as some of you know i'm anorexic. i just got done doing the second day of my denise austin pilates. what did i eat today? i ate a pack of 100 calorie chips ahoy, 6 cups of this kind of pop corn i forget the name of which was 90 calories, and 4 grilled chicken legs which i was told were 50 calories each. so i'm guessing i have had 400 calories. I feel like I have no energy right now and I am feel dizzy and nauseous. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure what I'm asking for but I'm just venting. I barely had the strenght to do my work out today and my hands are shaking. What to do...

I also have to read a book for english but I feel like I might pass out. It is a sad excuse, but a true excuse. Well I'm off to maybe go get a drink of water. Talk to ya'll later.

--chelsea

Hey Chelsea
I'm sorry that you're feeling so nasty. I wish I could give you some magic solution. I know that encouraging you to eat more calories is not going to work. It doesn't work for me anyway. I guess the only thing I can do is tell you to take it one day at a time, one minute at a time or one second at a time. As small an amount at a time as you need. Maybe if you could drink some water and eat something else small, take a little nap and then read some of the book? I know the eating part is probably the hardest. But if you break it down like that it might help. Just know I'm thinking about you.

Take care
Fire

thank you so much. everyone here is so nice. i've decided to go back to a low carb diet. i've become a yo-yo dieter, lol. i ate some refried beans with cheese today, and 2 chicken legs, and some wheat pasta. (i know the beans are not low carb, i decided i wanted to do the low carb thing a few hours ago, lol) well i think i just want a quick fix for my weight problem. it's really not a weight problem, i'm 5'5 and i weigh 125. well that sounds good right? no. not to me. if someone told me they weighed 125 and were 5'5 i'd tell them they were skinny, or the right size. I want to weigh 105. I know what 105 on someone who is 5'4 looks like (a.k.a., my friend) and she is SOO pretty. 20 pounds shouldn't take that long I hope. I am hoping that I will lose the weight before Christmas so I can buy clothes. I want people to see me as little, and not the fat girl. (I used to be fat if you can't tell). what bothers me is my legs are awfully skinny, and not porportioned to the rest of my body. i started doing pilates and my abs look really big. maybe i should lose the rest of my weight and THEN do pilates. who knows. there was one excercise where you had to put all of your weight on one arm and my arm just about broke, no kidding. i know the reason though. anyway, i hope i don't gain weight. i might weigh in the morning. if i haven't lost weight or if i have gained weight i know my whole day will be ruined. if i stay the same weight then my day should be ok. maybe i'm just bloated? maybe it's water weight, lol or diet dr. pepper weight. my abs look kind of big. soo.. i'm off to go read the english book that i didn't read yesterday. ha. also, today was bad about me being dizzy and everything, eating helped a lot though, who knew! talk to ya'll later!

Rain,
You probably already know this, but the methods you are going to have to use to get your 5'5" frame as thin as you want are going to be damaging you both physically and emotionally. I don't know the story with your friend, some people are naturally thinner, but for the most part, God did not intend for a 5'5" woman or girl to weigh 105 pounds.

I know you may not hear this, but you need to talk to someone about how you feel about yourself and find out why you feel you are only valuable if you weight 105. Your value and worth does not come from your size. I know in school, it may seem like it does, but it doesn't.

For you to have such intense feelings about yourself and your image tells me you really do need the support and care of a professional. Please at least think about talking with someone. Just because you do it does not mean that you will lose control over what you eat. It will still be your choice to have 100 or 1000 calories for a meal, but in talking to someone they can help you make the best choices for you.

Please take care of yourself. You don't want to waste the years I did hating myself. It is NOT worth it!

~Dance

With anorexia so often once you reach your "goal weight" (e.g. 105 lbs), the addiction makes you want to continue losing weight. Maybe just a little bit, to be safe.... and then a little bit more...etc.... In the beginning losing the weight feels good, it gives you a kind of high, but it is a very deceptive high. In the end it is just an addiction.
Do you think when you weigh 105 lbs you will be satisfied? Or just afraid that you might gain it all back, so you'd "rather lose a bit more, just to be safe"? I remember when I was anorexic I was so afraid to eat more because I was afraid I would gain back all the weight quickly. But it's no fun like that.


Kathrin