Hello Friends,

I got a call late Friday night from the former drummer of my former rock cover band. He was calling to let me know that the keyboard player has passed away a week ago. I went to the wake today and I'm emotionally drained and physically exhausted.

It's a wierd situation because four years ago, without much explanation, she and her husband "quit" the band. We had all been together for five years so it was like breaking up a family. She had been fighting breast cancer for a year but was beating it at the time.

After the band breakup I tried to stay in contact but things were wierd. I never got an answer but I was made to feel like she just didn't want to talk to me anymore. This was painful because she was a mentor and surrogate mother at times to me. We were very close for five years and then just cut off from each other.

So the fact that an old band member from Ohio called to tell me instead of any of the others who live here really made me angry. I hadn't been in touch with her for four years and didn't know that she had continued to fight that cancer off and on, this time losing quickly.

I was very nervous about even going to the wake. But the look on her daughters face when she saw me was worth whatever discomfort I had in the room. She was only 10 when I first became involved in their family and she had a little idol worship of me cause I was the "lead singer rocker chick". It was so good to see her all grown up and handling all of her troubles so well.

The former band mates were all thrilled to see me and all apologized for being so distant and not calling me. It turns out that their lives all kind of fell apart after the breakup as well. So it was healing in a big way. And now I'm just left with the overwhelming sadness that my friend, mentor, big sister, mother is gone. I'm glad she's free from all the pain but that doesn't make it hurt any less. It's just too fresh for me.

Other than the fact that my neck, shoulders and back have siezed up from the stress this has nothing to do with fibro but I had to talk to somebody. So thanks for listening gang.

Her name was Laura and even though she absolutely hated that Christopher Cross song called Laura, I keep hearing in my head "when you think of Laura, laugh don't cry, I know she'd want it that way." That's how she was.

So see...fibro's not so bad - Andy

Andy,

Hugssss, sorry for your loss. Feel better huh? :)

Chris

My hubby's cousin weirded out when she had cancer too.She wouldn't even talk to her sisters or even her mother. They live on a farm and wouldn't even let her family come and help cut tobacco, something they have always done.

Fortunately she is improving after her mastectomy. She is now trying to get things straight with the family.This is a very close family and she is the youngest, so everyone was so confused and hurt. Maybe the chemo does something to some people. At least she didn't drive her husband away! Only God knows what she went thru! :confused:

I'm very sorry you lost your friend. I hope knowing others have also reacted this way will help you.
Barb

Andy
My sympathy and sadness for you.
S.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It's never easy losing a close friend. ((((Hugs)))))

D

Hi Andy,

I am so sad to hear of your loss. My heart and thoughts go out to you. I feel so bad for you...I know you are truly hurting. It's difficult to lose someone you care about and even more difficult to try and find answers to "unanswered" questions. Focus on the good times, as I'm sure that is often what she remembered. You were a good friend to her and shared many fun times. That is what life is all about. Andy you sound like such a good and loyal friend, how lucky for both of you. We obviously feel that way about you here on the boards. You are always here for us and take the time to be kind and caring for everyone you possibly can. I'm sure that is the kind of relationship you had with your band. So as you lay yourself down to go to sleep tonight....remember those times and feel so proud of the person you were and remain....night night...sweet dreams....and keep your spirits up for this little one coming into the world...

We love you! Annie :angel:

Hey hun, It stinks losing a friend, anyone for that matter. I know how you feel though. I have lost more friends and family in the past couple years, I hate to think about it. And you are right, when you think about it, Fibro, isn't cancer and it isn't terminal. I have witnessed up close and personal the fight to beat cancer and I know it's not pretty. The past three years of my life I have lost a dear friend, 34, she was sick for a long time (she had a pink casket though, so she went out in style!), I have lost an uncle, 49, (mom's brother) to brain cancer, my mother, 65, also cancer, and now just the other day, a long time (ex)coworker of mine's wife died, 45, from a brain annuerism(sp?). Last spring my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and at the same time, in July my aunt (mom's sis) was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma. She couldn't even make it to my mom's service cuz she was so sick from the chemo.
My mom lost her battle with cancer in September '03, but my aunt won her battle and has been cancer free since January of this year. So I know how it feels to lose dear ones, friend or family, sometimes there is no difference between the two. Friends are often "family".
I am going to my (ex)coworker's,(we worked together for 9 years) wife's service on Wednesday. He isn't doing so well. He's got 3 kids, one anorexic, who of course is now eating even less. I went by my old job and talked to one of my former managers and she was getting a bunch of food ready ( I used to work at a restaurant) to send to the family. Bless his soul. I always thought that funerals were for "old" people, but life shows us sometimes those rules don't apply. It's not always your Grammy or Grandpa that you say goodbye to. Sometimes it's people who out of the blue, get sick and you have to say goodbye to them earlier than you expected. Which of course catches us off guard and unprepared. That's what makes it hard. But I believe in celebrating the person's life, grieve for the family, grieve for your loss, but celebrate the fact that you had someone special in your life. Oh, and I always, always feel that it's okay to be "angry" for awhile.

Andy: I sincerely wish you peace.
tk

Thank you everyone for all your kind words. I am feeling more at peace about the situation now. Still sad of course but I'm not having regrets or worries, just normal sadness. I'm glad in a way that this happened at such a strange time because I have so much to be joyful about I can't not be happy.

Tk, gosh you have sure had more than your share of loss the last few years. I'm sorry to hear of all that for you.

I appreciate you all so much. Love - Andy

ah andy, sorry i dint reply sooner. That must of been awful, least she will know you went and obviously didnt want you to see her ill when she was alive. You have coped well, i think your really brave and amazing person at what you have been through and your still so cheery and positive, take care, april x

Thanks April, you're a doll. I'm so glad to have this board because it helps me stay positive and cheery. I used to work in an office with 200 people so being alone all the time was hard to get used to. Love Andy