eh...i just need to vent a little...so i just started my senior year of college adn i feel fat, bloated and disgusting. i have "eaten" normally--well above normally, about 2200 cals a day for the past week and now i feel gross. i want to go out tonight but i almost feel too disgusting too adn don't want anyone to see me like this. i either don't eat at all or eat too much. how do you know when to quit!!?? i love to eat, but i love the feeling of not eating and feeling hungry. why can't i just be happy with myself. my bf loves me the way i look--why can't i love me? helpless
peace
cloud9vball

Hi :rolleyes:
I am sorry that you are feeling so down. I just want you to know that I know how you feel. This past week hasn't been all that great for me either. I ate a lot of junk food last week and then found out that my friend wanted me to come to her bachlorette party...that meant consuming large amounts of calories that I already, in my mind, had consumed that week. I went anyway and had a wonderful time with her.

Basically what I am trying to say is to not let the way you feel about yourself keep you from experiencing the joy and fun in life. It is very hard understanding and confronting that we have a construde perception of ourselves. You are more beautiful than you think, and I am sure your bf knows and sees that. So, don't be afraid to go out and have fun...your beauty will shine through even if our ED's tell us differently!

Hope you feel better,
Novblis

I completely know how you feel! Sometimes (especially if I feel I've overeaten) I will feel so disgusting about myself that I don't want to go out or even talk to anyone. I feel edgy and irritable and absolutely horrible about myself. I miss out on things by doing this and I'll be the first to admit it. I know that I should just go out to make myself feel better and "get my mind off of it," but I can't make myself sometimes and I just dwell on feeling bad.

What you have to understand is that YOU ARE NOT SEEING REALITY! Your conception of yourself is very different from how other people see you. Even when you've eaten everything in the kitchen and you feel full and fat, you look exactly the same and chances are, you won't even gain any weight from it! (Unless, of course, you do this at every meal...)

Have you ever thought about seeing a counselor just so you would be able to get this off your mind. It's obviously really bothering you and I think it could really help to talk to someone.

hey...thank you both for your replys...i didn't end up goign out tonight--i just felt too fat. i talk to my bf about it, but he doesn't really understand that i can't just "eat normally" and not think bad things about it if i do. i'm going to his friend's wedding tho this weekend, so that will suck. i hate food! actually no--i love food. and to tell you the truth- i would love to get help for it, i'd love to do an inpatient program for that and personality disorder/ocd, but i just can't afford it! and i don't have time being in school and stuff. and i hate it because i constantly comparing myself to other girls. like---i can (i think anyways) tell when someone has an eating disorder, and i just get angry at them and then angry at myself becuase they are succeeding and i am not. ugh! i'm just sick of yo yo dieting. i can no longer tell when i'm hungry and when i do it, i can't tell mysefl when i'm full and to stop. it's just annoying!! anways, sorry to vent--thanks for listenign adn for your replies!!!
peace
cloud9vball

Boyfriends can really suck when its comes to eating don't they? Mine too doesn understand why i make such a big fuss about food. I think its bad that we let food have these negative effects on our social lives.

Before i started dieting i would happily go out every night (if i could) and drink with my friends and order take aways. Now everytime a social gathering like that arises i feel really panicy. I know im expected to drink alcohol (dont get me wrong, i still enjoy drinking with my mates and i'd love to be able to do it normally as i did before). In order to do this thou i have to work out exactly how much and most importantly of WHAT i am going to drink, and stick to it religiously. I also know that everyone else will order food while we're out. Now thats just goin way to far! Instead i take preprepared food over my friends houses. I cant begin to tell you how much of a freak that makes me feel!!

The past few weeks i've even bailed out of some social gatherings just so i knew i could stick to my food plan for the day. How pathetic is that!?!? :(

i've done that before, getting panicked when i know how to eat. i do everything i can to AVOID eating "badly" i've had like.. 200 calories and plan on eating 400. if somebody invited me to sleep over at their house right now (it's around 3:07) i know i'd have to eat something. I would tell them i couldn't come until after 7:00 because I had things to do around the house. When I got there I'd tell them I already ate. pathetic huh.

yea..i just feel like i'm missing out so much on my social life because either i feel too fat to go out, or i dont' want to ruin my no eating "diet" and go out. it's sooo frustrating! i've always tried to make myself throw up, but i can't--which is probably a good thing, unless i've been drinking. so now that is the part i like about drinkign becuase when i get home i just make myself throw up becuase i can. it's gross adn disgusting and i hate it but i just can't stop. i'm so sick of beign unhealthy....
peace
cloud9vball

I do the drinking and throwing up thing aswell! Its almost as if it gives me an excuse to be sick cos im drunk or something.