I'm not sure how to begin except to say I need to think out loud with people who will understand what I'm trying to say. I hope I've found my answer.
I'll do my best to keep this as short as possible.
5 or so years ago, I had several adno-something-or-other polyps removed from my colon. I can't recall exactly what the surgeon said, except that they were pre-cancerous and there were a few more but too small to bother will and we'd catch them the following year. The "following year" never came. My dad was dx with lung cancer and I had to bring him home to care for him during his last year. Life happened, and I forgot all about it....until last winter.
Nausea became a constant. My stools, which had returned to normal after polyp removal, had become pencil thin, again. Since I was also told I had a slight case of colitis, I didn't give it much thought.
Then I began to lose weight and thought "Whoo Hoo!". I thought my metabolism finally picked up. I've gone from 174 to 140 and the only reason it's at 140is because my husband began making me eat ice-cream, etc, every day.
I recently went to the dr because the nausea became unbearable. He ran tests on my gallbladder because of past stone history. All is well there.
Something that bothers me, besides nausea, excessive bloating, tiredeness, etc, is that my tummy *should* be going down with the weight loss but it is staying an odd kind of big. If I suck in my stomach, the bottom part will go in a bit but along the top, under my rib cage, it stays out kind of like I'm wearing a small tire around my middle.
I've also noticed (this is goign to sound strange) chest pains seem to accompany those times when I'm in the worst gastrointestinal distress.
I've been adding two and two and finally came up with what I think is 4 and now believe my problems are originating in my colon but, if that is true, do I *really* want to do anything about it? If I allow another colonoscopy and the dr finds cancer, will I wake up with a colostomy? Will they allow me to wake up before deciding to do anythign drastic? I want to be in charge of what happens and what I would decide would depend on what they found. I cared for my mother as she died from breast cancer that had spread to her liver, lungs, brain and bones. I cared for my dad as his lung cancer spread to his stomach and his brain. The treatments may have added some time but that time was utterly miserable for them. My mom finally said, "Enough" but my dad always believed he could beat the cancer simply my keeping himself busy. Neither answer worked.
I know I should go to the doctor, but I don't want to drag myself through more misery without purpose, nor do I want to burden my husband with the financial burden. We have insurance but the coverage is minimal...doesn't even cover x-rays. Drat.
So....if I do have colon cancer, isnt' it already too late to really do anything about it?

Dear Abinormal~

First order of business should be for you to schedule a colonoscopy. It is minimally inconvenient, but of utmost importance as it is the only way you will find out what is going on in there -- most especially since you said that there were some things still remaining following your initial colonoscopy. And, you would NEVER just wake up and find that anyone had done more of a surgical procedure than you expected or asked for. The medical professionals make absolute sure you know what they will/are doing and that you have given specific permission to perform any test or medical procedure.

The colonoscopy will allow them to make a determination what is happening, and, really, it is the only way you (or they) will know anything since we are not born with see-thru windows in our abdomens.

It sounds as if you have really been through alot with your family and their illnesses. It is an emotional and physically draining experience, for sure. I'm sure your love and care were greatly appreciated. However, now, it is time to take care of yourself. YOU need to be your focus now. Don't panic -- a test is only to help make a determination of whats happening. If your husband loves you, he will understand. Certainly he wants you to be healthy just as much as you do. Collect yourself and your strengths, and make the call. Please let us know how things go. God speed and best wishes to you. Think positively (utmost importance). ;) Regards, Julesss

Dear Jules with three s's. :o)
Thanks. My husband has been pushing me to see the doctor. I just keep thinking about the cost and asking myself why bother. If it *is* colon cancer, it almost certainly is too late to do anything about. *sigh*
I've got today and tomorrow to think this through. On Tuesday, I'll .....I'll make a decision, I guess.
Thank you for your sincerity and concern.
(((hugs)))
Cathy

Hi Cathy,

I know you are afraid to find out what is happening and the possible consequences but what if it is not colon cancer and you are going through all this worry unnecessarily? Even if it is, the earlier the better. You will hear from people on this board who caught it early and had surgery, many without a colostomy, and are doing well. My husband waited for six months of minimal symptoms and found he was at Stage 111 with lymph node involvement. He did not have a colostomy, had 8 months chemo, 5 weeks radiation and so far, so good. The point I am making is that if he had had a colonoscopy earlier, he would not have had to go through all of that.

I can understand how having looked after both parents with cancer, you feel it may be a waste of time and money but treatments are improving every day and cancer is no longer a death sentence if you do what you have to do.

I am so glad you have joined the boards...I think you will get a lot of good advice but most of it will say " have the colonoscopy" You may be worrying for no reason.

Keep in touch.

alison, I recognize the names I'm seeing from all the posts I've read thus far.
I chuckled when I read your statement about "have the colonoscopy...". I suppose I could be trying to cross a bridge I haven't actually seen yet.
btw, I put in a keyboard smiley face in my last reply and it came in a red face. Didn't mean taht to look that way. it was supposed to be :) Hope I didn't offend.

Cathy, in stating that "it is probably too late" you are not crossing any bridge. You are building a wall in the middle of the road.

You can only make an informed decision after you have information and the only way to get the information you need is to schedule a colonoscopy.

For your further information a colostomy operation is a major surgery that requires planning by the surgeon. Only in dire emergency situations ( such as auto accident damage )is one done in the time frame you are worrying about and most of the time they are temporary.

I have a permanent colostomy and the alternative was probable death. That's a bargain in my book.

:P
Me thinks a resounding message is coming through.
Seriously, I believe I've found what I'd been looking for. I really needed to openly say what I've been thinking for a while now. I couldn't seem to make a decision. I've never had that problem before and now I'm wondering if I've let fear take over. Not fear of dying. I'm ready. It's the fear of what might happen *before* death comes to call, so to speak.
*What* was I thinking? I'm going to call my doctor first thing Tuesday morning and tell him to go ahead and schedule the colonoscopy.
I hate that process, you know. After gagging down a gallon of yucky liquid, my system *still* wasn't clean. The dr. even accused me of not following directions. Yes, I did! Wish there was a better way.
I wonder if they would allow me to just do a liquid diet for a few days or a week and then do a couple enemas or something. I find I eat little anymore, anyway. I eat an egg for protein every day, and try to nibble the rest of the time, but the nausea is soooo bad. And I'm too darn tired to bother, anyway. If I would actually feel hungry, I might get inspired, but I cook for my adorable husband every day, and that's all I can do. I eat what I think I can get away with so he doesn't worry. ummm....I'm rambling. Sorry.
I took some meds for the nausea this morning, fell into a drugged sleep and now I'm wide awake where I'm usually asleep by 8.
Thank you all for being here. What a great blessing this must be to so many people. I'm passing this one along to everyone I know.
Blessings,
Cathy

Hi Cathy:
Not to sound bad, but... any chance you're pregnant? With all the nausea and fatigue???? I know you have a pretty serious history of polyps, etc. and should DEFINITELY schedule a colonoscopy, but any chance?

Regards.
CancerDad

PS As a fellow rectal cancer survivor, I'm very proud of you for making the decision to have the test! :)

ROFL!!! Pregnant? Had to have a hysterectomy when I was 29. They left nothing. I do have 5 grown children, though, so it wasn't too bad.
No, and the nausea is just something that bothers me a lot and today is bad. I also have thin stools, abdominal tenderness, night sweats, pain deep within the rectum area (feels like but it isn't constant), frequently feel I haven't emptied my bowel when there isn't anything there. Sometimes, it seems even water doesn't want to empty from my stomach. I've had to learn not to eat or drink anything in larger amounts. The only way I seem to be able to digest is to take it in in tiny bits....frequently. Bloating is bad, too. Weight loss is still going, but has slowed some since agreeing to eat several high caloric foods every day.
There is more, but I won't bore you with taht. I just remembered something about the rectal pain....some years ago, when I had those adon...wahtever polyps removed, I also had several fissures repaird and it could just be more fissures causing that pain that feels so deep. Wish I'd thought of that sooner.
Right now, I've also got some severe pain behind my left shoulder. It's distracting but has nothign to do with this. I've been fighting congestion I just can't seem to shake in spite of the z pack and med pack. I need to take care of that, too, I suppose. Yuck! Gettin' old isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Last time I had to drink the Golytly ( I love the name Go lightly,,, hah, go explosively would be more accurate) They had me go on a liquid diet for one day followed the next day by liquid diet and half of the prep solution followed by the third day by continued liquid diet and the other half of the prep. The colonoscopy is on the fourth day with nothing to eat or drink past midnight of the third day. It is easier to down the stuff if you only have to take half at a time and fasting for three days is no biggee for a guy like me who is 25 pounds overweight anyway.

I suggest drinking sport drinks such as Gatorade, at least two of them each of the three days of liquid diet. They replentish electrolytes as well as water.