My daughter is 30 and suffers from general anxiety. I would like to know how to help her.

She said she wants to have a 3rd child very badly, but is worried about having anxiety while pregnant. Her husband recently had his vasectomy reversed, which cost quite a lot of money.

When she wasn't having anxiety, I asked her how she wanted people to act around her, and she said not to try to cheer her up, just say they understand how she is feeling.

She has always had low self esteem and feels that whenever there is a problem with friends or family, they blame her, especially her in-laws. I'm trying to give her encouragement, but I feel she's pushing me away. She recently had a very bad attack and was 6 days late with her period. All she wanted to do was sleep (escape?). She was o.k. after awhile and is on meds. Right now she is on Buspar which is supposed to be safe in case she gets pregnant. I hope someone can give me some ideas on how I can help her.

Good for you for trying to understand and help her, I also had a very understanding family and that was a great help to me.

From my own experiance the thing that helped me most was the thing that your Daughter said she thought would help her.
Don't try to tell her to cheer up...when you feel the way panic and anxiety makes you feel, you do want to cheer up and feel better...I know I did...but someone telling me that over and over again just made me feel worse.
Just being there if she needs you and doing your best to understand what she's going through would be a great help...it sure was for me.

It's so nice to see that you do want to understand and help her, she's very lucky to have you...as I was to have the support of my family.
It's just a shame that there aren't more understanding people in the world.

welcome doting,

buspar is a mildly effective and usually expensive tranquilliser that never seems to help much, any valium type med would be better, IMO but these can be hard to get.

if she is having panic attacks, a self help book on overcoming agoraphobia or panic disorder would have lots of useful advice

If she has depression why would she be thinking of having another child? Shouldn't she try to get it under control for a bit? Just asking, not being critical. If she thinks she can do a good job then definitly support her. Watch her close after the child is born, that's when I had my attacks and got on better meds. What made me feel good was when friends and family brought over bath stuff. I loved my alone time in a hot bath. A good book, cozy jammies. I always loved to hear my hair looked good if it didn't and I had a glow or I looked pretty. It could have been a lie but it really cheered me up. You are very sweet to be supportive. I wish her the best during her pregnancy. Good luck

Thank you for your suggestions, both of you.

When my daughter decided to get pregnant, she hadn't had an anxiety attack in many years. She has been on meds for it all along, but had to go off it when she decided to have a baby because it could be harmful to the fetus. So her ob/gyn is trying her on Buspar to start off with. But in the meantime she is going to use birth control because she knows in the condition she is in right now would not be a good time to get pregnant. Yesterday when I talked to her, I suggested she ask one of her doctors if they could refer her to some kind of specialist in anxiety.

I like the idea of getting her bath oils, etc. especially since she's a bath person!

your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring mum. only she knows how she feels, but for me the best thing a mum could do would be to offer reassurance. that i'm going to be ok. that is mostly what i need to hear during the tough times.

Your daughter is very lucky to have such a supportive mom. When I read your post, I really could relate to what you said your daughter is feeling. I too feel alot of times that if friends/family are upset its because of me. I also worry that my inlaws are going to be upset w/ me.... which at times makes me very uncomfortable around them because I have all this in my head.

Just listen to her alot, and let her know you're there for her. It truly helps being able to talk about these things. I know when I talk about how I'm feeling to someone I'm close with, it really takes alot off my shoulders.

My daughter said she feels a lot better when she talks to me.

Things have changed since yesterday. When she decided to get pregnant, she stopped taking the medicine she had been taking for about 5 years. I found out it is called Doxapin (spelling?). Well, starting tonight she's going to start taking it again. It seems she had a bad experience last night. She was having chest pains, slurred speech, and dizziness which really panicked her. She thought the Buspar she was taking may be the cause, so she went on the internet. It seems these ARE possible side affects, and that you should go to an emergency room IMMEDIATELY!! For some reason she didn't go, but she was awake all night worrying about it. Today she decided to forget about getting pregnant for now and go back on the Doxapin which works extremely well for her, and definitely needs now. Her husband is going back to work today after being laid off for a couple of months, and she was worried if she could handle things with him not there. Teacher's conferences are coming up, and she was worried if she would be up to going. Things like that. So I think she's doing the right thing.

Has anyone else had bad experiences with any medications?