I know this question is quite general,, and people are on there best behavior around people they arent close to,, and im not even sure if my ex is bipolar but she does show alot of the signs,, all except of being depressed,, which she may hide well,, i have seen her down in the dumps with very rapid weight changes in the past..... but i havent seen the depressed crying etc.etc. { but maybe i wouldnt know about that side ,,and she doesnt show it to anyone ?

When she is around me and her family she is can be very clusmy at times,, doesnt pay attention to what she is doing,, always in a rush rush rush, unless she is tired, which is usually at the flick of a switch then she becomes tired and cranky all at once... She is very apt to just let go whats on her mind without thinking about what she is saying,, not very understaning about things ,, jeliousy often get's in the way... can be fidigy,, very very low amount of patience,,,she def used to throw alot of temper tantrums if she doesnt get her way,, compares things and is usually alot more negative than positive ,, and seems to think alot of things are "unfair"..., needs more than normal amount of attention ,,, seems to get the idea that when i do certain things she can complain about it but when she does the same things or worse it doesnt seem to be an issue,,{maybe its because it's a decision she made ,,,,,, she can be very stubborn and unrealistic not seeing my ideas or sides to the story.... NOT always though..... it only seems that she shows this side to me or her family.....

now with other people that she isnt really close it seems she pays attention much more.. slows herself down,, doesnt have the comments or outburst's nearly as often,,isnt negative about things around them,, acts cherry all the time,,OVERLY, outgoing ,and friendly ,,

Just being around someone with BP can be an experience. Oh the tells that I could tell about the wife.
She can turn it off in a heart beat around some people. They will ask in privete, is she still sick?

if i had just met my ex the only thing that would be somewhat obvious is that she might be moving kinda fast with everything she does,,, and maybe over talkative,,thats about it,But when she drinks i believe after a couple she def lets herself go a little,,, there will be times when she can drink a beer and be kinda drunk and times where she will drink 10 beers and it will barely affect her... around my family she is fine,, I just remember one christmas when she turned into a little kid when we were opening presents and got all hiper and excited looking for the presents for everyone

but around me most of the time i can see it in her eyes when we are talking about something ,, she can be very easily distracted by something,, or just change the subject in the middle of a conversation,, i know she has different things going on in her head at a time and its more

I hvae a feeling it can be controlled when it needs to be in some cases but its much easier to let go and be yourself,,, if anyone can awnser this thank you

In my experience you can hide it if you work at it hard enough. Problem is, little stuff still slips through because thats the real you. If I try very hard I can hide it too, but I generally find it to be more work than it is worth without completely reinventing a "character" to play. I'm an actor so sometimes when around new people I just do play a character of who I want to be, but it's hard to keep up indefinitely even with my training if you're trying to do it all the time. That's probably why she "let's go" around you and your family. You all are familiar and constant so she can't "act" the every time she's with you. It's not a scientific theory but that's my guess

the thing is im not saying she can totally hide it around others,,its just that i probally pay attention to her more and follow the differnt things she does,,, while other's dont notice it, because they are not looking for it..... some people are mor hiper than others some more quiet than others,,,she just becomes a different person around people she is close to ,, i remember a remark she said years ago when i asked her to pay attention to what she says sometimes,, and she did that in the past and she hates it

There is no way I could have ever altered my behavior when the chemical imbalance in my brain was kicking out a manic or depressive cycle.
I missed two entire years of school because of this damned disease (Freshman & Senior) and if I could have acted differently I definitely would have!!

There was a time when my husband could turn off his episodes around other people, just not around me. He would be overly outgoing to the point that I felt I should say something to him. He's always going going going and then he'll be "gone" not able to stay awake wanting to sleep all the time. Lately it has become harder and harder for him to control himself around anybody and it's starting to be a problem. But we are working on it.
Good luck to you
Nodi

I know what you mean about the "overly outgoing" she has learned that people tend to like that in her so she is super super friendly around other's maybe is she could have taught herself to do that with me we wouldnt be in the situation we are in,,, It wore on me because i knew that wasnt her real self,, she has a low self esteem ,so i think it boost's her self esteem when she gets all the attention and people give her compliments because she is being so nice,,, she is go go go when she gets started and when she gets tired its instant crankyness and exausted

My husband was diagnosed Bi-Polar disorder long before I met him. His two sons are also diagnosed Bi-Polar, his mother is on depression medication, his sister is on again off again on meds and does the most bizzare stuff, his other sister believes she is suffering from all kinds illnesses, and his father committed suicide. There's plenty of family history of mental illness. When I first met him I did not believe it because I didn't know any of these things. He was so charming and confident! Let me share my story with you as I think it may shed some light on your question about "acting" better in front of people less well known.

I met my husband 2 years ago and he was "cycling" at the time but I didn't know it. He told me he was Bi-Polar but "acted" so confident. I commented that he seemed so confident that I didn't think he really was Bi-Polar. Thus... MISSION ACCOMPLISHED... I unwittingly confirmed that he was okay when he wasn't. Now, he throws those words back at me and it doesn't matter that I have told him countless times that I am not a doctor and I admit that I made a mistake way back then. He uses it as his reason for not taking medication.

My husband is a superb charmer ESPECIALLY in a Bi-Polar state. Often times I believe he is "on his best and most charming behavior" because he NEEDS to have other people confirm that HE (and his Bi-Polarism) are not the problem. When he cycles he complains about everything and makes mountains out of molehills. He acts like it is an urgent matter to have the floor vacuumed or trys to make me feel bad that I didn't handle a telephone call for him correctly. He gets very dramatic about the "grave perils" resulting from "my failure" with regard to really minor things! He outrageously accuses me (or actually very sarcastically comments) of having affairs without any provocation or reason. He criticizes me for working too much or working too little or both at the same time. It's all very confusing! It is a GENUINE "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situation. Sometimes it feels like he's trying to create a problem so that he can justify whatever it is he's thinking about doing! But, the one "constant" is that he seems to NEED TO BLAME someone for something for all those "important" things he believes have gone wrong from a fuzz on the floor to an imaginary affair.

Because blame is so important to him, a great deal of effort and energy goes into "acting" to get others to "side" with him. He will exaggerate when sarcastically telling his parents things like "I don't mind living in a pig pen" intending to totally embarass me into vacuuming (or doing whatever else he wanted) and THIS EMPOWERS HIM. Guilt - Humiliation - Control - Abuse of Love - all of these are "tools" of manipulation used to acquire an instant "pick-me-up" by instilling an illusion of having the POWER to control another person. Of course it's not long lasting and sometimes it even backfires when the accused person does not "conform".

To get back to the topic of blame... At the time of a Bi-Polar cycling episode he claims that he claims I am the problem. He then seems to need to convince an "army" of relatives or other people to stand behind him to empower him to "get me in line" and/or to "punish" me for making his life unpleasant. Consequently, it becomes vital to any disagreement to "stack the deck" so that he can have the POWER to control me thus providing him with a quick "feel good" experience. (The "deck" is usually his family members but could very easily include other women who feel sorry for him - like I said he is VERY charming so this "quick fix" is easy to find.) Anyway, blame and fault are vital to placing someone on a guilt trip which is necessary to control someone. Gaining the support of others to acquire control is a very powerful motivator for "acting" better in front of other people. I could care less about blame and fault as it is my nature to be a "solution seeker" rather than waste effort and emotion on insignificant things like blame, fault or guilt trips. This difference between us can be very frustrating!

The bad news is this... I have no solutions as I have not solved anything... yet! Right now I simply fall into the "blame & fault" trap and then go on guilt trip for all those "things I do wrong" before I realize that it's just another Bi-Polar episode! When he drags his family or friends into it, which is not 100% of the time, I then have to listen to their "well meaning but misinformed" advice.

Sadly, this leaves a lot of emotional scars, as well as, doubt and fear of the future. I'll bet you share these same thoughts and feelings. I'm writing you to acknowledge that living with a person who suffers from Bi-Polar disorder is hard... VERY, VERY hard! It is depressing for us too - after all who needs constant emotional bashing? Knowing that it is a medical issue doesn't really make the blows any easier either. Maybe we all need T-shirts that say "Yep... I did it and I'm sure I did it wrong!" (only kidding) I wanted to tell you that you aren't alone and as hard as it is... try to find a way to smile today. YOU need that and YOU are just as important as the person who suffers from Bi-Polar disorder! Take care! Deb

Yes, mountains out of molehills. That's a big thing with my husband. Somehow it always comes down to him being dramatic, but saying I'm being dramatic. I know now that he is cycling and I just muddle through it until the "I love you, you're so great, you're my best friend" week comes along.
But I'm tired of muddling so I went to his doctors appointment today. Found out that he has a hard time expressing his feelings to his doctor. I had to sit there and say, "Look, this is what is going on, his moods are not stabilized at all, he cycles rapidly, he's lost 75 lbs since last winter due to a medication change." They took him off Zyprexa and Paxil, which is probably a good thing because Zyprexa is in the news a lot lately. They left him on effexor, otherwise he's suicidal, and gave him the zonegran and kolonopin. The K's worked great for a while but now he is basically immune to them.
I really have just seen him go downhill since the whole let's change meds ordeal. I mean he was 215 last December, now he's 150. He's pale and hardly ever has an appetite. I hate it when he's sad and there's nothing I can do. I hate it when he's mad and there's nothing I can do. I hate it when his eyeballs bug out and there's nothing I can do.
Hopefully this Trileptal and risperedal will help, the Zonegran sure didn't.
Hoping for consistent days ahead
Nodi

I really appreciate the information im geting from everyone,, I understand there are hig's and lows, with this.. But i always put depression with the term bipolar , "manic depressive".. but now i understand it can be way different.. when i met this girl 5 years ago she was more of a quiet shy type,, people would say she seems depressed and what not,,, And as time went on she became more outspoken overly friendly "high on herself so to speak { When we argued about things i would call her a princess because she never looked at my views as fair no matter how silly she sounded,, which made her seem immature... mountains out of molehills,, i know all to often,,,,,,,,, dramatic with explaining things.....weight changes almsot instantly and i could never figure out how the hell she could do that ,, but not so much more { i think it's because she has been more up beat for the past year or so.......very much understand damned if you do damned if you dont,,,,,,, very good at critical about things,, very very insecure about me and other girls,,, i know exactly what was said about a quick fix,,,anythign that will give her self esteem a boost good or bad seems to be a quick fix

It can seem like there are different people in her at times ive seen her change her ideas about stuff back and forth up and down all around,,she went to 6 diffferent colleges before she graduated,, she is a smart girl she ,,,it seemed she always looked for a problem at the school and wanted out immedialty ,,, Can anyone tell me if the person understand's they are acting out of context,, or being totally unfair of the situation,, without knowing ? she always said the problems were because of me and I didnt make her feel secure enough,, so i did make her secure and she wanted more and more and complained more and more....

again i appreciate everyone writing me i would rather be able to do this than read an article im just trying to understand this condition a little better,, and I wish you all luck

I remember once during a manic period almost yelling at my parents that "NO ONE EVER AGREES WITH ME".
And in answer to your question I did not know that that was an unfair statement. I truly believed it because no one was agreeing with me.

That's just one small example and I know there are more - but maybe this analogy I use here occasionally will help..

Everyone tells you that bipolar disorder is a "chemical imbalance", right?
Well, imagine that some injects some "chemicals" into your arm, and then JUST as the chemicals reach your brain they tell you - ACT NORMAL.
Could you? No.
Does a bipolar have any control over the chemicals in their own brain that are faulty?
No.

Medication can make a stab at correcting our brain's chemical imbalance. There are lucky one's like me who are lithium responders, and there are other's who struggle to find the right "mix".
But our moods are not normally our choice unless we are in a "plateau" mode.
My dad used to tell me to "Snap out of it" when I was a teen and probably felt awful about it once he understood that I could not.
:angel:

Too much to say, and I don't want to bore you...

I am from a long line of manic-depressives (I believe it's engraved on the family seal)...

My WIFE claims no such lineage, despite the psychotic departures of her mother AND only sibling...

OUR young child illustrates the topic of this thread in (to me) a disquieting manner...

Our daughter lets her hair down around us, to the extent that you would think she's totally out of control. Yelling, berating, you name it.

Conversely, at school, she's a quiet little bashful angel.

There was an earlier post that mentioned "acting" and being able to "put on" for short periods. I, myself, love meeting new people - with all the "play" involved...

At this point - I'm just hoping that the balance of behavior does NOT overspill from the home to outside situations (like school) - as, IF she EVER gets in the "face" of authority figures the way she does her parents at home, she might burn insurmountable bridges towards her future...

I have shied-away from having her "checked" or diagnosed, as the neuro-transmitter balance is difficult ENOUGH without un-necessary stirring AND I don't care to have that massive an albatross cast around her neck !!! I guarantee it would close 100 times the doors it could ever open (not to mention her fragile self-concept) !!!

Arch :angel: Michael (recycled, but still kicking, even if on 3rd down)

well downtrodden this i can tell you,, my ex is 24 and she can control herself out of her house in social situations, just acts different around me and her family

:confused: Come to think of it, that's exactly how my wife acts, and she is TWICE that age !!!

Well, I had everything all in my head that I was going to say but my dad started talking to me and I lost my train of thought so I'll try to remember a little of what I had in mind. As for me, when I'm around my family, they can push buttons that strangers can't. My family and my boyfriend know exactly what makes me tick and they play on that sometimes and then sometimes they are pretty much afraid to speak to me about anything because they never can tell when I'm going to blow up about something. They get under my skin in a way that no one else can. They cause me a different kind of pain than everyone else. That is why they see different emotions than strangers and aquaintances see. I don't put on an act. It's just easier for me to be someone else because they don't bring my other side out. I don't know how I do it, it just automatically happens and I don't even realize that I'm being different sometimes. It's just like a reflex to hide what's really going on when you're around the rest of the world.

its a given that things are going to be more comfortable around family memebers or loved one's , when arguing about something my ex was very immature and would never want to acknowledge my side of the story she was extremly stubborn ,,and immature when it came to that,, she loved to complain or be negative,, something or someone was always a problem she could never just relax and take things as they were,,,, i think alot had to do because of her insecurities?and also her quick thinking and random comments or unthaught about words are much more controlled around other's

well i had always said i really didnt think this girl ever got depressed,,,I was wrong,,, i think i may have been looking for the total obvious signs,, but she was sooo happy for like amonth and a half,, then 1 day she was grumpyand its been like this for aover a month,, she is always negative and grumpy,, has to go and have a couple of drinks to make her happy,,, then today she saids she neeeds to go shopping because it always makes her feel better when she is like this ,, she is very irretable,, grumpy ,, negative etc.etc.im almost positive she is a rapid cycler,,