sarasota2004
08-01-2004, 07:28 PM
I'm starting to question whether this is normal or not? I think it may be getting worse.
It all started in my teens. My mother was CONSTANTLY on my case about cleaning my room. If there was a sock out of place she yelled and yelled. I was messy as any kid would be but not extreme. I noticed around 19 or 20 before I left the house for good I started "caring" about how my room looked. I kept it pretty neat for a couple more years until I moved out.
Then, I moved out on my own and pretty much kept my apartment clean for the most part. Then, my boyfriend moved in and if anything, we were opposite. He was such a slob! He came from a family that didn't practice cleaning so that's all he knew.
And then, I started complaining and complaining about his messy habits. His car was nasty...full of empty cartons, dishes, stinky stuff..you name it. I hated it. What amazed me was that he kept his appearance sooo extremely neat that you would never know of what a pig he was. It caused such problems in our relationship...my nagging about cleaning.
Now, we are married with kids and I find myself to be extremely neat. Now, my question is......is it a problem?
Here's my habits...
Every room is at least "picked up". My kids will mess up their rooms but I'm right over them cleaning them up. I never ask them to clean their rooms...they are too little.
After every meal, all dishes and food needs to be put away. I will feel out of control if it isn't. All dishes must be in the dishwasher....but I'm willing to let the dirty dishes sit in there for a while...as long as they are out of site.
If I see something out of place, I put it in it's place.
Laundry is NEVER backed up.
Bills are always paid on time.
Toys are always picked up.
I'm just constanly picking up.
But....I feel like I'm on the LINE of obsessiveness? It doesn't go beyond this. I don't count anything, I don't constantly think about it...but it WILL bother me if there's a mess on the floor UNTIL I clean it up.
Any thoughts? Do I have a problem or am I just a neat person?
My husband tells me to relax but he does appreciate what I do around the house.
It all started in my teens. My mother was CONSTANTLY on my case about cleaning my room. If there was a sock out of place she yelled and yelled. I was messy as any kid would be but not extreme. I noticed around 19 or 20 before I left the house for good I started "caring" about how my room looked. I kept it pretty neat for a couple more years until I moved out.
Then, I moved out on my own and pretty much kept my apartment clean for the most part. Then, my boyfriend moved in and if anything, we were opposite. He was such a slob! He came from a family that didn't practice cleaning so that's all he knew.
And then, I started complaining and complaining about his messy habits. His car was nasty...full of empty cartons, dishes, stinky stuff..you name it. I hated it. What amazed me was that he kept his appearance sooo extremely neat that you would never know of what a pig he was. It caused such problems in our relationship...my nagging about cleaning.
Now, we are married with kids and I find myself to be extremely neat. Now, my question is......is it a problem?
Here's my habits...
Every room is at least "picked up". My kids will mess up their rooms but I'm right over them cleaning them up. I never ask them to clean their rooms...they are too little.
After every meal, all dishes and food needs to be put away. I will feel out of control if it isn't. All dishes must be in the dishwasher....but I'm willing to let the dirty dishes sit in there for a while...as long as they are out of site.
If I see something out of place, I put it in it's place.
Laundry is NEVER backed up.
Bills are always paid on time.
Toys are always picked up.
I'm just constanly picking up.
But....I feel like I'm on the LINE of obsessiveness? It doesn't go beyond this. I don't count anything, I don't constantly think about it...but it WILL bother me if there's a mess on the floor UNTIL I clean it up.
Any thoughts? Do I have a problem or am I just a neat person?
My husband tells me to relax but he does appreciate what I do around the house.
Sponsor
seawater
08-01-2004, 08:13 PM
sarasota2004,
You just have different values is all. If your husband were neater you wouldn't have to clean all the time.
Years ago I gave up trying to get my husband or my kitties to be neat. Life's too short. Besides, I tried to imagine how I would feel if the roles were reversed and I was the one being nagged all the time.
Maybe he just doesn't appreciate all that you do. If I were you, I would simply stop for a few weeks. Leave the dirty dishes in the sink, on the counters, don't do the laundry...in other words go on strike. When he doesn't have a clean shirt to wear or he can't find a clean plate, he might get the message. Or hire a maid.
I think you both can meet halfway on this, but it will involve compromise. In other words, the house won't be as spotless as you would like, but hopefully he won't be such a slob.
:)
You just have different values is all. If your husband were neater you wouldn't have to clean all the time.
Years ago I gave up trying to get my husband or my kitties to be neat. Life's too short. Besides, I tried to imagine how I would feel if the roles were reversed and I was the one being nagged all the time.
Maybe he just doesn't appreciate all that you do. If I were you, I would simply stop for a few weeks. Leave the dirty dishes in the sink, on the counters, don't do the laundry...in other words go on strike. When he doesn't have a clean shirt to wear or he can't find a clean plate, he might get the message. Or hire a maid.
I think you both can meet halfway on this, but it will involve compromise. In other words, the house won't be as spotless as you would like, but hopefully he won't be such a slob.
:)
openseason
08-01-2004, 08:40 PM
An ocd cleaner MUST clean or "something bad will happen". The cleaning is a ritual that the ocd person must do to feel "just right". If you need to clean to get a "just right" feeling, or cleaning represents "a magical motion" then thats obsessional ocd behavior. Ocd cleaners do it to the point of exhaustion. It does not sound like ocd in your case because you dont have the obsessional thoughts.
mlachowicz
08-02-2004, 09:50 PM
Hi
I agree with openseason!
What happens to you if you don't clean?
~M~
I agree with openseason!
What happens to you if you don't clean?
~M~
sarasota2004
08-03-2004, 09:53 PM
If I don't clean and there's a mess...let's say...dirty dishes.
I feel like I have to clean it up. I don't necessarily feel like "something bad" will happen. I just can't feel content and relaxed if it's messy. I need to fix it. And, I will continue to remind myself it needs to get done. If I let it go...I only feel that I'll have to do it eventually and it will build and build.
For instance, tonight...dinner is done and dishes are done. Now, I can use this time to relax....on the computer :-)
I CAN'T let it go. I have a hard time letting it go a mess and not clean it up. I don't think I could do it.
I feel like I have to clean it up. I don't necessarily feel like "something bad" will happen. I just can't feel content and relaxed if it's messy. I need to fix it. And, I will continue to remind myself it needs to get done. If I let it go...I only feel that I'll have to do it eventually and it will build and build.
For instance, tonight...dinner is done and dishes are done. Now, I can use this time to relax....on the computer :-)
I CAN'T let it go. I have a hard time letting it go a mess and not clean it up. I don't think I could do it.
eyelinerfairy
08-08-2004, 04:03 PM
i understand the cant feel relaxed and content unless youve done what you need to do. i have trich, and if i spot an alien hair, it HAS to come out, same with a split end. otherwise im feeling very kind of tense and as though i havent done something really important till i fix it. that sounds like what youre describing, only with cleaning? its a horrible feeling i know, hang in there :)
ontario_mommy_2
08-15-2004, 06:55 PM
I have the same issues as you. I could never leave so much as a dish in the sink. I am also the same with my kids' rooms, but I do however make them clean their rooms and then afterwords I go in a "fix" everything. I have been on Celexa for depression and it has helped my ocd quite a bit... I mean, my house is still clean, but if things are out of order while the kids friends are here, it's more ok now :) Good Luck