Hi Everyone, I have genital herpes, which I caught from a partner who was basically dishonest with me, and whom gave it to me on purpose. He had it for several years before meeting me. He and I were in a relationship for about 8 months and one day he had an active outbreak and proceeded to have sex with me. Prior to this we had been having sex without condoms, (because he begged and pleded) and I was fine for about 8 months. Then he had an outbreak, (which I didn't know he was having at the time). In hindsight, I know now that he had an outbreak the night he transmitted to me because he was acting very strange right before having sex. He acted like he didn't want to do it, which I thought was peculiar, but I didn't force him, I just asked him did he want too, and he did. Before I never would have to ask, he would always initiate. We were living about 3 hours away from each other at the time, and I came up to visit that particular weekend.

Anyway, I do not ever intend to have unprotected sex again because of this huge betrail. But I do seem to have a problem with have sex with latex condoms, many times they rub and irritate me and I end up with an outbreak after the act. I was wondering did anyone have any suggestions as how to prevent this, or have experiences with the female condom. I am hoping this would be gentler alternative. Is the irritation less with the female condom? And does it protect (myself and my partner) just as well as the male latex condoms.

Thanks - Lisa

Actually, Lisa, there is some disagreement as to how much a condom protects your partner from herpes. The more friction, the more tears in your skin, so the more likelihood of contracting this virus, which doesn't remain politely right where the sore is but seems to shed all around the genital area, and which often (esp with us women) causes sores outside the area covered by a condom, anyway.

Whether you use a condom or not, try using a good lubricant like KY Silky. Put a little on you inside and outside in all the folds, then on him (or the condom.) Then practice gentle sex instead of rough sex. Afterwards, have him wash his whole crotch area with soap and water (actually, my partner and I use Neutrogena since it is less drying.) If you can find a nondisposable douche, then douche with warm salted (about 1/4 t per cup) water, and wash outside gently to get the lubricant off.

My partner and I have been together almost 13 years now; he does not have herpes. We think that condoms lessen the quality of our love life, so we don't use them. We do use a lot of common sense to protect him. We never have sex when I feel not only an ob coming on, but also when I feel unusually tired or stressed or strange in any way. Before we have intercourse, I check myself, first with a magnifying cosmetic mirror and then with my fingers. Then we do our gentle, lubricated sex thing, and we wash up afterwards, usually while we're talking and giggling (OK, I'm giggling and he's chuckling) about how good it was.

don't know anything about the female condom; sorry. Hope some of this helps.

thanks Backpacker :)