seekingnormal05
08-07-2004, 10:58 AM
Three years ago today I weighted 364.7 pounds. Exactly.
A co-worker had had gastric bypass one year earlier and had spent the year telling me her story and trying to get me to have the surgery. I went for the consultation. I decided to give it one more try without the surgery with the promise to myself that if I could not succeed, I would have the proceedure.
So, on August 7, 2001, I started.
This morning I weighted in at 218.5 pounds. Exactly. :) (Compulsive weigher here. :rolleyes: )
So I thought I'd post my story for anyone who's got this decision to make.
The good news is that I've lost weight. The bad news is that I lost it all in the first two years. I've been stuck now for slightly over 1 year.
However, the glass being half full, I have not gained any weight back in the past year.
So, like most things in life, there's no pat answer. I'm very proud of what I've accomplished. I gave myself back a life I never thought I'd have. But, there are days I deeply regret not having the surgery. For me, hunger is a daily issue. I've had to learn to overcome my body's basic desire to be filled. It's not an issue of cravings, which my friend still has. It's actual hunger. Many, many times I get depressed in realizing that if I'd gone the bypass route, I would have at least had that comfort on my side.
On it's own, contrary to popular believe, the stomach does not "shrink". You do adjust to smaller quanties of food, but it's not like having that space removed. I can't remember the last time I experience the sensation of being full. I can't. Because it has to become a distant thing. If I have it today, if I allow myself that today, I will want it tomorrow and the next day and the next......
I am convinced that before you have gastric bypass you must do an honest evaluation as to why you got large enough to need it. We tend to apply our own truths to the world. I know there are people who eat the perfect diet and still end up huge. I think that is rare. Most of us who end up huge eat too much. Maybe not so much as to "deserve" the weight we end up at, but certainly too much. Do you binge? Do you eat too many sweets? Do you overeat a bit each day?
Me, I am a binge eater. So I was very concerned about the damage I could do myself if I had the surgery and continued to binge. The surgery was not going to stop the need for me to binge since it's a stress thing and not really about the food. The doctors told me the surgery imposes bulimia on binge eaters. You simply cannot keep the food down. It comes back up. I hate to vomit so that seemed a fate worse than death. So I decided the surgery was not right for me.
I've tried it all. I can eat more going low carb but it's not the magic bullet for me that it seems to be for others. Good old fashion low cal with exercise (primarly walking) is what got me where I am. If I ever get to my goal, I intend for low carb to become my choice to maintain.
In the beginning my main concern was that I would not be able to maintain the weight loss which the doctor as the gastric center pretty much assured if I'd have the surgery. This was the proceedure where they take almost all of your stomach, not the one where you are banded. They say it's more likely to last. However, my friend who had the surgery has, in the past year, put about 35 pounds back on. She was never able to get to her goal weight. (Me neither.) If she levels out and stops gaining, it will still have been the right decision for her as she has still lost almost 100 pounds. If she keeps gaining, she says it will be even more devistating for having gone the route that was suppose to be almost impossible to fail.
My plan of action as of today is to give weight loss one more year. I only want to get 30 more pounds off. You wouldn't think that would be so impossible but it's proving to be a tough nut to crack. If I can't get there by my 4th anniversary, I am going to agree with my body that we are done and accept the 220ish weight. My dream is to get out of the plus side of the store but that may not happen. So I may just have to accept wearing the smallest size on that side of the store.
Good luck to all in this fight. It can be done. You can win. :angel:
Choose the method that is right for you and get started. You can give yourself back life!
A co-worker had had gastric bypass one year earlier and had spent the year telling me her story and trying to get me to have the surgery. I went for the consultation. I decided to give it one more try without the surgery with the promise to myself that if I could not succeed, I would have the proceedure.
So, on August 7, 2001, I started.
This morning I weighted in at 218.5 pounds. Exactly. :) (Compulsive weigher here. :rolleyes: )
So I thought I'd post my story for anyone who's got this decision to make.
The good news is that I've lost weight. The bad news is that I lost it all in the first two years. I've been stuck now for slightly over 1 year.
However, the glass being half full, I have not gained any weight back in the past year.
So, like most things in life, there's no pat answer. I'm very proud of what I've accomplished. I gave myself back a life I never thought I'd have. But, there are days I deeply regret not having the surgery. For me, hunger is a daily issue. I've had to learn to overcome my body's basic desire to be filled. It's not an issue of cravings, which my friend still has. It's actual hunger. Many, many times I get depressed in realizing that if I'd gone the bypass route, I would have at least had that comfort on my side.
On it's own, contrary to popular believe, the stomach does not "shrink". You do adjust to smaller quanties of food, but it's not like having that space removed. I can't remember the last time I experience the sensation of being full. I can't. Because it has to become a distant thing. If I have it today, if I allow myself that today, I will want it tomorrow and the next day and the next......
I am convinced that before you have gastric bypass you must do an honest evaluation as to why you got large enough to need it. We tend to apply our own truths to the world. I know there are people who eat the perfect diet and still end up huge. I think that is rare. Most of us who end up huge eat too much. Maybe not so much as to "deserve" the weight we end up at, but certainly too much. Do you binge? Do you eat too many sweets? Do you overeat a bit each day?
Me, I am a binge eater. So I was very concerned about the damage I could do myself if I had the surgery and continued to binge. The surgery was not going to stop the need for me to binge since it's a stress thing and not really about the food. The doctors told me the surgery imposes bulimia on binge eaters. You simply cannot keep the food down. It comes back up. I hate to vomit so that seemed a fate worse than death. So I decided the surgery was not right for me.
I've tried it all. I can eat more going low carb but it's not the magic bullet for me that it seems to be for others. Good old fashion low cal with exercise (primarly walking) is what got me where I am. If I ever get to my goal, I intend for low carb to become my choice to maintain.
In the beginning my main concern was that I would not be able to maintain the weight loss which the doctor as the gastric center pretty much assured if I'd have the surgery. This was the proceedure where they take almost all of your stomach, not the one where you are banded. They say it's more likely to last. However, my friend who had the surgery has, in the past year, put about 35 pounds back on. She was never able to get to her goal weight. (Me neither.) If she levels out and stops gaining, it will still have been the right decision for her as she has still lost almost 100 pounds. If she keeps gaining, she says it will be even more devistating for having gone the route that was suppose to be almost impossible to fail.
My plan of action as of today is to give weight loss one more year. I only want to get 30 more pounds off. You wouldn't think that would be so impossible but it's proving to be a tough nut to crack. If I can't get there by my 4th anniversary, I am going to agree with my body that we are done and accept the 220ish weight. My dream is to get out of the plus side of the store but that may not happen. So I may just have to accept wearing the smallest size on that side of the store.
Good luck to all in this fight. It can be done. You can win. :angel:
Choose the method that is right for you and get started. You can give yourself back life!
Sponsor
syndyhall
08-07-2004, 11:10 AM
5"7 and 245 my god I know exactly what you are going through. I would never have surgery I had brain surgery to remove a tumor, and I will never have it. Because I dont want to put my family through that. Everyday is a struggle and I am slowly loosing, it is like with any other addiction. One dau at a time. Or when it gets rough one hour at a time. Best of luck to you!!!
Avony
08-07-2004, 12:32 PM
wow, your story is inspiring! Congradulations on your dedication and committment, I think thats what gets most of us is wanting a quick fix (myself especially). I have been over weight all my life (now 25 yrs old) and its a misery because I always believe my life can be so much better if I were thinner, but like many others I think I make my life even worst because I am always on a constant campaign for quick weight loss. I am happy that you wrote your story and that you decided to take it one day at a time therefore ultimately reaching your goal to lose weight. I only wish I had the dedication and determination that you do.
Just a thought, you said that you are not losing anymore, maybe you should re work your stragety and maybe increase your calories because it might be that you are not getting enough calories...yes stranger as it might sounds.
Just a thought, you said that you are not losing anymore, maybe you should re work your stragety and maybe increase your calories because it might be that you are not getting enough calories...yes stranger as it might sounds.
Yvonn
08-07-2004, 07:33 PM
The key to losing weight and keeping it off, isn't surgery or the most fad of diets, its the desire and necessity to become healthy. If that means being 200 instead of 300 or whatever! I had the surgery, it's not the piece of cake everyone says it is. I've seen both sides, people that are true sucess stories and those who aren't. Me? I hope to be a success story, one day, but even if I can't lose all the 200 pounds I need to get to my goal weight, I will settle for being a healthy weight. As of this morning I've lost 66 pounds. I'm proud of it! I've tried diets and not had success. But what does feel great is knowing that I've already gotten rid of my sleep apnea, high blood pressure and can tell a difference in my knee and joint pain. I'm getting healthier instead of skinnier. My family is pleased with my loss, and always are a positive force in my life. Everyone needs a great support group to keep the focused.
So, Seeking....keep up the great work! If you don't ever have the surgery, thats ok as long as you are getting healthy and are happy with who you are. True beauty comes from within, and I can see your's from here. :)
Yvonn
So, Seeking....keep up the great work! If you don't ever have the surgery, thats ok as long as you are getting healthy and are happy with who you are. True beauty comes from within, and I can see your's from here. :)
Yvonn
seekingnormal05
08-08-2004, 09:09 AM
wow, your story is inspiring! Congradulations on your dedication and committment, I think thats what gets most of us is wanting a quick fix (myself especially). I have been over weight all my life (now 25 yrs old) and its a misery because I always believe my life can be so much better if I were thinner, but like many others I think I make my life even worst because I am always on a constant campaign for quick weight loss. I am happy that you wrote your story and that you decided to take it one day at a time therefore ultimately reaching your goal to lose weight. I only wish I had the dedication and determination that you do.
Just a thought, you said that you are not losing anymore, maybe you should re work your stragety and maybe increase your calories because it might be that you are not getting enough calories...yes stranger as it might sounds.
You're right. I think part of what got me in the mess is the way I eat. Diet for 2 weeks, three weeks, then binge a day. The day I'd binge, I'd gain like crazy because my body was storing every single ounce it could. But the long haul is very difficult. So many of us are driven by the number on the scale. (Me, for instance. :rolleyes: ) I think that if you are eating well, the best thing is to ignore the scales but the day I can do that will probably be the same day we officially have world peace! hahaha
As far as increasing my food, I've tried that.
Ummmm. Okay, here's painfully honest. I"m pretty sure this last 30 is only going to come off if I do both -- increase my calories slightly and -- oohhh man it hurts to type this --- increase my exercise.
I hate exercise. I don't mind doing activities like golf, bowling, going to the zoo and walking all day. But real, "go to the gym" exercise I hate. And I just don't get enough of the "fun" exercise to be making a dent.
Man the truth hurts! :D
Just a thought, you said that you are not losing anymore, maybe you should re work your stragety and maybe increase your calories because it might be that you are not getting enough calories...yes stranger as it might sounds.
You're right. I think part of what got me in the mess is the way I eat. Diet for 2 weeks, three weeks, then binge a day. The day I'd binge, I'd gain like crazy because my body was storing every single ounce it could. But the long haul is very difficult. So many of us are driven by the number on the scale. (Me, for instance. :rolleyes: ) I think that if you are eating well, the best thing is to ignore the scales but the day I can do that will probably be the same day we officially have world peace! hahaha
As far as increasing my food, I've tried that.
Ummmm. Okay, here's painfully honest. I"m pretty sure this last 30 is only going to come off if I do both -- increase my calories slightly and -- oohhh man it hurts to type this --- increase my exercise.
I hate exercise. I don't mind doing activities like golf, bowling, going to the zoo and walking all day. But real, "go to the gym" exercise I hate. And I just don't get enough of the "fun" exercise to be making a dent.
Man the truth hurts! :D
seekingnormal05
08-08-2004, 09:30 AM
The key to losing weight and keeping it off, isn't surgery or the most fad of diets, its the desire and necessity to become healthy. If that means being 200 instead of 300 or whatever! I had the surgery, it's not the piece of cake everyone says it is. I've seen both sides, people that are true sucess stories and those who aren't. Me? I hope to be a success story, one day, but even if I can't lose all the 200 pounds I need to get to my goal weight, I will settle for being a healthy weight. As of this morning I've lost 66 pounds. I'm proud of it! I've tried diets and not had success. But what does feel great is knowing that I've already gotten rid of my sleep apnea, high blood pressure and can tell a difference in my knee and joint pain. I'm getting healthier instead of skinnier. My family is pleased with my loss, and always are a positive force in my life. Everyone needs a great support group to keep the focused.
So, Seeking....keep up the great work! If you don't ever have the surgery, thats ok as long as you are getting healthy and are happy with who you are. True beauty comes from within, and I can see your's from here. :)
Yvonn
Sounds like you are ahead in this game.
And no, it's not a piece of cake. I think it's a front end/back end thing. I did not want the pain/trama on the front end, so I decided I'd put up with the emptyness the rest of my life.
My friend knew she could not do the emptyness, but was strong enough to get through the surgery. It was not the laproscopic version and there was a lot of discomfort involved. I could not put myself through that without trying one more time. And, as you know, the first 6 months are rough.
And man, I sure hope I never have to have the surgery. At least in my state you have to be 100 pounds overweight to have it. I'm 5-8, so even though I weigh 216 (yea, a loss today), I'm not 100 pounds overweight. I wear a size 14 or 16 and am very happy with that. So if I ever do need the surgery now, it will mean I've failed miserably. And I can't tell you how much I pray that never happens.
For the record, there are 6 people where I work who have had GBS. One almost died 2 years later from rupturing her stomach back out. My friend has now lost slightly over 100 pounds. Even tho she is still pretty overweight, it has given her back her life.
Three are mid-range success stories. They have not gotten to their "goals" but they are all doing much better now than they were a few years ago. Guessing I'd say they each could lose another 25 to 50 pounds. They are now "normal" overweight.
One is a man and, of course, he's now reed thin. I just think weight loss, regardless of method, is easier for men.
The only thing I hear any of them complain about is the problem with almost cronic diarehhia (sp?). And the center never told me there'd be a problem with that unless I ate sugar. But they all say that's been a long term issue.
So, Seeking....keep up the great work! If you don't ever have the surgery, thats ok as long as you are getting healthy and are happy with who you are. True beauty comes from within, and I can see your's from here. :)
Yvonn
Sounds like you are ahead in this game.
And no, it's not a piece of cake. I think it's a front end/back end thing. I did not want the pain/trama on the front end, so I decided I'd put up with the emptyness the rest of my life.
My friend knew she could not do the emptyness, but was strong enough to get through the surgery. It was not the laproscopic version and there was a lot of discomfort involved. I could not put myself through that without trying one more time. And, as you know, the first 6 months are rough.
And man, I sure hope I never have to have the surgery. At least in my state you have to be 100 pounds overweight to have it. I'm 5-8, so even though I weigh 216 (yea, a loss today), I'm not 100 pounds overweight. I wear a size 14 or 16 and am very happy with that. So if I ever do need the surgery now, it will mean I've failed miserably. And I can't tell you how much I pray that never happens.
For the record, there are 6 people where I work who have had GBS. One almost died 2 years later from rupturing her stomach back out. My friend has now lost slightly over 100 pounds. Even tho she is still pretty overweight, it has given her back her life.
Three are mid-range success stories. They have not gotten to their "goals" but they are all doing much better now than they were a few years ago. Guessing I'd say they each could lose another 25 to 50 pounds. They are now "normal" overweight.
One is a man and, of course, he's now reed thin. I just think weight loss, regardless of method, is easier for men.
The only thing I hear any of them complain about is the problem with almost cronic diarehhia (sp?). And the center never told me there'd be a problem with that unless I ate sugar. But they all say that's been a long term issue.
Lindarella
08-09-2004, 11:04 AM
I can't remember the last time I experience the sensation of being full. I can't. Because it has to become a distant thing. If I have it today, if I allow myself that today, I will want it tomorrow and the next day and the next......
This is so very VERY true. I don't starve, and I'm not hungry all the time, but after 3 or so years of calorie restriction, I also can't remember the last time when I can say I felt full. I mean full like after a Thanksgiving meal. I miss feeling full. I think it is this simple feeling that causes nearly all diets to fail. About 6 months ago, my husband and I went and had this fantastic pizza. The thing was like 3 inches thick with cheese. I ate that pizza until I was stuffed. I still remember that day...how sad really.
My best friend had gastric bypass. She was in and out of the hospital several times for 4 months after the surgery. She went from 387 to 180. She wouldn't do it again. She can eat anything she wants, nothing makes her sick. She can eat sugar, fat, heck, anything. She eats about 1200 calories a day. She still wants to stuff her face with food but she's scared, just like you are, that one day of screwing up will doom her. She exercises 2 hours a day. Who could keep that up? She said if she could have eaten 1200 cals a day and exercised for 2 hours on her own, she wouldn’t have needed the surgery in the first place. She leaves her house to go walking at the mall and is afraid to go home because she's afraid she will get bored and start eating. Just because they can fix your stomach to hold less, doesn't mean they can fix your mind to fix whatever it was that made you fat in the first place. It's such a headgame. She’s angry that it’s still a daily struggle.
This is so very VERY true. I don't starve, and I'm not hungry all the time, but after 3 or so years of calorie restriction, I also can't remember the last time when I can say I felt full. I mean full like after a Thanksgiving meal. I miss feeling full. I think it is this simple feeling that causes nearly all diets to fail. About 6 months ago, my husband and I went and had this fantastic pizza. The thing was like 3 inches thick with cheese. I ate that pizza until I was stuffed. I still remember that day...how sad really.
My best friend had gastric bypass. She was in and out of the hospital several times for 4 months after the surgery. She went from 387 to 180. She wouldn't do it again. She can eat anything she wants, nothing makes her sick. She can eat sugar, fat, heck, anything. She eats about 1200 calories a day. She still wants to stuff her face with food but she's scared, just like you are, that one day of screwing up will doom her. She exercises 2 hours a day. Who could keep that up? She said if she could have eaten 1200 cals a day and exercised for 2 hours on her own, she wouldn’t have needed the surgery in the first place. She leaves her house to go walking at the mall and is afraid to go home because she's afraid she will get bored and start eating. Just because they can fix your stomach to hold less, doesn't mean they can fix your mind to fix whatever it was that made you fat in the first place. It's such a headgame. She’s angry that it’s still a daily struggle.
Lindarella
08-09-2004, 11:04 AM
Double post---oopsie. :wave:
Avony
08-09-2004, 12:56 PM
Just because they can fix your stomach to hold less, doesn't mean they can fix your mind to fix whatever it was that made you fat in the first place. It's such a headgame. She’s angry that it’s still a daily struggle.
I agree with this whole heartly, because I know for me personally, it much more than restriciting calories...I know what I have to do, should do and for most of the day/week I do eat correctly and exercise but the littliest emotional trigger, I try to comfort myself by going to the store and buying junk food or taking a trip to the nearest fast food place. This is a struggle it is more than just dieting and for me more of an emotional struggle that I know goes back to my child hood.
I just wish I knew when to begin to get help!
I agree with this whole heartly, because I know for me personally, it much more than restriciting calories...I know what I have to do, should do and for most of the day/week I do eat correctly and exercise but the littliest emotional trigger, I try to comfort myself by going to the store and buying junk food or taking a trip to the nearest fast food place. This is a struggle it is more than just dieting and for me more of an emotional struggle that I know goes back to my child hood.
I just wish I knew when to begin to get help!
nikki2kids
08-09-2004, 03:34 PM
Seekingnormal, your story is very inspiring. You have come such a long way. I started out at 226 and so many times I wanted to give up because the weight loss seemd like such an impossible thing. I didn't give up and I'm now down to 165. I'm short, so I still need to lose another 30 lbs or so. Eventhough I've lost 60, the 30 I need to lose seems so much. I know I can't give up trying because I need to do it for my health and my joints. I just wanted to commend you on coming so far. I know what you mean about wanting to feel the fullness. I have to admit, I have not been able to go 7 days without taking one day to stuff myself. It's terrible when I do that because I practically undo a weeks worth of effort but it's almost like I can't help myself. That's also probably why I have lost so slowly. I take a couple of steps forward and one step back. Oh well.
Bottom line, just keep at it. Maybe, instead of increasing the amount of time you spend exercising, you can just do it more rigorously when you walk. Maybe take some hand weights with you to burn extra calories. Pat yourself on your back. You've done a great job so far. Good luck to you.
Bottom line, just keep at it. Maybe, instead of increasing the amount of time you spend exercising, you can just do it more rigorously when you walk. Maybe take some hand weights with you to burn extra calories. Pat yourself on your back. You've done a great job so far. Good luck to you.
seekingnormal05
08-09-2004, 09:00 PM
I have to admit, I have not been able to go 7 days without taking one day to stuff myself. It's terrible when I do that because I practically undo a weeks worth of effort but it's almost like I can't help myself. That's also probably why I have lost so slowly. I take a couple of steps forward and one step back. Oh well.
Man can I ever relate to this. It's what got me where I was. I'd binge a day, and then 2 weeks of "perfect" was required to get me back to square one. I'd blow it before I got back to where I needed to be and my weight inched up and up and up.
My metabolism slowed more and more from the cycle.
You have also done a great! We do have to remember how far we've come to keep from getting bummed over those last pounds. I'd sure like to finish this but it's more important to keep off what I've lost.
Man can I ever relate to this. It's what got me where I was. I'd binge a day, and then 2 weeks of "perfect" was required to get me back to square one. I'd blow it before I got back to where I needed to be and my weight inched up and up and up.
My metabolism slowed more and more from the cycle.
You have also done a great! We do have to remember how far we've come to keep from getting bummed over those last pounds. I'd sure like to finish this but it's more important to keep off what I've lost.