Hi all my name is Boylan
Do to the massive amounts of anti depressants im on i am really fat. Ok last summer i went on a low carb diet and lost 35 pounds. Down to my 175 ideal weight. I held this weight for a couple months then in the last two or so months i have put on 50! pounds!!
ok im a skinny guy locked into a fat body by my drugs+depression. I wish I could be one of those charismatic people who draws all kinds of people (especially girls) to me. I am completely and uterly alone. Im fat and because to the best of my knowledge i have never attracted a girl to me i assume im ugly.
sigh
anyone know anything that would make me more attractive?
any thoughts?>
thanks

i have heard that steroids put weight on l..but i didnt know that anti depressants did it as well..but i am not a pill person ..and believe that often times the problems they give us are worse than what we started out with...so you mite be right about them contributing to your weight gain...i suggest this..talk to your dr about possibley changing your meds to something that wont add the pounds..then see a therapist if you havent already..then see a nutritionist and get on a healthy eating regimen..then establish an exercise program it will help you physically and mentally...

Boylanpower, aside from the anti-depressants are you receiving any counselling? Drugs alone won't cure a depression and the counselling would help with your self-esteem issues.

A combination of sensible eating and exercising will put you on the road to feeling and looking better.

Take care and keep in touch. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Nic

[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 05-05-2002).]

im a tall guy- so i carry the weight sublimely. The only person who notices the extra 50 pounds is me (when im naked). So to all other people im normal.
im seeing a pschoologist for my depression, it is an interesting idea to see a nutritionist.
basically i am completely and uterly alone. (my mon and sister only yell- they're grieving deeply but repressing the pain.
So #1. I am alone
#2. i dont no how to attract people (especially girls) to me
#2. Boy i would feel alot better if i just had a couple close friends and especially a girl friend.
how do i attract people to me?
thanks
boylanpower

Hi Boylan !

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I think the answers for possible suggestions for meeting people might be a little different depending on your age.

I'd say not to give up hope, sometimes it is hardest to find someone when you care so much about it. And also are you picky at all? Sometimes our expectations are so high that we don't see the good available 'fish'
in the sea.

Do you know exactly what you want? I tried dating this guy whom was very overweight and shy. I thought he was great but he dumped me and said I'm not good enough for him!!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif When I have dated and had long term relationships some pretty hot guys!!
Of course I think that was a reflection of how he felt about himself.
Don't despair though , since you are depressed , you are probally sensitive too and girls really dig sensitive guys http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif.



[This message has been edited by tweetbirdy (edited 04-30-2002).]

the last thing i want to do is depress you more...but obesity is a serious problem and whether or not you carry your weight sublimely as you say..it is not healthy to be 50 lbs overweight..from the fact that you are wishing for a girlfriend i am assuming you are very young...if you dont get a handle on this weight issue you stand a very good chance i would imagine at becoming morbidly obese as time goes on..if you think you are unhappy now..wait and see how that can change your life......you cant walk without great difficulty, sit in seats in movies and airplanes..the list goes on..you are soo lucky to be young ..dont waste what could be the best time of your life...lose weight now!

um im 18 and alone.
ya i have lost weight before. Basically it just invovles going to a gym every day and not overeating. But overeating makes me feel good. I just don't care enough to lose the weight right now. I guess thats what it came down to. Is there any quick fixes i dont know about?
thanks
boylan

One cannot and will not lose weight unless they truly want to. It takes real willpower to follow a sensible eating plan and exercise regime.

There are also no "quick fixes" when it comes to losing weight. Crash/fad diets never really work. Most people who lose weight on these diets always gain the weight back immediately plus some extra.

Sounds like you need to work on your depression and self-esteem issues before anything else.

Take care and good luck.

Nic

BP,
You said "overeating makes me feel GOOD", and I know, especially these days, we need something,anything, to make us feel better. Consider this: a camping trip with your buddies, a ball game, hanging out with friends, a sweet girl. These things will make you feel BETTER. These things will make you happy! I'm a 45 year old woman and I can say with good authority, that what you do in the next few years will affect the rest of your life. That's forever I'm talking about. Take the high road, BP. You can do this. Keep your eye on the big picture and start the journey.

Talk to your doctor, maybe he can give you a good eating/exercise program. BUT KNOW THIS....beauty IS only skin deep. You need to have confidence in the person that you are, who cares what you look like? The only guys I am attracted to are those with charismatic personalities! I always go for someone who can make me laugh, I don't care what they look like!! High school is pretty superficial, too, just wait till you get out of school and things will get better. Not everyone judges people for what they look like. CHIN UP, SWEETIE!!!!!

first and formost! you must like yourself! none of the diets will work if you do not like yourself internally. at 18 the pressure of fitting in is the strongest it will ever be. whether you you are a football star or the captain if the math team the need to fit in is stronger now than it will ever be in your entire life. and it's a very fake world. once you hit 19-20 that will be dissolved. your mind is the most important entity you have and the most powerful. you are unique. there is no one in the world that is just like you.once you have established a loving and respectful rapport with yourself, you can change you body if you choose. good luck to you!

hi boylan
one of the best ways to make your life and maybe yourself more interesting is to get out and do something that you enjoy, try joining a club or society or take a class in something. that way you'll meet new people, make new friends, who share similar interests to yourself.
best of luck.

This is just an idea that crossed my mind...

You said that you were on a massive amount of anti-depressants. Is it possible that you're over-medicated? I'm guessing that its possible to get really depressed if you're on too many meds. Maybe the meds are working against each other.

Might be something to look into. Take care and best of luck to you.

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

Nic

Hi since you are very depressed maybe you should talk to someone like a counselor. I have been depressed before but not for the same reason as you. I stayed that way until I found the right person to talk to. Do you have any friends? Maybe you should talk to a friend.

Hi again one thing I forgot to mention is that I have a friend who used to be very skinny. He went in depression back in 1999 and is taking anti-depressants. He gained alot of weight like you did. Have you been to counseling yet? You need to talk to someone. It will help you. Please let us all know how you're doing.

You might try getting put on different anti-depressants some anti-depressants are also used for weight problems. Just a thought.

Hi it's me again. I just want to tell you don't ever let people upset you with their comments. They are not worth crying over.

Hi, you sound like a really nice person. The fact that you want to be happier is the first step! And reaching out to others is a great way to start too. Are you still in school? Are you around other people during the day? If you are, try this. It might help, it might a tiny step. Try just doing some deep breathing, get perfectly calm and relaxed and then when you see someone, smile at them. It takes the pain and the problem away from you for a minute and brings someone into your space. No matter how far away you are, just smile, and acknowledge someone else. You'll see, you'll get a smile back, and that will be a start! Even if you don't get a smile back, that person will remember what you did, and the next time they see you, they may acknowledge you! That's how it works.
I know your pain is very real. But start with this little idea and see where it takes you. Just try it and let us know how you are doing, ok? Don't worry about it all either...your depression, your weight gain, your isolation etc. Just work on one little thing at a time, make one thing your goal. When you accomplish that one thing, you'll see that other postiive things will happen. So try that, OK? Try the goal of smiling at someone and maybe saying hello.
That's all you have to do, and see how it goes. It'll get better. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to others, that's the first part of having charisma. People with true charisma know how to bring other people into their space, by talking to them and talking to them about things the other person is interested in...people remember that...they also remember if you remember their name. Remembering someone else's name and using it when you speak to them (it's who they are!) makes you very memorable and gives you charisma! Keep us posted.

It is very sad to see you in so much despair. It may not make you feel better, but life is full of tests and trials, and if you make it through this one, you will see why you had to go through this depression (weight gain) in the first place. Besides all the drugs and therapy, the #1 place you will find some peace is within you, and re awakening your spirit is the first step.

Don't give up on hope, it is true that once you leave high school, you will be out of the most critical social circle you most likely will ever encounter -- unless you get in the movie business! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif What is the population of your city?

Rest assured we have all gone through moments when we thought everyone was against us and were UGLY. Finding a social group that has the same interests and likes as you is your first step. Are you planning on college?

Keep your head up, admitting your anguish is an amazing first step!

Yes you should try doing that. It may help you. Please keep us all posted on how you're doing.

I think the best way to attract people is to stop whining (no, i'm not being mean here). Most people are turned of by someone who constantly whines about what's wrong in their life. Put on a smile and go out and have fun.

[This message has been edited by spongedebfatpants (edited 02-07-2003).]

It's all got to do with personality. If someone has a personality that just shines and puts a smile on someone's face, then I think that's very attractive and I'm sure every female would agree. People can tell when someone lacks confidence in themselves and feels insecure. If you are confident about who you are, people will see that. I agree with some of the other ladies... GO OUT AND HAVE FUN! If you take that chance, put a smile on, and not worry what anyone thinks, you'll feel so much better. Another thing.. a lot of the time, people won't come to you. You have to be the one to go out and make friends. You have to be the one who intiates it. I've learned that this year. I lost about every friend I had ever made. I got very sick and missed most of the last half of the school year. They just disappeared out of my life. The beginning of the school year was awful until I just stopped thinking about what I had lost. I opened up and started up conversation with people who I thought wouldn't even give me the time of day. I've become friends with more people than I could ever expect. If be yourself and show people your personality, who knows... they just might like it.

People are attracted to confidence. You really should focus on liking yourself before focusing on how to get others to like you. Keep in mind that you're your worst critic, other people don't look at you and think "He's ugly and pathetic". Only you think that of yourself.
I'm in a similiar situation as yours. I do have a boyfriend, but I have no friends and I'm very unhappy with my weight. I was recently was in a mental institution for 3 weeks and gained 15 pounds while I was there as I was on a tiny locked unit so there was very little movement and a lot of food. I sometimes tell myself that I just have to excercise for 5 min., if I want to stop after that I can or I can go longer. It makes it less intimidating and overwhelming and I usually go past the 5 minutes as the hardest part is getting started anyway.
Also, you may want to look into Welbutrin. It's an anti-depressant that's known for making users lose a bit of weight.

[This message has been edited by Melora (edited 02-08-2003).]

Boylan...My 18 year old daughter is taking Celexa and has went from 140 to 170 in 6 months. She is 5'6". She was always overweight as a child and she was bulimic for 2 years untill she got counciling and beat it. At 17 she started slimming down slowly with a sensible diet and excersise. Now the antidepresants are making her gain weight again. Your problem sounds like hers low self esteem. Though she has a sweet boyfriend shes been with a year now she is constantly worrying how to keep him and shes always worried he is going to leave her for someone else even though he loves her too death. How much antidepressants are you taking she is taking 20mg celexa once a day. She is also on Depo pevera which I heard causes weight gain as well. Anyway all this aside you need to just be yourself because people that are solely attracted to whats on the outside arent worth getting to know anyway it is the heart that counts and you seem like a nice guy. I would suggest a self help book of some kind to get your self esteem up and a healthy diet and excersise program even if its just walking for awhile each day. Talk to your doctor and see what he suggests. God Bless I wish you the best.

------------------
Cheers...Autumn
Female...42
TMJD...12 years
Anxiety/Panic Attacks (cured I hope)
Total Abdominal Hysterectomy due to endometrial bleeding after miscarriage (2002)
Hernia Repair(1998)
Apendectomy (infected) 1988
21 year old daughter born with Mullerian Aplasia
18 year old daughter bulimia survivor.
If I can help ANYONE with anything from a papercut to a life threatening illness, I will do my best just to be a friend. " A friend is someone who knows all your faults and loves you anyway".

You sound almost exactly the same as me when I was in high school. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif I always thought I was overweight (for different reasons than you), I hated the way I looked and I wanted friends, especially a boyfriend. It was literally hell all through high school for me. Let me tell you what happened when I got out of the rat hole. I got a full time job in a different town instead of going to college (what I really wanted to do) and I got away from everyone that I went to school with. I had a hotel front desk job, so I had to learn to interact with people, I no longer had the fear of talking to someone before they talked to me. When I did finally end up seeing someone that I went to school with I said hi and if you can believe it (this is a true story remember http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif) they started up a conversation with me talking about back in the day at school, how they always admired me and a few actually admited to wanting to be me http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif Almost everyone that I talked to said that they really wanted to be my friend, but they were too scared to approch me. I guess what I'm trying to say is....you wouldn't believe what other people really think of you, it's just that you're letting your vices get in the way of your perception of the situation. You sound really cool to me. I hope what I said helped a little. Another thought of getting out there, if you're a little scared is to just go to a park and read, you'll be out of the house and maybe if some cute girl is babysitting there you can bribe the kid to kicking the ball your way so she has to come over to you http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif Ya never know. Hope all works out for you.

Hi there~

Okay, give yourself a great big hug. Now, remember, you ARE special! Unfortunately, most people your age see the "looks, the shell" first.....they don't see the person inside, and I'm sure you're a very nice person.

First of all, talk to your dr. and let him/her know how unhappy you are with your weight....there are other antidepressants out there that actually help diminish ones appetite. You may also need to have your dosage changed if it's not helping. This is common. I've had it happen to me.

Second of all, what confuses me is that you are happy when you eat, but you don't like the results it causes. You have to make a decision on what you want. If you are truley unhappy being overweight, then get angry with the food that you eat and tell yourself you're not going to let it control you anymore. The food is only self satisfying.

You have to make the first step and take control. First of all though, I would make sure the antidepressant you are on is the right one at this point in time, and if it needs to be changed at all. Then set yourself a goal of losing maybe 5-10 lbs. in a month. When you've reached that goal, set yet another, and keep doing so until you've gotten to where you want to be with your weight. And REMEMBER how good it feels to be THAT weight!!!

There is a great weight loss message board here that I'm on. Come check it out. You'll get nothing but encouragement!!

Good luck to you

~northernlights~

Boylan,
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif first of all... nobody is ugly unless they feel that way about themself. Everyone has a beautiful thing about them... that's what makes us all unique. Physical appearances are too important these days. What about looking on the inside? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/idea.gif I too take medication for anxiety/depression and I know it is very hard to keep the weight under control while taking these meds... but try taking a good walk 3-4 times a week. Just a litte working out will help you lose some weight. Your being WAY to hard on yourself. Nobody should dislike themself as much as you do. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif Hold your head up high and let the world see the real you... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif As the saying goes.... you have to love yourself before you can love someone else... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by luv2bme63 (edited 03-12-2003).]

Has something gone on in your life that made you depressed?

Hey--go for a walk--it helped me--

And stop obsessing about food--give it a take it or leave it attitude--I was kind of like you in highschool--only not quite the same--but that does not matter--what matters is that you are worrying about food, your appearance, and what others think.

Go for walks and enjoy the time--you'll lose weight while finding something to think about other than yourself--

And when you look at food--think--I can eat it--but I don't have to--take it or leave it attitude works great--just be sure to choose healthy things most of the time--sweets are okay--as long as you don't binge.

I was UGLY all through school--but you would never know it now--and maybe you'll feel better when you get to start over--I did--I didn't like going to school because I was "the ugly girl"--but now--I'm married to a cutie--and have a GORGEOUS baby--so I'm happy--

Develop a sense of humour about being ugly--I did--I'd rather be ugly than stunning because at least the people who hang around you when you're ugly--aren't hanging around because you're gorgeous and want to be seen with you and or want something.

Life is about more than antidepressants-I used to take them--quit--don't need them now.

Life is about finding something in yourself that is beautiful--and having good relationships with those you meet--has nothing to do with the way you look and or how you perceive you personality to be.

Just go for a walk--and think about other things--things that you aren't noticing now.

I'm not getting that it's really a weight issue. You just sound lonely, isolated, and unhappy and the weight problem is just easier for you to talk about. Have you tried support groups? Look for some people in the group who are funny to make friends with. You need to laugh. Hugs to you. It WILL pass.

I am also on antidepressants. I take Celexa, and my mother takes Wellbuterin. (I am 25 and she is 44.) If I were you, I would ask my dr. about these drugs, as we have both lost weight while on them, and they have worked wonders for my self esteem. I have been on them for about two years, and my mom for about one year. The weight loss was not drastic, but at least it did not cause weight gain. There may be other drugs that might help you that will not cause the weight gain. I know this is probably only part of your weight problem, but it is worth a try.

Chin up, you'll find someone wonderful someday. You don't want to hook up with anyone who wants you only for your body, anyway.

:-)

okay, first, I have to say...suck it up. life goes on, with you or without you. so thats harsh. I used to be depressed and think no one could stand me....blah blah...I weighed 265 lbs for years...little bit less now, but not much...and one day I decided no one is going to change me into who I want to be. Thats why I am me. Because I have to change myself in the world- not expect the world to change for me. It's simple. You think, write, type, talk outloud to yourself what you what to be like. You start being like that person. Little by little, you ARE that person. And you can look back on your past, shake your head, and do more unbelievably awesome things. I started out by picking myself apart- down to why I hated myself. Personality wise, clothes, appearance, etc. I chose to change my personality. I was still interested in the same things, but I brought a little 'life' to my life. I always admired people for certain things, whether they were polite, if they were open, outspoken, honest, a good storyteller...and I picked up on it. I changed myself by watching others that were happy with themselves. I also clued into what I hated about other people- and I decided I didn't want to be like that either. So now, I am me. I am a COMPLETELY different person than I was at your age. (I am 21 now) I am HAPPY, bubbly, spinny, giggly, FAT and I wear terrible clothes. Now everyone wants to be like me. And look at that list, it doesn't sound THAT great. But it is. I love this life. So get off your butt, crack a smile at yourself and the dirt you were sitting in, and get out there. I also started yoga and relaxing methods to calm myself down. That helped TONNES. Seriously, you gotta do this. I used to be depressed and mean- my nickname now is bubbles! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif