Hi ALL,

Between Belle and I (With Belle starting the discussion)over in The Spinal Disorders Board(Heading,Davy's surgery 6th or 7th Aug) we have started a discussion on how our pain and numbness has affected our sex lives.
Bee,Purple and others have contributed and I personaly think it's about time that this taboo subject was broached.

Consider this!! It affects a great deal of us and when putting the neccessary questions to our Doc's, they seem to clam up and offer little or no advice.

Hope this even helps one sufferer,

Love to ALL

Davy

You beat me to it Davy!
IT'S A GREAT POST.

I think it's something that most of us spineys get affected by at some time or other?


As Davy said don't be shy, jump in on the post you know your not the only one out there.....

See-ya soon... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/eek.gif

love PURPLE XX

Hi Purple,

Just thought it would be beneficial to get this most worth post off the ground, As you know there are no holds barred over in the Spinal Disorders Post, particularly with Belle,Bee and yourself, and QUITE RIGHT TOO!!!

Thank you for your friendship and support Purple.

Love to ALL,

Davy

Davy.
,
Lets hope this post is on fire when you get back.

P.S I hope the suns on fire to by the time you get back.

Love purple xx

Well it is a very interesting topic. However, I have not experienced it ( Hope I dont ever http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif ). However I agree that it should not be taboo and I hope the people on this board are confortable with them selves and us to not be embaressed. As with all the other stuff we are going through it is a medical problem nothing to be shy over. Hope you are doing well Every body! Much love for you all,

------------------
-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.

Alison,

Just read the mmm post.
Must have me mixed up with someone else? Fortunately I own a business which my son is running for me just now, although I am in contact on a daily basis.

It would appear that there is no preparation prior to surgery here in the UK.Whereas, over in your part of the woods I think they would have had me in a collar right away, strange eh! In saying that, I have to go into Hospital on the 5th Aug with surgery to take place the following day or the day thereafter,Suppose they have some prep then.Will let you know after the event.

Love to you and yours http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

Davy

Davy- Wow thats strange. I really thought you had said that. Sorry for the mix up.
To Hayley, purple, Davy, and every one else! Have a good rest tonight! Take care

------------------
-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.

Davy,

I almost peed my pants laughing. My husband and I almost have a NON exsitant sex life. All due to the pain and pressure of my back and legs. thought i was the only one and was afraid to ask. I also have lost of bladder at some times due to the back problems....

love,
VON http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Hi all!
I must say that even thou my sex life is ummm ...different to say the least. there is a good side also.
because of my situation, we talk more about it and try all different things, because I refuse to give it up completely!
I try to look on the bright side!
have a great day all!
love ya
bee

hope for pain free moments

[This message has been edited by beebauser (edited 07-12-2002).]

[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 01-15-2003).]

Bee, it all started with Alisons message to me titled 'Hayley what's that thing' a few days ago. It's also mentioned in this post - scroll up to Purples message at 3.42 and read on from there.

Sorry Bee - I realise I may have offended you in my reply to your message about 'you guys growing on me'. I hope when you realise what I was referring to by 'grapes' that it will clear up any confusion - I truely thought you were being funny!...There you go, you made me laugh without even realising it.

In case the humour is different in your neck of the woods let me know if it's still not clear and I will explain....

Sorry again if I've offended you - it wasn't my intention.

Love
HAYLEY

You guys are great!!! I love to come here and read something that is uplifting and funny, instead of depressing. I know we all appreciate it. I can't sit long these days, so am not posting as much as usual. But, the sex topic got my attention. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/eek.gif

I'm glad that someone brought it up! Sex is so hard for me. I can only attempt it on "good" days which are getting fewer and farther between. Then, I am guaranteed several "bad" days afterwards. I know my husband feels guilty for even asking.

Okay guys, cover your eyes. Do any of you girls have numbness that reaches a very ummm http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif sensitive area? I have just begun having this numbness (and at times tingling too...woo-hoo!) and you can guess the effect!! Actually, I should say the lack of effect. I just wondered if I am alone here.

Sorry if that is tacky or off limits, but you said nothing was taboo. Please tell me I am not the only one here with that problem. I will be totally embarrassed!

Missy http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Missy ,
No your not being tacky or otherwise.
I don't relate to the numbness but if you read my first post on spinal disorder board, i cannot get very phyisical and like yourself suffer for days after the pain is indescribable, So we rarely go there at this present time

Best wishes, And here's to the future swinging on the Chanderliers http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Love purple xx

Hey guys,

That i think is the one thing i miss the most is the lack of crazy sex drive. I was ok until i was put on the klonipin and stuff i think. Plus pain has gotten alot worse, so....who knows...plus my daughter kicked us out of our bed and we are now sleeping on the couch, lol. It is better than her climbing in bed with us and kicking my back. (she sleeps sideways and I've given up bringing her back, doesn't work)

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!


LOVE AND HUGS,
Dayna http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

Hey Guys,

To get back to the subject. I think this is worse on us. Not having a npormal sex drive or being able to even enjoy the possibility is hardest on us. It only shows us how we are a fraction of our former selves. I come from a very conservative background and even the mention of relations was not something one discusses. I have found myself more and more bringing it out as a subject to be discussed. I started talking to my doctor about it and he told me that it is quite common for this to happen with folks in our condition. For some of use our mechanicisms are throw off due to the possibility of pain. The old addage if you get hit in the head by a 2 by 4 every time then after a while you will stop doing it. There are some of us who because of nerve damage can not perform. The third an most affected group and probbaly the largest group are the one's who have both conditions. Sure pain medications don't help the situation and without them we would be basket cases so, that can't be touched. Then we must find ways to get satifaction which are less stressful on our bodies. Also we have tremedous guilt about not being there for our partners. I think if need be one must be willing to try anything and everything to find a way to bring harmony to both lives. This does take a lot of soul searching as well as a lot of walls we build in our relationships to be torn down so that we can find that paradise we once all enjoyed. It is easy for the young ones who are still learning what it is all about. Trial and error is normal for them. But, for those of us who have found that set regiment of what each partner wants and gets satifaction from time and time again it is hard to open the doors of exploration again. We have swung from the chadeliers and it served no purpose but to be a stunt. So, how do we open those doors again to find our new nirvana. Many of us find it is better to ignore and hope for some miracle to happen. Maybe for that one night in 100 where everything does work. I find it frustrating that I have lost my sex drive not because I wanted to but because it became to hard to get everything to work right and to do it with little or no pain. That makes it work not enjoyment. So here we sit each day getting a little bit more cranky and frustrated at why our lives have been dealt such a hard blow. I can only hope that time will be kind in my recovery and somehow I get a least some function back.

Talk to you later,

Oliver http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

Hello<Stress is one of the factors that come into play with your sex life.Living in pain takes it's toll not only on your body but also your mind which in turn creates stress.Stress can interupt hormones and testosterone belief it or not.The best thing to try to do(easier said than done)Is to tell yourself that you will feel better and this is only temporary..Hopes this helps...

Hi there All!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif..
I want you to all go back to the Spinal Dis page and read the very 'explicit" post I put on there at 4am this morning !.. Davy and I started it off on there ..on his "Davy surgery 6th 7th topic .. Want it to open up discussion ?
It is SO IMPORTANT we do this , eh?.. help you all with same or similar problems ?..
Love Belle NZ xxx..
Ps Davy .. Have a GREAT Holiday eh? Will miss you Too !!!

------------------
A Friend!

Davey, I found out quite by accident. I had been taking saw palmetto for 5 years thinking i had inlarged prostate--- frequent urination and decreased sexual sensations. when my dr. told me that my blownout c-7 might cause bladder problems, i was shocked cause after one particular trip to a chiropractor, my frequent urination, and sex/lack thingy went away------ althought the pain in my fingers never did! it's bee a strange 4 months!

Just to add on from my previous message .. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif
I have just found an E/Mail from a friend whom I was in hospital with last Nov 2001..
Her and I had exactly the same symptoms; we'd both been told initially it was Multiple Sclerosis causing the numbness , but we both proved them wrong !
..Our bladder and bowel were affected.. we didn't know when to go..She, poor thing had a catheter in walking around!.. I didn't need one that badly !..

Because I am a very open person to talk with, she sensed it was safe to talk to me, and we discussed the Numbness we both have "inside us".. and the lack of feeling when intimate ..She was SO PLEASED to meet someone who KNEW what it was like at last , she said !
She was opened up anteriorly ( thru the front ) they op. on her spine that way .. 3 cages put in.. she has a very narrow spinal Canal..
... When I came home, I made sure we kept in touch, and the E/Mail I got from her ,dated 12 April 2002, was "Sorry Belle to hear things haven't improved for you.. Not for me either EXCEPT NORMAL FEELING WHILE HAVING SEX ! WOOPY!"..
So there was one woman who did get feeling back, but the rest of her problems, such as balance, 'jelly legs', strength were still not right.
But it does show, depending on where you have the spine problem, feeling can return.. Some are lucky , so there is HOPE!!
I will CERTAINLY let you all know if I have return of feeling ,- I'll even put an ad in the local Paper!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif
After 2 1/2 -3 years.. I think no one would Blame me , eh? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif
Well must go .. but I hope this lets some of you see .. it CAN happen !!
Love Belle NZ.. AGAIN!! XXXX
"

------------------
A Friend!

[This message has been edited by belle0050 (edited 07-12-2002).]

I had to pop in here, It is important. My hub & I just had a big fight about this tonight. He was throwing everything he could get his hands on in anger. I'm not even 2 months post op. & he is absolutely irate I've not done my wifely duties for HIM. I love my hub dearly. Love is not about sex. Sex is the result of being in love. I'm so sad he has been so mean tonight. It's not that I don't want to be with him that way, I just don't think I can handle it this soon. He's 250 & I' 138. Non the less, I still hurt & I've been pushing myself to do things otherwise I should not to please him, GEEZ. I am more frustrated than he is. I told him to go"handle it"! He didn't like that. Seems he's "tired of doing things on his own". Well. I'm going to wait & see whom, if anyone, comes up with an answer that can calm this storm.

Oh Cozy ! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif
I am So sad for you Love, I really am! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif
There is so much I wish I could do to help you and your husband;
He can't obviously understand how you feel Cozy, but he shouldn't be bringing his anger out on you!..You didn't ask for this to happen to You, did you?..
You can't change it .. just wait to heal..and that takes TIME!
He is frustrated with this whole situation (like my husband ), and I do honestly understand how he feels.
It's So unfair !!
Please tell me, have you spoken to anyone at all,away from this board, about what is happening to you? and your Husband ?..

It is not FAIR on either of you to carry this all on your own!...

If you look at Davy's page on the Spinal Disorders post as we said , you may get some idea what we're going thru as well, trying to get medical people talking , listening, and taking this sexual disfunction problem seriously!...
BUT.. I have been married for 31 years and we know each other well. That helps...
.
but you sound younger (or am I wrong, Cozy?)
and you desperately need someone to talk to your husband (and you!)before this gets Worse..
Please try to do this?! He needs an understanding ear too. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
but it's YOU who is copping the brunt of all this .. feeling GUILTY,etc.
AND YOU SHOULDN'T BE! It'S WRONG and UNFAIR! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_down.gif

I DO KNOW how it FEELS to be in that horrible position Cozy !..

I don't know how else to help you Cozy, except to say try and talk to a Councillor, or your GP, tell them how he's reacting.. it's not good for you OR him to get so Stressed like that .
Please try and talk with someone .. but do keep writing on here too!.. I'll be watching out for you Love !!
I am worried for you and thinking of you!.. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Keep in Touch?..
Belle NZ.. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif..xxx



------------------
A Friend!

Dear Oliver,

U have made your point extremely well. Never thought of it that way...guess i always took that part for granted. I thought from a female part it was harder cuz it wasn't that we couldn't (some cases we can't) but we don't have the desire we used to. You have changed my feelings. And I do hope you find that day when you hang off of the chandaleir (sp?...i give up)
that it works and sparks fly everywhere!!!!!! It will come, no pun intended, lol. (sorry, couldn't resist)

Cozy, now maatter how frustrated he is, there is no excuse for taking a temper tatrum like that. My ex used to do that, it's called intimadation. I am hoping this is not the norm for him and he just lost it cuz if it is, it only gets worse. I remember having sex with my ex crying the whole time cuz I just didn't want him to touch me, he just beat the heck out of me.....and he didn't seem to see the tears. Please be careful, I am only saying this cuz I care, and I know it's none of my business, but i wuv you!!!!

luv you guys,
dayna http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

------------------
ruptured disk L4-L5
surgery dis & lami on Jan. 14th, 2002, didn't work great...mmore pain than before
sciatic neuropathy
epilepsy (TLE)
owner of five kids, any takers???, just kidding
did have tubes tied...maybe a little too late, once again just kidding
Love to write, post, and anw=swer anyone
Had Millions of MRI's, Cat scans, EMG, not pleasant, and cortizone epidural shots (three) hated them!!!!!
Love, me

Hi guys

So sorry Cozy, you should not have to put up with that on top of everything else you are dealing with.
My husband is just the opposite. I think I probably could do the deed, but he absolutely will not. He says he is afraid he will hurt me more and will not risk it. I am about to start throwing things. LOL just kidding

Sweetiepie http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif

Oliver,

You are extremely well spoken. I'm sure this whole issue has to be very difficult for guys. Probably much more so than us girls. The whole idea of masculinity is tied to sex. It's no walk in the park for any of us, but I think guys have it harder. (No pun intended.)

Cozy,

I feel for your situation. I can't imagine a spouse that throws thing from anger. Would he be open to anger management? They are good classes for all of us. I'm sure we can all see where our anger and that of our spouses is coming from. This whole situation stinks for everybody. I hope you are able to talk about your sex life with him. Try talking when he you aren't in bed and he can be a little more rational. His attitude is so uncaring.

Missy http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Hey Folks,

I think some of you out there took my post as being from a man's point of view. Of course I am a man and I guess I have stated things from my perspective. But, we I say "us" I mean those of us who are in the pain and the daily sruggle of having spine problems. Whether you be man or woman I see that we are always saying how sorry we are for our partners. You know the ones that don't live in the constant pain. I think we must be a bit more concerned with our own wants and desires. Remember none of us asked to be in our condition. I think that our partners could be more understanding about this and realize that if they truely love us they will be willing to find other ways to get pleasure. We are not dead but are currently very fragile. So, when the moment arrives again with your partner I would suggest that the conversation not be " I can't" but, "let's see what we can do". I have always found that the posibility of satisfaction, and the hope of new avenues can be even more exciting. No one's partner I hope wants to hurt his or her love one so, I hope some new plataeu can be reached in your relationships.

Oliver http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

Hey Oliver,

Sorry I missed your point, but it would have been a good point anyway, lol. Anyhow, i do understand what you are saying. It is rough on us, all of us. Sometimes it's the pain, sometimes its the meds, and sometimes it just (in my case) i feel my "womanly" body is gone, and i feel like a yucky unsexy creature. Does a cane make you unsexy? No probably not, but vanity does,lol. I need to get over it, i guess.

love and hugs,
dayna http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

belle,
glad to see you found the new post! I did answer the other one http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif
like I said on the other post, I refuse to give up on a sex life. I try to find the most comfy position with the least amount of stress on my spine.
lately the spoon position has worked for me.
any other ideas anyone?
bee

hope for pain free moments

Bee-
Hey hone! I just wanted to say that I applaud you fo rsaying you refuse to give up. I know there are cases when you just can't, but I think it is very cool that you are not happy to get out of it. I am 22 and my husband is 37, so you know sometimes (but not at all often) I want it more than him. It has decreased some generally just because I'm so tired from living all day in pain. But if there is any way I am defenitaly up for it! Anyway I just wanted to tell you GOOD FOR YOU!

------------------
-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.

ok, here goes.My names a bit obvious so I will be found out . What the heck! I have suffered the numbness inside my vag also .My clit was also numb.I was terrified.Sometimes the lips would go very sensitive and when touched even lightly it felt like millions of pins sticking in me. As for orgasm, forget it.But ,I persisted and with some external help during sex I had one.I have since discovered that the incredible release of blood flow to the pelvic region after the orgasm gave me some feeling back temporarily.
I decided to experiment and each time, I felt a little better. maybe it was a combination of all the things I have been doing/taking but I am now giving myself an orgasm at least every 2nd day. External only.( no pressure by yourself, if it dosen't work you can just try again later).My numb leg is feeling again, my toes are back and I have reflexes in my leg and foot again.I hope you don't all think I'm a nut.It really has helped.Anyway at lewast I have hotted up the topic!! It was rather conservative.come on, I can't be the only one who has tried this??? Come on. TRUTH OR DARE!!!

Hi Viki007,
This board is sooo hot now i can hardly touch the key board...

What you have just posted is just what this is for.

If you have read my first post on Davy's spinal disorder board, you will notice i said i have no problem in the numbing part, But i do have big probs physical, my back /legs and pelvis will just not have it, and i don't like it one bit! as i like to take the lead! I do try to be adventreus but i end up in so much pain i just cannot handle it, The minds willing but the body's not http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

Love Purple xxx

Hi,

My problem is the numbness. I sometimes can't feel certain areas, which is frustrating to both of us.
we found ways to work around the back problems, (hey, if we can find ways around five kids, you do anything,lol)

I hate being numb, and don't know if there is a cure or anything that can be done. It sucks though.

love and hugs,
dayna http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

------------------
ruptured disk L4-L5
surgery dis & lami on Jan. 14th, 2002, didn't work great...mmore pain than before
sciatic neuropathy
epilepsy (TLE)
owner of five kids, any takers???, just kidding
did have tubes tied...maybe a little too late, once again just kidding
Love to write, post, and anw=swer anyone
Had Millions of MRI's, Cat scans, EMG, not pleasant, and cortizone epidural shots (three) hated them!!!!!
Love, me

Vikki,

Purple is right, my fingers are burning! lol You have proposed an interesting form of PT. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/eek.gif I have never tried it, but it certainly gives me food for thought.

I, like Dayna have the problem with numbness, so it may not be possible any more. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

Missy http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Missy http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

WOW, someone opened a can of worms. Isn't it great to be able to share very personal things like that? Unfortunately, I have nothing so "juicy" to share.

LeAnne http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif

Alison,
I was just noticing that we were in the same profession. Nurses AIdes. My husband is also much older than me. Are you sure you aren't me???? LOL

Sweetiepie-
How funny! It's nice to have someone to relate to so closely! Did any one around freak when you married an older man (how much older?) I wont have it any other way! Do you have any children? I'm so glad to hear you feeling a tiny bit better! Good day!

------------------
-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.

Davy..and All,
Holy cow!!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif
Nice to know you aren't alone in this category! I have been sexless for 4months (easily), and really for 19 months (maybe 4 times in the other 15 months) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif I too am frustrated and feel guilty about not wanting to, not being able to, having pain doing, or of course, my partner worries about MY pain and so doesn't even try. It feels more like we are only friends/roommates now. When I DO feel like it, I'm scared I'll aggravate my symptoms, pain, soreness, etc.
I think you've hit an important nerve for all of us. Thanks for bringing it up!
Oh~

------------------
Positive energy and thoughts to you and yours. OMAB

I should remind all the girls that on top is probably the least painful way to have sex.Yes, the legs are like jelly and of course there is pain but it is good exercise.The rocking action actually replicated the exercises that the chiropractor told me to do but I could not do them lying down or by myself. I turned it into a game type thing with my partner and we did it all in fun.Sometimes it didn't work or I had to stop(pain and strange feelings).I was numb from belly button down to private parts and was terrified that if I did not get/keep everything working that the nerve endings might die on me.Unfortunately my partner and I are not together now so I will have to do the chiropractic exercises on my own.All those that have had operations, I personally would not even consider sex for a few months.I have had other pelvic ops in the past and it took me ages to be able to do IT.

Alison,
My husband is 10 years older than me and we have two children. My parents really freaked out at first, but they really had no choice. I don't know if the age thing bothered them as much as me being so young, but now that we have been married quite a while they have adjusted quite nicely.LOL. I just thought it was kinda interested how much we have in common. You also hurt your back at work didn't you?

My original injury was two years ago when I caught a resident from falling and herniated a disc. That was "healed" from shots and therapy. I went back to work and did quite well for two years, and all of the sudden all I was doing was dressing a resident and pop it went out again. The doc says it doesn't look any worse this time, but there is no "healing". I suppose this is because it is a re-injury, I don't know.

I suppose it is time to try to find a new profession, but this is all I have ever done and it is a little scary. I would love to go back to school, but this is just not in the "funds" right now. Cripes I am rambling again, and it has nothing to do with the subject. LOL

LeAnne<-----blonde http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif

Leanne-
It was about the same for me my parents didn't say to much because they are pretty open people and had themselves just gotten divorced one year prior to me getting married, and were with new partners. However, it was more me grandparents and aunts and such they did not like it one bit, but like you said they did'nt have a choice. We've been married almost 5 yrs now and they all love him! ( Mostly because they have to suck up so he will cook for them!) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

Yes I also hurt myself at work. But I had NO symptoms of having a bad back up until then. When I hurt myself it just felt like a strain I even waited four days to REALLY report it (fill out the reports and such) but the pain just got worse! Even today I am having more and more go wrong and my injury was 4.5 months ago. How does your husband handle your pain? I think it really hurts my husband. I dont like it
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif I know its hard for him!
Have you looked into pell grants? We make a fairly ok income and I still got approved, not only does it pay for my school and books but I usually also get a few hundred back, it's worth a try! Have a good day!

------------------
-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.

Alison,

Someone else mentioned the pell grant and I will certainly look into it soon. I am sure I will not be making it back this year, as I know I could not sit in a desk. UGH!!

My husband says he would take my pain away in a minute if he could. And I know he would. I love him so much for that. It is very hard on him, with the money situation, and everything. He has to pull so much of the load and it is wearing him out. I find myself constantly saying I'm sorry, and he gets mad at me for that. He says "quit saying your sorry it's not your fault"

Anyway, as I said before , I am not feeling the best today, so I am going to have a bit of a lie down.

Good day everyone,

LeAnne http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif

PS. None yet for me!!!!!!

Leanne,
Sorry to hear your not having a good day.
I know what you mean with regards the money situation, I to used to work but now we are on one wage, it's hard to adjust is'nt it?

I cannot see myself going back either if the docs don't pull there finger out and fix me.

HOPE You have a nice nap and wake feeling a bit BLOODY WELL refreshed.... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

lOVE purple xx

I hope after you rest you feel better. I am finding lately that I have to lay with my neck completly flat which I hate! I like to sleep on my side with a body pillow but my neck is just starting to feel the pain when I do so.
Does your husband have a good enough job to pull the way ok? That has got to be rough. I still work but not doing CNA stuff. And the desk in school are major PIA'S (being a cna I'm guessing you know what that means) I always have to get up and walk around and stuff. Very annoying. Take care dear!

------------------
-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.

Hi All!
I have a question on this subject, I have always continued to try to have a sex life, as most of you know. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif
but last night for the first time I could not feel what I used to, this has me concerned. I would hurt during sex, but never did I not feel it!
Does this mean things are getting worse?
I hope It was just a fluke!
Any advice?
bee

hope for pain free moments

Hi all. I haven't had sex in 3 years. Last time we tried, I gave my hubby some oral and when he climaxed he went into severe spasms and couldn't feel his legs. That was 3 years ago and we've never tried again. I do get a quick peck on the cheek once every 2 weeks but that's all I get. Hubby got hurt 6 years ago today. I guess today is the anniversary of my new life. I'm just a maid and care giver now. I dread the next 35 years.

[This message has been edited by Lori.19 (edited 08-22-2002).]

Lori, I am so sorry hun has your hubby been to the doctor? If so is there anything they can do? Have you talked to your hubby about how much you miss having a physical relationship? I have just recently had surgery and it has made all the difference in the world where my sex life is concerned and I just had surgery in July.Prior to that my hubby and I just had to be very creative http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gifPlease let me know if you want to talk.I know how frustrating it is for you and I am here if you need me.

Hello, everyone:

Now, to the serious business.....for all of you spouses, are there any support groups in your areas? Too many times we as professionals and patients fail to give the proper consideration to the stress put on the caregiver. Not to make excuses for them, but it would seem that in a male caregiver's case it's hurt the one you love, do it yourself, or hurt the one you love (by NOT doing it yourself). There is a caregivers board, you might want to check them out, although I doubt they have ANYONE like Davy and Bee over ther http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Cozy,
Your hubby may be frustrated, but a tantrum is a tantrum (otherwise known as poor impulse control and anger management). What if one of those flying objects had hit you?!? As for yourself, you are not obligated to suffer his little fits because "You're the reason..." You did not ask for your condition and you cannot CHANGE your condition. Don't fall into the trap of becoming a marthyr. The truth is that some people use that as a means of controlling the rest of the household.

As for hubby, is there anything creative you guys can try that doesn't involve penetration (sorry folks I'm 'living single' in the Bible Belt)? Actually, romance novels are little more than porno in a pretty cover. You could get some ideas there. At any rate, unfortunately, what I think you guys need most is counseling. He sounds like he doesn't want to talk to YOU, maybe he'll open up with some one else. He might even consider going on his own to address his sense of frustration and anger.

Well, so long for now. Davy this has been helpful, informative (not to mention educational http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif) and I bet someone's love life has been given a lift http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Take care and God's blessings to all http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif


[This message has been edited by emeraldbee (edited 08-22-2002).]

[This message has been edited by emeraldbee (edited 08-22-2002).]

[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 01-15-2003).]

Hi ALL,

I had actualy forgot about this topic, went on holiday when only just started,then when I came back it had disapeared for a while and has now resurfaced, GOOD http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif....

Lori,
Three years is such a l o n g time http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif
In your relationship with your husband is it not possible to broach this subject??? As I am quite sure you are aware there are sooooo many way's of pleasing and satisfying a woman. Why when he had this spasm did he not revert to giving rather than receiving.
Has he had surgery as yet?
In saying the above,I really don't think there is an excuse for hubby not to be giving you far more attention than you are getting, which is almost non- existant.
Let us know how you get on Lori.

Cozy,

I am absolutely astounded by your husbands behaviour, I would expect behavior like that from a two year old, then again NOT.. (I don't mean to be offensive)
I find your situation sooooooo very sad.
Like others have suggested, I would like to think that your hubby would take responsibility for his unjust reaction and his actions and get some help from an Anger Management Councillor or whatever.
Please do not allow yourself to be used as a door mat
and let us know how you get on.

Looking4relief,

Like you my recent surgery has made a great difference to me, there IS hope out there,eh http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Emeraldbee,

How are you doing?

Like I said above,my recent surgery has made ALL the difference to me.
Prior to surgery I just couldn't get the bloody thing to stay up because of the numbness.On penetration I would be ok for a while, then it was if my brain recognised that there was hardly any sensation and the message was sent down to make it go down.

However, Elaine(My Wfe) has had problems with Rheumatoid Arthritis for a number of years now,with her hip or shoulder popping out, or pain in almost every joint in her body and you learn through time what you can and cannot do,what positions are more comfortable or if she was in the mood but in too much pain there was always my tongue or fingers, coupled with kisses,caresses and snuggling up, it worked.

I was reliant on Viagra prior to surgery which worked but left me with a bit of a headache. I would take a 50mg pill(Found out this was best way)cruch it up to a paste in my mouth and wash it down with some coke.
It came on quicker 20 mins and would last for 4 hrs if I didn't ejaculate.

After surgery, I got it all back http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif so am happy.
In saying that, Elaine still has her problems so there will be times when our desires will not coincide, so it's time for cuddles and snuggling up.
In our case we have worked it out by being selfless rather than selfish.

Hope some of this helps.
The description of the Viagra was for the benefit of our male posters, just taking it in pill form whole, can be disapointing http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif
For my Female friends with numbness etc you can get Viacreme from the internet(Female cream that works by rubbing under the clitoris, and once rubbed,works similar to viagra for men,in that it gives the vaginal area a massive surge of blood thus making it more sensitive and receptive)

take care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to ALL

Davy



------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 07/08/2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.

looking4relief....

Thank you for your warm reply. We have been thru it all, doctors, surgery, PT, tests and everthing else. The pain is so bad it has taught him to protect his lower half at all costs so the pain doesn't spike. Sex is no longer an issue. Sheesh, we're only 40!

Davy

When that happened 3 years ago, he curled up into the fetal positition and was in agony. He couldn't feel his legs and his lower back was killing him. That kinda ruined the moment. The doc also told him to avoid at all costs his back muscles tensing up. He is in different degrees of pain 99% of the time and when he has no pain, he is greatful and just relaxes. We haven't even mentioned sex in about 2 years. He's so consumed with his pain, he don't think about much else.

[This message has been edited by Lori.19 (edited 08-22-2002).]

Hi Lori,

This is obviously a very dificult time for you and your hubby, I feel for you both soooo much.To be only in your 40's and for hubby to be in so much pain that no performance whatsoever is the order of the day, is I would imagine so hard.
What is the long term outlook for hubby????

You take care Lori

:heart: to you and yours

Davy

Hi Davy,
Thank you for your kind words. Outlook for hubby is not good. Wheelchair and paralysis is what we have to look forward to unless a miracle happens and someone figures out how to repair a sciatic nerve and remove scar tissue.
Take care,
Lori

Yup--- http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif

Just posting again after hubby's cervy--he's doing well--I was trying for a giggle on this post- but as I said earlier I am no Phyliss Diller--Not a singer(nor have the body for it) okay I will quit with the humor---seriously, as long as I have my hubby to talk with, laugh with, and look into his eyes. THAT'S ALL I NEED--
Love to all

[This message has been edited by worry_wart (edited 08-28-2002).]

Yup---:O:

I will pray that a miracle finds you and your hubby.In the meantime maybe you could try talking about other options then intercourse.I can not even imagine how hard this must be for you. You are both in my prayers.

Ladies buy toys I think men like to use them. I only have one,,, take it out 2-3 times a year..

Sex hummmmmm been a while he's afraid to hurt my neck,
so I guess I'll just jump aboard and ride the ride. Oh I can't wait til tonight. AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW Lynn

Hi Lori,

Like ACF38 say's women buy sex toy's and men like to use them,I think.

Men DO like to use them,particularly if like me they were having trouble maintaining an erection.Viagra as I said helped tremendously and I am grateful since my surgery that the need for viagra has diminished.

Still have some left, but will use them for that bit EXTRA boost http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

I think that you have to sit down and talk all of this through, from a male perspective if I couldn't for one reason or another have intercourse I would certainly be able to satisfy my parner in all other manners.And I would WANT too.Just because I was unable to get an erection dosn't mean that I would turn myself off to my Partners/Wife's needs..

Being left with the option of paralysis and being wheelchair bound dosen't mean to say you turn off to the emotional and physical want's and needs of the person you LOVE. to do that would I think ultimately lead to a seperation/divorce.

Do you think he is trying to push you in that direction Lori??????

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to ALL

Davy



------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!

Good question Davy, but that's not the case at all. He wants me with him all the time, so I don't even work. I guess he is not of the mindset to just please me and get nothing in return. I brought home a tiny joke vibrator one time and he freaked out, saying "Are you really going to use that?!! If you use that I would be highly insulted!" Can't figure it out. If both can't tango, no one dances!

Lori,

You are now 40 right! You have not had sex in 3 years, exept for the occasional peck on the cheek every two weeks.
Three years ago you were 37 right! When did your husbands accident happen and did you have an active sex life prior to it?

If you did,was your husband inventive,that is,did he try and please you in ways other than having intercourse.

If he did, then what is the problem now for goodness sake.You are his wife,he loves you, he wants you by his side. You have put up with this for three years of your life without having a return sex wise in your investment and yet when you bought a sex toy as a joke he freaked,and stated he would feel insulted if you were to use that.

I am sorry Lori, buy to be blunt I think you and your husband need to talk with a doctor,sex councillor regarding this.
From my perspective,I see your husband as being very selfish indeed.

Yes, we know he has had an accident and we feel sorry for him,Yes we know he may end up in a wheelchair and again we feel sorry for him.
We know he is in pain and again we feel sorry for him, but life seems to have stopped for him when it comes to thinking about his wife,YOU and for that we feel sorry for YOU.

What have you been through these past three years,oh nothing eh http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif it is said and I agree that it is harder for the carer partner.

If he can't have sex he should stop feeling sorry for himself and learn to live with his disability's and limitations and come out of the dark ages and learn that women are very sensuous creatures and having sex with them (not intercourse)helps make them feel secure and loved in their relationships.
It IS a need not just a want.

Why should he feel insulted if you WERE to USE a vibrator on yourself(especially if he dosn't want to do it for you)to give yourself some relief. He MUST feel secure in his love for you and you for him for you to have put up with this for the past 3 years surely. And he Must realise that this could be a life long thing, disregarding miracles as you say, and that there MUST be a copromise/decision to be made sooner rather than later.

I couldn't live like that,I am sure there are many who couldn't,regardless of how much we love our partners, there should be more contact than you are getting.

I feel for you,((((((((hugs))))))))

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

Davy




------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!

Lori.
Bean, You are taking to much of this on board..

Your Husband needs to lighten up and relax alittle, Yes i know he has his problems, But so have you.

I think he as got him self in a rut BIG TIME! And is akward about being passionate again..

I too suffer with fused lower back. And big time sciatica..

Could he not take a mucsle relaxer pryer to trying sex with you . I works wonders and also it will relax him mind wise..

What davy as advised you is a wealth of knowledge and some VERY good ideas..

I hope i have not offended you hun, But you need some closness..No matter how much you love him, A peck on the cheek will not be enough for ever! And he needs to stop being selfish, And except some of these ideas on board..

Love pebbles xxx

Hi All! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif
..It is great to see you are all opening up to this subject. We needed this; so many people are suffering in silence!.. I wish so many others could use a computer and see this post;.. Now, I saw someone saying about women using vibrators to help them .. Yes I agree for those that can, they do work , and men possibly do enjoy using them with their wives/partners ..

So, patience and love is a virtue in this matter .
Thanks for the idea Davy on the Creme ..
Love to All Belle NZ xxx

------------------
A Friend!

[This message has been edited by belle0050 (edited 09-07-2002).]

Hi Lori,Pebbles and Belle,

Thank you all for your input's as Belle said,too many people suffer in silence and it is great we have this board to air our feelings and to give each other ideas.

I hope you husband takes some of these ideas on board Lori,like Pebbles suggested, I am sure he loves you,but part of love is in the giving not in the taking and as everyone knows who is married or who has a long term partner you have to be Selfless and not Selfish in our Love

Belle,

I am quite sure that the future is going to be good to you, the numbness, I pray will go, and then "WHAT AN ORGASM" http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dance.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

The Viacreme really works,just ask Elaine http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gifIt can be found just by entering it in your search feature and has been said to work for women as Viagra works for Men.As I said, I know it works,Elaine has vouched for it.

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to ALL

Davy (((((((((( Hugs to you all))))))))))))




------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!

Hi Berenice http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Soooooooo Goooood to hear from you http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dance.gif

I hope that man of yours is looking after you down in Normandy way!!!

Only jesting, how are you? your husband and daughter.I hope you and your daughter have recovered from your latest surgeries and that you are relatively pain free?I truly hope that,that is not just wishful thinking on my part.

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to you my dear friend and to your family,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!

Hi Everyone,
Well, hubby got hurt 6 years ago. With the root blocks he was getting we were able to have sex, altho not as frequently as we used to. Hell, before he got hurt, he was the one always chasing me around.But it's been these last 3 years that have taken it's toll on him, especially the past 18 months. Take now for instence, he ran out of Percoset 7 days ago and doesn't see the doc until Thursday. He's in agony. I can't expect him to want to have sex when he is in pain, just like I wouldn't want to do it when I am hurting, even with just a headache. Yes, I agree he has become very self centered, but I can understand that because of all he has been thru. I know he loves and depends on me, but he is all consumed by what he is going thru. He has lost all desire, and I think if the tables were turned, I would have lost all desire also. It's a rotten situation for both of us.

Prayers to all,
Lori

[This message has been edited by Lori.19 (edited 08-27-2002).]

hello everyone. i am new here. i have inflamed scar tissue from a previous discectomy (sp?) . i am in pain all the time have numbness in foot and right ankle and pain in leg and hip. i also have scoliosis and DDD. i am getting my 1st cortizone shot in 2 days. ok enuf about my background. i am sitting here in more pain than usual because my husband and i had sex for the first time in weeks. i do not regret it. but i am really hurting now. i thoroughly enjoyed this topic and can relate. i am 35 and hubby is 27 and b4 this all happend we had a very good sex life. now i rarely have a sex drive at all and when i do im hurting the next day. my hubby is 240lbs and im maybe 114. so its hard for us. we have a fav position that works well for me (if ya know what i mean). but this position has me twisted around like a "slinky" as my hubby calls it lol. anyway im so not ready to give up on my sex life. im happy to know that there are other people out there with this prob and they are willing to talk about it. thank you for letting me share

------------------
Michelle

Share away!

this IMHO is a very serious subject, I dont think you can just live without it...not just sex, but the intimate part of a relationship. Listen if your hubby can't...he should be able to enjoy intimate times with you, no matter what. even if he watches you, use one of your toys.

I have been getting worse since july, when this post started, and I have had to slow down, but we do what we can http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
best of luck to you all

hugs
bee

LMAO..what's a sex life??? Before surgery I hurt too much to even THINK of having sex..now post (2) surgery (the last one beginning of October)and still in some pain, I think it is the fear of hurting MORE that keeps me from wanting sex.
I have no drive what so ever.....

Hi Michelle and Welcome
Hi Bee my dear friend,

As you said Bee, this is a serious subject which affects most if not all of us and your suggestion of hubby watching is a good one.He can join in by lightly caressing and gently kissing http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to you both and ALL,

Davy




------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Numbness

Hey Davy!
like that one huh http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif well its true, I think a relationship has all different aspects to it, and acting like one doesn't exist, will come back and bite you later. but that of course is MHO.

how are you feeling? hope well. how is elaine? give her a hug for me, tell that girl to get on your puter...start by showing her this thread, she might just push you out of the chair!I also find from all the meds. I am on I have a very low sex drive, but I know that doesn't mean hubby does, and I know that so yes, we have to get inventive.

I think the hardest part for him is not seeing me ALL the way through if you know what I mean. But sometimes, just the close love I feel is enough. somedays I hurt too much to think of that for myself.

I am in love with a hot blooded Italian, and I dont forget it. He is my rock, keeps me steady. he deserves alot from me, and not just in the bedroom, but that is definatly one part of it. kinda a real nice part of it too http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Keep this thread going I would love to hear more opinions on this subject.

god bless all
bee

Well, I'll join the crowd on this discussion since it seems to have a life of it's own... I have to apologize though, I have not thoroughly read all the entries. I'm suppose to be in bed, but have not been able to go to sleep in several hours, so here I sit once again.

Sex has definitely decreased since my back RE-injury, but we were pretty active to begin with. We just have had to limit some positioning that hurts and go easy on the...well...let's just say we haven't had to buy new support boards in a while. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

My husband and I reunited after 1.5 weeks on the day after my discography; needless to say he was feeling a little needy. As one gal said earlier, we "handled" it. I tend to give in because I don't think I pay as much attention to him as I used to and I feel badly about that. He doesn't ask as much anymore and he always just lets things drop if I'm hurting. He's a good man. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love1.gif

As for the medical scene. Funny that was brought up. Several days after I had my IDET hubby and I went out with my friend who had set up the procedure for me (a nurse). We were discussing the procedure and the post procedure education and I mentioned the fact that sex was not ever discussed during the teaching. In fact, the nurse for the procedure (a male) was teasing with the doc and myself (I'm a nurse and I knew the doc so I was not at all embarrassed or belittled by the conversation) about my question of how to shave my legs if I couldn't bend over. (BTW, the answer was: "Does your husband shave his face? Then he can shave your legs." HEY...not a bad idea). The nurse said no one had ever asked that question before. Honestly, is that really a weird question so that NO ONE would have asked it? Obviously, if folks are afraid to ask about shaving, they certainly are more afraid to ask about sex.

Fortunately, I'd already read a bit about sex with back injuries and positioning to decrease pain. One of my better back books, "Your Aching Back: A Doctor's Guide to Relief" (by Augustus White, III) has a whole section that covers back injury/pain and sexual positions for both men and women. He talks about how little medical professionals address these issues.

Davy, great serious topic. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif


[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 01-15-2003).]

Hi all! I'm new to this board also, but am very glad that I found it! My husband and I very, very rarely have any type of sex anymore. For some odd reason, I had it in my head that I was the only one in the world who hurt to bad to perform! Strange, huh? Anyway, I know how hard it is on him and when I tell him that I'm hurting too bad, then I feel soooo guilty! He doesn't push it though. Sometimes when the pain is so bad, he just looks at me and says "Not tonight, huh?" Talk about GUILT!!!I mean, we even sleep in seperate beds (I have to sleep in a hospital bed that I can elevate or lower depending on a restful position), in different rooms, on opposite ends of the house. Most of the time, sex is the last thing on my mind!

I have Fibromyalgia, along with lower back pain. I'm having a discography done this Tuesday (boy, do I dread that, LOL). My doctor says because of the Fibromyalgia that I'll hurt worse than most would, so I really need the prayers of all you good people! Thanks so much for all the posts, I really appreciate them................Juju7tou

Hey All!! I have wondered about this for a long time. you know the "sex" thing. So encouraging to know the problem exits for other people too!! I'm beginning to think I am not human anymore. I have the problem of have much discomfort during sex. But I have developed a serious vaginal problem (have'nt went to the doc for this yet, not really in the budget). I can not stand the penatration. As soon as hubby starts to enter the pain is unreal, when he really get in there it is all I can do to keep from blacking out. I don't know if this is caused by the back or not. It has been been four years since my surgury but I still have excruciating pain in back/down legs. Before the vaginal problem occurred we could mangage to have sex once in a while. I do not have any sex drive. No matter what I try that vagina will not get "wet" Yes I have used Gels. It works for a few minutes then its dry as a bone yard. Now with the vaginal pain so severe I have no desire to even try. Has anyone else had the vaginal problem? This forum has been helpful it has made me realize maybe I need to talk with hubby and see if there are others ways I could please him. I miss that part of our life. I miss him. So sad cause we had a fun sex life. This has been fun, reading and talking about. I felt a grin coming on!!!!!

Judy http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

You know, Judy, some medications can cause secretions to dry up and could be complicating your situation. You might want to ask your doc next time you see him/her about the side effects of any meds you're on. I'm not sure about this, but twice with surgeries I've experienced this, and both times I was on antibiotics. I'm not sure enough about the connection to make a stand on that, though. I do know that Calcium can have a drying effect on some folks.

Also, I'm not gonna be rude enough to ask your age, but loss of estrogen (as occurs in menopause) is a very common cause of vaginal dryness and pain. Many women going through menopause complain about this. I may ask my boss (Ob/Gyn) about this tomorrow - if I can remember!! I'll write it down and at least try to get back to you within a week.

KM

Thanks KaliM
Well here goes... I am 46. I do not take anitbiotics or calcium. I have had a hysterectomy. and I take natural hormones (as if there is such thing). I do take other medication for the pain and depression/sleep problem. Trazadone for depression/sleep. I can maybe get where some of the problem with dryness is but the pain in the vagina is a real stopper, I can't take it so we don't do "it". This problem is sure a stressful one!!! Thanks all for sharing. I started on new medication yesterday, since we starting new I don't think the amount is enough. I am having a pretty rough time right now.

I'm sure this is all very difficult http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif Hang in there and keep working toward finding answers. They're out there somewhere.

Hi Bee,KM,Jujutou and Judy http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Bee, I have said to Elaine to get her backside onto the puter chair and write.. She loves to look in but thinks that she doesn't have anything to contribute.. Do you believe that,, The amount of pain she has and the inventivness that she has is amazing http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

She say's she will write soon though, dont want to pressure her so will leave it be and she WILL do it in her own time. She is looking over my shoulder as I write this and suggests to Judy that she might want to try Viacreme (The Female equivalent of Viagra) as it has anasthetic type qualities.

I can't remember if I wrote about it before but will mention again that you can get it by order on the internet.. It comes in small tubes and on squeezing it looks like clear KY Jelly.. As said it has anasthetic type qualities and is very good as a lubricant.. It comes with full instructions, but for the uninitiated the Man puts a drop on the end of his finger and gently rubs about a quarter of an inch below the clitoris for about 10 mins... After that the stuff takes effect by giving off heat and tingling sensations which are very good indeed Elaine say's.

Another application it is good for is anal penetration Judy.. Sorry did I make you blush there http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif It may be beneficial for you if your vagina continues to be too sore, but obviously it depends on your preferences.

I do not mean to be offensive nor to embarass anyone, if I have done then I appologise unreservedly but my aim is to tell it the way it is in an true and adult fashion.

As for sleeping in seperate beds.. Elaine and I sleep in seperate beds due to her having had an operation on both feet due to her ongoing Rheumatoid Arthritis.. couldn't have me bumbing against them... This doesn't affect the way we feel about each other nor does it interfere with our sex life, it is for the time being just the way it is.

I have heard quite a lot of people say they feel quilty about not being able tp have an active sex life due to pain, numbness or whatever... Please try not to appologise as in my opinion it is far better to talk openly about it with your partners and get it out into the open. That way each of our partners understands the limitations that we may have and then together I am sure each of you can work out a way with your partners to go some way to maintaining a partly active sex life. The point is, as Bee said each of us has to be adventurous and there is more to sex than intercourse.. There is holding,carressing,cuddling, kissing, licking... Get the message http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I will bid you all a good evening, time here 00:38 am getting tired, off to give Elaine a Kiss and Cuddle then off to bed seperately, well we will just have to wait and see after the Kiss and Cuddle eh!!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif for now friends,

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to ALL,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Numbness

[This message has been edited by DavyD (edited 11-19-2002).]

Davy,
No I did'nt blush!!! Nothin much makes me blush these day. Thanks on the info on the cream. I talked with hubby about the situation. He claims he don't need sex that much. Once in a while would be ok, but no big deal he say!!! He is 10 years older than I (whether that makes a difference, I don't know, probably depends on individual) He is a great man and is sooooooo good to me, if I was wealthy I'd be queen!!! he says I am queen of his world. I just don't know if I can really believe him. He is probably saying that just so I'll relax! He never approaces me for it. Now is that a great man or what? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif These new meds I am on is not kicking in very fast, I have had a very rought and depressing day. I have prayed for my friends, thanked Him for all his blessings and ask for forgivness of all I've done and for what I don't know I did. If the Lord takes me now, it's ok by me. Thanks for chatting with me, I hope you all know how uplifting it is. I'm going to try to get some sleep, did not sleep good last night so maybe I will crash tonight. Check with ya'll tomorrow.
Judy http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Hi Judy http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I hope you have a very restfull sleep and have lovely sweet dreams.

Your Husband sounds a very good man indeed, and I am quite sure that his saying you are his Queen is not just words, I suspect it is from his heart.

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to you nad yours Judy,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Numbness

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 15 YRS. AND HAVE NOTHAD SEX IN 2YRS. DUE TO HIS BACK AND NECK PROBLEMS AND DUE TO THE FACT THE DRS. HAVE MADE ADRUG ADDICT OUT OF HIM.BUT DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE CANT DO THE WILD THING WE HAVE GOTTEN CLOSER AND FEEL IN LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN. HE SAYS BECAUSE I AM SO KIND AND PATIENT AND CARING AND I AM ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM. NOW I HAVE INJURED MY BACK TOO. I AM GLAD I HAVE BEEN THAT WAY TO HIM AND NEVER *****ED AT HIM. WE KNOW WE LOVE EACH OTHER AND ALWAYS WILL BE HERE FOR EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT.YES ILOVE SEX AND MISS IT EVERYDAY BUT SEX ISNT EVERTHING .......BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER ...NO MATTER WHAT ...THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love2.gif

Hi everyone. As some of you know my husband had back surgery. He was in a car accident two years ago today. Last Nov. He had the surgery on his neck with the medel plate. This Nov. was the lower back. We have 5 children together, blended and our youngest in now 7.
We had a great sex life. It was long inbetween mainly because on the youngest, but still good when we had it. He has always been extremely patient with me when I had the baby, when I had surgery and so on. Never agressive always understanding. However we rarely discuss sexed before he is kinda old fashioned. I am not sure how to bring this issue up. I do not want to hurt his ego. Or make him depressed. Before this last surgery somethings have changed. You know position, and strength and stuff. I miss that. I am not in his shoes. I thought some of you may help me. I am 39.
I really miss sex sometimes. any advice. What should I do?? Will we ever be able to have what we use to?
Ceya

You need to change your expectations before the both of you suffer!!

We change, even those without back problems or surgeries, we all change,...we grow, we get old, we develop aches and pains, we change our minds, the things we once enjoyed are now annoying to us,...it is life. If you cannot change with the ones you love, if you cannot enter into and create a new love, if you continue to expect things and people and events to be what they once were, -- you will be sadly disappointed and very alone.

Old fashioned or not, this needs talking about. With him, more importantly, than us. Try role reversal and imagine instead of thinking how your needs are not being met -- think of how he is feeling knowing he is not pleasing you. He may feel like a failure, he may feel embarassed, he may feel emasculated, he may be fearful or apprehensive, he may feel angry, or depressed. If on top of all this you add the burden of your unmet sexual needs, you may just serve to add to his frustrations.

Have you considered talking with him, about HIS needs? Try it because chances are he'll be more receptive to FIRST talking about what he would like, how he feels, what makes him feel good and aroused and inspired...it's a place to start and grow from. FROM there, a comfort level can be created to delve into your needs. I'm not suggesting your needs get squashed, I'm just suggesting you reverse the order in which you are approaching this.

He sounds like a very gentle, patient, loving man, and it would be ashame to avoid discussing this very important issue, or ashame to attack it, or put him on the defensive,... it sounds like you have a great family and it is deserving of some giving attention.

Sometimes our needs get met in the best way when we first attempt to meet the needs of others. Thing is we usually don't approach it this way, we try to get our needs met first, and in doing so, without realizing it, can actually repel the very person we're trying to get close to.

Thank you for your advice I fully agree with you. That is one reason I wanted to hear from you. You are in a similiar place as he is. I would never want to hurt is ego or make him feel like he is not statisfing me. Besides I am scared to hug him fear it may hurt him. Just needed some help if I should discuss this or wait. You are right about him being a very wonderful man. I would never want to make him feel less.
Thank you,
Ceya

Let me rephrase my statement. I think what I am tring to say is I miss intimacy. The closeness. Not so much physical, maybe touching (close contact) or is this not a good idea?
Ceya

Ceya, I think it's a very good idea, and it's beautiful to see that it isn't just the sex but also the closeness you miss. Men think a little differently than women do. They are more "goal" oriented, we are more "action" oriented. So to a man if he isn't hitting home base, he feels he's let you down and that he himself isn't scoring. It's important to recognize that even though it's different for you, that you don't necessarily need that, - it's important to realize that he does. Seeing things from his perspective, and what is important to him -- as well as what is important to you.

Communication is key, it really works. Just be patient but don't give up. Persevere and talk and above all else, listen! Stay close, God bless.

Thanks. I think I will continue to set back and see if he will talk about things on his own.
Merry Christmas,
Ceya

Hi All,
I use to be here as you all are. Most times I just visit and read mainly because at the state most of you all are in at the time No one can be feeling the same as you at this time, Remember I was there 3 years ago. This Topic was something that was and still is in my mined only I have to live with it.
To give you a run down here, I'm 38 male was an active guy worked as a contractor. I had an accident back in the yearly /90's and lived with pain for years. It was bad most people would say I put it on, so on most part I never talked about it and covered it up. I also loved a sex life as most do and always thought of myself as being good at it,or is it normal for women to tell you (your very Good) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif Well my sex life went down hill slowly untill at one point I could not even think of it, because the pain was so bad ! I fell off my feet one day and it was all over Surgery was the only way to the lower back.
L5-S1 fusion with the Disc out and Caged and 2 rods added. Well life was not normal for I would say a good year, but I ended up on my feet with no Med's ,walking, working feeling good again with (almost) No pain.3 years and I'm back to work lifting anything I did before, I know of my limits , but life is normal and great BUT my SEX life.
It is not the same and has never came back, I still want sex,I like it but I have not got the stanima I had by know means. It seems no matter how much I try it is not there. Sex is not what it use to be, but I guess I have to live with it.

I read the post about ( cozy ) and really felt for her. I see both sides of the fence here. The frustration of her husband and what he is missing from the life he had. And Cozy the frustration she has because she can't win with either problem. The problem is her husband has looked past her problems, because he has a problem now.
If her husband could read this as I comment on this and her post.
My friend, I understand your thoughts, feelings and frustrations because I'm a guy and was at one time in the same boots as you,I believe.
You have a wife that stands or stood by you most times. Now in your life your wife has a problem with something that she has no control at all. Beleive me with time it will get better,Stand by her when she needs you.
I see this is real late but I hope it can help others in thoughts that are in your mind.

Hi AJ,
I really appreciate your post. you sound very much like the problem that my husband recently has. he just had the surgery in Nov. similar to what you discribed. I was hoping for a male point of veiw. You see I do not want to ever step on his ego. I know that it will take time for him to recover. You have given me hope. Maybe in a year he can also back to some normalness. I am will to change position or what ever. I know this may sound alittle personnel, sorry. I hope I do not offend anyone. I just really needed to see how things where for the other point of view. My husband likes to put up a brave front. He doesn't like to talk much about his problems and concerns. Of course me I think we need to sometimes talk about our future and what to expect. Thanks so much.
Ceya

Hi All,

Just read the over 90 replies to original message re sex. I won't repeat what all have said...as I agree with everyone about the drive-pain-etc. I am a 41 yr old female and have been married for 10 years (known hubby for 28 years). My hubby had the patience of a saint until 6 months post-I.D.E.T. Then things started to get broken (slammed against the wall). Talking stopped that behavior, as well as some investigations on my part.

For those with numbness in the perinium (that is the medical terminology)--much easier to say rather than the groin area, vagina, etc. I had an inverted hernia with 2 completely ruptured disks at L4-L5 and L5-S1. Disks were rebuilt using Nucleoplasty and Intra-Discal Injections and then "burned" with the I.D.E.T. procedure. Surgery was in February 2002. Have since gotten back feeling and have reinstigated relations with hubby. But ONLY after lots of PT and work on my part. PELVIC TILTS. If you want to gain feeling back before/during/after sex.....PELVIC TILTS. ESPECIALLY if you can maintain the pelvic tilt during sex (a trick, but can be done after strength exercises). ICE your back pre-sex...this will take the swelling down and give your nerve there a little breathing room. Try aroma therapy (Jasmine is a good one to start with) or natural remedies (there are some very good herbs out there to help with sexual dysfunction). A great back massage pre-sex can be quite helpful too! Hope I've given some ideas to other fellow-sufferers. Good luck!

Hi Merrida and ALL,

Your reply to Ceya 17/12 was to say the least excellent and the reply's to same http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

It is so very important to realise that we sufferers have to remain close to our partners and more importantly to keep all lines of communication open.
In this way we grow into a more loving and meaningfull relationship and I suppose re-learn that we (Partners) are each others best friends.Selfless "is" the key word I would suggest, and not selfish.

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to you ALL and Merry Xmas and Happy New Year http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif for now,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Numbness

Thanks to All.
Davy I appreciate your reply. I hope that no one is offended by asking you this questions. You have provided me with a little more insight into my husbands problems and pain.
Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a better than ever new year.
Ceya

Hmm, I just started getting this "numbness" a few weeks ago. My doc said to just be aware of pain, function, and sensation (or loss there of) in everything from the belly button to the groin. I've been trying to explain it away, thinking it was psychological, maybe depression over this and other health problems I am dealing with, not to mention the fact I'm on pain meds... but then I'd think, well, none of the other factors have changed, nothing new introduced....so what the heck is THIS all about?

It isn't like all sensation is gone, it just feels like trying to talk after novocaine injections.... you can still feel things, but they feel different.

I'm hoping this is temporary just related to a flare up. I really am.

Hi Merrida http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Have you talked to your Doc about this new development???
Numbness in this area points to a deterioration in the nerves serving this area.

I had this numbness in the groin area and your description of the novacain feeling is spot on. As you may well know I also had it in both legs and since my surgery things have improved considerably including my impotence problem. Prior to surgery I had to use Viagra as I was totaly flacid, now I can manage very well without the aid of chemical assistance.

I think I am correct in saying that you want to avoid surgery at all costs reading from some of your previous posts?? I would suggest a consultation with a Neurologist and a further MRI should you already have had one.
To be honest I am a bit concerned at this latest development you have and I feel you should have it checked out sooner rather than later.

This is not intended to scare you, this is merely my opinion based on MY experience.

I wish you and yours a Merry Xmas and a Happy Hogmany http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif for now,

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to ALL,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Numbness, but in the past month or so has eased considerably... YES!!!!

Merrida,Hi!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

DavyD knows my "case" quite well, as I write on the Spinal Cord posts a lot, and felt I had to tell you a little of MY experience with numbness etc. to give you some thoughts which may help you?
I only wish I had known others like myself when it all happened to me !!

Merrida, over 3 years ago ( November)I began having numbness "inside" the vaginal area, but just thought " Oh, it must be my libido or something ?" and tried different sexual positions to try and help.. .. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/eek.gif

but by the following February I knew that I was in trouble, as I had patches of numbness all over different areas,like my breast,stomach,back, ribs, legs, feet, etc.and was sent to a Neurosurgeon.

Eventually , MRI and CAT scans were done and showed up a massive area of Calcification growing (it was very rare where I had it, he said, on T7/T8/T9 areas) ,
squashing the Spinal Cord, which stopped messages of sensations to reach the Brain , including the ability to feel sexual intimacy with my husband.
Going to the Toilet (not realizing I needed to go !! in a rush was also a problem at times , and possibly other things I hadn't realised .

I see Davy mentioned you didn't want any surgery , and you very well may not EVER need it depending on what is causing your problem?.. I'm not familiar with your posts or history on here, but in my case I did need it.
I haven't fully resolved the "feeling" problem yet, due to lots of residual back pain and medications this time ,but I believe there is some sensation coming back. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I am telling you this just to let you realize that I am sure you are NOT imagining it ( which is what I initially thought too!)
but it may be VERY IMPORTANT that you get seen by a Neurologist for investigation Like Davy said?
It could be a simple little thing happening to you or maybe more needs to be followed up?..

Whatever you choose to do, Merrida., Good Luck http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif .. I will check in to see how you are going again.
You could look me up way back on the Spinal Cord pages too?
They are VERY supportive there too!!..
Love http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Belle NZ xxx
PS
I am adding on here the feeling you describe as "I can still feel something but it's not the same as before , like Novacaine).. that is what I felt too.

Like.. drying myself with a towel after shower .. a strange feeling, ... it was "like something was touching the skin ,.."there, but "NOT" there?".
does that describe what you mean, Merrida?"..

Don't be frightened as it's better to be informed rather than just worrying and worrying all the time .. go and see about it, Sweetheart .I'll be thinking of you, ok?
Here's a big 'HUG' for You !!..

Also , 'Merry Christmas' to all those who may remember me on here before!!..

Belle NZ
------------------
A Friend!

[This message has been edited by belle0050 (edited 12-28-2002).]

Hi Belle, http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

Long time, no talk, I do see your postings on the spinal cord disorders page, you are such a great help to everyone over there. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I don't have any problems on this topic of conversation, other than I can't remember the last time we did it, just kidding, it was a few days before my lumbar fusion on 12/6/02 http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif
Not sure when we will "do it" again though ! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I just wanted to say that I think your posting to Merrida is very well written, and you really are speaking from your heart.
You have once again taken the time out of your busy life, to give somebody some much needed support and advice.
I hope you get good things in return, such as 100% pain relief, and many more good things to come your way.

It sounds as though you both are having a terrible time dealing with this issue, and I'm sorry to hear that, I hope things improve each and every day.

I will be praying for you both http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

Have a terrific, fun filled weekend, and a Very Happy New Year !

Take care,
Baxter http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love2.gif

Hi Baxter!! and Merrida .. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

Thank you for your kind thoughts Baxter .. it means a lot.
You are right.. I am concerned, like DavyD, that Merrida get checked and not left too long with her problems.??

I haven't told anyone of some of the things I/we are going thru in my home.,...
like just recently
We had a nice cuddle (as I told my husband, Women need to feel Loved, too)
..

the cuddle was nice but my resulting leg spasms were not as anticipated !!,..
He gave up!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_down.gif

He lost his cool and that was the end !!
I know others would say
"Stuff him!.. what about YOU?" etc. but I do feel bad that he's in this position.
He wants the best for both of us,and I know that . http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif
and I should be thankful for that !!
Thanks again Baxter for your support on here http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love1.gif ..
Good luck Merrida xxx
Love Belle NZ

PS. 5 Jan 03. 12.39 am.
I have edited this post as I feel a bit embarassed I may have said too much ??.. Some people may not like my openess , I don't know ? Yet I know it is the only place I can confide in.?
I won't apologise as I tell others not to .. but I've removed some of the text , makes me feel a bit less explicit; I realized it after I posted ..
Thanks anyway ..
------------------
A Friend!

[This message has been edited by belle0050 (edited 01-04-2003).]

Hi Belle, http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

I'm sorry that "doing it" didn't quite work out for you both just yet.

I believe things always happen for a reason, so please don't get discouraged, things will certainly work out in time, when the body is ready http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I feel the same as you do, in respect to my Hubby's feelings, he is really more understanding than I, and it bothers me, more than him.
He says I make too big of a deal out if it, so we don't discuss it as often now, especially now that I'm three weeks post-op two level lumbar fusion http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
My incision is fifteen inches long, from the top of the butt crack, all the way to the bra line.
Not to mention, that is most of my entire back, as I'm only five feet tall !
So, now you can see, why he is so patient with me. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

I just remind him that when we said our vows, we agreed to take care of each other, in sickness, and in health.
This is so much part of that, for sure !

The poor guy, he doesn't see "it" much.
I have had thirteen back procedures over the past 2 years, and then to make matters worse, I just had a tubal a few months ago, so yes, yet another sex delay http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif

He never complains, we actually try to joke about it most times.
He knows I will be better soon, and can wait until I am fully ready.

I wish you both continued success in your recovery and goals, and hope you have a very happy new year.

Toast, To 2003 http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif

Take Care,
Baxter http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love2.gif

[This message has been edited by BAXTER (edited 12-29-2002).]

Hey ppls I really dotn know what to say to u every thing i am giong through u allr also. I like to be in charge when it comes to the sex thing for 2 years now i havent been able to i feel guilty about what i am diong to my partner and there r heaps of other feelings that i brush aside. It is so hard to find someone that u connect with and something like this happens and turns ur world upside down again. It is not good and not fair. But to accept this as the rest of our lives is hard to do. When it comes to times when my hubby wants a bit then i just bit my teeth and bear it i know that is not nice but it is not very often we do and i am starting to get the numbness in that area and it is very concerning to me cause it is taking forever. Ijust end up brushing him away and thats it. We have experemented in other ways but it makes me feel like i am not being the woman he wants or needs. We both talk alot to eachother and support each other but without the sex or very little sex i often wonder where it is gonna lead. I now know i am not the only one who is giong through this so with that i am giong to have a look at the spinaldisorder page and chin up i am hoping things get better soon.
Cheers tracie

Hi All! and Trace! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

Just want to say here it is so nice to know we are not alone with this anyway , there must be MANY people having this same unhappy circumstance yet no one talks about it do they .?

We have to do it "behind the scenes " where we feel comfortable , and anonymous eh?..
Thank God for the Message Board .. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif to vent our worries !!
Love Belle NZ xxx http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

------------------
A Friend!

Hi All, http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

DITTO http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Have A Great New Years, Here Is A Toast To All http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif

Be Well,
Baxter http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif

------------------
Two level laminectomy fusion L5-S1 & L2-3 done on 12/6/02.
Fifteen inch scar from the very top of butt crack (sorry), to the bra line.
BAK cages, rods & screws.
My pelvic bone was used for grafting. Titanium was also used.
Praying that the other two discs in between, won't have to be fused later, as I was told it was a possibility, due to the other two discs not being in that great of shape.
Doc didn't want to fuse four levels, unless it is really needed.

Hi Belle,Baxter, Merida, Trace and ALL...

Does anyone know if Merrida has got around to reading our reply's yet??? Numbness in this area NEEDS investigation.

Belle, did hubby not like the feeling when your leg went into spasm http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/jester.gif

Like Baxter I wish each of you all the very best this "Hogmany" 2003

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to ALL,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Numbness, but in the past month or so has eased considerably... YES!!!!

Hi Davy, http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

I haven't heard a peep from Merrida.
I hope she is doing well, maybe she is just busy.

Davy,

We are looking for a few good men to post more on the boards, you fit the bill perfectly http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif I miss seeing all of the good advice you have to share.

I just assumed you are very busy lately, but would love to have you stop in more often if possible.

How have you been feeling lately ?
I hope all is well with you and your family http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Nice to hear from you http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif

Have a great evening, and take care,
Baxter

Us girls, have been discussing where all the men have gone, I hope we didn't scare them away.

We are also wondering the stats of men vs. women, in regards to back problems.




------------------
Two level laminectomy fusion L5-S1 & L2-3 done on 12/6/02.
Fifteen inch scar from the very top of butt crack (sorry), to the bra line.
BAK cages, rods & screws.
My pelvic bone was used for grafting. Titanium was also used.
Praying that the other two discs in between, won't have to be fused later, as I was told it was a possibility, due to the other two discs not being in that great of shape.
Doc didn't want to fuse four levels, unless it is really needed.

Hi Baxter, Davy and Friends ! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

Well the New Year celebrations have been and gone and we are beginning to get back to a normal life !
I hope it has been good for You All ? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif Just wanted to say I added a wee PS. onto my last Post ( Read ABOVE here ^ ) regarding my unsucessful escapade" with my husband ,as I later felt embarassed I'd said too much, so altered it ..
Just to make myself feel a bit better http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif..

Anyway , I hope everyone is well as possible?? .. Love Belle xxx http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

------------------
A Friend!

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/jester.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif Have followed this post all evening,
Love your reply's: DaveD,Oliver-Dove,Dayna5,Vikki,
and all others that I forgot the names of (nothing personal!!) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif . I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all the sensible advice given, good on ya for speaking up on a sensitive topic! I have many of the same problems discussed,ie. some loss of sensation in
lower pelvic area, I had an operation in dec-96 Lamin/disc. Doc. said it was a very difficult op.
because of, among other things, severe scartissue formation already present. This op. did at first seem to ease the pain, (on some heavy painmeds,)but never really helped in the long run. Probably it's my own fault for not "taking it easy" as I should have.
Anyway, the first year was not so bad ,compared to what followed.
You see, I thought I was "superwoman", and couldn't let go of the image of myself as beeing as strong as the next guy! Of course this attitude brought me right back to where I started. In short, I thought I could work again as usual,(heavy lifting and carrying). Oh boy, did I have to learn FAST that it's NOT the done thing,. Please you people out there,listen to your doc. and dont start working again too soon,I'm living proof of that. Thanks all for your great input,it's
really made my day! Forgive me for rambling on...Lisa


[This message has been edited by AussieLisa (edited 01-05-2003).]

[This message has been edited by AussieLisa (edited 01-05-2003).]

Welcome Aussie Lisa to our Posts ! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif
I saw you replied to Renee016 about her fear of her possibly becoming unable to move and read your reply.
Yes many of us have this fear I think with Back and Spinal Problems , it is nice to have someone to ask or vent on here , just to share it with eh?

I have been through 3 years of Hell ( THERE!! I'm going to say it now!!) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

I've NEVER described it like that ever before, as I wanted to be/.... /sound / stay POSITIVE , like everyone expects me to , but I'm Sick of it at the moment .. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif my leg is not going good and I'm sick of people trying to make me believe it's all going to turn out wonderful like a B..... Fairytale .. When I'm sorry I have my doubts .!!

I'm NOT being NEGATIVE, but I need the Drs to be HONEST and Physios to open their eyes to the TRUTH!!

I see the Neuro Surgeon (if the appt. happens!) next week 15th, and I'm going to ask him .. what progress does he see now compared to my op 6 months ago ?!!
It will be interesting .

I AM SORRY to vent so badly tonight on here but I can hardly walk, so what am I supposed to think, eh?
Any way , it's got off the subject hasn't it , So hello Aussie Lisa .. Glad you like the messages ..

Hope you enjoy the friendship on here .
Try the Spinal Cord Disorders posts too http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
..A great Bunch of Guys over there too .. !!
Love Belle NZ xxx

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A Friend!

Thanks to all for starting this discussion and the honest sharing that followed. I have spina-bifida, scoliosis and, among other things, a tethered spinal cord which has, in the past two years, caused me to lose a significant amount of motor functioning. I also have an active 3-year-old son. So at the end of the day, when my pain is the greatest, sex is the absolute last thing on my mind. I sympathize with Cozy who mentioned (way, way back on this thread!) that her husband is angry and unsympathetic. My husband does not have "hissy fits", but is mostly passive-agressive about the whole thing. It's terrible to say, but I dread every night when the time comes for him to go to bed, because I know the question is out there in the air, without him having to say a word, and I know that I cannot generate the energy to comply. Also, due to the spinal cord issues, which I've had from birth, I've never been sure if my sexual sensations have ever been normal. They are normal to me, I guess, and I do enjoy sex when I'm in the midst of it...it's just mustering the strength to get there that is the most daunting for me.

You guys are great...God, what a relief! Thanks...franjo

Hi, everyone. Just wanted to pass along the name of a book which has a good chapter on this subject: the book is "Your Aching Back". It's by Augustus White, MD.He is an ortho surgeon/spine specialist who is professor of ortho surgery at Harvard. The chapter is called "Sex and the Aching Back". Worth reading. (publisher is Simon and Schuster, NY. Paperback, 14 us dollars. A little old - 1990 - but can this subject have changed much in that time?)

Originally posted by DavyD:
Hi ALL,

Between Belle and I (With Belle starting the discussion)over in The Spinal Disorders Board(Heading,Davy's surgery 6th or 7th Aug) we have started a discussion on how our pain and numbness has affected our sex lives.
Bee,Purple and others have contributed and I personaly think it's about time that this taboo subject was broached.

Consider this!! It affects a great deal of us and when putting the neccessary questions to our Doc's, they seem to clam up and offer little or no advice.

Hope this even helps one sufferer,

Love to ALL

Davy

Hi DavyD, et al http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

Great topic! I feel I've been really fortunate in this area. I husband and I were married less than a year ago and he has been really understanding about this.

We have experimented with positions, etc. and have been lucky to find some that work without causing me pain. On top might work for some back pain sufferers but it doesn't work for me because of pain in my hip and knee joints. We found putting a couple of pillows under my buttocks worked for us. And I bet the spoon position would work fine too. Another thing to consider is having alternative sex. Well, that doesn't seem quite the right term to express what I mean! What I'm talking about is having sex that doesn't necessary include penetration. Kissing. cuddling, nuzzling, necking, massage, masturbation, etc. is what I'm referring to. Pretend that you and your partner are teenagers who aren't allowed to have "sex" and see what ways you can come up with to pleasure each other. Sex therapists often recommend this method for couples who sex life has gone http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_down.gif so maybe it will work for those whose sex lives are on hold because of pain?

I have been lucky enough not to experience numbness in my genital area except during the very height of this episode (back in May) and then it was only a slight numbness/needles and pins sensation on the left labia. As the inflamation of the sciatic nerve decreased, I regained full sensation in that area.

I hope I've not offended/embarrassed anyone with my frankness http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif I used to work as a social worker for child protective services and one of my many duties was to visit all pregnant teens and their inseminators and explain to them why they shouldn't be having unprotected sex http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif I had to explain to them all about various STDs etc, also. After doing this, and answering their questions, one tends to find it easier to be frank about sexual matters. And one learns how important it is to share information, especially on topics that people are normally too embarrassed to discuss!

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif kvanrijn

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History:
Severe pain lower back & left leg/foot beginning 5/2002
Numbness & loss of some movement in left foot 5/2002
MRI 8/2002 results:
DDD with annular tears at L4-5 and L5-S1.
Large left paramedian disc extrusion at L5-S1 which results in mass effect on left S1 nerve root and left side of thecal sac.

not to sound wiered or anything but I just went throught 4 vertabre L5 and up fusion with hardware surgury 9-16-03, and was scared of this very topic
but the other day , my first bowel movement ouch!
somthing strange happened pushing so hard seems to have triggered an orgasm! curious I tried masterbating
and found that I had more pressure than ever before
freeky but I actually think I am better than I ever was in the past! cant wait to sleep with the wife again! been a long time!

:wave: Hi Belle NZ here .

It's now Nov. 2003, and I decided to bring up an old post from last year for those who may like read & to share the above subject

This here is ...Part 2.. of this subject ,

Go over to Spinal Cord Disorders page and look for the beginning ,

....Part 1 ...Titled " Davy's surgery 6th or 7th Aug."