My dad died three and a half years ago suddenly from a heart attack. I was 24 years old. He was my best friend and I cannot believe how much I miss him. I'm currently going through a bad patch and wondered if anyone else can relate?

Poppydad,

I'm sorry your dad passed and that you lost not only a father but a good friend. I myself lost my dad 10 yrs ago. He died of liver failure. I was 25 at the time. Since then my life has been on a hell train, and right now my family is SO disconnected it is pathetic. We had no idea he was the glue that held us together. My father was an alcoholic, a nice one as the neighbor lady said. Never missed a day of work because of it, and never abused mom or any of us kids.
I feel I was robbed. I felt I was too young to be losing my dad, as I'm sure you do too. So often I wonder "what would dad say?" or "what would dad do?" Especially now with what all is going on, and it isn't good.
I wish he would've lived to walk me down the aisle, and to see his granddaugher be born. The good part is, I know my dad is around me. I mean I knoW. He makes it be known, which is nice.
I still cry my eyes out when I go to the grave and talk. I just miss him being around, and want to hug him. He was such a softie.
You will find a way through your rough patch, and well, this is my opinion, but I firmly believe your dad will guide you through it. That's still his job, and he will still do it. I hope you have that faith. I know my dad has helped me, and I know he's looking out for me everyday.
I wish you the best.

Love to you and your dad,
SL

I have never lost a parent but I didn't want your post to go unnoticed. I am not reliegious but spiritual. If you find yourself thinking of him frequently then maybe he is trying to remind you that he is there with you. Take notice of some of the things around you. Do you see and hear things that remind you of him? Are you making some decisions in your life that he would have a say in? Are you having dreams of him? I know you miss him deeply but take a look around and see if their are signs of him. You might be pleasantly surprised. His body is gone but not his spirit. Here's a nice little poem for you.......IF TEARS COULD BUILD A STARIWAY, AND MEMORIES A LANE, I'D WALK RIGHT UP TO HEAVEN AND BRING YOU HOME AGAIN......Here's an angel for you also......^i^

I am so sorry about your loss. I was 16 when my father died and I am now 25. He died of lung cancer. Although it wasn't as sudden as your father's death, I understand how painful the death of a parent is. I went through many years of counseling. I still go through bad patches now, and it has been almost 10 years. I miss him every moment of every day and I think of him many times a day. The bad times don't last as long and they are not as painful. I promise you that time really does heal. You don't ever "get over it" but you "get used to it", as I like to say. It becomes a part of your life and something to deal with. It gets easier with time. I really agree with everything the above poster said. Your Dad is with you ALL the time now and is able to help and guide you in ways be wasn't able to do while he was alive. He lives in your heart. I think that is very comforting. I recently got married and the reverand mentioned my Dad in the opening prayer. It did not make me sad at all! I couldn't believe it, I felt so happy! I knew he was right there with me and very happy and proud of me.
Hang in there! These sad times come and go. I hope you feel better soon :-)

Poppydad, I can totally relate. I was 23 when my dad died suddenly of a heart attack too. My mom had been sick, and was in the nursing home due to emphysema, and it must have been too much for my dad, because although he seemed to be feeling fine, all the sudden on march 31, 1995, he had a heart attack at home and died on the way to the hospital in the ambulance. It was a total shock, and I dont even know how I got through the days and months afterwards...I guess thanks to family and friends. I always think of him, and my mother too. I often wish he was here so I could ask him what he would do about something, or what his opinion is. Or just for him to tease me one more time about my messy room...LOL. I have even had a couple of dreams since his death where his being with me was so vivid, it was almost as if he was...the last one was just with in the last year, and in the dream I hugged him so hard and cried, and when I woke up, it felt like I really had hugged him. It was odd, different than a regular dream. In a way it gets easier after time (he used to travel on business often, and right after he passed away, I really felt like he was just on a business trip and would be home later in the week), but in a way it doesn't, because as the years go by, the memories tend to fade a bit, and the sound of his voice and the little things he used to do and say fade...I dont know if this helps you at all, but I feel like I can relate to you a bit. If you need to chat I'm here. -Carol

Thanks for those replies. It helps just to hear from other people who know what it's like. I do feel him with me all the time and I have many vivid dreams where it feels like I've just seen him. It tears me apart that certain things do fade, in a way I want to stay at the hardest and harshest part of the grief where he is almost there. I don't want to forget how his voice sounded or how he smelled or how he used to look. He was also the lynchpin of our family, and although I used to think we had a very stable normal family, everything changed when he died. Me and my mum and brother are still close though so I know it could be a lot worse. It just gets hard, and very tiring when you have to struggle through every day, like I'm sure you all know. But things like this do help so I'll look forward to chatting with some of you on here :wave: It's just getting through the dark patches I suppose. I still struggle with the absolute finality of it all though, stupid as it sounds I can't quite believe he's never coming back. Anyway I hope you are all OK. Thanks again for listening

Hi Poppydad,
I know exactly what you are going through...my mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago when I was 22...it was the hardest thing I have ever been through and it seems lilke to me, the more time that goes by, instead of healing the more depressed I get..Since she has passed away I have been through many life changes...graduated college, got married and now I have a baby..and for all those things I wished she was there...I actually have my first therapy session next week to help me deal with the pain and anger...I hope that will help some..If you ever want to talk, I'm always here..
Miriam

I lost my mom when I was ten yrs old, and lost my dad when I was 17. I'm 39 now. The pain never goes away. Time does help lessen the pain, but the feelings of loss seem to get greater for me through the years. It hurts when your parent(s) can't be there for special events in your life, such as your graduation, wedding, birth of your children, knowing your children will never know their grandparent(s). Feeling robbed. Envious of others who still have their parent(s). Trying to find someone who can give you that motherly love/fatherly love, because you need it so bad, but finding out no one can replace our loved ones. You have to deal with not having mom or dad to turn to when you really need them the most.

Emotions change throughout your life, but it never goes away. I'm sorry you all had to deal with the loss of a parent. It's the most devestating thing I have endured in my life and I can only think of one thing worse, and that would be the death of a child. I never want to have to deal with that.

I lost my mom almost six years ago. Not only my mom, but my best friend. I really have never been the same. At times I have felt guilty for my grief because it does affect all aspects of your life. My husband is sympathetic but does not entirely understand what it is like to lose a parent. It is very comforting to know that other people can actually relate to you. Time does ease the pain somewhat, but I miss picking up the phone and being able to talk with her whenever I wanted or needed to. My son will never be able to meet his grandmother, but that doesn't stop me from showing him pictures and telling him how much she would have loved him. I got pregnant within a month of her death and I know there were some concerns about it being to soon. It turned out to be one of the best things for me. I went into labor on her birthday and he was born the next morning. It was pouring ran that day and the day we took him home from the hospital. There is a song that says there are holes in the floor of heaven and the tears are those of our loved ones. It always makes me smile when I think that her tears of joy were pouring down on us that day.
My heart goes out to all of you. Thank you for expressing yourselves..it really helps.

I posted a loss of my mother just a couple of days ago. I have received a lot of support from my posting. Today is exactly 5mth ago that I lost her. she was the light in my whole life. She was something that you just don't get over. I still cannot seem to breath without shedding a tear for her. I remind myself that she wouldn't want me to continue to be lost without her and that life must go on. I have continued with my life but just with a huge whole in my heart. Losing a parent is a very spirtual thing. I know Jesus was with her when she took her last breath. She smiled and looked up right before she left us. She as very strong in her faith as I am. So there is comfort in spirtuality and the belief that there is something better for us after we die. As I was reminded in one of my responses, "remember that your mother is always with you and that her presence is everywhere." That response has helped. But I would still give myself in return for just one more hug!!!!!!! Just remember what life is really about and that we must continue on so we can see that person again. I am really sorry for your loss and give your self lots of time to grieve and heal. From ever tear comes more understanding and hope. I find writing on this webpage really helps and reading others expereinces. Like will get better...just have to give it time to get there. :angel:

I have lost both of my parents. I lost my mom August 10,2001 and I lost my dad July 31, 2003. My dad died of a sudden heart attack. My mom was sick and had been sick for a few years. It is extremely hard. My dad was otherwise healthy. He was only 49. I was at work when my dads girlfriend left me a voicemail that my dad had "collapsed" and was at the hospital. I was the first to get there and was alone when the doctors filled the room and explained what had happened and said that they were unable to get his heart started. I think about my parents every single day and would do anything to be able to see them again. I know what you mean about the vivid dreams. I have them too and when I wake up it is like I was just with my mom or dad. I dont dream of them together in the same dream. Its either a dream about one or the other but they are usually very vivid. My birthday was 3 months after my mom died and my sister called me the week of my birthday and told me that she had a dream of my mom and that my mom had told her to tell me happy birthday. I dont ever want to forget their voices. I still remember the last time I heard my dads voice. It seems like yesterday. It is so hard to comprehend how someone could be here one minute and gone the next. When my dad died I walked around for a few days feeling like everything was a dream...like nothing was real. I hated that feeling. Losing someone so close to you is devestating. I dont know what I believe as far as afterlife and stuff like that. But I do like the thought that my mom and dad could be around me right now. At the funeral for my dad, my daughter kept telling me that she could see him breathing. I had to tell her that it was her imagination. I went over and gave him a kiss on his head at the end when they were getting ready to close the casket. I wasnt able to kiss my mom because when she died she was very sick and while we were at the hospital (she was on life support) we had to wear gloves and special gowns when we were in the room with her. My daughter couldnt even go in and see her grandma because of the infection my mom had was so serious that they wouldnt allow kids in the room (even when they knew she was going to pass away). So at the funeral, the funeral director told us that we could touch her hands but to be cautious and keep in mind the bacterial infection she had. I know I am rambling on...sorry. It does help me to talk about it though. Actually my moms birthday is coming up (Sep.26). She would have been 54. My mom was 4 years older than my dad. My mom suffered alot before her death. She was in alot of pain. When she died it was extremely difficult but at the same time we knew she was no longer in pain. To see her suffer the way she did made me so angry. My dad, on the other hand, died suddenly. The dr's say that he most likely didnt feel anything. I miss them so much and I dont know...Im not all that religous...but maybe I will see them again one day. I hope I do.

Michelle5454....I lost my mother to breast cancer. She battled for 7 years. Some years were very hard others were okay. The whole time I had to find a way to answer my questions..like why her...why does she have to suffer so horribly. Then one day I figured it out....God made this horrible disease to help him select his best Angels. I know you stated that you were not really religious but when you think about some of the things that have happened to you...only the strongest and sweetest people could feel God's shoes when selecting his Angels. My mother was the most kindest, warm heartest and thoughtful person I have ever met. God let me enjoy her for 65 years. Not enough in my book but apparently he thought he needed one of his best Angels when he decided to end her life. She suffered a great deal her last hours with us but right at the very end she looked up and smiled. I know that God was there to grab her hand and take her and fit her for her wings. I miss her every day and there is not a moment latley that I don't think about her. I find that these message boards are a great help. I find talking to God and my mother help me to understand my ache in my heart for her. God needed her and I am sure she is one of his best Angels. You will see your parents again. They will be healthy and happy. Just like my mother will be when I see her. I hope this helps. Jeanne :angel:

Hi, I totally understand! March 13th I lost my father in law. I quit work to stay home and tke care of him. He decided to stop taking Diaylsis and died 2 weeks later at home. Hospice came in and at night there was a nurse but during the day there was someone there, but they couldn't give him his medicine. I had to. He would only eat for me, and during the time he got sick I got extremely close to him. I was in the room when he passed away. He opened his eyes and looked at me and took his last breathe. 2 weeks later my dad's younger brother died, he had been suffering with throat cancer. I went home (Florida) to be with my dad because he took it hard. I saw for the first time my dad smoking pot. It hurt so bad. I stayed a week and come back to Texas. On June 12th I got a call from my Aunt and my dad fell dead on the front porch of his house. He wasn't married. He layed on the front porch in the Florida heat a day and a half before someone passing by found him. I was daddy's girl. I will be 31 on November 1st and it's going to be very hard. My dad's birthday was on October 31st. I have had the hardest year of my life. My brother got sent back to prison due to drugs and I have been taking care of my 10 year old nephew. Right after my 3 year anniversay, I caught my husband doing meth. I don't do drugs and don't want to be around them. Me and my husband are separated and have filed for divorce. It's been the worst year of my life! Nothing in this world hurts more than loosing my daddy. I sat today looking at pictures from my dad's funeral and cried. We couldn't have open casket at the funeral because my dad laid in the heat so long, they said it wasn't good. They told me if I would have seen him it would of haunted me the rest of my life. I still can't understand that! I would give anything to be able to touch my dad one last time. My health isn't too good and it kills me not to have my dad.

I can relate. My mother passed away 9 years ago. I was fourteen at the time. All I can say is take it one day at a time and try to remember the positive and what they would have wanted you to do. I know my mom wouldn't want me sulking around over her death and missing out on life. I can relate to you going through a rough patch. I am currently finishing up my fourth year of university and am having a lot of fears about what is to come next in my life. I really wish my mom were here, but I know she is part of me and no matter where I go she is always with me. The best thing to do is keep busy and don't dwell on the bad...just focus on the good. I know it seems cliche but with time things will get better. I didn't believe it at first but now I do and I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and it is what you learn from these experiences that makes you who you are and stronger. Just remember your dad will always be with you. Hope this helps.

I know how you feel. My step-mother died suddenly this past August 20. My father took it pretty hard, so my sister and I flew down from Ohio to Florida to be with him. Six days after we returned, we received a call from my Dad's brother, My Uncle saying he had been to my Dad's house and he saw him through the window unresponsive. I was freaking out adn told him to go in..why he did not in the first place, I will never know. Well, he assured me he would, but an hour and a half later, I called him to see what happened and he said he was just going to go over later. I hung up and called the police. They found him dead in his living room. I couldn't believe it! They said it had only been a few hours..putting it at the time my Uncle was there! I hate myself for thinking I left it up to my Unlce to help him. I should have just called myself. With all the hurricanes down there, it took us 10 days to get there. There are items missing from the house and my uncle even showed up to release the body without our consent. I KNOW he is hiding something, as he headed up to MI just 2 days after my Dad died and took my Dad's wallet, car, and his wife's wallet and keys to the home. We had to break in to get in the house. My uncle told our family that I told him not to do anything. But when I told him he was a liar, he changed his story about what happend 3 or 4 tiimes. And the police aren't doing ANYTHING about it. I want to know what REALLY happened. I am having such a hard time with this. I am so damn angry and feel betrayed. How could someone do this to someone, let alone their own flesh and blood. I want to prove whatever it is he has done. Coincidentally, my Uncles first wife died suspiciously. I just can't get over all this. I am 31 now, and have a toddler. I lost my job this summer due to an auto accident. The lady that hit me won't pay and did not even show up for court. Now I have back problems and the docs just want to keep injecting steroids in my spine b/c insurance does not cover surgery. I feel like this is just the worst year of my life. Docs tell me I will never be pain-free...just what I need to hear. And I have had a very hard time getting the lawyer to file the Estate papers so we can get my fathers home repaired and sold. My sister got a scholarship to Nursing school and has had me watching her 2 little boys most of the week. I feel she is taking advantage too, and I have to take care of all my dad's affairs. And to top it off, my Dad's wife had a son who is a loser and was disinherited in both their wills. He is mad and making death threats to our families. I feel like the world is against me. Will it ever get better?

HI Noahsmommy,
I just read what you had to write about your mother. I am very sorry to hear about your loss and how it has impacted you. I hope that your therapy sessions are going well. I lost my father in Jan 2001, just after i graduated high school. It too was the hardest thing that i have ever had to deal with. I am glad to hear that you are going to therapy though. I should have done that a long time ago. I thought about it but felt like I shouldnt for some reason. My father has been gone for almost 4 years now, and I still have a lot of hurt and anger about it....brief background-he worked nights and we spent the day together before he passed away. He had to go to work after and never came home. He got in a terrible accident at work and his body got crushed by 2 tons of bricks. I hate how it happened to him and I wish I could have done something for him. It has been a really rough road since then. One of the hardest things has been seeing my brother every day suffer from the loss of his best friend. My brother has Down Syndrome, and he was my dads shadow. I guess that I will end now since I could write a book here. Thanks for letting me vent.......I would love to hear how the therapy is going and if it is helping ease the pain and loss. Sorry I am more negative than everyone else that has written. In time I am hoping that I can really heal. Angel