Hi,

This is my first post to this board. I have several questions, but first I'll introduce byself. I'm 28 yr old female and have (I guess mild??) spastic diplegia CP. I use crutches to walk. I don't have any speech problems. The main way my CP manifests itself visually is that I walk funny.

Without trying to sound too pathetic :) I've never been on a date with a guy. Because of my lack of experience in this area, I'm not exactly sure how to tell if a guy is interested in me. I have a friend (he is AB) who I have known for a few years, and at times I have felt like he might like me as more than a friend, other times I feel like he is just being nice. (BTW what does a guy do when he is around a women he likes, are there any universal signs that say to a girl that a guy likes her??)

I have been thinking about asking him to lunch (only as friends) as all of our contact in the past has either been in the classroom setting, or email/IM. (He has never asked me to do anything outside of school) I am afraid of what his reaction might be, if he he thought I was asking him because I liked him, and if he didn't like me he might be scared away and not feel comfortable speaking with me.

My main question is to those who have CP and have been involved in a relationship (either dating or marriage). Did you initiate the relationship, or did your partner initiate things? I've asked a few AB people a similiar question, and they usually say that I should wait for him to make a move. Also the few PWDs I have been aquainted with (who are married to an AB person) say that their AB partner made the first move. All of this makes me leery to initiate anything, but then again not knowing can also drive a person crazy :D

I look forward to your replies.

Christine23

I'm interested to see replies because I've never been on a date either. Not that I think I'll get a date just from these replies, I just think it's interesting. Even though I've never had a date, I'd HOPE it wouldn't be that much harder for a person with cp to initiate or others to initiate with that person (with cp).

I asked a guy out last year, and it didn't go anywhere, but only because I think I asked him out for the wrong reasons (He was a friend, and I asked him out simply because I've never had a relationship, and I wanted one NOW) WRONG reasons. Anyway, I don't think there's anything wrong with initiating. Your friends' advice is great, but you have to do what you want to do and not analyze so much. There's no single way to get a date, everyone is different.

I realize this might not have helped much, but I don't think there's one answer anyone can give you. Do what works for you, whether that be initiating or not. Oh, I think asking him out to lunch is a GREAT idea, I think he'll get the hint and take it from there if he wants to. Asking him to lunch is initiating, or at least starting to initiate if you ask me. Good luck! :)

Christine, I can't be of much help since I've never been in a relationship either, but I say go for it! Just asking him to lunch won't hurt anything, and you can let him take it from there if you want :D

Girls,
I can't believe this! I was born with Spastic Diplegia CP. I wore leg braces until 11 years of age. I walked with Lofstrand type cruches (over the forearm padded cuffs) until I was 16. I had many operations on both legs, ankles and feet. I learned to play the electric guitar at 13. I was in a rock band in High School and College. I lost my virginity at 18 and I was married at 22 to my first wife, an AB woman. I went on my first date at 15. It was a double date with an AB friend of mine. I didn't seriously date my first girl with a disability until after my second divorce at 32. I knew a lot of girls with disabilities in High School and College but the girls who's disabilities were like mine, dated AB boys. It's a matter of strong self-confidence and self-esteem. At 18, I lived with a nude dancer in Los Angeles for 6 months. This woman made money with her body. She was physically beautiful. She was 32, I was 18. This did wonders for my confidence. After we broke up, I dated many women, all AB women... Sometimes I initiated the contact and date, sometimes the woman initiated the contact and date.

Don't be afraid to approach anyone you might be interested in. The skills to be able to do this should have been developed and perfected in school. All they can say is yes or no. I found that when I asked women, the overwealming answer was yes! I have been asked out on a date many times too. It was easy because I was in a band, to meet people. I have been married 3 times. My current wife and I have been married 4 years. She is AB... We have no children. I am 54, my wife is 41.

Although I prefer AB women, I'm curious if you girls prefer AB men? I have nothing against women with disabilities. I have known many beautiful women, both physically and mentally with disabilities, CP included :)

I haven't known many men with disabilities in my life, so I can't really say... but all the guys I have been attracted to or have considered dating have been AB. Like you, I have nothing against men with disabilities. If the right one came along and he happened to have a disability it would not matter, I would still date him :)

Well believe it musicmaker.

I personally don't even know anyone else with a disability, it just hasn't worked out that way, so I can't say I prefer either "type" of person.

Being in a band sounds like an exciting life, something that I haven't experienced either.

I can't say I would feel comfortable asking a guy out just to boost my self-confidence, there has to be a connection somehow, and I just haven't found one yet, so I hope you're not implying that you find it strange that a person with cp (or anyone else) has not been on a date yet. I think it may be harder for certain people to accept that we (the disabled) are interested in a dating life too. I may be completely off base, but those are just my observations. I would have no problem initiating if I thought it would go anywhere. (I have initiated). I hope that didn't come out to defensive, as that was not my intention. :)

Oh, and for the record, I don't think my not dating anyone has anything to do with my CP... I'm just picky, hahaha! But really, I went to a small school in a small town where I wasn't interested in anybody. I fully intend on dating when I get to college.

It's interesting what "mainstreaming" has done to the "disabled" person. Something I never thought would happen when it was first introduced in California schools in 1965... Mainstreaming was designed to integrate the person with a disability into the AB school world at the very begining of a persons introduction to school. The disability is greatly ignored and the disabled person is left with a sence of being a "lesser AB". By this I mean someone who never gets to know their true self, and how to honestly learn to deal with being disabled...

Attending school with other children with varying disabilities, was a blessing for me. I learned at an early age, what accomplishment and self-esteem really meant. Seeing how others managed with their disabilities on a daily basis, allowed me to learn what compassion and understanding really was. When I returned from a Summer vacation, in a wheelchair after having surgery weeks before, there were others that had endured the same thing. I never thought all these things were that important, until I joined this Board. You people that never knew you had CP, or never knew another disabled person, or never dated, or never married, I can't really understand why... Maybe "mainstreaming" protected you from yourself, and kept you from doing what others outside of the "mainstream" found so much easier to accomplish and deal with.

LOL, yeah there were just slim-pickings in my HS which I intend to makeup for in college!

It's interesting what "mainstreaming" has done to the "disabled" person. Something I never thought would happen when it was first introduced in California schools in 1965... Mainstreaming was designed to integrate the person with a disability into the AB school world at the very begining of a persons introduction to school. The disability is greatly ignored and the disabled person is left with a sence of being a "lesser AB". By this I mean someone who never gets to know their true self, and how to honestly learn to deal with being disabled...

That is a very good point! I only started to learn how to deal with my disability about 2 years ago, when some people came into my life and made me realize that I had to. It's been very difficult, and will probably take years, but I'm working on it. I don't think I would be in this situation right now if I hadn't experienced "mainstreaming" as you described it above.

Well, from a guy's point of view: I didn't really date alot during high school, three or four girlfriends but I mostly hung out with friends. Don't overlook the possibility that the guy in question may be shy as well, I was as a teen and missed out on a lot of possible dates because of that. Like Dave I was engaged in college but things didn't work out (she was someone's future trophy wife, just not mine), that affected my outlook for many years but I slowly started dating again and met my wife through mutual friends who pushed both of us to go out on a date. Funny thing is, we both said we didn't want to get involved with anyone and fought the idea for weeks! We've been married a little over seven years now.

I guess the main reasons I asked girls out were mutual interests and some level of flirting was going on. Nobody enjoys getting "shot down" when asking someone out so knowing the other person is interested eases that sense of dread. Maybe that'll help.

Let us know how things go, okay?
Jack

I have a friend with Spastic Hemiplegia CP. He is 53 years old. He had a few romantic relationships but has never married. It's not his disability that is at fault, it's his training in personal hygene and his poor self-esteem that has held him back. Maybe his lack of hygene "protects" him from intimacy, as being "too picky" does, or always waiting for the right person to come along :)

Being 16 or 18 is no problem... Being 28 or older, you might think of changing some habits or modifying your additude towards people.

I know a couple of AB women that are in their late 30's and have never married. They are great people, but with just spending a few hours with them at a dinner or party, and you'll see why they never married. I love them both, but I could never live with either one of them. Their personalities would never allow any man to stay with them on a daily basis...

Although I prefer AB women, I'm curious if you girls prefer AB men? I have nothing against women with disabilities. I have known many beautiful women, both physically and mentally with disabilities, CP included :)


I'd guess I'd say that I'd prefer AB men. I haven't known that many dis. guys, One dis guy I was friends (thats all I wanted it to be) with was fun to talk to, but we had vastly different religious beliefs, and I also thought be was rather lazy, but that was just my opinion:) I think another reson I like AB guys is because in a wierd way I don't see myself as disabled. I KNOW that I am, but I don't feel that way in most circumstances.

Christine

Christine,
I don't think it is wierd at all to not think you're disabled... You are you, and you have always been the way you are. If we only knew disabled people, we would all be normal with respect to each other. Of course, AB's don't think they are all normal, do they. I have had people, co-workers, friends and lovers tell me they never thought of me as being disabled. I told them all, "wait till you see me climb those stairs"... and then comes the phrase "I have mild CP". Believe me, at 54 NO CP is mild! We all do the best we can with what we are given...

...the disabled person is left with a sence of being a "lesser AB". By this I mean someone who never gets to know their true self, and how to honestly learn to deal with being disabled...


I relate to feeling like a "lesser PWD" from the fact that I feel disabled enough to be regarded as such by the general population but not enough to be considered disabled by the disabled comunity. An example, the Ms Wheelchair pagent. I've never been the pagent type :) , but it annoys be when one of the Specifications of this pagent is that you have to be in a chair. Its almost as if those in chairs are seen as the being better than those of us who aren't in chairs. (I don't think about this that much, but it does irk me when I read about it :) )

...
Attending school with other children with varying disabilities, was a blessing for me. I learned at an early age, what accomplishment and self-esteem really meant.


I kind of had a mixture of this... maybe it wasn't enough exposure to PWDs, but I do have to say that from my experience those PWD who were not mainstreamed in my high school almost alway seemed childish. What I mean is that although they might have been 18 many of then acted lik they were about ten years old. Anyway... I was the only PWD for most of elementary school (except for 6th grade) I also was around PWDs in high school, but I was mainstreamed so I didn't hang out with them except at lunch.

... I never thought all these things were that important, until I joined this Board. You people that never knew you had CP, or never knew another disabled person, or never dated, or never married, I can't really understand why... Maybe "mainstreaming" protected you from yourself, and kept you from doing what others outside of the "mainstream" found so much easier to accomplish and deal with.

This could be possible. I distictly remeber when things changed for me socially...SEVENTH grade :) . Before high school I don't ever remeber feeling self conscious about my CP. I remeber going to High school and it seemed like I dropped onto some alien planet. Me who always had friends, and wasn't afraid to speak in public, suddenly no one would talk to me, and at some point I became terrified of public speaking. I remeber thinking What is wrong with me?? :D

Christine

Hi Christine,
Welcome to the board!

Thank You.


Most of the time I made the initiation or expressed attraction to the woman I was interested in. Sometimes it was reciprocated, sometimes not. That happens with everyone, whether disabled or not. Don't let your disability be a hinderance, because I made that mistake for a long time.


One thing that makes it hard is that since I haven't experienced rejection in this area it scares me more.

(I couldn't physically "do the deed" the way she wanted,

I wonder if this is one reason why I don't get approached. I wonder if guys look at me and assume I can't "do it." And as a result they'd think it would be better to just not get involved at all.

I wish the best for you...please keep us posted on what you decide to do about this gentleman. [/QUOTE]

Thank You, I will keep you updated if anything positive happens.

Oh, I don't think there are any universal sings that a guy shows when he likes a woman.

Thats a bummer. :)

Christine

"I wonder if this is one reason why I don't get approached. I wonder if guys look at me and assume I can't "do it." And as a result they'd think it would be better to just not get involved at all"

From a man's point of view Christine, I would get to know a woman on a friend to friend basis first. Then if we liked to spend time with each other, things would progress to the intimate side, kissing, touching and so on. By the time all this had past, I usually had a good idea if we could "do the deed" by that point. In fact, from the time I lost my virginity at 18, I always went to bed with her on the first date. This is true with all 3 of my wives as well. All it seemed to take was eye contact. I was in a rock band in Los Angeles in the late '60's to the mid seventies, my blonde hair reached my belt, 150 pounds soaking wet and over 6 feet tall... That's tall for a gimp :) I can still touch my toes at 180 pounds

Don't overlook the possibility that the guy in question may be shy as well

I still haven't decide if he is shy or out going yet. When we had class together he seemed to be able to talk to others OK, but he wasn't a chatty cathy. Around me in person he seems rather quiet. I didn't really notice this until the other day. I was sitting near the area of where he works. He was in another room so He didn't see me, but I could hear him. He was chatting (small talk) with some co-workers, and he was rather loud and bosterous. A lot different then how he has been with me. I was nice to see a different side of him. When I talk to him online, (when he isn't busy) we do joke around a lot more so I do know he is capable of that, but it was it was different seeing it in person.




I guess the main reasons I asked girls out were mutual interests and some level of flirting was going on. Nobody enjoys getting "shot down" when asking someone out so knowing the other person is interested eases that sense of dread. Maybe that'll help.


I'm not exactly sure how to tell if a guy is flirting with me or being nice. For some reason when I first met him I kinda had a "feeling" that he MIGHT like me, but then again he might have just been being nice. My degree I'm working toward is a computer science degree which has an enrollment of something like 25% girls and 75% guys so I have to say I've been around a lot of guys, this one guy just seemed different.

I say all that to say this, I've known this guy for 4 years. (we didn't see each other each day though) Wouldn't you think he would have said something to me by now if he liked me at all. Another wierd thing... he has NEVER asked me anything about my disability. Wouldn't you atleast wonder about it?

Also, one LAST thing that makes me wonder if he doesn't like me. A few months ago, I hadn't spoken to him in a few months, He used to be online nearly all the time, but I hadn't seen him online for a while. I had to ask him about something so sent him an email. I mentioned that "I didn't know if he was online, but if he was I had a question etc..." In his reply he said that he was on a diffrent IM, and he mentioned which one it was. I told him I'd sign on to this different IM in a few days. Well I signed on to the IM, but I was nervous to IM him, so after a day or so he IM'ed me, Since then I have IMED him several times maybe once every week or two. He seened like he was OK talking with me, but he hasn't IM'ed me since that initial attempt.

If he really didn't want to talk to me he didn't have to tell me which IM he was on, but then if I am initiating the IMs he gives me the impression that he isn't dying to talk with me... I am not a fast typer so that might be a factor...either way it's confusing. I think I am the queen of over analyzation!

Christine

Maybe his lack of hygene "protects" him from intimacy, as being "too picky" does, or always waiting for the right person to come along :)

Being 16 or 18 is no problem... Being 28 or older, you might think of changing some habits or modifying your additude towards people.



Yes I wonder if I have any disgusting or annoying habits. No ones ever said anything to me about my hygene, but I have seen some people with CP who could use some help, but I try not to make it that big a deal because I wonder if physically maybe they are not able to fix their hair a certain way etc. I did get braces on my teeth as a teen so I don't have the teeth problems I've notices a lot of CPers have.

It would be nice if there was someway to post your picture online (anonymously) so people can critique your appearance. I'd be afraid someone I knew IRL would see it and laugh at me:)


I know a couple of AB women that are in their late 30's and have never married. They are great people, but with just spending a few hours with them at a dinner or party, and you'll see why they never married. I love them both, but I could never live with either one of them. Their personalities would never allow any man to stay with them on a daily basis...

OK I'm being noisy:D Can you give a more spec. example of what is wrong with their personalities?

Christine

I relate to feeling like a "lesser PWD" from the fact that I feel disabled enough to be regarded as such by the general population but not enough to be considered disabled by the disabled comunity.

I can totally relate to that, Christine! Like musicmaker was saying before, mainstreaming made me feel like kind of a "lesser AB", but when I finally started to deal with my disability I began feeling like a "lesser PWD". That's why I joined this board, because I was honestly quite confused! My first post here was actually about not feeling like I fit in either the disabled or non-disabled category, when I came here I found there are many other people who feel the same way!

I can totally relate to that, Christine! Like musicmaker was saying before, mainstreaming made me feel like kind of a "lesser AB", but when I finally started to deal with my disability I began feeling like a "lesser PWD". That's why I joined this board, because I was honestly quite confused! My first post here was actually about not feeling like I fit in either the disabled or non-disabled category, when I came here I found there are many other people who feel the same way!


EXACTLY!

Okay, what does "PWD" stand for? I can't figure that out.

Sorry about that. It means Person(People) with a disability.

Christine

I knew what PWD meant... I'll use it here from now on

I know I'm extremely late, but I just wanted to say to Christine (and whomever else stated it) that I completely understand about feeling like a "lesser PWD". A few months ago, I had gotten repeated letters from the children's hospital that did my surgery a few years ago, asking if I would like to participate in a survey for people with cp. (for a PRIZE :)) After playing phone tag with the office for a few weeks, the interviewer finally got back to me and started asking me questions about my cp. And then he realized I wasn't in a wheelchair, so I couldn't participate. ARGH!!! I understand the need to interview a certain group of people, but MAKE THAT CLEAR in the letters!!! Not all people with cp are in wheelchairs!!!

Ok, I feel better now.

-Mollie =0)

Hi Everyone,

Well, The reason behind starting this thread may not exist any more.

I'd like to get everyone's opinion on something. I was chatting with my afore mentioned friend on IM yesterday. (No, I did not ask him to lunch:)) I am not sure how to take one of the things he said to me.

This is how the conversation went, First I asked him if he was busy with a project. He said, No, I'm just reading a few letters. He then asked if I needed to chat about anything imparticualr. I said, no, I was just wondering how things were going.

He replied and this is a quote, "ah...things are ok...same ol same ol...still waiting for my fiance to come"

Now, I was thrown off gard by this statement, He's been known to make joking comments without using emoticons before:) so I'm thinking, Is He joking...or is he serious, etc. As you can imagine, my brain lost is ability to come up with a witty comment so I lamely said, "about the same with me too." Then he went on to say he thought he saw me the other day, but wasn't sure, because he can't see without his glasses :) I saw him, (he was at the other end of a long hallway, I would have felt stupid to just start yelling his name out.) but I didn't tell him that, I didn't want him to think I was being rude by ignoring him :).

Anyway, He has never made a comment about having a girlfriend, or a fiance, or going to visit his fiance, etc. If he did I would have stopped "liking" him a long time ago.

I figure his comment could either mean one of two different things:

1. He has a fiance, and he's waiting for her to come from somewhere. Now this guy is an immigrant, been here (US) for approx 15 yrs so it is possible he has a fiance in the "old country", but I wou'd have thought he'd mention where she was from as He usually tells me when he is going to abroad to visit friends/family so I do know a little about where he was from.

OR

2. He doesn't have a fiance, but he is waiting for the "right woman to come along" He just started his first "real" job, so in that sese I imagine he is looking to moving from student to "responsible adult" and one of those things would natuarally be to get married and have a family one day.

Any thoughts?

Dave, I can really relate to what you are saying. Sometimes, when I'm having really bad days and I start thinking about how I hate CP and I wish I didn't have it (I rarely EVER get like that though... I'm not into self pity) I just sit back and say "wow, God has blessed me with so many other things in this life that CP is really only a tiny obstacle... and He wouldn't have given it to me if he didn't think I could handle it and that it would make me a stronger person".

Yesterday I was feeling really awful from all the stretches my PT assigned, it was like my muscles felt sick or something. I kind of wanted to just mope around all day, but then I remembered that life goes on, and I'm not going let it pass me by because I have CP.

"God has blessed me with so many other things in this life that CP is really only a tiny obstacle... and He wouldn't have given it to me if he didn't think I could handle it and that it would make me a stronger person"...

So true JellyRJFan,
although I am fortunate not to suffer with the spastic muscles and the pain that is associated with them, I am getting older. Because walking with canes and using a wheelchair for all my life, I have the arthritis from these activities, and I can imagine that using a walker like Dave does, his back is going to be a mess when he gets to my age. I was always too tall to use a walker. I am over 6 feet tall...

Good morning, Christine.
Just be bold with this dude...just say something like, "Wow...I didn't know you were engaged. What's she like? Where does she live? How long have you been engaged?" etc. You've got nothing to lose, and it will ease the anguish of wondering about all the "what ifs".



Well, I asked him. And yes he is engaged. So thats that. Right now I am sad, but I'm glad all the wondering is over. I just hope I'm not sad for too long because that is not much fun either.

Hey all,
this is not a meeting place for dating or personal email contacts. It's an informational board...

Hi folks,

I know I'm a little late jumping in but this is such I great thread that I couldn't help it,
I can very much realate to your thoughts on Musicmaker's thoughts on "mainstreaming" I have felt this way for as long as I can remember. I have spastic diplegia in Both legs and use 2 canes to get around.. I grew up in the "regular" school system and for the most part, had no emotional quandries up until I started highschool.

Starting my highschool career, I went from being relatively extroverted and care-free to feeling awkward and not "blending in well with the rest of the crowd.." Christine, I think you mention this as well in one of your posts.. I'm not sure what brought this about exactly.. But in retrospect, I think it was the change of environment along with the onset of the dating scene... This is where I can relate to considering myself a lesser AB.. Soon this way of thinking became a pattern and it took a huge toll on my self-confidence in general..

It stayed with me through college and I know I passed up a few dating opportunities because of it... These would have required little no no initiation on my part, But my lack of assertiveness and self doubt probably came across as lack of interest... I had a habbit of dismissing any sort of complement as, "she's just being nice." At the time I didn't realize that this is just a matter of perception.. You have no way of knowing exactly what a person is thinking so why not go along with their "hints?"

As for initiating relationships.. As a person with a disability I know this can be difficult.. The most important thing is to act with spontaneity. Try not to over-analize the situation.. Yes Christine, I almost always do this as well. :) Besides, what's the worst thing that can happen? Call me biased but I think gender roles do take somewhat an affect here.. The guy is generally sopposed to make the first move... With a few exceptions here and there of course.

Right now I'm considering joining the on-line dating scene, but it just seems so impersonal... Plus, without the visual medium I would find it hard to tell a person about my disability. I mean is there really a "right time" for that? I don't know.. Maybe some of you who have had experience in this area can add their two cents... Oh and to those of you who are wondering about my age, I'm 23. :)

"Right now I'm considering joining the on-line dating scene, but it just seems so impersonal... Plus, without the visual medium I would find it hard to tell a person about my disability. I mean is there really a "right time" for that? I don't know.. Maybe some of you who have had experience in this area can add their two cents... Oh and to those of you who are wondering about my age, I'm 23."

Freestyles,
I consider myself to be somewhat of an expert on Internet dating. I met my wonderful wife on Yahoo Personals 5 years ago next Friday. We will be married 4 years October 11. Like you I use 2 canes. I have Spastic Diplegia CP, both legs. I am 54. I have been married 3 times, all to AB women. First time I was 22, second 28. My age at the third and final marriage 50! My wife just turned 41. My advice on Internet dating:

Post a current picture of yourself
Be honest always, but it's not necessary to mention your disability right away. Get to know the person well, then at sometime before you meet for the first time, bring up your disability, and always be honest and truthful.

I had been divorced for 15 years when I married my Ella. We would chat online briefly almost every day for a year. I had gone on 25 Internet dates before I met Ella. I wanted a younger 30 something girl, with no children. A hard thing to find! Ella was 36 with no children. I told Ella of my CP almost immediately. Ella knew what CP was and she wasn't put off by it at all. Sure I was stood up on several dates, and there were a few women that were "scared" of my CP. Just be patient, GO FOR IT and have a good time

I love your attitude. I must ask this..what do you think led you to such a great attitude? I have a daughter with CP and although she is still very young, 8, I have tried so very hard to make sure that she sees herself as a whole person with different abilities than her peers. She has mild/moderate spastic diplegia and is just now learning to use the crutches. She gets upset when she hears the other kids asking what is "wrong" with her. She is stunningly beautiful and I truly hope that her future is filled with acceptance and love from others. I keep her involved in any activity I can to keep her out there with other kids. I still find myself worrying about how she is perceived by others and by herself. Any tips?

jennsmom,
I think aside from a good family, I was fortunate to have gone to school with other kids with all sorts of disabilities, and I had able-bodied friends in my neighborhood. So I learned at a young age, that I wasn't that different from either my friends with disabilities, or my AB friends. I know this sounds simple, but if you can teach your daughter about her disability and introduce her to other people with disabilities, this will give her better self-esteem and stronger self worth over time... Things that lead to having a great attidude

I know this sounds simple, but if you can teach your daughter about her disability and introduce her to other people with disabilities, this will give her better self-esteem and stronger self worth over time...

Definitely one of the most important things you can do, IMO. My parents didn't do this with me and they ended up with one VERY confused 18 year old.

It's too bad all members of this CP Board couldn't meet eachother somewhere or sometime. To learn that you can be accepted in both the disabled and the AB circles is a good thing. I never imagined that "Mainstreaming" could have had this rather negative effect on some. I was mainstreamed in the 12th grade in High School. I graduated from an AB high school in Los Angeles...

I don't know! I usually iniate a conversation or something. My disability hasnt stopped me from interacting with others of the opposite sex.
In fact, after I got my first seizure instead of becoming more depressed, I became outgoing and outspoken. I just find it ironic.

In the romance department, I haven't had alot of relationship. I'm afraid of commitment and nitpick the other person until I get fed up with them and just leave.

Hi, everyone! I was reading your discussion and someone said that it would take Michelle a few months to get over that thing and they will remain friends. Tried to find it to quote, but I never find anything when I'm looking for it.
Anyway, I have a question. Does anyone know of a surefire technique to get over a guy you once dated, fell in love with, he broke up with you, stayed friends? I think I tried everything I could come up with - no help. :confused:
Just for the record,I am AB and he has cp - I don't think it matters that much.
Hope you don't mind me asking something like this - you seem like a nice bunch of people, being there for each other, so I thought someone might be able to help me. Thanks! :)

I fully intend on dating when I get to college.

I had a much easier time dating in college. I've dated AB & PWD w/ CP & without. I've discovered over the years that a person's functioning level, not the disabilty, makes a difference to me. It was hard to date another chair user whose limitations were like mine or more involved. It was awkward to need someone's aide to drive us somewhere or be nearby to assist with his toileting.

I've been in a relationship for 6 yrs. w/ someone whose mom is disabled & he had 13 surgeries to correct a clubfoot. He's wonderful. I worry sometimes about how we'll be able to function as we age. It'll be an adjustment when he can no longer help me & requires an aide too.

Yes JillW,
we learn to make dating decisions later than most AB's. I was told many times in high school by girls that "I can't date you because of your disability, how would that make me look, to others?". I dated many women, both AB and women with disabilities. Some of their disabilities were more involved than mine, some were less involved than mine. When I finally decided to marry at 22 for the first time, my wife was an AB. All my 3 wives are AB. It's a lot of work with both partners being disabled, but "where there's a will, there's a way"... and "love will find a way". My current wife is 42, and she has a heart condition that is making her increasingly weak... We expect to go to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota this December. She is scheduled for surgery there...

Best wishes to you & your wife. :)

Thanks :)

Does anyone know of a surefire technique to get over a guy you once dated, fell in love with, he broke up with you, stayed friends?

Sadly, there is no surefire way to deal with anything in life. There were two thoughts that I had about finding "the one." Like most people, I thought I was destined to be alone. Then there was another part of me that knew that I'd find the right person & there would be something different about him...disabled or different nationality. I was right! He had a club foot when he was born & he's Hispanic...lol :) The best part is that we met "without looking" for each other online. I believe the saying "if it's meant to be, it will happen" is true for other things in my life too...good & bad.

Well said jillw,
I know many AB's that have had an equally hard time with things like this. A disability may complicate things a little, but stop you only if you let it...

Hi, everyone! I was reading your discussion and someone said that it would take Michelle a few months to get over that thing and they will remain friends. Tried to find it to quote, but I never find anything when I'm looking for it.
Anyway, I have a question. Does anyone know of a surefire technique to get over a guy you once dated, fell in love with, he broke up with you, stayed friends? I think I tried everything I could come up with - no help. :confused:



Well, its cool to see this thread still active. It seems that most threads I start on various message board only get three or four replys :)

Im regard to the guy I mentioned in my original post. It has gotten easier in that I don't have the "Why was I stupid enough to think he liked me" thought constantly going through my mind, but I still have feelings for him. He was/ is the only person I've ever developed feelings for. I've never been one of those females who fall for a guy every other week. I think when people hear that you are going through a situation like this, they may brush it off as a "teenage crush", but for me it meant more than that.

Anyway, when he first told me he had a fiance (it is still beyond me why he didn mention he had a girlfriend all those years I knew him. If I was his girlfriend I'd hope he'd mention me :confused: ) I was much more visably emothional about it. I don't feel like crying now, but deep inside of me ot still hurts a lot. The best thing for me to do is not talk to my friend. When I do it just makes me feel sad again. His wife/fiance probably wouldn't want me talking to him anyway :)

Will I ever not have feelings for this guy. Maybe, but I think it will take a lot more time than just a few months. I think meeting someone new helps, but that probably won't happen any time soon.

In another dating related vein...

In addition to it being hard to find someone who is OK with disability, I also will only date someone who has the same or VERY similiar faith that I have. So that combined with the disability narrows the available pool of guys down A LOT :)

Hi, Christine and everyone else,
first of all, thank you for replying. I was thinking about not talking to him any more and hope that time will do its job. He said he wouldn't want to loose a good griend. If I tell him I never want to hear from him again, he is going to be hurt. And I don't want to hurt somebody I love so much. He says he just thinks of me as a friend. I wish I could do that, too.

The thing is Jillw, that deep down I feel like he is the one. We share the same faith. He is everything I need/want in a man. He just doesn't feel the same way. And he comes to me to complain about it being hard to find someone who will love him for who he is and will be okay with his cp.
Does this make sense? :confused:

Believe me, I understand. It's heart wrenching to love someone who doesn't feel the same. Then, there are those people who you'll have equally intense feelings but it's just too late. After four years of agony, I've found 'the one" that I know was intended for me. That's not to say that I forgotten about the "too late" guy, he'll always be in my thoughts & prayers. Call it intuition or faith, but "the one" should be a person that amplifies who you already are not what you think you should be. Until that time, your princes (or princesses) will eventually become toads...

Hi, Christine and everyone else,
first of all, thank you for replying. I was thinking about not talking to him any more and hope that time will do its job. He said he wouldn't want to loose a good griend. If I tell him I never want to hear from him again, he is going to be hurt.


I don't think you neccesarily have to tell him you never want to hear from him again, Just slowing decrease the amount you talk to him.

After I found out my guy friend had a fiance, I talked to him I think 3 times. Before telling me about her, He always seemed to enjoy talking to me. (holding up his end of the conversation, joking, teasing (I wish he had never "teased", because I think some of this made me think he might like me)), but in the conversations aftr I know he wasn't mean, but he was kinda abrupt. I took it as he didn't want to talk to me anymore so I (while in some sense I wish him well) I don't want to talk to him anymore if I'd just be bothering him.



The thing is Jillw, that deep down I feel like he is the one. We share the same faith.

The situation with my friend was very similiar (long story). I'm just mentioning this so you know your not hthe only one who has felt this way

Thanks, Christine :) , that makes me feel a little better, knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way. And you are right Jillw, it IS heartwrenching.
In an odd way we have become closer friends since we are not dating, so it's not like I sensed in any way that he doesn't want me talking to him. (long story, too)

"Then, there are those people who you'll have equally intense feelings but it's just too late. After four years of agony, I've found 'the one" that I know was intended for me. That's not to say that I forgotten about the "too late" guy, he'll always be in my thoughts & prayers. "

Jillw, I'm not sure if I understand what you mean by this "too late" feelings or guy.

PS: Coud someone tell me how to quote properly? I suck at computers! :o

PS: Coud someone tell me how to quote properly? I suck at computers! :o

If you're only going to quote one reply, click the "Quote" button on that reply. If you're quoting multiple people in one post use the quote tag around each peice new peace that your quoting.

To make this:

PS: Coud someone tell me how to quote properly? I suck at computers! :o

Type {quote}PS: Coud someone tell me how to quote properly? I suck at computers! :o{/quote}

Make sure you change each { and } into [
and ]
Good luck!

[QUOTE=Syrinx]Thanks, Christine :) ,

"Jillw, I'm not sure if I understand what you mean by this "too late" feelings or guy."


Both...I found out a week after we met that he was going to get married in a month. I was relieved to find out & thought that it would keep us from developing feelings for each. It didn't work. The tension just became unbearable. I dated other people but I was just going through the motions & "Chris" got jealous. After 3 yrs of unbearable tension, I moved to another state. I didn't like the person I was becoming & he needed to give his marriage a chance. We decided that if it was meant to be, we would meet again. I agonized 4 more yrs after moving before meeting "the one" I was intended to be with...we've been together 6 yrs.

PS If you're wondering, he stayed faithful to his wife.

[QUOTE=jillw][QUOTE=Syrinx]



After 3 yrs of unbearable tension, I moved to another state. I didn't like the person I was becoming & he needed to give his marriage a chance. We decided that if it was meant to be, we would meet again. I agonized 4 more yrs after moving before meeting "the one" I was intended to be with...we've been together 6 yrs.

Gotcha! :) Agonizing for four years sounds awful though.
You have helped me in more ways than you would think. Thank you, Jillw! :)

I am 21 and my Gf of almost a year has CP. I do not have CP or anything else for that matter. Hers just mostly affects her walk and some flexability. But she actually initiated a relationship with me. I admit at first it was a bit odd since I didnt know anything about it but Im glad she did. I am completely in love with someone for the first time in my life and no matter what she needs Im here for her. Most people no matter how good looking or succesful or whatever the case are afraid of asking someone out or being rejected. You just have to realize that if you get rejected chances are you will get over it soon and you have nothing to lose. It worked for my Gf and me.

Hello all, as im new here ill do my usual short introduction.

Im 25 i don’t had CP or for that matter any major disabilities other then the slight moments of Manic that im prone to from time to time. and married to a wonderful woman who has CP. Shes in a wheelchair all the time, has trouble speaking and is the sweetest woman in the world =)

Now to my point Coming from a person that has dated two women with CP, the best way to initiate a relationship with another person is simply to walk up and say hello. Yes i know this may seem a bit imposable to do, But its the best first advice. if you cant say Hello to a person well take a wild guess where that conversation is going

Now second "Make'em Laugh" the best ice breaker if your nervious is to simply make the person your interested in laugh and you would be completely surprised just how fast you would be in a conversation. Now making people laugh is not as hard as you think, point in case my wife hooked me on the first day with a simple smile and a raspberry :p the simplest things sometimes are the best =)

Third, Look for a person that doesn’t seem to mind others. This is my best point =) look for a person that doesn’t seem to judge others or for that matter care what others think about them. This is one of the major reasons that i dated (And later married) my wife sarah, She was beautify funny and i didn’t care if others stared or made wise cracks behind my back, why simply because what other people have to say about me is so insignificant in the grand scheme of life that if i took each comment as an insult well... i would be a very angry person :blob_fire

I could go on and one for hours but i have a feeling that you would simply start to :yawn: or :rolleyes: or maybe even :eek: but simply put heres the best advice i can give you

Just start with a simple hello im (Name)
if you get a conversation started try to point out something to makem laugh a little bit, you dont have to try too hard but a laugh will break the ice into thousands of pieces =)

and last try to win them over with your personality. That is the biggest thing. Let who you are shine through no matter what that might be and nockem dead. Ya lookin for a person that dont care what others think, Looking for a person that keeps you on your toes so that you can keep them moving and such is fun and all but letting who you are radiate through is the best lure of all into starting a relationship with others =)

as its now almost 2am EST im going to head to bed and i hope that my words in some way shape or form helps someone out there find another person to share there life and experiences with =)

Loco

.... what other people have to say about me is so insignificant in the grand scheme of life that if i took each comment as an insult well... i would be a very angry person

Excelent pont.. It took me a long time to realize this and it was the only reason I missed out on a lot of dates in college. You gain the respect of other by having respect for yourself first.

hi christine,

i'm a 25 year old male with Cerebal Palsy. I forget what the technical term is. anyway i just walk a little funny, but i get around quite nicely. I haven't been on any dates. i'm confused as well, as to how to go about the meeting process. ANy thoughts

anyway

cya

stew

I may be jumping in at the wrong in of the conversation and may be a little underdated but what does it mean to be AB?

AB=Able-Bodied
or my favorite, TAB= Temporarily able-bodied (which is what they all are anyway, since everyone ends up disabled at some point in their lives)

NJenn

Yes I wonder if I have any disgusting or annoying habits. No ones ever said anything to me about my hygene, but I have seen some people with CP who could use some help, but I try not to make it that big a deal because I wonder if physically maybe they are not able to fix their hair a certain way etc. I did get braces on my teeth as a teen so I don't have the teeth problems I've notices a lot of CPers have.

It would be nice if there was someway to post your picture online (anonymously) so people can critique your appearance. I'd be afraid someone I knew IRL would see it and laugh at me:)



OK I'm being noisy:D Can you give a more spec. example of what is wrong with their personalities?

Christine

Ok Christine,
It's hard to explain, but have you ever known somebody that after you spend a little time with them, you're ready to leave? Not because they're obnoxious, or smell bad... They just cause you to say something like " I have to go, I left something on the stove". I know a woman nicknamed "giggles", for good reason. She is a beautiful, sweet AB woman. She has an obnoxious laugh and she laughs at everything! Yikes! Bad teeth are a turn off. I wore braces on my teeth too. I visit the dentist yearly. I have a friend that smokes. He is a PWD, Spastic Diplegia CP. He has green teeth! Would you get close to him? Heck no! I tell him that he needs to wash himself better. He needs to get a hand sprayer and a grab bar installed in his shower, but he won't. He has a shower chair. He often smells like urine or worse. He never married. Wonder why? He's 53... an old Palsy like me

Gotta weigh in on this one....

I am a born and bred feminist. I think the pressure that society puts on women to look beautiful in order to attract a partner is ridiculous. That being said, however, I know that as a disabled woman I am treated 100% better if I'm put together-- both in the realm of dating and in other areas of my life. When you look good, and you take care of your personal hygiene, you naturally feel better, and that feeling translates to other people. I try to do everything I can to break that disabled=dirty stereotype. I try to keep my chair and crutches clean, too. I found a short, wash-and-go type hairstyle that always looks fabulous no matter how I try to screw it up, and I always try to put a little bit of lipstick on. A little effort goes a long way.

I've had pretty good luck with dating men. I haven't dated nearly as much as my AB girlfriends, but I haven't done half-bad either. About two years ago (literally to the day) I ended a pivitol relationship that was headed towards marriage. It was the hardest, yet best thing I ever did for myself. What I've found works well for me is to date people that are "in the know" about disability in general. I've dated a PT, an exercise physiologist, and a few med students. I've found that it's these sorts of guys who already know enough not to be freaked out by a little old manual wheelchair or a funny walk. I'm also in a researcher on a large college campus, so these are the types of people I work with on a daily basis.

The bottom line is that you just have to get out there, and interact in the community. If you're confident in yourself, people will approach you and ask you out. If they don't, find a little more courage, and start asking others out-- that's the strategy that's landed me the best dates! Datings hard for everybody, whether PWD or AB... it's just that, as PWDs, we have to be a little more creative in our approach.

NJenn--26, spastic diplegia

Hello NJenn,
you are so right when you talk about the pressures society puts on "everyone" to look pretty. I have dated "models" and very physically beautiful women. Most of these women are shallow and really have nothing to offer in a serious relationship. To be fair, I have known "beautiful" men that were the same. It is the "person" inside that counts. It really took me a long time to figure this out. When I was dating, I always insisted on meeting the person, and not seeing a picture of them before hand. For many, my canes were a turn off. That didn't matter to me, I didn't want to waste time on them. All my successful dates said that they never saw my disability to start with... That's true with my wife too

Oh, one more thing I forgot to mention....

When I go out on dates, I definitely prefer to use my wheelchair. It eases my mind-- I don't have to worry about falling or tripping, and can just concentrate on having a good time. Then, after we've gone out a few times, I might walk. I like to do this because it gives my date a chance to get to know me, without having to worry about whether or not I'll fall, as well. I've had the best results that way! And yes, Musicmaker, I've known more than my fair share of shallow "pretty boys" too! We won't even go there....

NJenn

i'm confused as well, as to how to go about the meeting process. ANy thoughts



No, I don't ... sorry :) I'm so suprised this thread is still alive and kicking:)

Ok Christine,
It's hard to explain, but have you ever known somebody that after you spend a little time with them, you're ready to leave? Not because they're obnoxious, or smell bad... They just cause you to say something like " I have to go, I left something on the stove".

I actually know what you mean I've been a round those kinds of people numerous times. I always comment that I think I have a sign on my back saying, "If you have strange, annoying tendancies... come talk to me!" :D :rolleyes: I often wonder if they come up to me because of my crutches... because they are thinking I'd be more tollerant of them. :confused:

Bad teeth are a turn off. I wore braces on my teeth too.

I have noticed a lot of CPers have very bad teeth. Thankfully I was given the oportunity to have dental braces when I was a teenager, and visit the dentist 2x/yr, so I know this is not a problem.

... is a PWD, Spastic Diplegia CP. He has green teeth! Would you get close to him? Heck no!

e often smells like urine or worse.

I don't have these problems, but a few people I've known had these types of problems. It is not attractive to me, but one of these people (female) has been married for 8 yrs now so some people aren't bothered by it :)

I think the pressure that society puts on women to look beautiful in order to attract a partner is ridiculous.
I agree, but I think that males were created to be more visual than females. Society has unfortunantly narrowed the definition of what is deemed attractive.

That being said, however, I know that as a disabled woman I am treated 100% better if I'm put together-- both in the realm of dating and in other areas of my life.

When I am more "put together" I usually feel better about myself, but I've never noticed being treated diferently either way.


I've had pretty good luck with dating men. I haven't dated nearly as much as my AB girlfriends, but I haven't done half-bad either.

This is nice to hear. What percentage of the dates/ relationships you have had started when you approached them vs them aproaching you?

What I've found works well for me is to date people that are "in the know" about disability in general. I've dated a PT, an exercise physiologist, and a few med students. I've found that it's these sorts of guys who already know enough not to be freaked out by a little old manual wheelchair or a funny walk.

I've wondered if people "in the know" would be more open to dating a PWD, but I wouldn't want them to treat me as a case study or a patient.

I'm also in a researcher on a large college campus, so these are the types of people I work with on a daily basis.

What type of reasearch do you do? The people I'd be around when I find a job will most likely be a bunch of tech geeks. I'm not sure how outgoing they'll be if I happen to me interested in anyone. I'm afaid two thiongs will happen, they'll either ignore me, or they'll be one of those steriotypical "nerdy" guys who have no social skills :D

The bottom line is that you just have to get out there, and interact in the community. If you're confident in yourself, people will approach you and ask you out. If they don't, find a little more courage, and start asking others out--

I know I need to do that more, but many times thats easier said than done. I guess what I'm trying to say is that most everyone I know who are married or in a serious relationship have met their SO while living their normal everyday life. They didn't purposley look for that person. I'm hoping something similliar will happen with me.

To those who have asked people out. What was the usual "negative" reaction? Did they nicely say thanks but no thanks, did they seem embarrassed, or did they laugh in your face (so to speak.)?

Hmm...in response to your question...I've only asked someone out once, and it was for entirely the wrong reasons, so his reaction had nothing to do with the fact that I have a disability. He was just a good friend, and I realized (after the fact unfortunately) that I only did it to prove to myself that I wasn't chicken...lol definitely not the best reason to ask someone out. He only looked shocked because I was nothing but an acquaintance. But PLEASE let me help reassure you that you should not avoid asking someone you're interested in out just because you're scared of his reaction and rejection.

In the case of the friend that I asked out, he was completely understanding and gave me his phone number so we could talk. And he let me talk, he didn't say anything about how strange it was that I asked him. If you're already interested in someone, then chances are he does not discriminate against PWD, because otherwise, why would you be interested in him? (Assuming the guy you're interested in is not some random guy who doesn't even know you).

After I reread my post, I realize that I didn't mention anything about asking a guy out who doesn't know you. I suppose that's possible, after all, that's how ABs get together all of the time, by just introducing themselves in one day. I guess I have to work on the issue of just going up to a nice guy who I barely know, and asking him out too. It would provide more opportunities. It's not my style to do that anyway, but I guess I have to realize that it IS possible for a PWD to just smile and introduce themselves, and then ask the guy out, and not get rejected.

I am sooo sorry if nothing in this ramble makes sense. I should be in bed. I tend to not make complete sense at 3am. :yawn:

I'm a 39 year old man that has CP I've found that it is hard to find somebody That can except someone that is diffrent but the relationships i've had you just have to be open about yourself if someone realy cares they will Except You And Love you For whats inside.

You are absolutely right, Getsteal!!

I'm a 39 year old man that has CP I've found that it is hard to find somebody That can except someone that is diffrent but the relationships i've had you just have to be open about yourself if someone realy cares they will Except You And Love you For whats inside.

You're right, it is hard to find someone that is excepting. I'm 19 so I haven't really been on the dating scene long but I have done a lot of observing and I realize that girls only come up to me and tell me I'm cute or something of that nature. They don't want to get involved in a relationship with me and become affectionate and intimate. Society has labeled men as strong and the person always in control, the person that supposed to take care of the woman, you know that type of thing. Since I have CP, these actions that women want, take me out of the playing field sometimes. :(

I also think that I would be more comfortable with a girl that has a disability only because they would understand when I'm in pain or just feel tired. They won't make a big deal about it because they go through the same things.

Write,

There are lots of women out there who don't need to be taken care of or want a man who's "in control". I found dating to be really, really hard when I was in my late teens and early twenties, but now it's starting to get easier (and I'm not *that* much older than you). Most people do get their priorities straight as they get older....

I also went through a point in my life where I thought dating someone with a disability would be better or easier. Now, I'm not so sure. I went out a few months ago with a man who has CP. We hit it off very quickly, but as the weeks went on, we realized that we only had our CP in common, and there wasn't much else there. That was kind of sad because it was really great for the first few weeks! Good luck to you! I hope you find someone!

NJenn~~26, spastic diplegic, sometimes walks, sometimes rolls

I don't know NJenn. I'm really not one of those people who can put themselves out in the world only to get knocked down, get a broken heart and heal and try again. Once I get knocked down I tend to stay down because honestly I have this weird fear of people. I just figure that it would be easier to stick with girls that have something wrong with them so they can't judge me and expect too much of me.

I just broke up with my girlfriend after being with her for almost 3 and a half years. I love her and she loves me but sometimes we did get into verbal fights and things that led back to me having CP. I come to think of it as natural since I'm noticeable. She has a rare muscle and skin disease. Beside going to the doctor all the time and coming in and out of the hospital, a stranger wouldn't know anything was wrong with her.
Our major problems for breaking up actually doesn't have anything to do with me having CP, she got over that the first couple of months of being with me. We have a lot in common with each other and we still talk and do things together but I think in my head I want to try something new because I have been with her since I was a junior in high school. She broke up with me and wants me back. I dislike her but love her ten times as much more. So I really don't know what to do. Suggestions?

Hi,
I just wanted to say I could relate to a lot of stuff in this thread...I am very shy around AB guys because of some not-so-nice stuff other guys said to me growing up... I just have it in my head that an AB guy wouldn't want to date me (which I know isn't true, so I'll just hafta get over it. :)) I also never became friends with anyone else with a disability until I came to college, and I think that would've helped me a lot growing up.... OH WELL.

Hi,
I just wanted to say I could relate to a lot of stuff in this thread...I am very shy around AB guys because of some not-so-nice stuff other guys said to me growing up... I just have it in my head that an AB guy wouldn't want to date me (which I know isn't true, so I'll just hafta get over it. :)) I also never became friends with anyone else with a disability until I came to college, and I think that would've helped me a lot growing up.... OH WELL.

Steffers2318, how did you survive growing up without the being friends or associates with other people with disabilities. This made me more comfortable because I knew they couldn't judge me and make cruel jokes. I can also see why you wouldn't want to be around people with disabilities too. Walking together, talking together, it just directs more attention to you.

I was never friends with PWDs growing up just because I was never exposed to any. Besides my good friend who is autistic (we've known eachother for about 13 years) I never knew anyone with disabilities until I found this board and brain talk.

I was never friends with PWDs growing up just because I was never exposed to any. Besides my good friend who is autistic (we've known eachother for about 13 years) I never knew anyone with disabilities until I found this board and brain talk.

That is so interesting to know

I knew two people with CP in high school, one was in special education so we didn't interact much, and the other was a bit less involved than I was-- she thought I was lazy because I sometimes used a wheelchair, and I resented her because she walked unaided. Oh the stupid things we feel when we're young!

It wasn't until I went to a conference for adults with CP about a year ago that I met many other folks with CP just like me-- they had educations, careers, families, and goals despite their level of involvement. It was pretty amazing, and I've kept in touch with many of them.

I think it would be really cool to go to a CP conference some day!

We're meeting to talk this week about the possibility of having another. It will be in the Washington DC area, so start saving some $$ now. We'd love to have you there, Katherine!

Ooh, D.C.'s not so far from me! I would love to go! Let us know. :) (Here or otherwise ;) )

Steffers2318, how did you survive growing up without the being friends or associates with other people with disabilities. This made me more comfortable because I knew they couldn't judge me and make cruel jokes. I can also see why you wouldn't want to be around people with disabilities too. Walking together, talking together, it just directs more attention to you.

I definately think it would've helped me with some confidence issues if I had known other disabled people...I don't think the attention would've bothered me, I haven't noticed that stuff since I was like 5 :)