I know this girl who has told me that she has bipolar and she has said she doesn't have any friends. She says that getting to know people is not worth it because they end up hurting you some way always. I have tried to be her friend but she keeps pushinig me away. She has pushed away other people too. She won't even respond to my emails anymore so I guess I give up. It was tough on me anyways she seems to have sooo many problems and most of them it seems are self induced. She was also a drug addict for 10 years. She was addicted to Meth. Is it possible that someone who is diagnosed as being bipolar is actually a drug addict and it is the drugs that are making them act irratically.

Hi Kari!

Well, Bipolar can cause stormy relationships. However, it generally depends on how that person handles their illness. Frequently, though, bipolar runs hand in hand with other mental disorders or substance abuse. Many times, it is these other issues that cause the stormy relationships. For example, I am bipolar, but my bp doesn't affect my relationships much. Except when I am depressed, and then I don't really want to be around people. However, I also suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. My Borderline makes me want to be close to people and push them away all at the same time. So, to answer your question, it could potentially be the bipolar, or it could be something else coinciding with it. Generally, if the person is trying to push you away, they really don't want to. At least for me, when I'm pushing, I usually want someone to grab me by the wrist, pull me close, and give me a big hug. Tell me they are willing to love me even when I don't love myself. Hope I could help!

Hundtoft :wave:

Yeah I have tried and tried to keep writing her when she has pushed me away. The last thing she wrote me was about her stuff that I hade gotten from her last job. I worked there too and I made arrangements to pick up all of her stuff and bring it home and I was going to get it to her somehow. It was a radio and other stuff. Well the last thing I wrote her was when did she want to get together so I could get her stuff to her. Her response to that was that I should just throw it all away because she has too many problems to worry about that stuff right now. Obviously I am not going to throw her stuff away and I thought that was a really odd thing to say. I haven't heard from her since and it's been a couple weeks. I tried twice even after she said that but she won't respond. So I guess I keep her stuff boxed up and wonder what ever happened to her. Does that sound like bipolar?

Well, to me, it either sounds like she's in a deep depression, or perhaps she's possibly borderline. I'm not a health professional, so only take my advice with a pound of salt. Did she lose her job or quit? That may sound odd, but it could play a factor. If she lost it, she may feel incompetent right now or that the world is against her. If she quit the job for no apparent reason, that could be symptomatic of borderline behavior. I recently lost my job (it was my fault, however, the seriousness of it involved more than me, and the circumstances surrounding it were horrific, even traumatic.), and afterward went into a huge bout of depression. It was a job that I was overqualified for and was extremely bored with (thus resulting in the negligence to detail that cost me the job). However, when I expressed to my husband how upset I was, he told me to "get over it," making me feel completely invalidated. He didn't mean to hurt me, he thought he was helping by pointing out how beneath me the job was, but in reality, it made me feel more incompetent for losing a job I was overqualified for. Is there any possibility you could have upset her with something similar? Not to say that you are causing her behavior, it's just that those of us with mental issues are usually quite sensitive and frequently take things out of context. Sometimes, we may even unconsciously twist your words to validate our feelings.

Do you have her address/know where she lives? In your shoes, I would try to take the things by to her, give her one more shot at talking to you about what's really going on. If it doesn't work, you haven't lost anything but a few minutes of your time. In which case, I would say you should probably end the friendship just to keep your own sanity. Fortunately, you are in a "chosen relationship" with this person (meaning you aren't a family member, or someone obligated to remain in this person's life.), and have that ability. Maybe just tell her you're sorry if you did anything to offend her and that she knows your number if she ever wants to talk. I'd leave it at that. In the end, it is she, not you, that has to accept her behavior and take the consequences for her actions. Hope I could help.

Hundtoft :wave:

She quit her job because she did not like some people there and the way things were handled. She also said it was because her son has health problems and she had to take care of him and she was missing a lot of work. She did tell me she missed some of that work because she was crying all day. So I think saying her kid was sick was an excuse she used quite a bit. I would never have said something like that to her though. I think that she just hated that job and that I am a reminder of it possibly. She cut off the other woman that she was friends with for that reason and she told me that is why she cut her off. She has my address but I do not not have hers. I only can contact her through email. I do not have her phone # either. That is why I am frustrated I have her stuff and the only way I can contact her is through the internet and she won't respond. I do know that she is starting a new job so maybe after a few weeks i'll try writing again and maybe she will respond once she is settled into a new job.

I have Type I Bipolar, and I had someone who was medically obese reject my friendship, and another person who just didn't have time for any more friends.
I think that anytime someone is rejected for something that is a part of who they are it is very difficult to risk being hurt again. It's part of why I tend to be careful now when extending friendship to someone. It hurt when both of those people rejected my offer of friendship.
I can understand how the person you talked about feels...

I do.But it is more because I push them away than that they leave.I find it so hard sometimes to deal with my mood swings and my depression that I just don't have time for them during an episode of my phases.I need to be alone and deal with it in my own way.And have found that when I "come back" they have moved on or found different interests, or I end up explaining and they don't get it.So I have let all my friendships drift away.It is hard to try and juggle friendship and my different mood swings, and I find it easier to isolate myself than to have to try and explain myself each time I need to disappear. She may be feeling that too, or is just unsure of what is happening with herself emotionally and just finds it easier to let the friendship slide.Maybe give her a little time and she may contact you on her own when she is ready, and if not then try one more time to contact her.If she does not respond then know that you did your best and that you cared enough to try. Just my take on it, and I could be way off.But it is another view point to consider. :wave:

I've been thinking about this very topic myself recently. (hi I'm new here) I was dxed with BP (hypomanic rapid cycling) about a month ago. I've never had many friends (my parents were antisocial and determined that I would be as well) but I usually could maintain a couple. They never were lasting friendships as everyone seems to eventually go away (like move away) and we just lose contact although I try to maintain as much as possible. About a year and half ago I was starting to make some friends at work, nothing deep but at least I got to hang out with somebody for a little bit. But then I started getting sick and it seems I have nothing to talk about but illness plus I was out of commission alot so I wasn't around much, and when I "come back" everyone is pretty much gone or "giving me space because they assumed I didn't feel well". The closest person I had of these told me she thought I used my illness as a way of getting attention, that some of my afflictions were self induced, and that I had been behaving inappropriately (at work) so she had backed off. This was before the dx so I bet I was getting fairly inappropriate. Now I've been struggling to not do these things while fighting this illness but she still isn't around. I've seen on these boards that many BPs seem to push people away, which is something I've done but not because I don't want friends. I used to try to maintain contact but everyone is busy with lives (I don't have one of those) and I get the impression no one really wants me around plus I usually don't feel up to it (I find being social exhausting, plus I have a limited pool of people my age anyway). At this point I wonder if some of what my friend said is right and if it's all me. I've always had difficulty forming strong bonds, even with family. I know she doesn't understand the illness and that I can't always control inappropriateness and stuff, but if that is the way she sees me maybe others do too. I'm tired of obsessing over this and just want to find a way to survive this illness without being completely isolated from the world. Does this sound familar to anyone?

I've had no problem keeping friends. The only problem is that they have scattered about the country. They always call me when they come back east, and we maintain communcation. But I also think that I caught this in its very early stages, so I have tried very hard not to let it get the best of me, and not to ruin my life. i guess also , most of my friends are or have been depressed, so we can talk about it freely if need be. i like to think im very lucky to have found such good people. i also find though, that now most of my friends are too far to visit, i dont really feel like making new ones. or maybe its that i havent found anyone around that id want to be friends with. most of the people i work with are twice my age, and where as i usually enjoy working with most of them, and we have an at work friendship, it doesnt really carry over outside of work.

I have that problem too weasel. My coworkers are great but all quite older than me, I just don't have access to those my age and those I've got don't want to hear about depression I bet. But then again I haven't much to offer anyway, all my hobbies are "different" (not that I remember them much I've been to moody to enjoy them for the last year :D can't imagine where I'd start to pick them up again.)

i cannot speak for all, but for me, it seems as though my disorder prevents me from getting close to others. i have enough people in my family to disappoint, why would i want to add to that. i don't want to be a burden to anyone. i will help others whenever i can, but do not accept help gracefully. i am a great shoulder, but do not like to lay my burdens on others. it is wrong for me to blame my disorder, i let the disorder win in this situation. i am close to my children, i don't even have to think about it. it comes natural. with others, it is almost impossible. just my 2 pennies. take care

I am bipolar and work in the mental health field. I have been diagnosed for years, and did not take meds. Not that I did not need to. I was just too confused and head strong to admit it. I had friends when I was younger, it was rocky at times and I speak with many long distance. However to be in contact with a live person and have to interact is just too much. I know I have trust issues. I can look back and see what I have done I push people away. I tell men I have meet who wanted to date, I cant. I do not know how to trust. I want to be with people and socailize but I cant. It is too painful. I will be starting meds soon, does anyone knows if it really helps or am I going to be friendless for the rest of my life?

HI! I am bipolar w/ social anxiety disorder.. I know that i have been living bipolar since Elementary school and has always been very very hard for me to make friends. Yes bipolar people or atleast myself seem to be hurt very easily but others actions. Basically I think it has to do with self worth and part of being bipolar is you always feel very important so if you are treated as not "important" just for a bit or what is typically just a "tiff" in a friendship I tend to walk away cause its just too painful to deal with and so hard fathem someone else has done or said something to maybe not so much try to hurt our feelings but; it just does. There is really not much many can do. I have one very important best friend in this world and I tell you what she really really had to work hard at me.. I think it took her nearly of year of basically "killing me with kindness" for one that I was afraid of her with my social anxiety and for two to trust with overall. I have finally reached a point where things she says and does in any what most call normal friendship do not bother me.

I know its very unfair to most around me but honestly with you are having a bad day you just dont know your doing it.. Honest! On a good day I always feel so sorry for my loved ones. I have never had a drug problem but; I did have a drinking problem cause I went undiagnosed until my mid 20s (bipolar) was always know to have social anxiety.

Also; if you read alot of medical guides and books they will tell you that bipolar kinda just tails you along during your earliest years and when you turn 30 years old your body just sort of takes over and bipolar becomes its absolute strongest it can be. So if someone in thier 30s that is bipolar is not taking proper care of themselves it could be deadly. I do not know how old your friend is but; if she is in her 30s or even late 20s she desperately needs help! Only thing I can say is keep "killing her with kindness" its not fair i know but; it does work eventually and once she is eye to eye with you on circumstances she will never part you...

Good luck!
michelle

HI! I am bipolar w/ social anxiety disorder.. I know that i have been living bipolar since Elementary school and has always been very very hard for me to make friends. Yes bipolar people or atleast myself seem to be hurt very easily but others actions. Basically I think it has to do with self worth and part of being bipolar is you always feel very important so if you are treated as not "important" just for a bit or what is typically just a "tiff" in a friendship I tend to walk away cause its just too painful to deal with and so hard fathem someone else has done or said something to maybe not so much try to hurt our feelings but; it just does. There is really not much many can do. I have one very important best friend in this world and I tell you what she really really had to work hard at me.. I think it took her nearly of year of basically "killing me with kindness" for one that I was afraid of her with my social anxiety and for two to trust with overall. I have finally reached a point where things she says and does in any what most call normal friendship do not bother me.

I know its very unfair to most around me but honestly with you are having a bad day you just dont know your doing it.. Honest! On a good day I always feel so sorry for my loved ones. I have never had a drug problem but; I did have a drinking problem cause I went undiagnosed until my mid 20s (bipolar) was always know to have social anxiety.

Also; if you read alot of medical guides and books they will tell you that bipolar kinda just tails you along during your earliest years and when you turn 30 years old your body just sort of takes over and bipolar becomes its absolute strongest it can be. So if someone in thier 30s that is bipolar is not taking proper care of themselves it could be deadly. I do not know how old your friend is but; if she is in her 30s or even late 20s she desperately needs help! Only thing I can say is keep "killing her with kindness" its not fair i know but; it does work eventually and once she is eye to eye with you on circumstances she will never part you...

Good luck!
michelle

mlink- you've mentioned people in theeir 30's well i don;t have bp my husband does and he's so in denial- it's everyoone else and blames me mostly for what ever goes on or happens in his lfe- but he's unmedicated and he's 42- so i guess he is so at his worse huh? last episode w/ him lasted 8 weeks he's well into his 8 week now and i was told to except this to last a couple of weeks longer because each episode lasts longer... is this right?

also thanks for your insight it really helps all of us regardless of what side of the fence we're on.. i wish i can get my husband help- but he runs away-- always runs away and gets so defensive, it unbeleiveable.. thanks again and i look forward to reaing more from you.