Hi - I'm new here. Just thought I would try another avenue of "therapy". I have been Bulimic for five years. I'm under the care of a pysch - who has me on Lexapro and Trileptal. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not so good. I tried a new diet, and made it three days without purging. Sometimes I think no matter how I pray - it will always be here. It's like I am never satisifed. The stupid thing is that binging/purging actually makes you GAIN weight. And afterwards, I am so angry at myself. Sometimes I wonder if will ever get better. Is there any hope? Am I doomed to this for the rest of my life. What really worries me is that I have a six year old daughter. I would just be grief stricken to know if she ever had image problems. At one point I was 275 pounds. Today I am 155 - I lost the weight the right way - but the problem is, that once you are large, you will always see yourself as large. I can't get the image out of my head. If I gain one pound, I am so hard on myself. When I have the desire to binge, I try to go lay down, and put a pillow over my head to try to get my mind off of it.

Is there anyone else like me out there? I would be so nice to know that someone actually understands me. My husband loves me, but sometimes I think he doesn't even care what I'm going through. He encourages me to eat. I just look at him like he's crazy. He will buy cakes and pies, knowing that I like them.

Help.

Kitty-
We have much in common...I 100% agree with u - when it comes to not seeing your wightloss, and always seeing a large person....I just don't get it. I wasn't heavy all my life, but when I was younger I thought I was fat- I could see fat on me, but just in some areas, nothing really bad- it was just a little love handle there & a little fat on my tummy....but once u get big, it's almost like u can never shake that image from u...I don't see any weightloss at all, I still look the same to me:(.....maybe it is a form of "Body Dysmorphic Disorder?"....It might help for u to look @ old pictures of yourself, before the weightloss- it might make u feel better...the only way for me to realize I am losing is when I try on my "old" jeans & they fit...that makes me happy because even though I can't SEE the weightloss, I still get it confirmed when I try on something that didn't fit a few months ago....hope this helps :)

Hi - I'm new here. Just thought I would try another avenue of "therapy". I have been Bulimic for five years. I'm under the care of a pysch - who has me on Lexapro and Trileptal. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not so good. I tried a new diet, and made it three days without purging. Sometimes I think no matter how I pray - it will always be here. It's like I am never satisifed. The stupid thing is that binging/purging actually makes you GAIN weight. And afterwards, I am so angry at myself. Sometimes I wonder if will ever get better. Is there any hope? Am I doomed to this for the rest of my life. What really worries me is that I have a six year old daughter. I would just be grief stricken to know if she ever had image problems. At one point I was 275 pounds. Today I am 155 - I lost the weight the right way - but the problem is, that once you are large, you will always see yourself as large. I can't get the image out of my head. If I gain one pound, I am so hard on myself. When I have the desire to binge, I try to go lay down, and put a pillow over my head to try to get my mind off of it.

Is there anyone else like me out there? I would be so nice to know that someone actually understands me. My husband loves me, but sometimes I think he doesn't even care what I'm going through. He encourages me to eat. I just look at him like he's crazy. He will buy cakes and pies, knowing that I like them.

Help.
I understand where you are coming from. I was up to 200lbs in the 8th grade! I'm now at a comfortable weight; 150. I'm 21yrs old now. There is hope. Its inside of YOU! The thing that keeps me going everyday is to say to myself, " Everybody is different, nobody is the same." Its OK to not look like a runway model. Its OK to enjoy food. You only have one life to live. Don't waste it by beating yourself up everytime you feel fat or inadaquet. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! You were made in God's image. Never foget that. :-)

Thank you so much wolfie - that really does help. Then you know first hand how hard it can be. And to top it off, not sure if you have gone through this or not, but even after you have lost all the weight, you still have excess skin that you can never get rid of, unless you have a tummy tuck (which is so difficult and expensive). So really, you have to search deep within to find your reward. Sometimes that's hard. I am at about 165 and I would prefer to be at about 150 - and it's like the harder I diet the more I fail, thus the bulimia. I think I just need to slow down, and stop expecting to see miracles overnight. It's just hard sometimes.