If you're thinking about suicide we urge you to read through this thread for some (hopefully!) helpful words of support. Please also check out the other stickies in this forum for information on helplines that you can call. If you are feeling suicidal start your own topic (in the interest of seeking support - “goodbye notes” are discouraged here, as they serve no purpose in this setting), where people will be more likely to read and respond.

If you have something to say to help and encourage those who may be thinking of suicide, please feel free to add your thoughts to this thread.

The following is taken from http://www.metanoia.org/ - a good site to check out, where you can even talk to a therapist online.

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

Start by considering this statement:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

1. You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

2. Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

3. People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

4. Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans (http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/samaritans.htm)
Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
Call a psychotherapist
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen

But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

5. Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.

Now: I’d like you to call someone.

It's an interesting topic, I'll give you that.

Suicide is about pain, yes, but not exclusively so. Sometimes it is simply about logic. While I'm not going to recount my experiences here, suffice it to say that it often comes down to feelings of self-worth and the thought that there is really nothing being accomplished. Get up in the morning, try and make it through the day, go to bed, wake up and repeat.

I would say that I am definitely not among the "working-depressed". My identity was surgically removed, have been disabled for 1/2 a decade so far, and while I often counsel others like myself, their suggestions that I *AM* worth something seem to fall on deaf ears. Worth something to them, absolutely. To myself? No. Each day is a struggle for survival... -Rod-

It's an interesting topic, I'll give you that.

Suicide is about pain, yes, but not exclusively so. Sometimes it is simply about logic. While I'm not going to recount my experiences here, suffice it to say that it often comes down to feelings of self-worth and the thought that there is really nothing being accomplished. Get up in the morning, try and make it through the day, go to bed, wake up and repeat.

I would say that I am definitely not among the "working-depressed". My identity was surgically removed, have been disabled for 1/2 a decade so far, and while I often counsel others like myself, their suggestions that I *AM* worth something seem to fall on deaf ears. Worth something to them, absolutely. To myself? No. Each day is a struggle for survival... -Rod-

I agree with you, Rod. Sorry you're feeling so bad. I think it has to do with needs not being met. I think life has to have some quality in order for it to be worth living, and it's just not enough to endure life, to find a way to cope with just trying to survive, but you must thrive in order to have meaning in your life. Everyone has needs that have to be met in order to feel alive and in order for life to have some meaning. People tell me all the time "volunteer, do something for someone else." Well, I do volunteer. I help raise funds for an aminal hospital, and I just volunteered at a fund raiser to raise funds for a family that lost their son in an accident. It gives me a warm fuzzy for about 1 minute, but you know what? I still go home alone, I still go to bed alone, and I still wake up alone, and I still go to sleep and wake up crying every day. Did you ever see that Diane Keaton/Jack Nicholson movie Something's Got To Give? Very funny movie, by the way. Remember when Diane and Jack break up, and she cries and cries and cries? That's how I've been every day of my life for about the last 6 years, and I'm ssssoooo exhausted, but I've tried it all and nothing helps because my personal most basic need, which I think is different for everyone, isn't being met. The only time in my life I didn't have this empty hole in my soul was when I had a boyfriend, someone to share my life with. People run all kinds of baloney on me how you don't need a man to be happy, you complete yourself, blah blah blah, but nothing else has ever made me as happy or made me feel like I was alive or had a reason to walk this earth. Having a companion is simply a need of mine, and nothing can substitute it. I know it's not a cure-all. I had a cousin who had a husband and two beautiful little girls and still ended up in and out of rehab and eventually was found dead behind a garbage dumpster. But I've worked really hard the last 6 years to get every other aspect of my life in order, and I've done so. The only thing missing is a companion, and without it, just nothing else matters. So I think the solution to depression is not only to find the right drug, because personally I don't have any faith in pills, but it's trying to figure out what your needs are, and how to get them met as best you can. Think back really hard to the times in your life you felt happy, fulfilled, or at least not down and dark with that hole in your chest, figure out what you had in your life then that you don't now, and do your best to get it back. SSSOOOOO much easier said than done, I know. But I guess it's a combination of things. Life is complicated, and there are no generic, cookie-cutter easy fixes that work for everyone across the board, I don't think.

I would like to say something to anyone that is thinking of commiting suicide, other than dont do it. I once planned on killing myself and I am very glad that I didn't do it.
Back when I was a teenager I was crushed by a breakup, this girl ment everything to me. But the feeling was not mutual and she started to see another man. I took it hard and planned on slicing my wrists and bleeding to death.But something happened and I put the knife away, it might of been god or just a wierd coincidence, I dont know. But something told me not to do it. Now, many years later I am very grateful that I didn't go through with it.

People say that "things will get better", guess what... they are right. My life is now better, I am not completely happy with it but I am enjoying the ride more. Sometimes you cannot see the end to your sadness, thats where you ask for help. I eventually did get help but it was years later, I didn't start healing until then.

Good luck

Ninispjc,

I definitely understand. I'm going through a divorce at the moment, have a court date on Wednesday, and while the loneliness is a bit painful, I was basically alone when we were together, so I can deal with that. She sort of gave up on me about 3 years back and we've been treading water since. The touch of another human means a lot...We spent the last 5 years nurturing a dependant-codependant relationship. Every time I started to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel after the cancer she'd sabotage me. She's a nurse. The divorce is, I think, her final revenge, a last stab to try and keep me down. There's always next year.

I never did see that movie, sorry. Never cared much for Keaton :D

Animals are a worthy cause, so keep it up. I have 7 Siamese cats. The wife took 5, one died in late June...he was 19 years old and I sure do miss him. A friend of mine, the daughter of a now-deceased cancer patient, observed that my cats are probably what keep me alive. I think she's probably right. At this point I don't even feel useful to myself, much less the world, and with the exception of the last 5 years, that is NOT the lifestyle that I ever had. And now that I'm on my own, it's very difficult to deal with things. It's the dependancy coming back to haunt me. I live on SSDI, am likely going to lose my house, so things are looking really dark right now.

I'm a competitive rifleman, a benchrest shooter. Except for the cats, the guns are all I have left and I am HIGHLY skilled. I handload all of my own ammo. I shot a match two weeks ago and was in the hospital the next day. I don't even remember any of it and am waiting for copies of the ER paperwork so I have at least some clue as to what happened. A friend, family member of yet another deceased cancer patient, called the police from the east coast when she didn't hear from me...she knew I was feeling bad after the match. I vaguely remember people kicking my door in, nothing else. It "may" have been a Wellbutrin seizure. We don't know but I am off that med just in case.

Otis, I hear you, but it's a bit naive. But as I said, there's next year. If I can survive the next 6 months I'll be good I think.

As a friend of mine once said, some depressed people can't live one day at a time. It's minute to minute. That's an awful perspective but true. -Rod-