:dizzy: Hi everyone, this is my first time here and I am praying that someone can give me some insight and or advice. I feel like I am losing my mind. I ould give ANYTHING not to have this obsession and need of food. I have been anorexic, and now go between diets, binging and binging and purging. I either obsess about how many calores, fat, carbs, points, etc food has and watch everything and think about everything I put into my mouth or I eat everything in sight until I'm sick. I have gained about 20 pounds which makes the situation worse. None of my clothes fit which makes me depressed and it's just a vicious cycle. I am at my wits end now. It's gotten to the point now that I feel like I'm going crazy. I just break down and cry because I have lost control and I don't know how to get it back. Someone help! I was prescribed Prozac and took it for about a month but quite because of sexual side affects. Can someone help me? :confused:

Pokiedot,
Welcome to the boards. You are not crazy, you just have some food issues to deal with. Food obsessions are not really about the food. The food is a symptom and how we act out emotions/hurt/confusions that we otherwise do not consiously know how to deal with.

As far as help, well being on medication can help, but you also need to see about begining to go to a therapist/counselor who can help you understand why you use food/calorie counting the way you do.

Yes, disordered eating is a visious cycle and one that can not be stopped on your own or simply with a new diet. Please talk with someone about how you are feeling. Love yourself enough to get at to the bottom of your eating patterns.

Feel free to post here or comment freely. All the folks here are great and we do understand how you feel.

I suffered with and Eating Disorder for way too many years, but after therapy and hard work I am recovered and come here to tell others that they do not have to live a life controlled by thoughts of food and weight.

You can be free. It just requires work.

Hang in there!

~Dance

Thank you so much for your response! It feels so good to tell someone who knows how you feel. I did make an appointment with my therapist yesterday for Monday after I had 3 episodes yesterday. This is something that I have fought with for years but always viewed it as weight control until recently. I now realize the emotions that are happening that are triggering these episodes but I still can't control it. I have noticed when I get mad, get bad news, feel sad, alone, empty the first thing I think of is food. It is the most bizarre feeling and thoughts. It's gross. Why don't I turn to family or friends? I would give anything not to have this obsession. Anything! I'm not so sure this is not worse than drug or alcohol addiction, at least with those you have to make somewhat of an effort to get them. Food is readily accessable and lots of it. Looking back now I also have realized that I have misused drugs and alcohol and while I thought it was merely recreational at the time I know now that it was totally emotional. It was all an escape. From what I don't know. That's the confusing part. I have not had a bad life. I did not have a bad childhood. I have wonderful parents who love and support me. I can't figure out what all of this is stemming from. Sure I have had a very stressful last couple of years but this has been going on a lot longer than that. I got divorced 2 years ago and lost a ton of weight, and not from B/P, stress and not eating as much I guess, now I've put the weight back on, I hate my job, I'm in a very serious relationship and I am terrified. I do realize now that I can't do this alone and I am looking forward to me session on Monday. I'm ready to get my life back on track. I can't live like this.
As far as meds go, has anyone had any success with a particular med?
Thanks for the support.

Hi Pokiedot,
I’ve been where you are, and it hurts a lot, I know. You definitely need to be talking with a therapist, but until you do, I’ll tell about what I went through. I was also anorexic, terribly so. I was obsessed with food, it controlled my every thought and action. And of course for years I was never thin enough, but I thought about nothing but what I would eat, what I would like to eat, etc. Periodically, my body would become so malnourished and deprived that almost against my own will, I would purge, eating everything in sight. I put on about 30 pounds over a period of about 8-9 months when I was binging a lot, my body was rebelling against the starvation. It is a terrible cycle, because after every binge I would feel a terrible, almost unbearable shame and the only way to relieve that was to starve myself and "prove" my self-control and strength. Of which I obviously had none, starving is an obsession and that’s when you’re out of control. Guys at work started to snicker at me, because from the time I was young men have considered me to be very attractive, and suddenly I’m 30 pounds heavier and the men around me took that very personally and were very cruel.
Anyway, that was about four years ago. I am now comfortable at 125 pounds (I’m 5 ft. 6inch) and I don’t think of food at all unless I’m hungry. I’m careful not to let myself get too hungry, especially not when I’m alone. I’m also careful not to compare myself to other women. Just look away. Beyond that, I almost never think of it. So I promise that the struggle does not last forever, you will beat this and you will be healthy, mentally and physically.
Here’s what helped me:
1. Try not to be alone. As much as you want to be left alone, eat your meals with other people. If you do this enough, you’ll start to eat more slowly, appreciate your food and you will recognize when you’re full. It takes practice, but this was really important for me. I had a friend move in with me for a while.
2. Try to stay away from carbs. I’m not a fan of the Atkins’ diet or anything, but I know the only thing I ever binged on was carbohydrates, and there is a very physical reason for that. The sugars spike your blood sugar and almost produce a "high", that will leave you with intense cravings for more carbs. If you don’t have carb snacks at home, you’re unlikely to binge on carrots or anything.
3. Listen to music that makes you feel sexy and attractive if you have the urge to binge.

Here’s a big mistake that I made, DO NOT do this: I started drinking alcohol in order to relax and feel more comfortable with the food issue. This was a very bad idea, I wound up an alcoholic. I don’t think it is any coincidence that both ED and alcoholism are frantic attempts at control. I felt lost and powerless, so I substituted one obsession with the other, and years later had to deal with a drinking problem too. So don’t do that.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. You can do this, you really can. And you will be stronger because of it. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.

Thank you so much! You have no idea how much your post has helped me. I know it's going to be a long and hard road but I'm already feeling better just from these posts. Knowing that there are others that have felt and are feeling EXACTLY the way that I am and are dealing with it or have beat it makes me feel so much better. I have an apointment with my therapist in one hour. I'm a little nervous but I'm also excited because I'm ready to do whatever it's going to take to end this. I want my life back!
Thank you so much for the support!