hello, i am new to this community and NEED to get some input!!
i was diagnosed with add at the age of 6. i want to give as much detail as possible(complete details render complete advice...right??). so here it goes...i was put into a special needs class at the time of diagnoses. the form of education i recieved was basically none. i was taught the same things year after year with no new material. at the age of 8 i was diagnosed with a learning disability. i believe this new "lable" was do to lack of new material. the special needs class ranged from severe mental retardation to ld. there was 1 teacher and 1 aide, not nearly enough. when i was 12 i was diagnosed with chronic depression. nothing was ever said about it again. to make a long story short... i graduated high school without ever taking alg., or ANY gen.ed. corses. i was pretty much put in a resource room and forgotten.
now to tell the tale of my family. wow this is really hard!!!!!!!!! my parents were VERY abusive. i was alot better at handling the psyical abuse of my STEP-father then i was a coping with the mental abuse of my mother and siblings. i was the "stupid" kid. noone was ever there to help me with my homework, to teach me life skills, or to teach me ANYTHING for that matter. but when report cards came i was beaten with a belt for every f, a paddle for every d, and an open or closed(depending on how mt STEP-fathers day at work went) for every c. i think this was to prevent me from failing my classes, didn't work.
i have a hunger inside for an education, i want sooooo much from this life. i am now 25 years old. i have no job, no car, no $, no life skills, no motovation. i don't know where to even begin buliding MY life. i keep thinking if someone would just show me the starting line i'll be ok. i have lived ALOT of life, and lived through ALOT in this life, i know i can one day be better then what i am now, i just NEED (a) person to support me emotionally.
i feel like i am feeling sorry for myself, but i just want to go to work and come home, be able to clean my house, be able to be able. i know i'm not stupid, i have taught myself everything i know by reading at the library. from medical books to cook books :) i would rather be in a college classroom.
at any rate this is the basics, i just want some advice on how to start living instead of just floating!!

thanks for taking the time to listen. manalynn

well, i guess i'll do this alone and blind. thanks to the members who read my post, just seeing that someone took the time to at least read it gave me some personal hope. thanks again :)

Manalynn, I hope you are still here. Sometimes the boards are slower over the weekend and you have to wait to get a response.

You sound like an incredibly courageous and intelligent person. Despite your description of an inadequate education, your post was well written and very moving.

My best recommendation for where to begin is with a counselor. I think if you could find a counselor whose background is social work, that'd be best. Besides offering the emotional support you crave, they could steer you toward other resources in the community to get you headed in the right direction. There are agencies that work on a sliding scale payment system and wouldn't cost you much (if anything). I'd try looking under "social services" in the phone book as a starting point.

Getting a job - any job - would also be a help. It takes money to survive in this world. Start with a menial job (maybe retail or cleaning houses) and try to put aside some money to further your education. There are books written about cleaning if you feel inadequate in that department.

Good luck to you Manalynn and God Bless! You may not feel like it, but you have alot going for you! I agree with your self-assessment that all you really need is someone who can help you get started.

It sounds like you have your own house. You may be eligible for education $ and other assistance. A good start would be to find a social worker to investigate what is available to you. If you have no job and no skills, you may be able to get a grant to go to college. One good thing about going through a bad childhood is that we are a resiliant creature. It sure sounds like you are. Even just recognizing the fact that you have much more potential than was realized by others is a great motivator. You can come out on top and show your family that you made it in spite of them. Every child needs someone to care about them and help them achieve their best. Did you ever get meds for the ADD? I just started my 12 yr old son on meds. This is only the second week and I'm still watching how he's doing. It's scary to use meds and scarier (I finally realized) not to give him meds because he was not doing too well in school. He was always an A and B student but the last two years has slipped in some C's.

Anyway, make some phone calls, do some research on the web, and don't give up! If I survived and exceeded my expectations from a not so good childhood, you can too! I'll check back to see how you're doing. Take care and we do know you are here.

Manalynn, just checking. Are you still with us?

yes, i am still here. sorry for being impatient, i am kind of used to being blown off. well here i sit dumb founded and shocked that i even got a reply. thank you!!! on to the subject at hand; my depression is at a peak, been locked up crying in the bathroom for hours at a time. the reason i hide in my bathroom is for shame, i don't want my fiance to see me like this. through childhood i learned to hide my tears real quick. some habits die hard. i have never been prescribed any meds for my ADD, but took prozac for 3 months(in rehab) as a teen. lets put it this way: my older brothers baseball uniform was worth the $, not my meds. i want to know how far back this has put me. i see the posts from concerned parents and it makes me feel better. it is wonderful that they fight for their kids, those are some lucky kids!!
here is some good news in spite of things, i went to apply for admision and finacial aid for college today!!! i know what i want, its just finding the resources to get there. i signed up for psychology. ironic huh!?!? i want to give kids an outlet in my community. i want them to know i came from it and have made the CHOICE not to live by it. i now understand that a life worth living is a CHOICE. i may have mental illnesses, and emotional scars but i am NOT helpless or hopeless. pretty much i have made it to the train depot(finally) i just gotta find the right door to the right car so i can start this journey. from the feedback i have gotten from this board i feel like i am half way to that right door.
soooo, thanks again and i'll keep posting. manalynn

manalynn. there are jobs out there for you. there are agencies for adult continuing education. you have a pc do a search work source even employment office can hook you up. dshs also a good resource. go to a chadd meeting! I as well as my son is add I have a job as a dispatcher. I go from one call to another so i dont have to stay focused on one thing for along time. Pays good too..there is something out there. get on the phone start calling. you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! think positive. p.s neither my son or i are medicated.

... I went to apply for admision and finacial aid for college today!!! ... i signed up for psychology.

GREAT JOB!!! You are already on the right track - you didn't need any help after all. You just need to trust in yourself!

Manalynn, good for you! Usually the best social workers or others in those types field are people who have actually been there and come out on top due to sheer willpower and personal strength. Nobody can give you internal strength, they can only stroke you (or not). You truly are what you make of yourself. The first step is in realizing that you can overcome. Try not to get overwhelmed. I have an interdisciplinary degree and had to take psychology. I loved it! If I didn't have a job I loved already, I believe I would pursue the same kind of career you are looking to do.

Manalynn,
I agree with everyone that you are on the right track. You should seek out a counselor. I have one more piece of advice. Maybe you could volunteer, you said you want to work with other people who are going through what you went through, they can always use volunteers. That may even turn into a job. Also what could boost your self esteem than knowing that you helped someone else. It makes you forget your problems . I would also look into getting meds for ADD, it would help you to focus. Best of luck to you! Keep us posted with how you are doing.
Lord Bless,
Kathy