First off, I don't want to make this sound like every other post with just saying I have anxiety, what do I do.. I'll be more specific. I'll try to make it short.

I'm 19, had depression/social anxiety since the teen years started. I have no friends, have never had a real relationship, or an intimate one. Social anxiety affected me in high school to the point that I lost all friends I had made previously. I got the grades and left high school with a scholarship.

From there I went to Art College (and dreading every minute till I started). That was a huge step for me and I was trying to make a fresh start. I bombed out of college because I didn't want to participate in group activities, and made no new friends there, and left feeling the experience was a waste of time and money.

My situation now: I recently quit my housekeeping job (chosen because I could clean alone) and now I'm unemployed and out of school. I know I need to get a bigger and better job, but I am literally scared to DEATH. Nobody understands, and they just think I'm lazy. I've only been applying to jobs where I wouldn't have to answer the phone and the like (ie. data entry) but so far, no callbacks. (Probably because my lack of education).

So now I'm broke, I sit at home EVERY DAY watching tv and wishing that I could have friends or even a relationship (that is a whole another thread, I am also scared to death of relationships.. I think I tried to ask myself WHY and came up with, I don't want to be seen 'wild' or not serious).

I don't know what to do.. Everytime I think of getting a job, I just get really depressed and scared. Being at home everyday is safe for me, but I don't even want to be here. I never ever use the phone, so I'm even dreading what if I did get a callback, I'd have to talk to them on the phone. I'm stuck in the hugest rut which I like being in because it's not scary, but I hate it. Know what I mean? I want things to be different, but I can't make myself make them different...

I want medication to make me think less about the negative aspects, but since I have this problem, there is no way in hell I'm going to a doctor, so that's pretty much out..

Am I doomed? What should I do? I told my mom once about it, but she didn't seem to care/notice what I was talking about.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can give. My bedroom here is like my prison.


---Darkangel19

Hi
books on overcoming social anxiety and depression have useful advice, try a library

have you tried an antidepressant med, these sometimes help a lot and there may be ways of getting them cheap if you have little money, they can help for both depression and anxiety

if you are anxious about seeing a doctor, write a note and ask him to read it, some valium type meds would also help a lot

do get out and take long walks, these relax a lot