Hey everyone.
I just came to this boards for some opinions, i guess. I don't consider myself bulimic, but I do throw up when I feel guilty about what I eat. Sometimes it's really hard to keep stuff down, because I feel so disgusted with myself. I guess I don't want to think I'm sick, but my boyfriend wants me to get help. He found out about my "problem", and is freaking out about it. I guess, what I'm asking is.. would you consider me to have an ED? I don't have a particularly low weight, 5'5 and 110.. but I know I do have an issue with food. It grosses me out to see people eating more than they need. I guess I'd just like to have a name for whatever is going on?

Heya

Welcome to the boards :)

I'm not the most experienced of people lol but I can tell you that purging can kill you. Quickly. There have been poeple who have died from the first time they make themselves sick. It effects electrolytes and can cause major health damage for example, it can tear the eusophagus, tear the stomach and cause heart attacks.

Now that parts out of the way, I can't say whetehr you are bulemic or not becuase as I said, I'm not the best of people to ask but if you purge and feel guilty about what you eat etc then there is something not quite right. How long have you been making yourself sick? I'm afraid your boyfriend is right, you should try and get some help if you feel able to.

Love Emily xoxox

Hi Superme
I have to agree with Emily. Although I too am not well versed in bulimia it does sound like something is going on there. Feeling disgusted when watching others eat too much and throwing up when you feel guilty about what you have eaten are two major signs of heading down the road to eating disorderhood. Getting help is not a bad thing. It really can only help at this point. It's great that your boyfriend is supporting you though. It's a lot easier to ignore the problem but unfortunately it doesn't go away that way. So please, talk to someone, a doctor, therapist, family member, etc. Get some help. We're here for support.

Lauren

Hello!
I just want you to know I went through the same thing. It started off very simple, with me just overeating at dinner and trying to see if I could throw up my food to ease the pain of the "full" feeling. When I discovered how easy it was, it became an addiction. Even before this, I knew I was not normal as far as eating is concerned. I would starve myself for a few days, then eat like a pig for a few days, then go back to starving myself. It was like I was bored with eating normally. :confused:
I threw up my food on a regular basis for about 8 or 9 months. I wouldn't eat if I knew I couldn't go someplace afterwards and throw it up in privacy, so I never ate out at restaurants. As I got worse, however, I didn't care anymore. I would do it in a public bathroom as long as no one else was in there at the time. I got to be a pro at it. But I did want to stop. I wasn't losing weight, I just felt disgusting. The best thing I did for myself was tell my family and my close friends. Especially my mom. It wasn't because they did any one particular thing that "cured" me, but it was simply because they knew. I could only be ashamed of it and embarassed by it if other people knew. I didn't want them looking at me with disgust and I was tired of them following me around after I finished eating something. So I stopped. But only temporarily. I started back up again without anyone knowing, so I'm right back where I started. The only real way to stop is to see a therapist and stop because YOU want to, not because other people want you to. I think you should start by telling a few more people other than your boyfriend, if you feel you are ready. It's a start, and it did work for me for a little while. Good luck!

Superme,
It sounds to me like you are on your way down a very long road. You may not consider yourself a full-fledged bulimic but you're teetering (and you don't have to be underweight, most bulimics aren't) and I'd hate to see you go all the way. Take it from someone who has fought with it for over 11 years. If you feel that you are losing control of it, get help now. I don't want to see you go through what I and many others here have gone through if you can prevent it. I know it seems harmless and you think "I only do it sometimes" but you've already said you're obsessing about food. You have the symptoms and this is a disease. There is no cure, it will affect the rest of your life. Yes you can recover but it will haunt you forever. I don't want to scare you but I just want you to know what you're getting into. It's a long road! Please take care of yourself and get help if you can't stop!

Thanks a lot everyone. I'm sitting here reading your stories, and it sounds just like me. I've been doing it for a long time, a year or so. I hear all this advice and it scares me.. I don't want to stop.. I get really freaked out at the thought of gaining weight, and I just can't. But I don't really want to go down the road that a lot of you are on.. so I just wanna let everyone know that in a way, you are helping me.. So, thanks for the support.

-Ally