((((((weasel)))))) I'm no longer on bcp for a few reasons, but they seemed to actually make me worse. I'm sorry they were helping you and you can no longer take them. It's been awhile since I've felt "normal" but I know how you are feeling. It sucks. I'm a stay at home mom to three boys, that is a hard, hard job, especially being a single mom. We live with my mom who is a Godsend usually. I feel the same as you, never good enough, ugly (even though I am told I'm not it's how you feel), I weigh entirely too much and it makes me feel like I'm not as good as others. No boyfriend at the time either, had a finance' earlier this year that ended up being a big liar so I broke that up immediately, I hate being alone. The only good thing for me is I like the fall. I know that is backwards from most, but I am not a summer person at all. Usually when I chime in here, I have no useful advice, I just like to let someone know they are not alone when I read someone that feels the same as I do. I hope you feel better soon.

OK, so im thinking this is mostly a seasonal thing, but who the heck knows. Im just crying all the time. we upped my lamictal by 50 mg, but it was only a week ago, so it will take about another week to kick in. so far its had sbsolutely no effect. i really have no fight in me this time around. im not that willing to try out more drugs. i think ive whined about this before but they took me off birth control because im at a "high risk" for a stroke. i need that because this depression is very cyclic along with my period and that was really working out for me. basicaly it was the lowest dose of estrogen, so it wasnt the estrogen levels necessairily, but that it kept my hormones at even levels, instead of flip floping up and down. i asked my pdoc and she said she cant prescribe that. any body heard that song "i just dont know what to do with myself"? well i dont. im feeling like a big loser again, even though i know im not. im just constantly crying. i hate it. and i cant hold it in either. the harder i try to hold it back the harder i start to cry. i cAnt deal with this. im so tired of it. especially now that ive gone about 6 months feeling NORMAL. now i feel like my job isnt good enough, im fat and ugly, my boyfriend doesnt have time for me (that part has been on going, although he says its temporary) all my friends have scattered across the country. and im physically feeling this downward spiral. happens every fall. stays through the winter. i hate the cold. im definitly going to get some of those full spectrum lights...