eat your favorite meals. But when doctors say 90% chance for survival you don't think twice about it, you must opt for the treatment. He used to say he's not going to make it and we would remind him of the good news that his type of cancer is curable. If I had to help anyone else make the choice about treatment I'm afraid I'm no longer comfortable doing that. And I used to think people that went solo and used only alternative treatments (non medical) were crazy, but now I'm willing to learn more about them, if they don't work at least you die peaceful and not poisoned.

Thank you all for your kind wishes and thoughts.

Thanks Kaycee, Sunshine,

Tomorrow is the burial. We got him a nice spot next to a beautiful tree and a nice bench and a manicured patch of flowers near by, not that it makes much difference to him right now but it makes us the family feel better and I guess if he's looking at us from somewhere out there it makes him smile too.

I've thought often about the choice to just stay home and die surrounded by loved ones being able to eat your favorite meals. But when doctors say 90% chance for survival you don't think twice about it, you must opt for the treatment. He used to say he's not going to make it and we would remind him of the good news that his type of cancer is curable. If I had to help anyone else make the choice about treatment I'm afraid I'm no longer comfortable doing that. And I used to think people that went solo and used only alternative treatments (non medical) were crazy, but now I'm willing to learn more about them, if they don't work at least you die peaceful and not poisoned.

Thank you all for your kind wishes and thoughts.
I would like to add my sympathies as well. Please do not regret that you tried to help your loved one. I have a theory based in religious beliefs that when your job on earth is done, you go. I think he knew his job was done. He was very loved. Sometimes that is all a person is required to do is teach others to love.

Thanks Marimac,

You are so right, this left behind alot of love, hatchets buried between siblings etc. Everyone came together and all remembered the same thing about him just what an angel he had already been down here on earth. Thank you.

I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through. I've read that this can be very frustrating to the family and loved ones of CA patients. I've read and don't quote me 100% but no matter how much the person eats they will still have the cachexia. Something is taking place and breaking down in all the cells and tissues. this is what is causing the "wasting away".
Familys can be very frustrated and try to force the pt. to increase their calories to no avail.It's good that he is on the IV. I hope they are keeping him comfortable and that he's not able to feel the pain.
I wish there were words to comfort you and your family.