jsmyers8000
09-20-2004, 11:13 PM
I lost my mother to breast/lung cancer on April 22, 2004. It has been almost 5 months and I still cannot bring my self to think about her and not cry. She was the strongest and must faithful person to everyone and everything. She never let the cancer beat her until the last three weeks of her life. I took care of her for the last three weeks. My family and I were there when she took her last breath and heard her last heartbeat. I really could use some advice on how to deal and move forward. I am not stopping my life. I am a wife and mother to two children. I help my husband run a business. So my life is moving forward, but I still feel like I am standing still without her. We spoke two to three times a day. I miss her so much. Please, some advice. I am not trying to run for my grief but I am getting pretty tired of grieving everyday for her in some form or another. Thanks to anyone's suggestions.
Jeanne
Montana
:angel:
Jeanne
Montana
:angel:
Sponsor
Soulcatcher
09-20-2004, 11:30 PM
Look in your local book store on books about grieving. I know this helped my neighbor with the loss of her husband. I don't think there is a "way" to grieve. You pretty much do what you feel. If you talked three or four times a day like me and my mother do then how can you NOT miss her or grieve everyday? Who knows, maybe her presence is so strong around you that you don't feel too strong of a loss because she isn't REALLY gone. You probably know what she would have said before she said it right? Her physical presence isn't here anylonger but she will probably be inside your soul for a long long time until you see her again.
jsmyers8000
09-21-2004, 12:01 AM
Thanks soulcatcher. I am glad to hear some encourangement and great forethought. I never thought about her strong presence still in my life. We always joked that she would stick around to bug me after she died. Maybe instead of grieving I need to open my eyes to her daily presence in my life. I know she tries to tell me and show me things everyday. Thanks again for the great advice.
Jeanne
Jeanne
Soulcatcher
09-21-2004, 12:04 AM
Your welcome. I'm glad your eyes are open to her presence that is with you.
MrOwl
09-21-2004, 12:45 AM
A way that I have grieved, is by doing things for others, that my loved one whould have done if they were alive and able. That way my grief turns into productive action.
genster
09-21-2004, 11:32 AM
There is no set rule for grieving - except this: do what is right for you. If you ahv eonly just lost someone, don't be afraid to take the time t feel your grief. your mother was your mother for all of your life, you can't be "over" her loss in a couple of months. Don't expect to be. If youa re capable of going on with your life, but still feel her loss, then you are probably doing beeter than it feels like you are doing. It will take time to create a new normal, so no wonder you get tired of not feeling normal, wanting things to getbeck to normal.... give yourself time. Grief is cyclical, you'll be fine for a bit, thinking that it is getting better, then it will hit you again. This is NORMAL. When my dad died, I had a friend tell me I needed counselling as his loss still bothered ma after six months. Get real. Don't be afraid to feel your grief, it needs to be felt. Also, grieving the loss of someone important to you is healthy. I think Judaism has the right idea, where the family sit shiva for a week. They do nothing but grieve, like a concentrated dose of realizing the loss. Of course you are tired, it is exhausting to feel wounded all the time. Eventually, it will be better, for longer, and then you will realize that your normal life has incorporated your mother's loss. Until then, feel what you need to feel, and take care of yourself and your family.
MrOwl
09-21-2004, 01:00 PM
Great comments. We definitely need a long time to grieve. Take care of your self and family. My only suggestion to see some of that care as a memorial.
jsmyers8000
09-21-2004, 11:49 PM
Thanks to everyone. I strongly agree that I need to allow myself the time to grieve. I guess I had a while to accept her disease and thought I had. I guess I really need to allow more time for my heart and mind to accept her absence. My mother wasn't just a lady that you would see standing in line at a store, she was the one you say giving up her place in line to someone else so they could get out quicker. Even when she was suffering from her chemo...she would never stop smiling. We spoke a lot about how my kids were going to handle her being gone...I promised her that I would carry on her wonderful smiles and big heart. I guess I can try to heal by giving her grandkids the extra smiles every day. Life wasn't meant to be easy...but somedays I wish that I could get just one more hug from her. I know God has a special assignment for her now and that she is not in pain anymore...but I would give myself in replace for one more hug. Thanks again for all the suggestions and advice. I really appreciate that there are other people out there willing to share their time and heart for people they do not know. I really am glad I found this webpage. Thanks!!!! :angel: :angel: :angel:
Mark&MelissShaw
09-23-2004, 06:33 PM
I lost my Mum in May 2002, I'd just had my first child February of the same year, she'd had cervical cancer and it spread all over her stomach causing loads of pain, I remember the last day of Mum's life ( I'm from Norfolk, UK ) I had met my husband on the Internet and moved to Yorkshire, Dad phoned me to say he didn't think Mum would last the day, I heard the doctor say, now Joan I will put this needle into your leg to make you relax, there was no answer, anyway Dad rang back in the afternoon to say Mum had slipped into a coma, at 5 in the evening, Dad rang me again to say my Mum had died 10 minutes earlier, I was devastated, I didn't eat, sleep or anything, worst thing was she'd called for me and I wasn't there for her, Ghost her favourite film was on about four hours after she died and it broke my heart. My grief is still with me but I learnt that no matter what I did, it would never bring my precious Mother back, she was my best friend. I could choose to mope around all day or get on with my life, I miss her loads, I often find myself talking to her when my days are mean to me, I know she has her arm around me and that gives me great comfort, I'm guess what I'm trying to say is no matter when a loved one passes, they'll live on forever in our hearts, when we don't think of them and they end up forgotten then they are truly gone forever.
Melissa
Melissa
shlllbybaine
09-25-2004, 01:46 AM
I am so sorry about your losses, my best friend lost her mom to breast cancer in dec 2002 and i tell ya it was terrible she was only 47 and she was my mothers best friend too and it was just a so very sad situation she will still cry today when we talk about her mom and thats ok, but i can tell you as someone who is familiar with working in the healthcare field, that there is not set time for grief, its ok to have those days of grieving where you just start crying...I took care of my grandmom who had lung cancer for 2 yrs and she suffered horribly, it was the slow growing cancer so you can only imagine the length of time with her pain, and i can tell you its been 4 yrs and i still hear a song or smell something and it will bring back a flood of memories like it was yesterday.....Its good to grieve it helps you with those emotions and not bottling them up...But the only advice i can offer is that i know with me i have a peace about my grandmom because i know what was in her heart and what kind of person she was and i know that one day i will see her again and i believe that she will be cancer free and totally healthy and i look forward to that....
God Bless
Michelle :angel:
God Bless
Michelle :angel:
cg348
09-30-2004, 09:18 PM
Focus on the good times, she will be there with you in every thing you do..
Talk to her if it helps when you are alone... Keep her shoes by the back door for awhile, when your ready too, you'll know what to do with the shoes...
Good luck!
CG
Talk to her if it helps when you are alone... Keep her shoes by the back door for awhile, when your ready too, you'll know what to do with the shoes...
Good luck!
CG
twizliz
10-01-2004, 12:23 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about your mother.
Something that really helped me when my grandfather died was to keep a journal and write in it about what I was feeling, sometimes thoughts.. and other times poems. Remember, this journal is for you only, so you can write whatever you want, whatever you feel.
Like other posters have said, it there is no set way to grieve, and no time limit. But just know that in time the pain won't be as sharp, but her love will always be in your heart.
Something that really helped me when my grandfather died was to keep a journal and write in it about what I was feeling, sometimes thoughts.. and other times poems. Remember, this journal is for you only, so you can write whatever you want, whatever you feel.
Like other posters have said, it there is no set way to grieve, and no time limit. But just know that in time the pain won't be as sharp, but her love will always be in your heart.
Harry
10-04-2004, 02:38 AM
A broken heart never really heals and you'll find that the tears and heartache are just a thought away. And, you wouldn't want it any other way!! We are left with good memories and praise God your Mom is in a better place without pain and sickness.
Think about the GOOD times--- and time will partially mend your damaged heart.
I have lost 2 daughters -- 5 and 15 --- also both parents and 2 sisters ----- there is truly a time for grief.
God Bless You---Harry
Think about the GOOD times--- and time will partially mend your damaged heart.
I have lost 2 daughters -- 5 and 15 --- also both parents and 2 sisters ----- there is truly a time for grief.
God Bless You---Harry
jbabbit
10-24-2004, 01:08 AM
I lost my mom Sept 15 and I feel the same way. I am going through the motions of life...but I have such emptiness... I am taking it one day at a time and that seems to help...
MrOwl
10-24-2004, 03:07 PM
That is a good way to live. Life will never be exactly the same again. But that is ok too. We are all in the process. There is very little that is constant in life.
Ruth6:11
10-24-2004, 03:38 PM
It can take a year just to get past the holidays and anniversaries and birthdays. Writing letters to my Dad really helped. I just poured everything out, even the little things.
Also, I strongly recommend looking up Hospice in your area and going to one of their Grief groups. They are wonderful, they are free, and you don't have to have even used their services. They are supportive & practical all at the same time.
They know that "we all grieve in our own way, and in our own time"... and that's a good thing to know...
:angel:
Also, I strongly recommend looking up Hospice in your area and going to one of their Grief groups. They are wonderful, they are free, and you don't have to have even used their services. They are supportive & practical all at the same time.
They know that "we all grieve in our own way, and in our own time"... and that's a good thing to know...
:angel:
jane777
11-13-2004, 08:09 PM
hi there i am really sorry for you loss, i to lost my mum to cancer 5 years ago now she was 58, we never really get over the loss of a loved one, but time is a great healer, when my mum first passed over i could not think of her without crying,i to was at her bedside and watch her take her last breath, and for a long time thats all i thought about, but as time went on i thought about the good times and the things she did that made me laugh,now i talk about her all the time without crying and i know where ever she is she is happy and with all her loved ones that passed before her, give yourself time its only been a short time but you will be fine and soon you will think of her with a big smile on your face, take care.
jayboy557
11-21-2004, 03:41 AM
my mom passed away last year. i found her dead at her house. i got over it real quick. sounds cold. not. i'm a christian and love jesus more than anything. my mom was too. she is experiencing new life that i cant wait to experience. if you're not a christian, get saved. accept jesus as your savior and peace will come over you. i was a rotten young man until i turned 28. i'm 31 now with a wife and two beautiful daughters. praise the lord. i pray for many blessing and that you will know our lord and savior. pray and it will be ok. if i can help or talk with you just respond and maybe we can chat. good luck. jason
sweetangelbaby
11-21-2004, 10:43 AM
my mom died Feburary 11th 2004. i am only sixteen and i am just like u i can't do anything like look at pics or think bout her without crying. i am here for you if you need anything.
jsmyers8000
11-21-2004, 07:03 PM
Thank you to everyone that has reponsded to my posting. I have read everyone and taken them to heart. I know that what my mother experienced is what God expected her to go through. She did so with a smile and with great admiration for God. Lately I find it a little easier to think of her. The holidays are upon us and my father will need a lot of help to make it through. As all moms, my mother was the center of all of our gatherings. She always did the little things that I didn't realize until now that made everything extra special. I am going to start my own family traditions. Just like my mom did with us. I know that she would be very proud of me. Life is just starting for me in ways that I only can experience. Sadly, it's without my mom by my side holding my hand. Thanks again everyone for sharing and caring. God tests us every day and watches over us with a little help and I think my mom is helping him.
Jeanne
Montana
:angel: :)
Jeanne
Montana
:angel: :)
missingmom
12-10-2004, 11:26 AM
Hi...
I lost my mom in October, 2004. She was only 51 years old. She went into the hospital for a routine operation, never to come home. she was recovering nicely, ready to come home in a day. But the morning before that was to happen, she was gone...pulmonary embolism they say. My poor father was too upset to go through with an autopsy, I wanted one. I want to know what the hell happened to her. She was fine, then gone. I saw her the night before she died, expecting to see her again the next day, except I had to see her in the morgue.
I am 31.
She was my rock, my best friend, my maid of honor and coach at the birth of my daughter back in April. I can't go on without her. I wish I had some advice for you on how to move through the stages of grief, but I myself am stuck. I have no idea how to go on without her. I also talked to her 2, 3, sometimes 4 times a day, especially since I had my daughter. I am now pregnant again, she knew of this, and I have no idea how to go through the birth without her there.
I myself need to hear a way through this. The only thing keeping me moving through the days is my daughter, husband and father. If it was not for them, I think I would be next to my mom. I go through the days, waiting for an answer about her death I will never get. I feel stuck. Like I said, I go through the days, but a giant part of me is forever gone. I just hope I can learn to cope with this, and be happy again. Everyone says I will, I will learn how to deal with it. But it just seems so far from reality that that will happen right now. I hope we both find a way through this.
missing mom
I lost my mom in October, 2004. She was only 51 years old. She went into the hospital for a routine operation, never to come home. she was recovering nicely, ready to come home in a day. But the morning before that was to happen, she was gone...pulmonary embolism they say. My poor father was too upset to go through with an autopsy, I wanted one. I want to know what the hell happened to her. She was fine, then gone. I saw her the night before she died, expecting to see her again the next day, except I had to see her in the morgue.
I am 31.
She was my rock, my best friend, my maid of honor and coach at the birth of my daughter back in April. I can't go on without her. I wish I had some advice for you on how to move through the stages of grief, but I myself am stuck. I have no idea how to go on without her. I also talked to her 2, 3, sometimes 4 times a day, especially since I had my daughter. I am now pregnant again, she knew of this, and I have no idea how to go through the birth without her there.
I myself need to hear a way through this. The only thing keeping me moving through the days is my daughter, husband and father. If it was not for them, I think I would be next to my mom. I go through the days, waiting for an answer about her death I will never get. I feel stuck. Like I said, I go through the days, but a giant part of me is forever gone. I just hope I can learn to cope with this, and be happy again. Everyone says I will, I will learn how to deal with it. But it just seems so far from reality that that will happen right now. I hope we both find a way through this.
missing mom
jsmyers8000
12-12-2004, 05:05 AM
Missingmom,
I did not have my mother taken from me in a way that you did. I am very sorry to read of your experience. I can understand your frustration. I know how my mother passed on. Not knowing would make getting on w/ my life harder. You are very blessed to have a husband, child and father who are there for you. It is also nice to have friends. Sometimes I find talking to my friends about my lonley thought about my mother a little more releasing then w/ my family. My husband understands but sometimes they just don't seem to realize that bond that was there that isn't there anymore. I do not know where your belief lies but I know that my belief is that God only does things for a reason and you have to have faith that he makes the right decisions. Your mother had to be needed for something very special. Maybe God decided to make her your next childs very special gardian angel. I know that my mother is there for my kids at all times. They were very close to their grandmother. I saw the bond that I had with her which made theirs even stronger with her. I find thinking about the little memories or my most recent of her helpful. I talk to her a lot. I know that sounds silly like I am expecting an answer back, but it makes the reality of her being gone a little easier for me. I miss her so much that sometimes I don't even want to make an effort to think about her because it hurts to much. But I remind myself that mom would not want that. I have even started writing my thoughts out. It helps. Keeping your feelings bottled is not good. They just get worse. I hope this helps. It has been seven months since mom passed away. Life is not easier just a little bit more tolerable. I am hear if you want to talk.
Jeanne
Montana
:angel:
I did not have my mother taken from me in a way that you did. I am very sorry to read of your experience. I can understand your frustration. I know how my mother passed on. Not knowing would make getting on w/ my life harder. You are very blessed to have a husband, child and father who are there for you. It is also nice to have friends. Sometimes I find talking to my friends about my lonley thought about my mother a little more releasing then w/ my family. My husband understands but sometimes they just don't seem to realize that bond that was there that isn't there anymore. I do not know where your belief lies but I know that my belief is that God only does things for a reason and you have to have faith that he makes the right decisions. Your mother had to be needed for something very special. Maybe God decided to make her your next childs very special gardian angel. I know that my mother is there for my kids at all times. They were very close to their grandmother. I saw the bond that I had with her which made theirs even stronger with her. I find thinking about the little memories or my most recent of her helpful. I talk to her a lot. I know that sounds silly like I am expecting an answer back, but it makes the reality of her being gone a little easier for me. I miss her so much that sometimes I don't even want to make an effort to think about her because it hurts to much. But I remind myself that mom would not want that. I have even started writing my thoughts out. It helps. Keeping your feelings bottled is not good. They just get worse. I hope this helps. It has been seven months since mom passed away. Life is not easier just a little bit more tolerable. I am hear if you want to talk.
Jeanne
Montana
:angel:
missingmom
12-13-2004, 10:03 PM
Jeanne...
Thank you for your response. I too talk to my mom, I even wrote her a letter and keep doing so. Is seems to help a little, but it always goes back to the same thing...wondering how I will spend the rest of my time without her. She should have lived 30 more years. That number is an entire lifetime she will miss. I do believe she is somewhere watching over us...but at times I do wonder if it is just a way to deal, and not reality. I guess I am just questioning everything now. I went for my sonogram today of my next baby..it was hard. I just cant get over certain things. It has only been 2 months...and added on top of that is the "not knowing" issue. So, I am guessing that with time, it will get more and more tolerable to go through daily life and not constantly burst into tears every second. It is a nice thought that she could be a guardian angel to my next baby. I just wish I could see her, hug her, and have my children see her too.
Thanks again for your reply...Stephanie
Thank you for your response. I too talk to my mom, I even wrote her a letter and keep doing so. Is seems to help a little, but it always goes back to the same thing...wondering how I will spend the rest of my time without her. She should have lived 30 more years. That number is an entire lifetime she will miss. I do believe she is somewhere watching over us...but at times I do wonder if it is just a way to deal, and not reality. I guess I am just questioning everything now. I went for my sonogram today of my next baby..it was hard. I just cant get over certain things. It has only been 2 months...and added on top of that is the "not knowing" issue. So, I am guessing that with time, it will get more and more tolerable to go through daily life and not constantly burst into tears every second. It is a nice thought that she could be a guardian angel to my next baby. I just wish I could see her, hug her, and have my children see her too.
Thanks again for your reply...Stephanie
jsmyers8000
12-14-2004, 01:34 AM
Stephanie,
I am sure today was a tough day. I would have reacted the same way you did. Something so special and not having mom w/ you would be difficult. You know, I have started to realize that I am stronger than I first thought. My mom was my everything. I have such great kids memories and adult memories. I find myself reliving my kids memories w/ her more than my adult. She never judge me. She just loved me. Even when she was at her sickest moment in life she always smiled at me. She hurt like you know what but never showed it. I tell myself sometimes that if she could endure all that and yet show me that life was good than maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself and do what she always showed me. Just smile and life is always better. But somedays I just want to cry for her. I loved her so much. I can't even think about her without tears. Stephanie, I know that your mother loved you so much just by what you have written. Remembering her is returning that love back to her. My mom would want me to keep her memories in my kids hearts. My daughter is only 5 but has really great moments to remember and I try to keep them vivid for her. My son is 8 and he also has the same great memories. I think he will retain a lot of them, but I try to mention her at least once a day. It helps me and them. At her funeral, my family and I had one of her pictures blowen up and framed in a cloth frame. We used it as our guest book. We had people sign it rather than a book. It was great. I have some really neat goodbye's to read when I am feeling blue. My son wrote "Grandma, tell God hi for me!!!" That is just awesome. You cannot get anything better than that. Anytime you want to talk or just let your heart talk a walk, I am here!!
Jeanne
:angel: :wave:
I am sure today was a tough day. I would have reacted the same way you did. Something so special and not having mom w/ you would be difficult. You know, I have started to realize that I am stronger than I first thought. My mom was my everything. I have such great kids memories and adult memories. I find myself reliving my kids memories w/ her more than my adult. She never judge me. She just loved me. Even when she was at her sickest moment in life she always smiled at me. She hurt like you know what but never showed it. I tell myself sometimes that if she could endure all that and yet show me that life was good than maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself and do what she always showed me. Just smile and life is always better. But somedays I just want to cry for her. I loved her so much. I can't even think about her without tears. Stephanie, I know that your mother loved you so much just by what you have written. Remembering her is returning that love back to her. My mom would want me to keep her memories in my kids hearts. My daughter is only 5 but has really great moments to remember and I try to keep them vivid for her. My son is 8 and he also has the same great memories. I think he will retain a lot of them, but I try to mention her at least once a day. It helps me and them. At her funeral, my family and I had one of her pictures blowen up and framed in a cloth frame. We used it as our guest book. We had people sign it rather than a book. It was great. I have some really neat goodbye's to read when I am feeling blue. My son wrote "Grandma, tell God hi for me!!!" That is just awesome. You cannot get anything better than that. Anytime you want to talk or just let your heart talk a walk, I am here!!
Jeanne
:angel: :wave:
missingmom
12-15-2004, 09:46 AM
Jeanne,
I am sorry that you had to watch your mom while she was sick...that is the only thing in a way I am thankful for..that I did not have to see her suffer and endure a terrible sickness. Sometimes I try to justify everything by saying that at least she was never sick, but other times I feel like I would have been better prepared if I knew she was sick and possibly facing death. But, other people I talk to say that there is no difference when it comes to the end...you are never ready, never prepared. I just wish my daughter and future children would have some memories of their own to remember her by.
My daughter is a true blessing and I try to put all my love into her, and sometimes it helps just looking at her. I guess that is how I will get through Christmas and New Years.
We too had pictures of my mom at her wake and funeral. It was nice, but very hard looking at all the pictures and realizing there would be no more of those captured memories including her. She is always in my heart, and always on my mind and that is what I have to focus on.
Thanks for writing...Stephanie
I am sorry that you had to watch your mom while she was sick...that is the only thing in a way I am thankful for..that I did not have to see her suffer and endure a terrible sickness. Sometimes I try to justify everything by saying that at least she was never sick, but other times I feel like I would have been better prepared if I knew she was sick and possibly facing death. But, other people I talk to say that there is no difference when it comes to the end...you are never ready, never prepared. I just wish my daughter and future children would have some memories of their own to remember her by.
My daughter is a true blessing and I try to put all my love into her, and sometimes it helps just looking at her. I guess that is how I will get through Christmas and New Years.
We too had pictures of my mom at her wake and funeral. It was nice, but very hard looking at all the pictures and realizing there would be no more of those captured memories including her. She is always in my heart, and always on my mind and that is what I have to focus on.
Thanks for writing...Stephanie
jsmyers8000
12-15-2004, 04:48 PM
Yeah, I think you're right. Whether you know or not that you are going to loose someone, you're never prepared. We know for about a year that mom was getting close to leaving us but when the night fell, it was hard. Now when I go home to visit dad, you go into her room and you see a pair of shoes and it's like she is still around. It is hard. I think you are doing as much as you can handle. Just take every day and get through that. I do that and it does get easier. It's nice to have someone to relate too. Thanks for listening!!
Jeanne
Jeanne
missingmom
12-17-2004, 08:23 PM
Jeanne,
Thank you also for listening...sometimes I feel like there is no one who can relate. I too look at her shoes that are right where she left them, and think...she is coming back. It is hard, getting harder now it seems...I guess the holidays will always do that.
Thanks again for taking the time to listen, talk, and relate.
I too am here anytime you need to vent.
Stephanie
Thank you also for listening...sometimes I feel like there is no one who can relate. I too look at her shoes that are right where she left them, and think...she is coming back. It is hard, getting harder now it seems...I guess the holidays will always do that.
Thanks again for taking the time to listen, talk, and relate.
I too am here anytime you need to vent.
Stephanie
jsmyers8000
12-18-2004, 11:20 AM
Stephanie,
Question for you??? I have been thinking of buying a little stocking stuffer for my kids and tell them that my mom, Grandma must have sent it. Do you think that is to much? Part of me thinks that, but the other half says do it. Maybe I am doing it for myself and not my kids. What do you think?
Jeanne
Question for you??? I have been thinking of buying a little stocking stuffer for my kids and tell them that my mom, Grandma must have sent it. Do you think that is to much? Part of me thinks that, but the other half says do it. Maybe I am doing it for myself and not my kids. What do you think?
Jeanne
missingmom
12-18-2004, 11:28 PM
Jeanne...
I think it is a nice idea...especially since your children have memories of her.
It will give them a sense that she is somewhere watching over them...even though they cant see her. I think it is something that will make them believe that. I dont think it is too much, and I dont think it is just for you. I think it is more for them...and your mom. I am sure she would want it that way. I know my mom would...if she could shop in heaven for the kids she would.
I might even do that when my daughter is a little older and able to understand a gift like that.
I am going to do everything I can to make my kids "know" my mom, even though they never met her. My grandfather, my mothers father, died when he too was only 56 years old and I was only 3. I have no real memories of him, just all the memories my mother told me about. At times they seem so real, like I do remember him. She did a great job of telling me about him, and how much he loved me. So well, he always remained a part of me, even though I really never knew him as I did my other grandparents. I thought of him often, more so the older I got. I missed him...strange.
I guess that is the power of love, and keeping memories alive.
I hope I can do the same for my kids with my mom. I have so many memories and much love...so I am sure that will help.
I think you are doing exactly what you need to do to keep her memory alive in your childrens hearts and minds. Dont feel like it is only for you.
If you believe your mom is watching over your family...what is wrong with showing your children her soul goes on...
Stephanie.
I think it is a nice idea...especially since your children have memories of her.
It will give them a sense that she is somewhere watching over them...even though they cant see her. I think it is something that will make them believe that. I dont think it is too much, and I dont think it is just for you. I think it is more for them...and your mom. I am sure she would want it that way. I know my mom would...if she could shop in heaven for the kids she would.
I might even do that when my daughter is a little older and able to understand a gift like that.
I am going to do everything I can to make my kids "know" my mom, even though they never met her. My grandfather, my mothers father, died when he too was only 56 years old and I was only 3. I have no real memories of him, just all the memories my mother told me about. At times they seem so real, like I do remember him. She did a great job of telling me about him, and how much he loved me. So well, he always remained a part of me, even though I really never knew him as I did my other grandparents. I thought of him often, more so the older I got. I missed him...strange.
I guess that is the power of love, and keeping memories alive.
I hope I can do the same for my kids with my mom. I have so many memories and much love...so I am sure that will help.
I think you are doing exactly what you need to do to keep her memory alive in your childrens hearts and minds. Dont feel like it is only for you.
If you believe your mom is watching over your family...what is wrong with showing your children her soul goes on...
Stephanie.
sugar'n'spice
12-19-2004, 02:54 AM
Hi Jeanne and Stephanie,
My mother passed away in May of 2002 (2 years and 7 months ago) from lung cancer. Christmas was her favorite holiday and for some reason, today, I just got flooded with a ton of emotions of missing her. :(
So, I find myself visiting this board. My sister was pregnant with my mother's first grandchild. My sister had her baby 2 weeks after our mother passed away and my mother never got to meet her grandson.
It's really hard and it seems to get easier as time goes by but then there are times when out of the blue I'll find myself thinking of her and missing her so much again. She was a strong Christian woman and I take comfort knowing she is with the Lord. :angel:
I wanted to recommend a book that was given to me at my mother's funeral by a church member that attended my mother's church. It's called "A FUTURE AND A HOPE" by Jon Courson. It is Christian based.
I know it helped me cope during that difficult time and it may help the two of you also.
God Bless
Brenda ;)
My mother passed away in May of 2002 (2 years and 7 months ago) from lung cancer. Christmas was her favorite holiday and for some reason, today, I just got flooded with a ton of emotions of missing her. :(
So, I find myself visiting this board. My sister was pregnant with my mother's first grandchild. My sister had her baby 2 weeks after our mother passed away and my mother never got to meet her grandson.
It's really hard and it seems to get easier as time goes by but then there are times when out of the blue I'll find myself thinking of her and missing her so much again. She was a strong Christian woman and I take comfort knowing she is with the Lord. :angel:
I wanted to recommend a book that was given to me at my mother's funeral by a church member that attended my mother's church. It's called "A FUTURE AND A HOPE" by Jon Courson. It is Christian based.
I know it helped me cope during that difficult time and it may help the two of you also.
God Bless
Brenda ;)
missingmom
12-19-2004, 12:27 PM
Hi Brenda...
I am sorry that you too have experienced this loss. Losing a mother seems to be the hardest thing...especially for a daughter...and when grandchildren and unborn grandchildren are involved.
Thanks for the suggestion for a book to read...anything that will help is appreciated.
My mom was a catholic...not one who attended church, but she had a very strong belief in god and the afterlife. I myself for some reason never found my religion to be...how can I say...true or believable. I was not one who could say that I thought a soul would go on. But now since my mom passed away, it is impossible to breathe if I do not believe she is somewhere watching over me, and that for some reason it was her time to leave this world. Sometimes I am so angry at any powers that be, that I feel I will never get to see her again if there is a heaven because I have and still do question so much about its existance, and Gods as well. I feel that if there was a God, he would never take such important people at such important times in our lives. I try so hard to not think this way, but it always comes back. Hopefully with time, I will be able to rest and just believe that she is with God, and is watching over us and not constantly go back and think she is just gone, period. Did you ever question any of this when your mom died?
I will look into the book though...maybe it will help with this.
Thanks...
Stephanie
I am sorry that you too have experienced this loss. Losing a mother seems to be the hardest thing...especially for a daughter...and when grandchildren and unborn grandchildren are involved.
Thanks for the suggestion for a book to read...anything that will help is appreciated.
My mom was a catholic...not one who attended church, but she had a very strong belief in god and the afterlife. I myself for some reason never found my religion to be...how can I say...true or believable. I was not one who could say that I thought a soul would go on. But now since my mom passed away, it is impossible to breathe if I do not believe she is somewhere watching over me, and that for some reason it was her time to leave this world. Sometimes I am so angry at any powers that be, that I feel I will never get to see her again if there is a heaven because I have and still do question so much about its existance, and Gods as well. I feel that if there was a God, he would never take such important people at such important times in our lives. I try so hard to not think this way, but it always comes back. Hopefully with time, I will be able to rest and just believe that she is with God, and is watching over us and not constantly go back and think she is just gone, period. Did you ever question any of this when your mom died?
I will look into the book though...maybe it will help with this.
Thanks...
Stephanie
sugar'n'spice
12-19-2004, 01:59 PM
Hi Stephanie,
Yes, the passing of my mother was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. I have a sister and 2 brothers and my father is still with us too.
The holidays are the hardest because my mother would always have us over. She was the matriarch of our family and we were all very close.
My grandmother (my mother's mother) lived until she was 91. So, I grew up thinking my mother would always be around. After she was diagnosed with lung cancer, she was with us for another year and a half. So, there were the times that I had the opportunity to talk with her about how I will miss her after she's gone.
I'm sorry that you didn't have that chance to say your good-byes to your mother in person. Yes, I did question why God had to take her so early in my life (I was 34). I've gone through the "It's not fair!" scenario many times too.
However, my faith in God has helped me cope with the whole situation. Even though I don't understand why He took her when He did, I've been learning to accept the fact that He sees the bigger picture and because of that, there's a reason for everything He does.
When a person loses a loved one to death, it usually brings on a big dose of reality checking. People start to re-evaluate their lives and question their beliefs regarding life and the after-life, including God. I'm not going to try and influence you one way or the other because that is a very personal thing.
I just know that God has become my rock through all of this. I lean on Him for my strength to go on. I hope that you too will find the strength to move forward for yourself and your family.
Take Care,
Brenda
Yes, the passing of my mother was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. I have a sister and 2 brothers and my father is still with us too.
The holidays are the hardest because my mother would always have us over. She was the matriarch of our family and we were all very close.
My grandmother (my mother's mother) lived until she was 91. So, I grew up thinking my mother would always be around. After she was diagnosed with lung cancer, she was with us for another year and a half. So, there were the times that I had the opportunity to talk with her about how I will miss her after she's gone.
I'm sorry that you didn't have that chance to say your good-byes to your mother in person. Yes, I did question why God had to take her so early in my life (I was 34). I've gone through the "It's not fair!" scenario many times too.
However, my faith in God has helped me cope with the whole situation. Even though I don't understand why He took her when He did, I've been learning to accept the fact that He sees the bigger picture and because of that, there's a reason for everything He does.
When a person loses a loved one to death, it usually brings on a big dose of reality checking. People start to re-evaluate their lives and question their beliefs regarding life and the after-life, including God. I'm not going to try and influence you one way or the other because that is a very personal thing.
I just know that God has become my rock through all of this. I lean on Him for my strength to go on. I hope that you too will find the strength to move forward for yourself and your family.
Take Care,
Brenda
jsmyers8000
12-19-2004, 11:37 PM
Stephanie & Brenda
Stephaine, I know that my mother suffered a great deal w/ her breast cancer and I know that she leaned on God a lot for comfort and reassurance that her life was heading down the right path. People would ask me, "how is your mother doing?" ALL THE TIME!! You get into a mode of saying, "fine, she's doing the best she can." I figured something out though...God is the creator of all things, this includes Cancer. I think he gives the most special people this HORRIBLE disease because he knows that they will make his best angle. I know that God only does what he finds to be necessary and only what we can handle. I know God feels I can carry on w/o my mom but I know what Brenda is talking about when you just break down w/ emotion. Sometimes I just let it flow. I was in church this morning w/ just my son and he was singing and enjoying the other people. Seems like Christmas is always so special and all you want is the most important people with you, like mom!! I am going to start my own family tradition w/ my husband and kids. I hope this will help get me through my first Christmas w/o mom. I will also look into your suggestion Brenda on the book. I have read a lot recently on greif and find it does help. I am finding that talking to Stephanie has really helped too!! Thanks Stephanie. Both of you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and tell your moms hello for me. I know that sounds silly, but I think they can hear us. Least I pray every nigh that mom can.
Jeanne
:) :angel:
Stephaine, I know that my mother suffered a great deal w/ her breast cancer and I know that she leaned on God a lot for comfort and reassurance that her life was heading down the right path. People would ask me, "how is your mother doing?" ALL THE TIME!! You get into a mode of saying, "fine, she's doing the best she can." I figured something out though...God is the creator of all things, this includes Cancer. I think he gives the most special people this HORRIBLE disease because he knows that they will make his best angle. I know that God only does what he finds to be necessary and only what we can handle. I know God feels I can carry on w/o my mom but I know what Brenda is talking about when you just break down w/ emotion. Sometimes I just let it flow. I was in church this morning w/ just my son and he was singing and enjoying the other people. Seems like Christmas is always so special and all you want is the most important people with you, like mom!! I am going to start my own family tradition w/ my husband and kids. I hope this will help get me through my first Christmas w/o mom. I will also look into your suggestion Brenda on the book. I have read a lot recently on greif and find it does help. I am finding that talking to Stephanie has really helped too!! Thanks Stephanie. Both of you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and tell your moms hello for me. I know that sounds silly, but I think they can hear us. Least I pray every nigh that mom can.
Jeanne
:) :angel:
missingmom
12-26-2004, 10:18 PM
Jeanne
Well...Christmas is over...it was VERY hard. We all made it through together though...with tears and some laughter. I thought about my mother every second...every time I looked at my daughter opening gifts or just dressed up in her outfits. My father had a hard time...he felt so alone even though he was in a house full of family...so did I.
I hope you too made it through this holiday...enjoying your family and children.
Christmas will never be the same...but it is over for now...maybe next year will be a little easier...Hope all is well with you.
Stephanie
Well...Christmas is over...it was VERY hard. We all made it through together though...with tears and some laughter. I thought about my mother every second...every time I looked at my daughter opening gifts or just dressed up in her outfits. My father had a hard time...he felt so alone even though he was in a house full of family...so did I.
I hope you too made it through this holiday...enjoying your family and children.
Christmas will never be the same...but it is over for now...maybe next year will be a little easier...Hope all is well with you.
Stephanie
jsmyers8000
12-27-2004, 10:39 PM
Stephanie,
Well I basically experienced the same. We also had a house full of people. Dad had a very hard time. I missed my mom every moment. We went to service Friday night and that was hard. We have a tradition that we go to Christmas Eve service and then go home to open presents. It was definantely weird going through the motions of our traditions w/ no mom in tow. I am glad Christmas is over. I have a better day when its an average day. Her birthday is coming up and that will be a horrible day as is her anniversary of her death. Why is it that a person picks days like that to even remember? I am trying not to do that but she was such an important person. Not just mom but my best friend. Thanks for the update. I was thinking about you and hoping that your holidays were going okay. Keep a smile on your face.
Jeanne :wave:
Well I basically experienced the same. We also had a house full of people. Dad had a very hard time. I missed my mom every moment. We went to service Friday night and that was hard. We have a tradition that we go to Christmas Eve service and then go home to open presents. It was definantely weird going through the motions of our traditions w/ no mom in tow. I am glad Christmas is over. I have a better day when its an average day. Her birthday is coming up and that will be a horrible day as is her anniversary of her death. Why is it that a person picks days like that to even remember? I am trying not to do that but she was such an important person. Not just mom but my best friend. Thanks for the update. I was thinking about you and hoping that your holidays were going okay. Keep a smile on your face.
Jeanne :wave:
GammaBx3
12-28-2004, 07:56 AM
So many wonderful postings here; some made me smile, some made me cry.
I lost my mother in July 2001. She waited too long for medical intervention and when she finally relented, there was nothing the medical field could do for her. I brought her to my home where we enjoyed 13 wonderful days together before she collapsed suddenly in my arms and died. Of course, I knew she was dying but we never talked about it; and seeing her eat like a horse and laugh, put me in a stage of denial.
I made it through her funeral (private) without no tears. I thought I was strong, like my mom, until it hit me like a truck a few weeks later. And then I got angry, very angry, and so sad. Even though I was 42 at the time, it was like my one and only safety net in the world was gone. She always made me feel better and always had the right words to say when I was having a bad day at work, or going through a rough time with one of my own kids.
I truly believe losing your mom is one of the hardest things we might go through in life. Take your time grieving. Everybody is different in this area. I bet a day didn't go by the first two years that I didn't cry; I couldn't even look at pictures or videos ... afraid that I would see her (or hear her voice on a video). Slowly, the memories of her brought a smile to my face. I still think of my mom every day and I still can't turn on past family videos, but that is okay. There are times when tears still come to my eyes even, but then I try to remember how blessed and lucky I was with her in my life for 42 years and I know in my heart that one day we will be reunited.
GammaB
I lost my mother in July 2001. She waited too long for medical intervention and when she finally relented, there was nothing the medical field could do for her. I brought her to my home where we enjoyed 13 wonderful days together before she collapsed suddenly in my arms and died. Of course, I knew she was dying but we never talked about it; and seeing her eat like a horse and laugh, put me in a stage of denial.
I made it through her funeral (private) without no tears. I thought I was strong, like my mom, until it hit me like a truck a few weeks later. And then I got angry, very angry, and so sad. Even though I was 42 at the time, it was like my one and only safety net in the world was gone. She always made me feel better and always had the right words to say when I was having a bad day at work, or going through a rough time with one of my own kids.
I truly believe losing your mom is one of the hardest things we might go through in life. Take your time grieving. Everybody is different in this area. I bet a day didn't go by the first two years that I didn't cry; I couldn't even look at pictures or videos ... afraid that I would see her (or hear her voice on a video). Slowly, the memories of her brought a smile to my face. I still think of my mom every day and I still can't turn on past family videos, but that is okay. There are times when tears still come to my eyes even, but then I try to remember how blessed and lucky I was with her in my life for 42 years and I know in my heart that one day we will be reunited.
GammaB
missingmom
01-01-2005, 09:35 AM
GammaB,
Thanks for joining in...I am sorry for your loss also. Losing my mom was the worst thing, and it happened at the worst time. My mom too was not real big on doctors...she had ulcers that worsened over years and years to the point that she needed surgery to correct the problem, even so, the surgery was routine, and she should have made it home with no health problems. I am sorry you too, like Jeanne, had to watch your mom leave you. I have the shock of her just being gone, not expecting it at all and not preparing for it at all...and you had to watch it happen. Either way it sucks, and there is really nothing anyone can say to make it better.
The holidays were the hardest, and I am sure there will be other very hard times. I slept through the ball dropping for the first time in my 31 years. I always celebrated with my parents, EVERY year, but his year my father, brother and me just went to sleep early. I just could not imagine watching it, and not seeing my mother. I dont know when that will get easier.
I too cant imagine watching old videos. I know it will be a long time before I even attempt to do that...pictures too. Although I have pictures of her hanings around my house, sometimes I avoid looking towards them, because looking at it is an instant trigger for waterworks that usually last all day...a bad day is just that ....ALL DAY. But, some days I get through without tears, just a pit in my stomach.
I guess like you,,,time makes it a little easier.
Thanks for sharing your experience...and I seem to always check this posting for any new additions...so any time you need an ear...I am here..
Jeanne is woderful too...she is a big help when I am down and out, and wind up here.
Stephanie
Thanks for joining in...I am sorry for your loss also. Losing my mom was the worst thing, and it happened at the worst time. My mom too was not real big on doctors...she had ulcers that worsened over years and years to the point that she needed surgery to correct the problem, even so, the surgery was routine, and she should have made it home with no health problems. I am sorry you too, like Jeanne, had to watch your mom leave you. I have the shock of her just being gone, not expecting it at all and not preparing for it at all...and you had to watch it happen. Either way it sucks, and there is really nothing anyone can say to make it better.
The holidays were the hardest, and I am sure there will be other very hard times. I slept through the ball dropping for the first time in my 31 years. I always celebrated with my parents, EVERY year, but his year my father, brother and me just went to sleep early. I just could not imagine watching it, and not seeing my mother. I dont know when that will get easier.
I too cant imagine watching old videos. I know it will be a long time before I even attempt to do that...pictures too. Although I have pictures of her hanings around my house, sometimes I avoid looking towards them, because looking at it is an instant trigger for waterworks that usually last all day...a bad day is just that ....ALL DAY. But, some days I get through without tears, just a pit in my stomach.
I guess like you,,,time makes it a little easier.
Thanks for sharing your experience...and I seem to always check this posting for any new additions...so any time you need an ear...I am here..
Jeanne is woderful too...she is a big help when I am down and out, and wind up here.
Stephanie
GammaBx3
01-02-2005, 10:18 AM
Stephanie,
Thank you for much for your kind words. I am sorry to read about the loss of your mom too. My mother-in-law went into surgery for some minor gallbladder problem six months before the loss of my mom, and something terrible went wrong and she only lived a few hours afterwards. So many people afterwards asked, "What is worse? Not knowing or knowing?" All I could respond is "They both are bad, regardless of the situation".
Thank you for sharing your story too. Even though I would never wish this upon anyone, it gives me comfort to know that I am not alone...that we are not alone on this journey.
GammaB
Thank you for much for your kind words. I am sorry to read about the loss of your mom too. My mother-in-law went into surgery for some minor gallbladder problem six months before the loss of my mom, and something terrible went wrong and she only lived a few hours afterwards. So many people afterwards asked, "What is worse? Not knowing or knowing?" All I could respond is "They both are bad, regardless of the situation".
Thank you for sharing your story too. Even though I would never wish this upon anyone, it gives me comfort to know that I am not alone...that we are not alone on this journey.
GammaB
jsmyers8000
01-06-2005, 02:36 PM
Steph and GrammB,
Sorry I have been away for awhile. My computer decided to act up and I spent some time with my uncle fixing it. I didn't realize how much I use it until I didn't have it for a week or so. I have been home w/ my daughter the past two (2) days...she has been ill w/ high fevers. I really missed mom yesterday. These were the times when I would pick up the phone and say "mom, Halley is sick, blah, blah," and she would just be there to tell me that I know what I need to do or that I was on the right track and that she would be okay. She was such a wonderful Grandma. Just her hugs made Halley always feel better. It reminded me of my days sick w/ mom and she would stay home w/ me and just love on me and I would feel so safe and in no time be up and around acting like a kid again. I guess I now have that responsiblity for Halley. I think she is feeling better because as I type this she is asking, "why are you typing my name." My response, "I am talking to some friend about you." She says, "oh!" Life, I guess it would be pretty boring if God didn't keep throughing me curve balls. I am getting better at hitting them too!!!
So Steph, News Years was hard. It's okay. My dad did the same thing. He was in bed before 10 o'clock. My family and I went to my husband's cousins for a party. It was nice. It helped distract me from the obvious. I too had a tradition of spending the New Year w/ mom and dad. We would play cards and watch the ball drop. Maybe next year will be a little easier. Mom's birthday is coming up in a few months, March 1st. Then in April, her anniversary of when she left us. My birthday is right in the middle of all this. I turned 30 last year. 18 days before she passed away. I was so afarid she was going to leave us on my birthday. I had this stupid dream that she passed away on my birthday so on the day of, I was so on ease that I forgot that my 30th was a milestone for me. I was just being goofy. I am hoping this year, my birthday will be a little eaiser to celebrate.
I was just checking on you Stephanie making sure you were okay. Happy New Years and lets just go day by day. We will get through the tough days together. I am always here. Sorry for disappearing for a few days. I usually check in every night. Take care and I hope to hear from you soon.
Jeanne
:) :angel:
Sorry I have been away for awhile. My computer decided to act up and I spent some time with my uncle fixing it. I didn't realize how much I use it until I didn't have it for a week or so. I have been home w/ my daughter the past two (2) days...she has been ill w/ high fevers. I really missed mom yesterday. These were the times when I would pick up the phone and say "mom, Halley is sick, blah, blah," and she would just be there to tell me that I know what I need to do or that I was on the right track and that she would be okay. She was such a wonderful Grandma. Just her hugs made Halley always feel better. It reminded me of my days sick w/ mom and she would stay home w/ me and just love on me and I would feel so safe and in no time be up and around acting like a kid again. I guess I now have that responsiblity for Halley. I think she is feeling better because as I type this she is asking, "why are you typing my name." My response, "I am talking to some friend about you." She says, "oh!" Life, I guess it would be pretty boring if God didn't keep throughing me curve balls. I am getting better at hitting them too!!!
So Steph, News Years was hard. It's okay. My dad did the same thing. He was in bed before 10 o'clock. My family and I went to my husband's cousins for a party. It was nice. It helped distract me from the obvious. I too had a tradition of spending the New Year w/ mom and dad. We would play cards and watch the ball drop. Maybe next year will be a little easier. Mom's birthday is coming up in a few months, March 1st. Then in April, her anniversary of when she left us. My birthday is right in the middle of all this. I turned 30 last year. 18 days before she passed away. I was so afarid she was going to leave us on my birthday. I had this stupid dream that she passed away on my birthday so on the day of, I was so on ease that I forgot that my 30th was a milestone for me. I was just being goofy. I am hoping this year, my birthday will be a little eaiser to celebrate.
I was just checking on you Stephanie making sure you were okay. Happy New Years and lets just go day by day. We will get through the tough days together. I am always here. Sorry for disappearing for a few days. I usually check in every night. Take care and I hope to hear from you soon.
Jeanne
:) :angel:
missingmom
01-06-2005, 10:47 PM
Jeanne,
Dont worry...sometimes it is a couple of days before I get the chance to actually sit down and read or write here too...
Glad to hear you got through new years also...even though it was hard.
It is so noce that your daughter has those memories of your mom...it is still so hard to accept that my children will not have memories of mine.
I hope she is feeling better now also.
The past few days have been so hard...maybe because the 8th is coming. It will only be 3 months since she died. She already missed so much with my daughters milestones. It is just so hard to watch Amy grow sometimes thinking of this. It takes away from my enjoyment of her...I wish there was a way I could make it better for me and amy.....and the new little one on the way.
I am too dreading my birthday in July...I will be 32...with a new baby at home.
Birthdays are between mothers and children...so how the hell do I go on with mine? I feel like locking myself in a cave somewhere for that day.
I guess we will get through it though, just like the holidays...remembering the times with our mothers, all they did to make that day special, and how they are looking down on us, happy and proud of all we have accomplished.
One more thing...
I was just wondering if you did give your kids the gifts and say that their grandma wanted them to have it...you had asked me if it was a good idea.
Well...I am here too...just trying to breathe everyday, take care of my daughter and not go insane. I started keeping a journal to my mom...sometimes it helps...sometimes it makes it worse...
but this always does help somehow...so THANKS for always listening.
Always here....Stephanie
Dont worry...sometimes it is a couple of days before I get the chance to actually sit down and read or write here too...
Glad to hear you got through new years also...even though it was hard.
It is so noce that your daughter has those memories of your mom...it is still so hard to accept that my children will not have memories of mine.
I hope she is feeling better now also.
The past few days have been so hard...maybe because the 8th is coming. It will only be 3 months since she died. She already missed so much with my daughters milestones. It is just so hard to watch Amy grow sometimes thinking of this. It takes away from my enjoyment of her...I wish there was a way I could make it better for me and amy.....and the new little one on the way.
I am too dreading my birthday in July...I will be 32...with a new baby at home.
Birthdays are between mothers and children...so how the hell do I go on with mine? I feel like locking myself in a cave somewhere for that day.
I guess we will get through it though, just like the holidays...remembering the times with our mothers, all they did to make that day special, and how they are looking down on us, happy and proud of all we have accomplished.
One more thing...
I was just wondering if you did give your kids the gifts and say that their grandma wanted them to have it...you had asked me if it was a good idea.
Well...I am here too...just trying to breathe everyday, take care of my daughter and not go insane. I started keeping a journal to my mom...sometimes it helps...sometimes it makes it worse...
but this always does help somehow...so THANKS for always listening.
Always here....Stephanie
Vintage Wine
01-07-2005, 05:16 PM
I lost my mother to breast/lung cancer on April 22, 2004. It has been almost 5 months and I still cannot bring my self to think about her and not cry. She was the strongest and must faithful person to everyone and everything. She never let the cancer beat her until the last three weeks of her life. I took care of her for the last three weeks. My family and I were there when she took her last breath and heard her last heartbeat. I really could use some advice on how to deal and move forward. I am not stopping my life. I am a wife and mother to two children. I help my husband run a business. So my life is moving forward, but I still feel like I am standing still without her. We spoke two to three times a day. I miss her so much. Please, some advice. I am not trying to run for my grief but I am getting pretty tired of grieving everyday for her in some form or another. Thanks to anyone's suggestions.
Jeanne
Montana
:angel:
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother, too, 9 years ago to cancer. What you are going through is very normal. It's only been 5 1/2 months, honey! Allow yourself to grieve. There are still days where I miss my mother but I know that it's all very normal and healthy to still shed tears over our loved ones that have passed away.
Give yourself time and like others have said on here, go get some books on grief. Or, if you feel you need to, join a grief support group. Lean on your friends and loved ones...trust me. Friends are a huge help during a time like this.
Jeanne
Montana
:angel:
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother, too, 9 years ago to cancer. What you are going through is very normal. It's only been 5 1/2 months, honey! Allow yourself to grieve. There are still days where I miss my mother but I know that it's all very normal and healthy to still shed tears over our loved ones that have passed away.
Give yourself time and like others have said on here, go get some books on grief. Or, if you feel you need to, join a grief support group. Lean on your friends and loved ones...trust me. Friends are a huge help during a time like this.
tmarie
01-07-2005, 10:24 PM
I lost my mom 4 1/2 years ago. She was 57 and I was 35. She had fibro and was in so much pain she could no longer take the pain so she ended her life. I was never mad at her because I saw the pain she was in. She could not stand, sit, take a bath or do anything without pain. After a year of her death I went for counseling. The best thing I ever did! I still miss her dearly and always will but the pain is not like it used to be.
jsmyers8000
01-08-2005, 01:10 PM
Stephanie,
I chickened out on giving the kids presents from Grandma. I wasn't sure about the message. Maybe I can look throughout the year and really find that one gift I Know mom would want them to have. Isn't it funny when life takes a turn like ours has when we now start to pay attention to the days and exactly what day it is. Then we really focus on it and drive ourselves crazy. Little silly uh!! I know that your birthday will be great. Life always seems to complete a circle even when a gap is left. Something or someone fills it in. It may take awhile, I know mine is. But my faith helps me think that it will fill in soon. Does that sound silly? My friend is due to have her baby soon, actualy to soon. But her faith has her knowing that everything will be okay.
It has been snowing like crazy here. We have about 8 inches plus more on the way. How has the weather been for you? Or do you live in one of the more warmer states? If so, not fair. Well I hope you weekend is good and stay warm or cool.
Jeanne
:wave:
I chickened out on giving the kids presents from Grandma. I wasn't sure about the message. Maybe I can look throughout the year and really find that one gift I Know mom would want them to have. Isn't it funny when life takes a turn like ours has when we now start to pay attention to the days and exactly what day it is. Then we really focus on it and drive ourselves crazy. Little silly uh!! I know that your birthday will be great. Life always seems to complete a circle even when a gap is left. Something or someone fills it in. It may take awhile, I know mine is. But my faith helps me think that it will fill in soon. Does that sound silly? My friend is due to have her baby soon, actualy to soon. But her faith has her knowing that everything will be okay.
It has been snowing like crazy here. We have about 8 inches plus more on the way. How has the weather been for you? Or do you live in one of the more warmer states? If so, not fair. Well I hope you weekend is good and stay warm or cool.
Jeanne
:wave:
tareyna
01-08-2005, 03:47 PM
:angel: jsmyers800 Hi. I lost my mom when I was 14 and I know from exsperienc how hard it is to lose such a loved one. Have you tried counseling? I did not seek counseling till well into my adult years,I realy regret not doing it sooner. My counseler recomended that I not stop my conversation that I had with my mom by writeing her a letter when ever I felt the need to talk to her, I would write her a letter and keep them in a box. I would write down what I think her response would be if it was a question and refer back to it when I needed to. it realy helped me. Griefing is a natural process and your loss is still very fresh. I promise that it dose get better in time. My mom is still very much part of my life. Good luck and im sure that your mom would say smile because im right hear always :)
missingmom
01-08-2005, 11:10 PM
Jeanne...
I too live where it snowed...got about 6 inches here. I HATE IT. I once loved the snow...now I wish it would not snow at all.
My brother and my sister in law just had their second baby on the 3rd...
3 weeks early and everything was fine. Just emotional without my mom there. Babies seem to just come when they want...I am sure everything will be fine with your friend...how early is it for her?
I guess you are right about birthdays...just like everything else...life does go on, so do we. It is just hard actually doing it sometimes.
I have been thinking a lot about giving birth to this baby...the closer it gets...the more worried I get about how I will be without mom there...and being away from my daughter for the first time since she was born. I dont want to be without her....strange...but I cant image going through a night without her in the next room.
Well...I am here...in the snow and ice...
glad to hear from you...
Stephanie
I too live where it snowed...got about 6 inches here. I HATE IT. I once loved the snow...now I wish it would not snow at all.
My brother and my sister in law just had their second baby on the 3rd...
3 weeks early and everything was fine. Just emotional without my mom there. Babies seem to just come when they want...I am sure everything will be fine with your friend...how early is it for her?
I guess you are right about birthdays...just like everything else...life does go on, so do we. It is just hard actually doing it sometimes.
I have been thinking a lot about giving birth to this baby...the closer it gets...the more worried I get about how I will be without mom there...and being away from my daughter for the first time since she was born. I dont want to be without her....strange...but I cant image going through a night without her in the next room.
Well...I am here...in the snow and ice...
glad to hear from you...
Stephanie
missingmom
01-09-2005, 09:21 AM
tmarie...
I am very sorry to hear about your mom...she must have really been in terrible pain. I dont know if this was the case with you...but it seems that losing my mom at the age of 31 was just about the worst time it could have happened. I was just starting a family of my own...and looked to her for help and guidance. I also just loved the look of excitement on her face everytime she did see my daughter...especially at the birth.
I have been thinking of counseling...just not sure it will be of much use. I read that It was the best thing you ever did...so I am wondering if it is something that would help me too...
Right now joining in here has helped a lot...I dont know if sitting somewhere talking about it will do any better....???
Thanks for joining in...
Stephanie
I am very sorry to hear about your mom...she must have really been in terrible pain. I dont know if this was the case with you...but it seems that losing my mom at the age of 31 was just about the worst time it could have happened. I was just starting a family of my own...and looked to her for help and guidance. I also just loved the look of excitement on her face everytime she did see my daughter...especially at the birth.
I have been thinking of counseling...just not sure it will be of much use. I read that It was the best thing you ever did...so I am wondering if it is something that would help me too...
Right now joining in here has helped a lot...I dont know if sitting somewhere talking about it will do any better....???
Thanks for joining in...
Stephanie
missingmom
01-13-2005, 11:03 AM
Jeanne,
Yesterday and today seem to be VERY ANGRY days for me...dont know why or what triggered it. I just feel like HITTING someone. I am so damn mad...just frowning and miserable all day. I wish I could start to chart this and be able to predict when I was going to have days like this...these are is some ways worse than the really sad days. It is like on the inside, my soul is screaming all day long...I feel seperate from it, like I am looking in on myself in some way.
I feel like screaming...fighting...ending it all.
Then I look at my daughter and say...she needs me...thank god for her.
I dont know where I would be with all this If I did not have her and the little one on the way.
My mothers things are still in the house....my dad cant deal with me packing things up right now. When is the right time for that?...is it ever the right time?
I feel like I am coming apart...
I guess that is normal though.
Hope all is well with you.
STephanie
Yesterday and today seem to be VERY ANGRY days for me...dont know why or what triggered it. I just feel like HITTING someone. I am so damn mad...just frowning and miserable all day. I wish I could start to chart this and be able to predict when I was going to have days like this...these are is some ways worse than the really sad days. It is like on the inside, my soul is screaming all day long...I feel seperate from it, like I am looking in on myself in some way.
I feel like screaming...fighting...ending it all.
Then I look at my daughter and say...she needs me...thank god for her.
I dont know where I would be with all this If I did not have her and the little one on the way.
My mothers things are still in the house....my dad cant deal with me packing things up right now. When is the right time for that?...is it ever the right time?
I feel like I am coming apart...
I guess that is normal though.
Hope all is well with you.
STephanie
jsmyers8000
01-13-2005, 11:48 PM
Stephanie....
I know exactly what you mean. I have been having those exact days. I have been barking left and right. I think my dog is starting to understand me...now that can me a little unnerving. (smile) I have been very emotional over everything and anything...stuff that has nothing to do with mom but they make me think of her. WHY!!! Last night I started to cry in my shower...it felt good to let it out but I just started without notice. I then proceeded to pray to mom to visit me in my dreams so I could get a hug from her. I wrapped by arms around myself to see if I could remember what a hug felt like and just started to cry....I am afraid I am going to forget what they felt like. Does that seem crazy? I would give my right foot for one more hug.
When it came to packing up mom's stuff my sister and dad started about 3mths after the funeral. My sister did most of it. THere is still a lot of things to do but my dad is not ready for that. Give it time.
Feel free to express yourself. I am right in the boat with you.
Jeanne
:) :angel: :wave:
I know exactly what you mean. I have been having those exact days. I have been barking left and right. I think my dog is starting to understand me...now that can me a little unnerving. (smile) I have been very emotional over everything and anything...stuff that has nothing to do with mom but they make me think of her. WHY!!! Last night I started to cry in my shower...it felt good to let it out but I just started without notice. I then proceeded to pray to mom to visit me in my dreams so I could get a hug from her. I wrapped by arms around myself to see if I could remember what a hug felt like and just started to cry....I am afraid I am going to forget what they felt like. Does that seem crazy? I would give my right foot for one more hug.
When it came to packing up mom's stuff my sister and dad started about 3mths after the funeral. My sister did most of it. THere is still a lot of things to do but my dad is not ready for that. Give it time.
Feel free to express yourself. I am right in the boat with you.
Jeanne
:) :angel: :wave:
missingmom
01-14-2005, 01:39 PM
Jeanne,
Thanks for understanding...again...
I have been crying everywhere...shower included...
I also have been asking my mom to visit my in my dreams...
One day I had a terrible time...missing her...especially talking to her..just hearing her voice. That night as I went to bed I asked her to please talk to me...that night I had a dream...I guess it was a dream...I was answering questions she was asking me...I could not hear her voice or see her...but somehow I heard the questions and answered them...like she was in my head.
I pray that she was...and she heard my need for her and so she contacted me in that way. The questions were so typical of my mom, things she asked me and would ask me about the next baby, what baby monitor I was going to use...making sure I would still be using it with my daughter as well...
I woke up happy, but missing her more. Just having that "conversation" with her made it all come back and actually that is when this stream of angry days started. I should still have her here.
I wish I could snap my fingers and bring her back along with your mom....then get together and just hug them forever.
I knew how important and loved she was before this, but now it would be the greatest gift to just have her back...like you said...even for just one more hug...I would give ANYTHING as well.
Praying for a miracle....
Stephanie
Thanks for understanding...again...
I have been crying everywhere...shower included...
I also have been asking my mom to visit my in my dreams...
One day I had a terrible time...missing her...especially talking to her..just hearing her voice. That night as I went to bed I asked her to please talk to me...that night I had a dream...I guess it was a dream...I was answering questions she was asking me...I could not hear her voice or see her...but somehow I heard the questions and answered them...like she was in my head.
I pray that she was...and she heard my need for her and so she contacted me in that way. The questions were so typical of my mom, things she asked me and would ask me about the next baby, what baby monitor I was going to use...making sure I would still be using it with my daughter as well...
I woke up happy, but missing her more. Just having that "conversation" with her made it all come back and actually that is when this stream of angry days started. I should still have her here.
I wish I could snap my fingers and bring her back along with your mom....then get together and just hug them forever.
I knew how important and loved she was before this, but now it would be the greatest gift to just have her back...like you said...even for just one more hug...I would give ANYTHING as well.
Praying for a miracle....
Stephanie
Harry
01-14-2005, 05:03 PM
Staphanie,
You can give thanks for having your Mom for so long --- Some of us were never that fortunnate!!!
God Bless---Harry
You can give thanks for having your Mom for so long --- Some of us were never that fortunnate!!!
God Bless---Harry
missingmom
01-15-2005, 12:09 AM
Harry,
I do understand that...but in my place right now....this is all I see, all that matters, and nothing can change that. I know it is never a good time but this was just about the worst time for me.
I am thankful for what I did have, but I can and do still morn the loss which was great. I cant put my mourning aside and be "thankful" right now.
sTephanie
I do understand that...but in my place right now....this is all I see, all that matters, and nothing can change that. I know it is never a good time but this was just about the worst time for me.
I am thankful for what I did have, but I can and do still morn the loss which was great. I cant put my mourning aside and be "thankful" right now.
sTephanie
jsmyers8000
01-15-2005, 04:42 AM
Harry,
I had my mother for 30 yrs. 8 of them were not as pleasant as I would have wanted. Some people do not like to hear that at least you have had a parent. Yes we were very luck but I still want my mother here on earth with me. I maybe selfish and I know she is better where she is but I miss her soooooooo very much. I cannot let go yet. I am hoping I can in the months, years to come but right now no, I can't.
Jeanne
I had my mother for 30 yrs. 8 of them were not as pleasant as I would have wanted. Some people do not like to hear that at least you have had a parent. Yes we were very luck but I still want my mother here on earth with me. I maybe selfish and I know she is better where she is but I miss her soooooooo very much. I cannot let go yet. I am hoping I can in the months, years to come but right now no, I can't.
Jeanne
missingmom
01-20-2005, 09:35 AM
Jeanne...
Just checking in...hope all is well with you and your family...
I am and have been stuck in the house for a couple of days because I have some kind of cold or something. It is not fun at all being pregnant and sick,,,and having a 9 month old to care for.
Plus...there is snow in the forecast...AGAIN...so I dont see any hope of being able to get out of here until at least next week sometime.
I hate being trapped home.
Well anyway...just wanted to see how you were doing...
Talk to you soon...
Stephanie
Just checking in...hope all is well with you and your family...
I am and have been stuck in the house for a couple of days because I have some kind of cold or something. It is not fun at all being pregnant and sick,,,and having a 9 month old to care for.
Plus...there is snow in the forecast...AGAIN...so I dont see any hope of being able to get out of here until at least next week sometime.
I hate being trapped home.
Well anyway...just wanted to see how you were doing...
Talk to you soon...
Stephanie
jsmyers8000
01-23-2005, 12:26 PM
Hey step....sorry I haven't checked in...how are you holding up with all the snow. My husband is coming home from Miami today. Sounds like he will be oaky to get home. OUr weather is better. Things have been going okay for me. Busy. I just got my W-2's to our employees so I have been working late alot. I am glad to hear that you are doing okay. I am going to adventure out today and try to get some natural lighting in my skin. :):) I will write tonight. Take care and I will speak w/ you soon.
Jeanne
:wave:
Jeanne
:wave:
missingmom
01-28-2005, 10:54 AM
Jeanne...
Holding up as well as I can...
I am starting to go crazy stuck in the house so much...
It is SO COLD and snowing all the time...I dont even want to do anything.
I sit around crying, missing my mother most of the time. My poor daughter...I wish I could snap out of this for her. I would be so much better for her if I was not so depressed all the time.
I am hoping that the spring and the nice weather ..as well as having another baby will make it a little better...who knows.
Hope you are doing ok...
Stephanie
Holding up as well as I can...
I am starting to go crazy stuck in the house so much...
It is SO COLD and snowing all the time...I dont even want to do anything.
I sit around crying, missing my mother most of the time. My poor daughter...I wish I could snap out of this for her. I would be so much better for her if I was not so depressed all the time.
I am hoping that the spring and the nice weather ..as well as having another baby will make it a little better...who knows.
Hope you are doing ok...
Stephanie
missingmom
02-04-2005, 01:53 PM
Something strange just happened to me....
This morning I decided to finally start to wear my mothers watch...it is the watch she wore up until she died..she had it in the hospital with her..
I took it out...at 8:05 in the morning.....
The watch read 8:05....at first I was just taken back...but after a few seconde I realized that the watch was not working...it had stopped...
It stopped at that time, on the 12th of the month that she died....
She died on the 8th, but she was laid to rest on the 12th...AND it was around 8 that my family went to the funeral home to say our final goodbyes and watch them close the casket......
I guess she was there...helping us get through the wake, and was able to leave when we said our last goodbye to her....
It is so strange....but I really believe that it was her way of telling me she is somewhere....watching over us.
Now, I have no idea if I should just leave the watch as it is...or replace the battery and wear it.... I am thinking to leave it...but I am unsure....
Well, just felt like sharing that...
This morning I decided to finally start to wear my mothers watch...it is the watch she wore up until she died..she had it in the hospital with her..
I took it out...at 8:05 in the morning.....
The watch read 8:05....at first I was just taken back...but after a few seconde I realized that the watch was not working...it had stopped...
It stopped at that time, on the 12th of the month that she died....
She died on the 8th, but she was laid to rest on the 12th...AND it was around 8 that my family went to the funeral home to say our final goodbyes and watch them close the casket......
I guess she was there...helping us get through the wake, and was able to leave when we said our last goodbye to her....
It is so strange....but I really believe that it was her way of telling me she is somewhere....watching over us.
Now, I have no idea if I should just leave the watch as it is...or replace the battery and wear it.... I am thinking to leave it...but I am unsure....
Well, just felt like sharing that...
jsmyers8000
02-05-2005, 02:06 PM
Hi Steph,
Sorry I have been gone. The watch situation is amazing. I wouldn't fix it until you are ready to think of the watch in ways other than that is the last actual time you said goodbye to mom. That's me. I wish I had something to cherish from my mother like that. I have her rings she wore during the funeral but that's it. Life is so interesting. How is the weather. It is almost like an indian summer up here. I wish it would snow or rain. Keep smiling. I will write soon.
Jeanne
Sorry I have been gone. The watch situation is amazing. I wouldn't fix it until you are ready to think of the watch in ways other than that is the last actual time you said goodbye to mom. That's me. I wish I had something to cherish from my mother like that. I have her rings she wore during the funeral but that's it. Life is so interesting. How is the weather. It is almost like an indian summer up here. I wish it would snow or rain. Keep smiling. I will write soon.
Jeanne
Kazyme
03-01-2005, 07:52 PM
Hi Jeanne,
I am new to this post and your message caught my attention. I am sorry for your loss. I also lost my mom almost 3 years ago this month in March. We all grieve in different ways. Grieving is something else. It has me going around in circles and when it stops I am back to square one again.I miss my mom so much she is my best friend also. We were so close. When my mom died my heart broke. I am trying to mend my broken heart and some day I will but for now I just can't seem to. I had a dream about my mom and I finally broke down and cried for her. Infact the tears are still coming out. You are grieving in away you feel best for you. I do know the pain we feel does go and come for me but like they say it will go away. Yes it has seemed to fade away slowly but their are times it is here again. Maybe someday it will be gone but I know for sure the memories or the missing that I have for my mom will never go away. Yes it is true life goes on either way for us. I know someday when it is my time I will be with my mom again and hold her in my arms and tell her how much I Love Her. But until then I can just talk to her and miss her and cry if I want to Then send her her balloons and watch them fade away in the clouds and in my mind saying I hope you like those colors MOM....
Take care Carol
I am new to this post and your message caught my attention. I am sorry for your loss. I also lost my mom almost 3 years ago this month in March. We all grieve in different ways. Grieving is something else. It has me going around in circles and when it stops I am back to square one again.I miss my mom so much she is my best friend also. We were so close. When my mom died my heart broke. I am trying to mend my broken heart and some day I will but for now I just can't seem to. I had a dream about my mom and I finally broke down and cried for her. Infact the tears are still coming out. You are grieving in away you feel best for you. I do know the pain we feel does go and come for me but like they say it will go away. Yes it has seemed to fade away slowly but their are times it is here again. Maybe someday it will be gone but I know for sure the memories or the missing that I have for my mom will never go away. Yes it is true life goes on either way for us. I know someday when it is my time I will be with my mom again and hold her in my arms and tell her how much I Love Her. But until then I can just talk to her and miss her and cry if I want to Then send her her balloons and watch them fade away in the clouds and in my mind saying I hope you like those colors MOM....
Take care Carol
missingmom
03-02-2005, 08:08 PM
Carol,
I read your message to Jeanne, and I just have to say thank you for something. I have been having a terrible time dealing with the loss of my mother, and have been writing to Jeanne also. It does not seem to be getting any easier yet, but it is only 5 months since she died. It is actually getting harder as the true reality and impact of losing her sets in.
What I want to thank you for is that My mother LOVED balloons. Any time my dad or anyone...bought her flowers he would attach a balloon, otherwise she would ask where the balloon was. Any party we had for her we always had balloons, and for her funeral we had some there also.
I loved that you said you buy your mom balloons, and let them go and watch then fade into the clouds...I am going to do the same and attach my thoughts with the balloons....I am sheding tears right now with the thought of this...I know she would love it. I think in a way it will help me too.
It is so hard to deal with the loss of a mom...I am sorry for your loss, and your pain also.
Thank you for sharing...Stephanie.
I read your message to Jeanne, and I just have to say thank you for something. I have been having a terrible time dealing with the loss of my mother, and have been writing to Jeanne also. It does not seem to be getting any easier yet, but it is only 5 months since she died. It is actually getting harder as the true reality and impact of losing her sets in.
What I want to thank you for is that My mother LOVED balloons. Any time my dad or anyone...bought her flowers he would attach a balloon, otherwise she would ask where the balloon was. Any party we had for her we always had balloons, and for her funeral we had some there also.
I loved that you said you buy your mom balloons, and let them go and watch then fade into the clouds...I am going to do the same and attach my thoughts with the balloons....I am sheding tears right now with the thought of this...I know she would love it. I think in a way it will help me too.
It is so hard to deal with the loss of a mom...I am sorry for your loss, and your pain also.
Thank you for sharing...Stephanie.
jsmyers8000
03-02-2005, 10:57 PM
Steph and Carol,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Something so private and painful and yet you share them with me. Thanks!!
Today is mom's b-day. I had lunch w/ my family and we took flowers out to her. I wished her happy b-day and cried. It will be a year next month. Doesn't seem like it. My life has made me continue forward but it seems like I just lost her. I find myself thinking about that day. I was with her until her very last breath and heart beat. It just doesn't seem right. My dad really had a hard time. He misses her so much. I do too!! It's hard to not pick up the phone and call her. I talk to her quite a bit. It does help but I would give anything for a reply. I had a dream about her last week. She was smiling and just sitting in her chair. When I woke up, I actually remembered her in my dream. I always say a pray asking that I dream about her and it never seems that I do. So when I got to remember her in my dream it really made me feel so much better.
On a different note, Steph, how are you feeling? Have you had the baby yet? If so, congrats. Take care and I will write soon. Thanks for listening. It helps to be able to talk with people who understand!!!
Jeanne
:angel: :) :wave:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Something so private and painful and yet you share them with me. Thanks!!
Today is mom's b-day. I had lunch w/ my family and we took flowers out to her. I wished her happy b-day and cried. It will be a year next month. Doesn't seem like it. My life has made me continue forward but it seems like I just lost her. I find myself thinking about that day. I was with her until her very last breath and heart beat. It just doesn't seem right. My dad really had a hard time. He misses her so much. I do too!! It's hard to not pick up the phone and call her. I talk to her quite a bit. It does help but I would give anything for a reply. I had a dream about her last week. She was smiling and just sitting in her chair. When I woke up, I actually remembered her in my dream. I always say a pray asking that I dream about her and it never seems that I do. So when I got to remember her in my dream it really made me feel so much better.
On a different note, Steph, how are you feeling? Have you had the baby yet? If so, congrats. Take care and I will write soon. Thanks for listening. It helps to be able to talk with people who understand!!!
Jeanne
:angel: :) :wave:
Kazyme
03-03-2005, 06:38 AM
Hello Stephenie,
I am sorry for your loss of your mom. Their is no need to thank me about sharing the balloon part I am happy that it may help you .Anyway you are so welcome .When the time comes when you send your mom the balloons it will be hard and sad, you will cry but that is okay. But then at the same time you will smile. Your mom barely passed away you are just realizing your mom is in heaven if that. It took me awhile to really believe my mom died. Yes Stephanie is does get harder as the days go by. Give yourself a chance to grieve. Just remember you are not alone. You are very lucky to have your dad. I lost my dad 8 years ago and I miss him dearly to. But I know my mom and dad are together now. It still hurts alot though. You take care and remember give your self a chance to grieve for your mom. Yes it is very hard to cope with the loss of your mom.
Carol
I am sorry for your loss of your mom. Their is no need to thank me about sharing the balloon part I am happy that it may help you .Anyway you are so welcome .When the time comes when you send your mom the balloons it will be hard and sad, you will cry but that is okay. But then at the same time you will smile. Your mom barely passed away you are just realizing your mom is in heaven if that. It took me awhile to really believe my mom died. Yes Stephanie is does get harder as the days go by. Give yourself a chance to grieve. Just remember you are not alone. You are very lucky to have your dad. I lost my dad 8 years ago and I miss him dearly to. But I know my mom and dad are together now. It still hurts alot though. You take care and remember give your self a chance to grieve for your mom. Yes it is very hard to cope with the loss of your mom.
Carol
missingmom
03-03-2005, 10:02 AM
Thanks Carol....
I am sorry you lost your dad also...
I know I am lucky to still have him, but yet it is just another heartbreak to watch him without her. I know this is going to sound totally insane and crazy, but sometimes I have wished God took them both at the same time, this way they would still be together.
I am going to send the balloons soon...
thanks for your reply...
Stephanie
I am sorry you lost your dad also...
I know I am lucky to still have him, but yet it is just another heartbreak to watch him without her. I know this is going to sound totally insane and crazy, but sometimes I have wished God took them both at the same time, this way they would still be together.
I am going to send the balloons soon...
thanks for your reply...
Stephanie
missingmom
03-03-2005, 10:04 AM
Jeanne,
Hi....I am doing ok...just trying to get through the days...
I am still pregnant....due May 7th. since the kids are going to only be 12 months apart, I have practically been pregnant for 2 years...I HAVE HAD IT!
Glad to hear from you....glad you are doing well.....
Stephanie
Hi....I am doing ok...just trying to get through the days...
I am still pregnant....due May 7th. since the kids are going to only be 12 months apart, I have practically been pregnant for 2 years...I HAVE HAD IT!
Glad to hear from you....glad you are doing well.....
Stephanie
tamlynn5702
03-03-2005, 11:01 AM
Helo to all i am New here, and I am really touch by this site. i too Lost my mother in aug o4 due to chirosis of the liver and hep c. I am 27 and have 2 kids my mother and I were extremly close, talked 2 times a day. and I just fell totally empty. we just moved to a new state, so therefore I dont know anyone. i really just looking for someone to share my thought and feelings with. The ballon idea is Awesome. I cant wait to do it
missingmom
03-03-2005, 11:36 AM
tamlynn,
Hi there...I am always checking in on this site...so if you ever need to talk, vent, SCREAM...whatever...I am here and will always listen....
Stephanie....
Hi there...I am always checking in on this site...so if you ever need to talk, vent, SCREAM...whatever...I am here and will always listen....
Stephanie....
Kazyme
03-03-2005, 12:22 PM
Jeanne,
You are welcome. The birthdays and holidays are the harder for me without my mom.
But some how I get through it. As for wanting to pick up the phone and call your mom. That is expectable I did that for many months.Jeanne you will be surprised your mom will give you a response some how in some way. You will know. I dream about my mom alot and I know she is with me all the time. Don't forget Jeanne it isn't even a year yet. Give it time. Grieveing is all about time. Their is no time limit on grieveing .
Take care Carol
You are welcome. The birthdays and holidays are the harder for me without my mom.
But some how I get through it. As for wanting to pick up the phone and call your mom. That is expectable I did that for many months.Jeanne you will be surprised your mom will give you a response some how in some way. You will know. I dream about my mom alot and I know she is with me all the time. Don't forget Jeanne it isn't even a year yet. Give it time. Grieveing is all about time. Their is no time limit on grieveing .
Take care Carol
missingmom
03-03-2005, 11:18 PM
Carol...I sent the balloons today....it was very emotional...
I watched then dissapear into the sky....cried.....
But, it still felt good doing it. I attached a letter to her and I felt like she somehow got it.
Thanks again for such a great idea...
Stephanie
I watched then dissapear into the sky....cried.....
But, it still felt good doing it. I attached a letter to her and I felt like she somehow got it.
Thanks again for such a great idea...
Stephanie
jsmyers8000
03-24-2005, 05:43 PM
Stephanie,
Hi, I was just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. I have been having a diffcult time lately. This time last year I was helping my mother prepare for her passing. So I have been having panic like attacks of memories and feelings of despair knowing mom wasn't going to be around much longer. Come April 22nd will be one year. I am planning on taking the day off of work in honor of her but I know it is going to be very, very hard. I am not sure how to handle the day. I don't want my kids to see me a wreck but I also want them to remember her. Any advice would be great. I hope you are doing well along with the baby. Thanks for listening.
Jeanne
Hi, I was just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. I have been having a diffcult time lately. This time last year I was helping my mother prepare for her passing. So I have been having panic like attacks of memories and feelings of despair knowing mom wasn't going to be around much longer. Come April 22nd will be one year. I am planning on taking the day off of work in honor of her but I know it is going to be very, very hard. I am not sure how to handle the day. I don't want my kids to see me a wreck but I also want them to remember her. Any advice would be great. I hope you are doing well along with the baby. Thanks for listening.
Jeanne
missingmom
03-27-2005, 09:30 AM
Jeanne,
I am having a hard time too lately....the upcoming birth of my 2nd child is giving me a lot of anxiety about my mom not being there, seeing him/her...etc. I am thinking about going to a therapist...I just cant seem to get out of bed anymore...which is not possible in the first place with a 11 month old.
Anyway, I would probably take the day off myself for the anniversary of my moms death. I think being at work would be harder than staying home for me anyway. Maybe you can TRY to just look at it like you said...to honor her...not to grieve her loss....even though I know that is impossible.
Just try to focus on your kids that day, and remember her. Look at old photos if you can with them, put together a special album for them of her ...and let them maybe create some of the scrapbook pages...maybe the activity will keep yo focused enough to get through it without getting that upset in front of them....
Keep in your head that when they are asleep, and the house is quiet, you will have a special moment put aside where you will do your remembering/grieving/ crying.....
It sounds easy, and I dont mean to make light of it....I just know it is an IMPOSSIBLE thing to do, and I wish I knew a magic cure. I hate that anyone has to go through this...I just see in my own life that everytime I start to get really upset, my 11 month old waddles up to me, looks at me like she is going to cry, and that instantly makes me stop and focus on her...My mom would have kicked my butt if I didnt, and I let her see me that way anyway. Sometimes it is harder than others, but seeing her little face usually does it.
That day SURROUND yourself with your kids, emerse yourself and your love in them. They are truly little miracles I believe....little angels who lift us when we are unable to lift ourselves. Little gifts from God.
Hope some of this helps....keep in touch...I am always here.
It is Easter today, hope you are ok......and having a good day .....
Let me know...Stephanie
I am having a hard time too lately....the upcoming birth of my 2nd child is giving me a lot of anxiety about my mom not being there, seeing him/her...etc. I am thinking about going to a therapist...I just cant seem to get out of bed anymore...which is not possible in the first place with a 11 month old.
Anyway, I would probably take the day off myself for the anniversary of my moms death. I think being at work would be harder than staying home for me anyway. Maybe you can TRY to just look at it like you said...to honor her...not to grieve her loss....even though I know that is impossible.
Just try to focus on your kids that day, and remember her. Look at old photos if you can with them, put together a special album for them of her ...and let them maybe create some of the scrapbook pages...maybe the activity will keep yo focused enough to get through it without getting that upset in front of them....
Keep in your head that when they are asleep, and the house is quiet, you will have a special moment put aside where you will do your remembering/grieving/ crying.....
It sounds easy, and I dont mean to make light of it....I just know it is an IMPOSSIBLE thing to do, and I wish I knew a magic cure. I hate that anyone has to go through this...I just see in my own life that everytime I start to get really upset, my 11 month old waddles up to me, looks at me like she is going to cry, and that instantly makes me stop and focus on her...My mom would have kicked my butt if I didnt, and I let her see me that way anyway. Sometimes it is harder than others, but seeing her little face usually does it.
That day SURROUND yourself with your kids, emerse yourself and your love in them. They are truly little miracles I believe....little angels who lift us when we are unable to lift ourselves. Little gifts from God.
Hope some of this helps....keep in touch...I am always here.
It is Easter today, hope you are ok......and having a good day .....
Let me know...Stephanie
missingmom
05-07-2005, 09:44 AM
Jeanne...
Just checking in to see how you are being that tomorrow is mothers day...
I am dreading it . I had my second baby...a son...last Thursday...I have been pretty much crying ever since. This is very hard...I just dont know how to get through tomorrow...
The emotions coming home with a baby are so amazingly strong...I have never felt anything like it.
Well...I hope you are coping...
Stephanie
Just checking in to see how you are being that tomorrow is mothers day...
I am dreading it . I had my second baby...a son...last Thursday...I have been pretty much crying ever since. This is very hard...I just dont know how to get through tomorrow...
The emotions coming home with a baby are so amazingly strong...I have never felt anything like it.
Well...I hope you are coping...
Stephanie
jsmyers8000
05-07-2005, 01:49 PM
Hi Steph,
Sorry for not getting back to you. Congrats on the new baby. A boy, how wonderful. I know what you mean by all the emotions you are feeling. Let them pour. You need to acknowledge those feelings. I am sure your own body is experiencing all sorts of emotions. God graced our body's with hormones and now they are going crazy. Feeling the lose of your mom not being with you during such an emotional moment in your life is great I'm sure. You sound like a very strong lady. It is great that you recognize what you are going through. I think it is important to understand our feelings. I know when I start feeling sad about mom (espeically with Mother's Day coming up) I do let myself feel that and tell myself it's okay. The anniversary date of her death was last month. It was hard. But I kept telling myself that she is happy and healthy. She is not in pain anymore. I have had a lot of people tell me that the 2nd year without a loved one is the hardest. I am finding that to be true. I feel like I am forgetting things about her. She use to hug me so tight and tell me "what would I do without you!" I use to tell her that she was silly. Now I would give anything to have a hug again and have her say that to me. Except, I would not tell her she was silly. I would hug her back with the biggest and tightest hug I could. Silly huh!!!! She was short than me and when she hugged me she came up right under my chin. She was so small. The chemo kept her pretty skinny. She use to tell me that I was to skinny. I would reply, "ya, maybe I needed to be on the diet she was on!" We would laugh.
Just remember....our mom's are with us not matter what. I am actually smiling right now. That little share of memories made me smile. A little tear in the eyes but a big smile.
Thanks Steph. I needed to hear from you. Congratulations again!! Enjoy him. Talk to him about grandma....tell him how proud she is of both of you. She knew that you could do it without her. I hope everyone is adjusting to the new noise in the house.
Write me anytime. I am very sorry for not responding earlier. I won't let that happen again. Keep me posted on your recovery. Thanks again!!!
Jeanne
:wave: :angel:
Sorry for not getting back to you. Congrats on the new baby. A boy, how wonderful. I know what you mean by all the emotions you are feeling. Let them pour. You need to acknowledge those feelings. I am sure your own body is experiencing all sorts of emotions. God graced our body's with hormones and now they are going crazy. Feeling the lose of your mom not being with you during such an emotional moment in your life is great I'm sure. You sound like a very strong lady. It is great that you recognize what you are going through. I think it is important to understand our feelings. I know when I start feeling sad about mom (espeically with Mother's Day coming up) I do let myself feel that and tell myself it's okay. The anniversary date of her death was last month. It was hard. But I kept telling myself that she is happy and healthy. She is not in pain anymore. I have had a lot of people tell me that the 2nd year without a loved one is the hardest. I am finding that to be true. I feel like I am forgetting things about her. She use to hug me so tight and tell me "what would I do without you!" I use to tell her that she was silly. Now I would give anything to have a hug again and have her say that to me. Except, I would not tell her she was silly. I would hug her back with the biggest and tightest hug I could. Silly huh!!!! She was short than me and when she hugged me she came up right under my chin. She was so small. The chemo kept her pretty skinny. She use to tell me that I was to skinny. I would reply, "ya, maybe I needed to be on the diet she was on!" We would laugh.
Just remember....our mom's are with us not matter what. I am actually smiling right now. That little share of memories made me smile. A little tear in the eyes but a big smile.
Thanks Steph. I needed to hear from you. Congratulations again!! Enjoy him. Talk to him about grandma....tell him how proud she is of both of you. She knew that you could do it without her. I hope everyone is adjusting to the new noise in the house.
Write me anytime. I am very sorry for not responding earlier. I won't let that happen again. Keep me posted on your recovery. Thanks again!!!
Jeanne
:wave: :angel:
missingmom
05-27-2005, 08:49 AM
Jeanne,
I have been so busy with these kids..I dont get a second to myself anymore...
I am missing my mother more than ever lately..she would have loved to see all this going on with my kids...
I think I have a touch of postpardum depression...I dont even want to look at the baby sometimes...or I am just really tired...he eats every 2 hours and I never get to sleep anymore. And speaking of sleep...the little one just woke up!...HELP!!
Hope all is well with you...keep in touch...
Stephanie..
I have been so busy with these kids..I dont get a second to myself anymore...
I am missing my mother more than ever lately..she would have loved to see all this going on with my kids...
I think I have a touch of postpardum depression...I dont even want to look at the baby sometimes...or I am just really tired...he eats every 2 hours and I never get to sleep anymore. And speaking of sleep...the little one just woke up!...HELP!!
Hope all is well with you...keep in touch...
Stephanie..
jsmyers8000
05-27-2005, 04:20 PM
Steph,
Hang in there! It is hard with the second one. Life seems to always adjust when you don't think it will. I know I went through a rough couple of months with my daughter when she was just born. I felt very deprived of sleep. When my daughter slept, my son still needed me. I know a good cry always helped me. I seem to relax enough in the shower to let my emotions go. I know your mom is very proud of you. Adjusting without her. Mom's always find a way. You see so many who just give up. But you and I both know that our mothers would be very upset with us if we did that. Just "smack" your husband (smile) it will make you feel better. I slug my husband in the shoulder when I feel like a need a release. He use to ask me what it was for but now he knows. (smile, laugh). You can always give yourself a hug and think of mom. It sounds silly, but it helps me. I try to remember what it felt like to hug her. I am here for you.
Jeanne
:angel:
Hang in there! It is hard with the second one. Life seems to always adjust when you don't think it will. I know I went through a rough couple of months with my daughter when she was just born. I felt very deprived of sleep. When my daughter slept, my son still needed me. I know a good cry always helped me. I seem to relax enough in the shower to let my emotions go. I know your mom is very proud of you. Adjusting without her. Mom's always find a way. You see so many who just give up. But you and I both know that our mothers would be very upset with us if we did that. Just "smack" your husband (smile) it will make you feel better. I slug my husband in the shoulder when I feel like a need a release. He use to ask me what it was for but now he knows. (smile, laugh). You can always give yourself a hug and think of mom. It sounds silly, but it helps me. I try to remember what it felt like to hug her. I am here for you.
Jeanne
:angel:
jsmyers8000
08-17-2005, 09:30 PM
today was a very hard day for me. The day didn't have any particular meaning to me but it was hard. I kept having really great memories and sad one all day. Something was trying to get me to stop and look at my life today. That is without my mom. Why??? I wish she was here. I really miss her. Thanks for listening.
Jeanne
Jeanne
trekgirl
08-21-2005, 03:04 PM
I am glad that you are doing well. It has been 5 years for me with my mother. I had to go through bypass with aortic valve replacement without her physically there, but she was there watching over me. I knew she was there, for she blessed me afterwards with a rapid recovery. You have to take it one day at a time. I still miss my mother, but I have gone on with her there with me everyday. Take care and keep hanging in there. It takes time. :angel:
missingmom
08-21-2005, 11:55 PM
Jeanne,
I havent written here for some time now, but I have been checking in sometimes to see if you had written anything since your last reply...
I have been moving through this too, confused still and wondering how the hell this all happened. I have a lot of days like you just described. They are hard to get through. I dont understand why my mother, and yours, are not here at such an important time for us. My mother waited so long to see the day I had kids, my brother too and just as it happened she was gone. All the faith in the world does not help here, i just cant accept this and move on believing that it was for some greater good, or just meant to be. My mothers father also died when I was just 3 and my brother newborn...he was only 56. She was 51...I had a 5 month old...How does that misery strike a family twice...considering neither had any sickness that would lead us to believe they were going to die...
I have come to the conclusion that this will never get much better, it will always be hell, I will just somehow get into a routine that will allow me to live in this hell. I dont know.
Sometimes I want to believe she is watching over me, sometimes I even see signs, then I tell myself there is no way they are signs...
Do you ever see any signs?
Stephanie
I havent written here for some time now, but I have been checking in sometimes to see if you had written anything since your last reply...
I have been moving through this too, confused still and wondering how the hell this all happened. I have a lot of days like you just described. They are hard to get through. I dont understand why my mother, and yours, are not here at such an important time for us. My mother waited so long to see the day I had kids, my brother too and just as it happened she was gone. All the faith in the world does not help here, i just cant accept this and move on believing that it was for some greater good, or just meant to be. My mothers father also died when I was just 3 and my brother newborn...he was only 56. She was 51...I had a 5 month old...How does that misery strike a family twice...considering neither had any sickness that would lead us to believe they were going to die...
I have come to the conclusion that this will never get much better, it will always be hell, I will just somehow get into a routine that will allow me to live in this hell. I dont know.
Sometimes I want to believe she is watching over me, sometimes I even see signs, then I tell myself there is no way they are signs...
Do you ever see any signs?
Stephanie
jsmyers8000
08-22-2005, 11:53 PM
Steph,
I don't think that God meant for us to suffer emotionally...but I think he only tests us with what he knows we can handle or pass. When I get so upset over losing my mom....I think about how strong her faith was and how she was not scared to leave her family to join him. I would give anything to have her back for one more hug or kiss...but if that meant her being sick again...I would not ask. Sometimes I know I seem to take on too much and try to blame my saddness on mom being gone but I know that she would kick my butt for blaming my worries and saddness on her. I don't think I ever want to forget her but I sure wish that the ache would go away.
So Steph, how is the new baby doing. Are you getting any sleep yet? I hope you are doing okay.....just remember to breath and try to remember the good when you are feeling sad. I am hear...and I promise to check in more than 3mth at a time.
Jeanne
:wave: :angel: :)
I don't think that God meant for us to suffer emotionally...but I think he only tests us with what he knows we can handle or pass. When I get so upset over losing my mom....I think about how strong her faith was and how she was not scared to leave her family to join him. I would give anything to have her back for one more hug or kiss...but if that meant her being sick again...I would not ask. Sometimes I know I seem to take on too much and try to blame my saddness on mom being gone but I know that she would kick my butt for blaming my worries and saddness on her. I don't think I ever want to forget her but I sure wish that the ache would go away.
So Steph, how is the new baby doing. Are you getting any sleep yet? I hope you are doing okay.....just remember to breath and try to remember the good when you are feeling sad. I am hear...and I promise to check in more than 3mth at a time.
Jeanne
:wave: :angel: :)
missingmom
08-23-2005, 01:18 PM
Jeanne,
I am finally getting sleep...He started sleeping through the night when he turned about 2and a half months...next week he will be 4 months...it is going so fast. He is so different from my daughter...he is fussy, has to see me at all times, is not comforted by anyone but me...just difficult to say the least.
I am just trying to make it day by day...thinking like you said, and that there is a reason for this. I just wish I could know that she is there, somewhere...thinking it is so is not enough...even all the signs I think she is sending me...I just chalk them up to coincidence. Like on the birth day of my son I asked her to send my a sign that she was there and saw my son...that day when my husband came back to the hospital there was a rainbow right over the hospital...then on my birthday i again asked her for a sign and that day there was a rainbow right over my fathers house which was where I spent my birthday. She loved dragonflies, and when I am at what seems to be my worst sometimes, there is ALWAYS a dragonfly sitting very close to me. I just keep telling myself it is my brain trying to hard to accept that there is an afterlife and she is watching over me. I wish i could just accept it already and move on.
In october it will be a year...i cant believe it has already been that long...it seems like yesterday in some ways and in others it feels like a lifetime since I last saw her...
I have NO IDEA how I am going to make it through that day...
Stephanie
I am finally getting sleep...He started sleeping through the night when he turned about 2and a half months...next week he will be 4 months...it is going so fast. He is so different from my daughter...he is fussy, has to see me at all times, is not comforted by anyone but me...just difficult to say the least.
I am just trying to make it day by day...thinking like you said, and that there is a reason for this. I just wish I could know that she is there, somewhere...thinking it is so is not enough...even all the signs I think she is sending me...I just chalk them up to coincidence. Like on the birth day of my son I asked her to send my a sign that she was there and saw my son...that day when my husband came back to the hospital there was a rainbow right over the hospital...then on my birthday i again asked her for a sign and that day there was a rainbow right over my fathers house which was where I spent my birthday. She loved dragonflies, and when I am at what seems to be my worst sometimes, there is ALWAYS a dragonfly sitting very close to me. I just keep telling myself it is my brain trying to hard to accept that there is an afterlife and she is watching over me. I wish i could just accept it already and move on.
In october it will be a year...i cant believe it has already been that long...it seems like yesterday in some ways and in others it feels like a lifetime since I last saw her...
I have NO IDEA how I am going to make it through that day...
Stephanie
jsmyers8000
08-23-2005, 08:23 PM
Steph,
You know when my mom's 1st anniv. came up I didn't know how I was going to do either. I was very nervous and even as the day became closer....I started having flash backs (sort of) of the last days of her life. Like I was reliving it all over again. The day came...I went out to see her and then it was over. Pretty emotional...lots of memories but you know what...a lot of them were good. Just allow yourself the day to remember and honor her memory. I realized that as the day approached that it does not need to be bad or sad but I should honor her presence in my life. So that's what I did. I looked at some photos...I gave her a big kiss and then I sat at her grave and talked to her. Choked up a few times but I did feel better after the day was over.
As far as your signs....I would take them as signs. I don't know about an afterlife other than with God but I do know that God works through people, life and objects to help us remember who he is and what he is about. So I would think he is telling you that your mom is there when ever you need her. So I would smile and be happy that she is saying hello!!! I would give anything for my mom to pop by in my dream to say hello or help me remember a moment I had with her when I was younger.
I am glad that you are getting some rest. It helps when you feel rested...seems like you can deal with things better as they come your way. Let me know about any more signs you see.
Jeanne
You know when my mom's 1st anniv. came up I didn't know how I was going to do either. I was very nervous and even as the day became closer....I started having flash backs (sort of) of the last days of her life. Like I was reliving it all over again. The day came...I went out to see her and then it was over. Pretty emotional...lots of memories but you know what...a lot of them were good. Just allow yourself the day to remember and honor her memory. I realized that as the day approached that it does not need to be bad or sad but I should honor her presence in my life. So that's what I did. I looked at some photos...I gave her a big kiss and then I sat at her grave and talked to her. Choked up a few times but I did feel better after the day was over.
As far as your signs....I would take them as signs. I don't know about an afterlife other than with God but I do know that God works through people, life and objects to help us remember who he is and what he is about. So I would think he is telling you that your mom is there when ever you need her. So I would smile and be happy that she is saying hello!!! I would give anything for my mom to pop by in my dream to say hello or help me remember a moment I had with her when I was younger.
I am glad that you are getting some rest. It helps when you feel rested...seems like you can deal with things better as they come your way. Let me know about any more signs you see.
Jeanne
missingmom
09-07-2005, 11:12 AM
Hi Jeanne,
I have been pretty much the same...just getting through the days...going to counseling...trying to "let her go" as my therapist tells me too...I just cant seem to do it...I am trying so hard to keep her as close as possible and to me I guess the constant thinking about her, going over everything over and over again is my way of doing that. I know I cant bring her back, I know she is gone, but it is just so strange that there is a part of my brain and heart that wakes up every morning and realizes it all over again that this is not a dream, but reality...I just dont understand how after almost a year I could even for a split second think...DID THIS REALLY HAPPEN? Or, how for a second I could still think...OH, let me call mom at work...oh ****...I cant do that. Strange the way the mind works.
Hope you are doing ok. I dont write all the time because in all honesty I feel like I would be writing the same thing over and over again just like my thoughts flow through my head. I feel like I need to have a piece of my brain removed or something. Well...hope to hear from you soon..
Stephanie
I have been pretty much the same...just getting through the days...going to counseling...trying to "let her go" as my therapist tells me too...I just cant seem to do it...I am trying so hard to keep her as close as possible and to me I guess the constant thinking about her, going over everything over and over again is my way of doing that. I know I cant bring her back, I know she is gone, but it is just so strange that there is a part of my brain and heart that wakes up every morning and realizes it all over again that this is not a dream, but reality...I just dont understand how after almost a year I could even for a split second think...DID THIS REALLY HAPPEN? Or, how for a second I could still think...OH, let me call mom at work...oh ****...I cant do that. Strange the way the mind works.
Hope you are doing ok. I dont write all the time because in all honesty I feel like I would be writing the same thing over and over again just like my thoughts flow through my head. I feel like I need to have a piece of my brain removed or something. Well...hope to hear from you soon..
Stephanie
jsmyers8000
09-14-2005, 01:23 AM
Steph,
Hi! Sorry for the late response. You know...it took me quit a while to remember that mom passed away when I would wake up in the morning or I can't call her anymore. It was very hard..you know what I did...I have a wonderful picture of her right by my alarm clock now. So when I shut my alarm off in the morning...she is the first person I see. It reminds me and helps a lot through the day. It may or may not work for you...but try it. {removed} Silly uh! I hope you are doing better. Take care and I am here for you!!!
Jeanne
Hi! Sorry for the late response. You know...it took me quit a while to remember that mom passed away when I would wake up in the morning or I can't call her anymore. It was very hard..you know what I did...I have a wonderful picture of her right by my alarm clock now. So when I shut my alarm off in the morning...she is the first person I see. It reminds me and helps a lot through the day. It may or may not work for you...but try it. {removed} Silly uh! I hope you are doing better. Take care and I am here for you!!!
Jeanne
missingmom
09-14-2005, 11:00 AM
Jeanne...
I have a picture of her there, and just about everywhere else in my house.
{removed}
I have a picture of her there, and just about everywhere else in my house.
{removed}
missingmom
09-15-2005, 11:00 AM
I have tried so many things....NOTHING is working. I just feel totally Hopeless and miserable...with 2 young kids....just feel like i am giving up on everything. Dont want to go on, even if I do...feel like I just cant anymore. Everything is way too painful. I tried to think positive, look at all the good in my life but nothing is taking away this terrible misery. I go to therapy, but am stopping because it is getting me nowhere. A berevement group is just more misery. I already know other people are in the same boat with me, but that is just making everything seem even more hopeless for me. I know my kids need me, but what I need is gone, so me going foward is impossible.
I wish things could be different, I wish I could just accept this and be able to move foward with the thoughts that one day we would see each other again and maybe all would be easier to deal with. But, that is not happening ...and TIME ERASES NOTHING...is just makes all this more painful looking back at how much time has gone by since I last saw her and all she is missing. There is no light at the end of this tunnel, and there are no exits along the way.
I wish things could be different, I wish I could just accept this and be able to move foward with the thoughts that one day we would see each other again and maybe all would be easier to deal with. But, that is not happening ...and TIME ERASES NOTHING...is just makes all this more painful looking back at how much time has gone by since I last saw her and all she is missing. There is no light at the end of this tunnel, and there are no exits along the way.
PassingSpirit
09-15-2005, 03:25 PM
I lost my mother to breast/lung cancer on April 22, 2004. It has been almost 5 months and I still cannot bring my self to think about her and not cry. She was the strongest and must faithful person to everyone and everything. She never let the cancer beat her until the last three weeks of her life. I took care of her for the last three weeks. My family and I were there when she took her last breath and heard her last heartbeat. I really could use some advice on how to deal and move forward. I am not stopping my life. I am a wife and mother to two children. I help my husband run a business. So my life is moving forward, but I still feel like I am standing still without her. We spoke two to three times a day. I miss her so much. Please, some advice. I am not trying to run for my grief but I am getting pretty tired of grieving everyday for her in some form or another. Thanks to anyone's suggestions.
Jeanne
Montana
:angel:
I can emphasize with your plight... My mother died of bowel cancer and she was only 54. In the last year and a half I have had to deal with her loss and the massive hole it has left in our family. (I used to spend all weekend having cups of tea with her and chatting rather than going out with my friends...and I'm a guy...so perhaps you can see how much she meant to me).
Anyway, she was a shy & sensitive but strong willed person... She said that dying did not scare her but she thought those that live would suffer more. Too true.
So, I think you need to be strong and divert your emotions towards the betterment of your children as you are their mother (She'd prefer that). Also, I found that rationalizing her death by feeling angry that she died 20 years earlier than the average, is far better than just the fact that she died...as we all die.
Lastly, see it as a good sign that you grieve... it would be far sadder if you didn't.
And finally, just remember that there are many many of us out here that are dealing with this just like you... it’s a part of life.
Very lastly, my mother promised me before that she died that if there was an afterlife she would do her utmost to contact me (I'm a skeptic and definitely not religious).. And a number of electrical things happened that made me think... but I was grieving one night while on my computer and the room light switched off (Physically)... that blew me away. I just smiled; I felt it was her instantaneously.
Jeanne
Montana
:angel:
I can emphasize with your plight... My mother died of bowel cancer and she was only 54. In the last year and a half I have had to deal with her loss and the massive hole it has left in our family. (I used to spend all weekend having cups of tea with her and chatting rather than going out with my friends...and I'm a guy...so perhaps you can see how much she meant to me).
Anyway, she was a shy & sensitive but strong willed person... She said that dying did not scare her but she thought those that live would suffer more. Too true.
So, I think you need to be strong and divert your emotions towards the betterment of your children as you are their mother (She'd prefer that). Also, I found that rationalizing her death by feeling angry that she died 20 years earlier than the average, is far better than just the fact that she died...as we all die.
Lastly, see it as a good sign that you grieve... it would be far sadder if you didn't.
And finally, just remember that there are many many of us out here that are dealing with this just like you... it’s a part of life.
Very lastly, my mother promised me before that she died that if there was an afterlife she would do her utmost to contact me (I'm a skeptic and definitely not religious).. And a number of electrical things happened that made me think... but I was grieving one night while on my computer and the room light switched off (Physically)... that blew me away. I just smiled; I felt it was her instantaneously.
jsmyers8000
09-16-2005, 01:25 AM
Steph,
You know what I thought about after reading your last message? Giving up and not pursuing the life your mom would want you to. Talking with you these past months...I strongly feel that your mom would kick your butt if you didn't find some peace with her being gone. Don't forget about her by any means but smile more when you think of her. I know that sounds silly especially when you are having a diffucult time with your grief. I have bad days still but I know that my mom really wanted me to live my life with happy memories of her...not the last three weeks of her life rolling around in my head. I know you lost your mom in a very cheated way compared to me losing my mom. I at least had time to prepare. I know you didn't. It wasn't fair but for some reason your mom was needed. Her life was to be full filled in another way. Try to right down some good thoughts about her. How she smelled or what her favorite color was. Something that when you read it you will smile. I feel just awful that you are struggling so! Just keep writing me. I am always here to vent to. Rationalize to!!! To scream too!!! What ever you need...I will listen or read about. You have to keep a positive outlook on your days so that your children do not feed on your feelings...sometimes it makes it even harder on your most worst feeling days!! Take care and smile!
Jeanne
:wave:
You know what I thought about after reading your last message? Giving up and not pursuing the life your mom would want you to. Talking with you these past months...I strongly feel that your mom would kick your butt if you didn't find some peace with her being gone. Don't forget about her by any means but smile more when you think of her. I know that sounds silly especially when you are having a diffucult time with your grief. I have bad days still but I know that my mom really wanted me to live my life with happy memories of her...not the last three weeks of her life rolling around in my head. I know you lost your mom in a very cheated way compared to me losing my mom. I at least had time to prepare. I know you didn't. It wasn't fair but for some reason your mom was needed. Her life was to be full filled in another way. Try to right down some good thoughts about her. How she smelled or what her favorite color was. Something that when you read it you will smile. I feel just awful that you are struggling so! Just keep writing me. I am always here to vent to. Rationalize to!!! To scream too!!! What ever you need...I will listen or read about. You have to keep a positive outlook on your days so that your children do not feed on your feelings...sometimes it makes it even harder on your most worst feeling days!! Take care and smile!
Jeanne
:wave:
Dianam
09-17-2005, 02:20 PM
Hi there Id just like to say your not alone..I lost my mum 10th march 2002 ..I think about her everyday..miss her chats terribly..I still cry sometimes .. my mum had a strong character though and I know she would want me to be strong too..thats what keeps me going..theres no rule book on grieving I dont think..its just learning to live without their human prescence that is the hardest ..but their spirit is still with us..their teachings go on through each of us..talk about her ..the good times, things we laughed at always cheers me up..knowing whilst she was here she had fun..one day we will all meet up again ..until then cherish your family and make life good for them and yourself ..Im sure thats what your mum would want you to do.
:angel: godbless your mum and you and yours
Dianam
:angel: godbless your mum and you and yours
Dianam
jsmyers8000
09-18-2005, 12:03 AM
Dianam,
I agree with you. Living without their human presence is the hardest but knowing that her spirt is still here makes life a little easier. I try to remember the funny times. It does help. I know Steph is really having a hard time due to losing her mom unexpectedly. My mom passed away in April of 2004 from a long illness with breast cancer. I was ready for her passing but still didn't want her to be gone for the rest of my life. I really don't know what each day will bring but I have two kids myself and I have to keep going for them. I know it is hard.
Steph...how are you doing? I am here. Thanks Dianam!
Jeanne
I agree with you. Living without their human presence is the hardest but knowing that her spirt is still here makes life a little easier. I try to remember the funny times. It does help. I know Steph is really having a hard time due to losing her mom unexpectedly. My mom passed away in April of 2004 from a long illness with breast cancer. I was ready for her passing but still didn't want her to be gone for the rest of my life. I really don't know what each day will bring but I have two kids myself and I have to keep going for them. I know it is hard.
Steph...how are you doing? I am here. Thanks Dianam!
Jeanne
missingmom
09-19-2005, 01:39 PM
Jeanne,
I am here, just having a lot of trouble with this now...everything is just getting worse it seems. My kids do keep me busy, but it is just SO HARD to function on a daily basis...too hard.
I am here, just having a lot of trouble with this now...everything is just getting worse it seems. My kids do keep me busy, but it is just SO HARD to function on a daily basis...too hard.
jsmyers8000
09-22-2005, 01:17 AM
Steph,
you know what....you are getting up every day and making things happen whether planned or not. Life will not stop when we loose someone. God did not plan it that way. Are you taking one day at a time? How about doing some free time at your kids school? I know getting hugs from my son's classmates make me smile!! I know with a little one it's hard. Have you tried getting a massage? Sometimes that will allow you to feel a little better. Feeling down makes your body work so much harder. Try it. I just had one tonight and I feel great right now. My body was so tense and tired. It really relaxed me. Steph...just remember...your mom is smiling through your babies....she loved you and her grandkids. Give them a hug. I know hugging my little Halley makes me feel good. Take care...I will talk with you soon. Keep me posted
Jeanne
:wave:
you know what....you are getting up every day and making things happen whether planned or not. Life will not stop when we loose someone. God did not plan it that way. Are you taking one day at a time? How about doing some free time at your kids school? I know getting hugs from my son's classmates make me smile!! I know with a little one it's hard. Have you tried getting a massage? Sometimes that will allow you to feel a little better. Feeling down makes your body work so much harder. Try it. I just had one tonight and I feel great right now. My body was so tense and tired. It really relaxed me. Steph...just remember...your mom is smiling through your babies....she loved you and her grandkids. Give them a hug. I know hugging my little Halley makes me feel good. Take care...I will talk with you soon. Keep me posted
Jeanne
:wave:
missingmom
11-14-2005, 08:16 AM
Jeanne,
That is the only way I can survive is one day at a time, sometimes hour by hour. I know that my mom would want me to be happy, i know I have to be for my kids...without them, i hate to think of where Id be. I am just fighting so many angry feelings, hurt, upset, that sometimes it seems I am stuck, and I will never move forward. It has been more than a year now and it still feels like I am right where I was when this all started...I just put on my fake smile and go through the motions...now with the holidays coming it is even harder.
I have come to some terms with all this though. I try to allow myself to talk to her, think about her, then tell myself I need to move on and thats it. The past few months being around the year anniversary were very hard. Didnt want to talk , do anything, just sit around. I started this book someone bought me.. a memory book about someone who has past...it is helping a little, but on the other hand it is hard to fill out.
You mentioned helping out at the schools, but my kids are too young. I joined a play group with them, that is good to get out.
Just doing things one day at a time...trying to tell myself to believe what I SEE and think, and let myself believe she is watchung over us...it is the only way i get by when i am really low....
Hope you are doing well...sorry its been so long.
Steph
That is the only way I can survive is one day at a time, sometimes hour by hour. I know that my mom would want me to be happy, i know I have to be for my kids...without them, i hate to think of where Id be. I am just fighting so many angry feelings, hurt, upset, that sometimes it seems I am stuck, and I will never move forward. It has been more than a year now and it still feels like I am right where I was when this all started...I just put on my fake smile and go through the motions...now with the holidays coming it is even harder.
I have come to some terms with all this though. I try to allow myself to talk to her, think about her, then tell myself I need to move on and thats it. The past few months being around the year anniversary were very hard. Didnt want to talk , do anything, just sit around. I started this book someone bought me.. a memory book about someone who has past...it is helping a little, but on the other hand it is hard to fill out.
You mentioned helping out at the schools, but my kids are too young. I joined a play group with them, that is good to get out.
Just doing things one day at a time...trying to tell myself to believe what I SEE and think, and let myself believe she is watchung over us...it is the only way i get by when i am really low....
Hope you are doing well...sorry its been so long.
Steph