Finally got the results back from the MRI on my thoat, their is a mass, I go for a needle biopsy next week. They are now re-evauluating the lung nodules as poss mets from the neck or vice versa. Scary thing is I have been tellin them for 6 months feels like something in my throat and finally got them to do something, hope its not to late. Not exactly sure what lies ahead. They also are sched a brain scan. Scary stuff, any adivce or thoughts would be appreciated.

Chazzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'll be thinking about you Chaz and hope you get some good results from the brain scan. Not sure if you are having a pet, CT or MRI as the brain scan, but my husband has had all three and neither have caused him any discomfort. Just the fear of the unknown. Will say a prayer for you!
Beth

Good luck and you are in my prayers. You've been a comfort to me a few times on here and I wish I had some advice for you. I know first hand how scary all this can be and to say stay calm and try not to worry is not going to cut it. I'm sorry that you've gotten this kind of news.
Please let us know how things go.

Brenda

HI

Wishing you the best possible outcome!

I think we tend to know our bodies better than people (docs) think we do!

Thanks for responding. I had the needle bioapsy done Thur it was painfull but not as bad as it sounds, the brain scan is Mon. I feel really deflated and down after being sick since before memorial day and all the other misdiagnosis canx surg and everthing else that has come along, it is really wearing on my faith. If I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I start questioning all this stuff then what is the reason I could not get anyone of the dr to listen to me, till they find what I have been telling them is their. I am sorry do not want to be doom gloom, I have posted to other people to keep up their faith and now I am doubting my own. Sorry its just I am worn out with this, it is taking my soul a chunk at a time.

Chazzzzzzzz

The brain scan is comp they are now sched me for a pet ? Not sure what the diff is or why they would schd it means something I their I guess.

Chazzzzzzz

A PET scan is a tool that doctors use to diagnose and stage cancer. A radioactive glucose is injected intravenously. Then you wait for 30 minutes or more (depending on how how big you are). Then you are placed in the PET scan...very similar to a CT scan but alot quieter.

The idea here is that glucose will cling to a site where there is a lot of metabolic activity, such as a cancer. Because the glucose is radioactive, it will "light up" on your scan. Other sites in your body will light up in that there is already alot of metabolic activity going on (heart, bladder, kidneys). If an area such as a nodule on your lung lights up, this may mean there is a cancer. The test is not 100% accurate, about 97%, I believe I read somewhere.

It sounds like you are making progress with coming up with a diagnosis. I hope it turns out to be good news!

I don't konw I dont remeber exactly what they was going to do I seem to get confused lately ?

HEY CHAZ , how are u holding up. I am praying for you , did they say how the ct scan of brain turned out? well remember you are in my prayers and i know you will be fine..

They are trying to get a pte test I think is what he cals it like wha mswell said they call one

They never did one of the brain yet? I think it's standard because of your throat and your lungs, chaz can i ask you what it felt like your throat , did it just feel like a little something was in their or alot i'm not sure if mine is my nerves or if something is wronge...

I am sorry I am not makin much sence i am havin trouble wih my vison today and confussing. They did something to my head and the want a better idea of that. My throat had a werd feling like I had a popcorn shcuk in it. I think thye have found it but are trying to fig out the stafge. My wife taks to them I have been tired and sleeppin. So I will ask her what I am doing ok ?

Chaz you sound totally overwhelmed right now. Are you doing ok?

The pet does NOT necessarily mean that you have cancer. It is to see if you do. I forget who posted, but they were right. It uses glucose, as glucose is 'eaten up' by cancer cells, and shows brighter on the scanner. It's not painful, sort of like a CT machine. Non-malignant things can light up, too. The accuracy depends a lot on size, and they are used a lot for staging, once a diagnosis is made.

They can actually do one of the entire body and see what is going on all over with it.

Hugs and take care.

I thin that is what they wil do they given me sum pills and thy make me slepy. I fell ok my eyes are blurryu and stff like that but I feel ok i dont know whnen the test will be I thinnk my wife is mad at them and upste casus e she goes in the bedrooom atllt and don't coem out for some time. But I think I am oik

hi shadowrose and txchaz, chaz you do sound so overwhelmed right now maybe you should rest , your eyes could be hurting from staring at computer screen so long, and shadow is right they don't know if it is cancer yet, theyhavent done any test.. i am praying for you and stay strong

I think thas right I am going to lay donw maybe I should have my wife comeon here and talk it might help her sometimes

by the way shadowrose any luck moving the ct scan in?? I had mine done today, no results till thursday....... i am so scared...

chazzz, I managed to blow' two modems (unfixable)so I havent been in here.As known with this ca, it drains us not only physically and mentally but also financially... I am sorry to see you have been struggling.....I was trying to catch up to everyone here via 'any' computer I have access to use.
I hope your wife can come on and write, Im sure she to can use the support, and you the rest. Please do encourage her to log in sometime.
Clint has recently had pnemonia, he tires easliy and having a tuff time finding work that will tolerate his low endurance, Healing and recovery take time.
Im glad to hear the Dr's are proceeding to the steps to get you some releif, and answers.
For us those answers sometimes changed weekly, daily, dont 'sell out' to any one opinion on any certain day. They are human too. In the beginning Clint had a slim chance of living, and now he has been labled 'cured'.
I know your tired, but your worth the fight!! However you can "feed Your Will"
do it...dont give way to negative, defeating thoughts, Your a strong person Chaz!!
Know Im keeping you and yours in my prayers bud. Even when I cant get on line to let you know. Hold tight. God is with you. Rest and be good to yourself. The mind is a truly powerful thing....Believe.... Big Hugz Mattie.

THis is Mrs Chaz, I just thought I would see what this was about, it warms my heart to see all the nice people and the nice things they are saying to Chaz. He is such a big heart to help people. He has slipped alot in the last few days, it alarmed the doctors and got them back to work. I am so mad that he could not get anyone to listen to him, I feel so guilty cause at one point I was wondering if he was really sick. I am just so mad, scared, sad I feel like I am watching him slip away. He sleeps alot the past day or so and has ate litterally nothing.

Hi Mrs's chaz. you are in my prayers,, do they know anything yet? do they even know if it is cancer? chaz is strong and he always tells us how strong you are I have a feeling he will be fine you are in my prayers...

They are not sure, it shows up everywhere, lungs, brain, kidneys, throat, he is having hip pain they say that could be a result of a enlarged liver? I cannot understand why they wait unitl this point to do anything, now its just a blur of activity. I am just at a loss right now, I totally feel like I have lost control of my life.

by the way shadowrose any luck moving the ct scan in?? I had mine done today, no results till thursday....... i am so scared...


I haven't even tried, to be honest. I've got so many other health problems going on right now- severe abdominal pain, can't eat, yada yada, I just don't care what my lungs are doing at this point. I've been doubled over for a week.

Thanks for asking!

I'm sorry you're scared :( If there is nothing else to be learned from posters n these boards, it's that we are our own best advocates, stay on em till you get the answers you need! I'd give ya an email if it wasn't against the rules.

Aww hon :(

You both are in my prayers. It's a shame that our doctors don't listen to us. You have nothing to feel guilty for. The experts didn't think there was a problem, either.

It's just that we tend to know our bodies, and often just know when things aren't right.

All that said- try and think positive. He's had quite a bit of testing lately, it sounds like. And the meds that make you sleepy can also kill your appetite. Pain can too.

Ya all keep us posted, we do care! Getting the doctors to do their tests, and making them give you the answers goes a long way in helping you get control back. Should it be the dreaded "c", there are always treatment options, even when it might appear to look dismal.

Hugs




They are not sure, it shows up everywhere, lungs, brain, kidneys, throat, he is having hip pain they say that could be a result of a enlarged liver? I cannot understand why they wait unitl this point to do anything, now its just a blur of activity. I am just at a loss right now, I totally feel like I have lost control of my life.

I feel so bad, can I ask what type of test did they give on the brain ct scan or mri and what showed up, i have been talking with chaz the last couple of months I can't tell you how bad I feel, did'nt the dr's ever even run a blood test???

They are trying to come up with a game plan, it seems to be everywhere. He has talked before about the people on here and how great they are. I watched as his parents passed from this horriable disease and now I feel like I am in the middle of a nightmare. He is so easy going and compassionate. I never met a man that had so much compassion for people especially dogs, I have seen him stop on the side of a busy highway to save a dog. He was frustrated with the Doctors but would always assure me that they new what was best. Any ideas on how I can get him to eat, he is losing so much weight, before he got ill he only weighed 175 lbs to start with, he always worked out running and lifting weights, he doesn't even look like himself anymore. I figure that its been about 7 months since all this started, 7 months wasted I am afraid of. Thanks for "being their"

HI

As long as he's not nauseated, and the doctors haven't initiated any diet restrictions.... try the following.

Cook something that has a smell that he really likes. That is likely to start the 'hunger' signals up for him.

Give him 'feel good' foods, like shakes and the like (as long as they don't make him feel like he's choking) They are great for increasing weight, as they are pure calories.

If he'll drink it, get some ensure at the store, it comes in more than just vanilla now.

If he's having nausea, DEMAND that they give him something for it. Don't play nice at this point. They've strung him along for 6 months. Enough is enough.

If he's still feeling fuzzy today, please call and let the doctor know, as that could be a sign that something else is going on. Any meds he was on should have worn off by now, I'd think.

If he has a favorite desert, make it or buy it. Some people loose their appetite watching things being made, so it might be better to run to the store and bring it home- like for me, it's strawberry cheesecake.

High protein foods are good, too. Does he like steak? Is it too cold where you are to fire up the grill and make a nice steak?

He's come here and offered support to so many people :) Now, it's his (and YOUR) turn for the support. Post as often and as much as you like. There are a lot of people here that check the board numerous times a day and will always answer questions, and if they don't have the answers, will look them up for you.

Hugs and best wishes. Tell him shadowrose says HI!





They are trying to come up with a game plan, it seems to be everywhere. He has talked before about the people on here and how great they are. I watched as his parents passed from this horriable disease and now I feel like I am in the middle of a nightmare. He is so easy going and compassionate. I never met a man that had so much compassion for people especially dogs, I have seen him stop on the side of a busy highway to save a dog. He was frustrated with the Doctors but would always assure me that they new what was best. Any ideas on how I can get him to eat, he is losing so much weight, before he got ill he only weighed 175 lbs to start with, he always worked out running and lifting weights, he doesn't even look like himself anymore. I figure that its been about 7 months since all this started, 7 months wasted I am afraid of. Thanks for "being their"

hey i am here if you want to chat, I am still wondering how they spotted the one on his kidney months ago, and was'nt that a red flag that he had one on kidney and one on his lungs???? just very concerned and curious //

Thanks for your advice on the food shadow, I told him what you said and he said he hoped that he did not offend you about smoking (not sure what he ment) He seems more "withit" today but not himself, he seems to have a funny color to him, it might just be me. He also mentioned someone named "renee" not sure who she is either. I am afraid of harrassing the doctors they might put him off or something. I have seen such a difference in him in a matter of three or four days at this rate I am scared to even think about it.

tell him we are happy to hear he is doing better, and now matter what it is i know he's strong enough to beat this...

He is asleep again I am worried over how much he sleeps? Should I let him sleep or should I try to keep him awake? He just seem so frail like he aged 30 years overnight I don't get it? It seems like every time I talk to a doctor it arrises 30 more questions. I am afraid he is just slipping away right before my eyes and I cannot do anything to stop it. STOP IT STOP please stop is all I can think of I want everything to go reverse hit the reverse button.

If he has gone down this quikly in a matter of a few days maybe you should take him right to the hospital.. he might need to go, my aunt had mat cancer and she did go down hill but not that fast, i think maybe you should take him to the hospital.. i don't mean to worry u either

I called his doctor and am waiting for them to call me back.

HI

Tell him he didn't offend me at all.

No, don't try and wake him. As long as he's resting comfortably, and breathing normally, then let him rest. He's been through a lot of testing and is probably worn completly out.

The mention of his color worries me, though. The doctors will NOT mistreat him because you call with concerns. You have a right to be concerned, hon.

His color, though.... is he bluish or yellowish? One points to oxygenation and the other points to possible liver problems (bluish oxygen, yellow liver)

How long has it been since he's actually eaten? Is he having any nausea or vomiting? More importantly, is he DRINKING fluids? Those dyes used for the scans need to be flushed out of the system.

Also, what medications is he on? The extreme fatigue can be a result of pain medications.

I wish we were allowed to post emails and/or numbers here :(

I know at this point that you are overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, scared and feeling alone and helpless. You wouldn't be a normal person if ya didn't. They are typical feelings when we are faced with the unknown, a potential terrifying diagnosis, and not enough answers!

It's entirely possible that he's anemic. That can cause him to look pale and washed out. DEMAND that he be checked for this! It's a simple blood test.

Now, on to YOU, hon. You also need to take care of you. You've said yourself that he's a very caring person (we all know that from reading his posts, by the way!)

Take care of you. He'd want you to! No matter what they find, he's sick. You all know that, and there is no point in my trying to sugar coat it, because you wouldn't believe me anyway.

But, nothing is set in stone. And I'm entirely serious when I say that I've known people with Stage IV cancer that were given literally weeks that have beat the odds. Remember that 'odds' and 'prognosis' are based soley on past patients, not YOUR patient. The only sure thing about cancer is that nothing is sure about it!

It doesn't sound like they've looked at his liver. It's time that they do. INSIST on it. Don't ask them, tell them.

But, he has to eat. He needs his strength for whatever he's fighting, be it cancer or something else. And he can't fight it if he has nothing to fight it with! Tell him I said so! If I can't smoke, he has to EAT!





Thanks for your advice on the food shadow, I told him what you said and he said he hoped that he did not offend you about smoking (not sure what he ment) He seems more "withit" today but not himself, he seems to have a funny color to him, it might just be me. He also mentioned someone named "renee" not sure who she is either. I am afraid of harrassing the doctors they might put him off or something. I have seen such a difference in him in a matter of three or four days at this rate I am scared to even think about it.

The color thing is hard to describe, not blueish just not right, pale would be more of a discription as anything he has always been so healthy I just do not understand this. He is not on any medication except a mild sedative and he has not had any of that today. He complains about his hip after sitting or laying down for a awhile. He has a appointment Fri and hopefully they will have some ans or at least a direction on what we are going to do. When he is awake he seems a little fuzzy or like I have to say something twice for him to get his attention or for him to udnerstand. I am pushing fluids I know he is dehydrated. I have never seen him sick before its just not right.

HI

If he's that sick, then don't wait for the doc to call back. Just take him to the hospital and get him admitted for IV hydration and an abdominal CT.

There are just too many possibilities. He needs to be seen. He should be seen. He shouldn't be 'confused' and the hip pain could be referred pain from something major.

Hugs

Is he still in pain? did the dr call you back? you are in my prayers, may i ask how your children are holding up?

hey shadowrose are u there, i am too nervous to call my dr for ct scan results, and now from reading chaz post i am scared that nodule came from somewhere else like the lung nodule is secondary, do you think this could be god i am just turning 27 now i am really scared.............

hey shadowrose are u there, i am too nervous to call my dr for ct scan results, and now from reading chaz post i am scared that nodule came from somewhere else like the lung nodule is secondary, do you think this could be god i am just turning 27 now i am really scared.............


HI

At your age, the chances of this being anything other than an innocent nodule are extremly slim, hon. Try not to be concerned. Even with a 10 year smoking history, lung cancer isn't likley, and other types of cancer that have moved to the lungs would likley have other symptoms as well.

Get your CT results and go from there :)

Hugs

I know you are right I am just so scared anymore, so you really don't think the nodule came from anywhere else>? P.S . Thanks for chatting i know i seem frantic but i swear i am normal ... just scared

I called his Dr. again they have moved his appointment up to tomarrow morning, Chaz did get up for a bit and I got him to eat a little, some soup and fruit. I made him get on the scale and he is down to like 155 he is skin and bones, I am going to get him some of those protien drinks like someone suggested. I am going to try to get him to get out of the house later when he gets up maybe a walk or something. We used to ride bikes now I hope he can walk some this afternoon and get some fresh air. He did ask if his "friends" were online, I told them how you guys have been helping me. I don't know what eles I can do I feel so helpless.

you are doing the right things keep him moving , go for a walk even if you ask him to do a few things around the house, I think you are doing great and tell chaz that we miss him and can't wait to talk to him...........

HI

If he's weak and tired, a walk is likely to make him moreso. Perhaps a short drive if he's up to it.

A good way to tell if he's dehydrated is to pinch the skin on his hand and see if it stays 'up' or goes right back down. It appears he's lost about 20 pounds since this all started in May?

I am concerned that he's sleeping a lot. But that is one of the ways that the body recouperates from pysical stresses.

Part of the problem, too, might be that he's probably scared, even if he's not voicing it to you right now. Anyone would be in his shoes. And, even that is wearing on the soul and the mind.

But the apparant confusion is worrisome. Some people aren't able to tolerate certain medications, though.

I'd flat out ask him just how much pain he is in. If it's severe, it needs to be addressed. Men tend to 'hide' the amount of pain they are in. Again, pain is very taxing on the entire system. I know you mentioned some hip pain (and I'm guessing that that is referred pain)

Still, with all the other symptoms he has, I'd ask for a bone scan. (Again, a painless test)

He has to build up his strength, and he can't do that without nourishment. If he's nauseated, there are medications for that. Is it he has no appetite, or is he afraid of choking on whatever he eats? If it's just no appetite, I go back to what I said before "Tuff Chazz, eat anyway :D "

Now, if he's nauseated, that's an entirely different story. That needs addressed.

It's rare for someone to go downhill so quickly, which leads me to think that something acute is happening, that needs addressed now, rather than later.

Please keep us up to date, and again, post with any questions, or just if you need the support. I've got this window open and will be home all day, as I'm not feeling well enough to go anywhere.

Hugs



I called his Dr. again they have moved his appointment up to tomarrow morning, Chaz did get up for a bit and I got him to eat a little, some soup and fruit. I made him get on the scale and he is down to like 155 he is skin and bones, I am going to get him some of those protien drinks like someone suggested. I am going to try to get him to get out of the house later when he gets up maybe a walk or something. We used to ride bikes now I hope he can walk some this afternoon and get some fresh air. He did ask if his "friends" were online, I told them how you guys have been helping me. I don't know what eles I can do I feel so helpless.

HI

No, I really don't think the nodule came from somewhere else. :) Pick up your phone and call for the results and set your mind at ease :)

I'm almost old enough to be your mom, so ...hehehehehe

Hugs

I know you are right I am just so scared anymore, so you really don't think the nodule came from anywhere else>? P.S . Thanks for chatting i know i seem frantic but i swear i am normal ... just scared

I am trying they don't open back up till 5, what if they say it got bigger, or there are more then does that mean i have cancer?

HI Hon

I'm going to post back over on your thread, ok? I kind of think that chaz and his wife need this one right now centered on them, and you need support, too, so I'll move my comments to your thread.

Hugs




I am trying they don't open back up till 5, what if they say it got bigger, or there are more then does that mean i have cancer?

I swear when we he got up this morning I could not believe the change. He is not nausiated he just has not desire to eat, I asked if he wanted to get on the comp and he said maybe later he is just lathargic. He seems um maybe not confused but detached like he is far away even though he is not but about 10 feet from me. I do not want to go to the doctor tomarrow I don't want to know what they are going to say or what they could say that makes me feel terriable. I just want my old Chazz back. :confused:

HI

Part of it might be that he's trying to process what all is going on with him. Part of it might be that he's feeling unwell.

Detatchment isn't that uncommon when we're faced with a serious health concern. Neither is denial. Or anger.

But, no matter what they tell you, you both have just started to fight it, whatever 'it' turns out to be. It infuriates me that he was pretty much blown off for six months, but what is done is done.

Ask him if he feels like he needs to be in the hospital right now, though.

If he's sleeping a lot, that could also in part be some depression mixed in with all the rest of it. A type of escape if you will. But I'm not there, I don't see him or how good/bad he looks or acts.

He was complaining of vision problems last night. Has that improved?

I know you're scared, I wish I knew words that would make you feel better. Hugs

I don't think he is telling me all of his symptoms I asked him about his eyes and he said their fine but he doesn't want to get on the comp which I think maybe do to the vison thing. When I look back at his posts I can see he was having trouble and he must have known, he would never want anyone to know he is not doing good. I know he is limping when he frist gets up from his recliner but straightens up if I am looking. He seems to talk alot about his parents lately? He has told me things that I never even knew about them. I am furious also, they seemed to put him in this holding pattern and it was like rolling the dice if its not C nothing lost but if it is then its been 7 months without any treatment. His father was diag in Nov and died in July that is 8 months it is scary. His sister calls and I am at a loss what to tell her she lives across the country. I guess I will no better what to say after tomarrow. One thing that really worries me is he has always held his faith but the past couple of days he has mentioned about how his faith has slipped, and he mentioned the every thing happens for a reason thing again. I should stop I am talking up way too much of everybodys time.

Hon

You're not taking up too much of anyones time. Not at all!

He's scared. It's to be expected, anyonoe would be.

And you're likely right, he's not telling you everything that he's feeling, but then, he's a man. Men are like that.

I'm the same way. I don't tell my daughter (she's 22 and lives with me) what all is going on with me, because I don't want to worry her. It's normal.

But, gently explain to him that you need to know because you worry and worry more when he doesn't open up to you. But first, give him a few days to process.

He's likely thinking about his parents, and how fast they declined, just like you are. But remember, there have been a LOT of advances in the last even 10 years.

As for his sister, there's really not much you can tell her at this point- unless you both need her for moral support.

He said it best a while back, this is taking chunks of his soul, or something like that. But his faith isn't gone, he's just coming to terms with what is happening inside his body, or trying to.

The unknown is the worst part of all of this. It's much easier, believe it or not, to fight a KNOWN evil than to worry ourselves sick over the possibilities (I know, I'm an expert)

All I can suggest is that you let him say whatever he needs to say. We really are here to listen!!!! Many people are probably still at work, but I'm not, and I don't mind listening and offering whatever support that I can, I promise.

I've been where you're at right now, so I do understand your frustrations and feelings of helplessness.

Hugs
Patty

Patty you and Shayser have been a big help getting me through today, also I wanted to thank LadyJ for being so helpful to Chaz before. I have got to get him up and moving, he would not be able to fight anything in the condition he is in, he is weak and dehydrated I am going to get him to eat and drink some fluid I gotta get tuff, he is just so pitiful right now it is hard to be forcefull but I know I have got to do what is best for him, and watching him sit there and waste away is not what is best for him.

HI

You're right, it's likely not. I'm thinking that he's in more pain than he's letting on, though. Apathy, anger, fear- I'd wager he's feeling em all. You probably are, to some degree, too.

Sometimes, it's harder to watch a loved one being sick than it is on the one who IS sick. I've been in both situations. You want to help, and feel helpless.

But, letting him know you are there for him is a huge help, I'm sure! Getting him moving as much as pain allows is probably good, too!

Tell him I won't smoke as long as he eats LOTS and drinks LOTS.

Hugs


Patty you and Shayser have been a big help getting me through today, also I wanted to thank LadyJ for being so helpful to Chaz before. I have got to get him up and moving, he would not be able to fight anything in the condition he is in, he is weak and dehydrated I am going to get him to eat and drink some fluid I gotta get tuff, he is just so pitiful right now it is hard to be forcefull but I know I have got to do what is best for him, and watching him sit there and waste away is not what is best for him.

Shayser,

Any news yet????

I posted on the other thread, too.

Hugs

Txchaz,
I am unable to come in here as Id like to keep posted on who and what to pray for and keep connected. In reading... so many things have happened...My heart breaks for you and Chaz (know my heart is with you both) as with many other recent threads.
Shadowrose has the knowledge and intuition to be a proxy for many of us Im sure, her letters echo things I would say also...and as to not 'clog' your thread I will wait in the wing as Im sure many others are also doing... BUT know we are all here, Seeking Gods face on behalf of you, chaz and all our 'extended family here" in need.
Your doing a wonderful job with the what has been given you to handle. It takes courage and strength to face this unknown all awhile being the glue to hold it all together.
I would encourage you to take care of YOU also, rest when you can, ask for help from those you trust, and give yourself some down time, to renew your strength. Even if its just lying with him, being near him,but taking a break from doing cares/and running the home.......
You know Chaz better than anyone, Listen to your gut, their is no right or wrong. When I felt afraid, uncertain, and things didnt feel right to me I sought medical advice and most times it was justified and good that I did. "keeping you close" Mattie

Hey Chaz , are you any better today? I hope so, know that you and your family are in my prayers..

Good mornign yall, my eyes are a bit fuzy I am not awke yet. MY apt is at 10 hopein for good news. Thanks for talkin and makin my wife feel better

you welcome, what r are they checking for?

you welcome, what r are they checking for?

Shayser, I'm guessing you're upset with me, but I've really been thinking about you and your test results. Are you ok?

Patty

Chazz and Mrs Chazz

My thoughts are with you both! Chazz, you have to eat! That's an order, LOL.

Please take care, and keep us posted.

Hugs

I"ll be gone for two weeks or so. Take care everyone

I'm not upset at all, you make me feel better , I just got my results today it is still there just the one nodule and it has'nt changed at all my dr said that is good news they want me to follow up in 6 months but he said it is great news i don't know why i'm not happy yet..

I just rushed home to get some of Chaz's stuff they are admitting him to the hosp God I am so scared. I will get back when I can.

I just rushed home to get some of Chaz's stuff they are admitting him to the hosp God I am so scared. I will get back when I can.


Best of luck folks. I wish I knew what to say. I'm not real surprised that they are keeping him, since he seemed so run down.

Keep everyone posted. I'll be without internet or computer for a couple of weeks, but if I can, I'll check in for status reports.

Hugs

Txchaz,
I am unable to come in here as Id like to keep posted on who and what to pray for and keep connected. In reading... so many things have happened...My heart breaks for you and Chaz (know my heart is with you both) as with many other recent threads.
Shadowrose has the knowledge and intuition to be a proxy for many of us Im sure, her letters echo things I would say also...and as to not 'clog' your thread I will wait in the wing as Im sure many others are also doing... BUT know we are all here, Seeking Gods face on behalf of you, chaz and all our 'extended family here" in need.
Your doing a wonderful job with the what has been given you to handle. It takes courage and strength to face this unknown all awhile being the glue to hold it all together.
I would encourage you to take care of YOU also, rest when you can, ask for help from those you trust, and give yourself some down time, to renew your strength. Even if its just lying with him, being near him,but taking a break from doing cares/and running the home.......
You know Chaz better than anyone, Listen to your gut, their is no right or wrong. When I felt afraid, uncertain, and things didnt feel right to me I sought medical advice and most times it was justified and good that I did. "keeping you close" Mattie

Hi

I didn't mean to insinuate anyone was clogging the thread :( I was honestly afraid that Mrs Chazz would be scared by what others were dealing with if she read about it in this thread when she was so worried yesterday. Wish I'd kept my mouth shut.

Hugs to everyone.

Patty

hi chazz or mrs. chaz i saw you back online what happened at the hospital?

Chaz is resting they are giving him fluids he is very dehydrated and disoriented. I came back to eat and pick up some stuff he is asleep. I meet with the doctors at 3 to find out what is going on with him. The one doc didn't think surg would be a plausable option since it is spread to brain, lungs, kidneys and they think maybe the liver they are trying to fig where the primary is I am not sure what that means. They mentioned stages but I am just so freaked out I don't konw what any of this means. They have him on pain meds also because of his hip from laying in bed and they mentioned a bone scan I don't know what that is either. Our son is with him and I am making some phone calls I don't know what else to do.

I believe enough for us both. You're gonna be fine. I acknowedge that and ask for that for you. Now YOU believe it! I claim that over you right now. Anything they have found will be taken care of. You will feel better and you will be healthy!!!!! I truly believe that and you can too!!!!!!!!!! Don't EVER give up faith............it's all we have sometimes!!!!!!!!!!!

I am afraid its not that easy, he is slipping and there doesn't seem to be anything anyone can do, the doctors are still scratching their heads. He is to weak for any type of procedure. I have called his sister and hs is flying in today. He is surrounded by people from church, they are not sure he will wake up. I just don't know what to do.

Wow, I can not believe how the doctors failed Chaz...My God...no one should have to go untreated so long that it is in the brain, liver, kidneys and lungs. When did they finally diagnose cancer? How is he doing?

DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE!

This is crazy, I never heard of someone going down hill so fast and he was never even diagnised with cancer yet, they don't know where it has even started and I can't believe the dr's saw it in 2 places and never did anything , this is crazy , chazz your in my prayers...

Hi everyone,

I guess we are all sitting and waiting...holding our collective breaths until we get word on Chaz...

I knew there was something wrong when his posts made no sense...was not surprised when his wife took over with them. I am glad she did...it may be a source of strength for her to write to all of us. Somehow writing things down seems to help...I kept a journal before my surgery and it helped alot.

Don't lose sight of the fact that this could be any one of us going through what Chaz and his wife are going through...our lives can change in a heartbeat...

Tru Mwessell, I became sickened reading his letters as they deteriorated, I am thankful Mrs. txchaz keeps in touch.. Its like an extention of my own family...How fraigle our lives are....Keep the prayer chain going strong..It is all we are able to do....

Just a quick note chazz has been trans to a bigger hosp. He is in the icu. They have been discussing a resistate issue with me I just cannot face that right now. I now know what hell is, I have been their for the last 5 days. Thank you for your prayers, I just wish he would wake up, I find myself thinking of every fight we have had everything negative that I have said to him. I just wish I could take back anything bad that I have ever said to him. Thank you for your prayers they are certainly needed.

I am sorry you have to live in this "hell"....and how his treatment was so delayed...Tell him he is in our prayers as you are too...Its human to 'beat ourselves up".. Mrs Tx chaz know you have and are doing the best you can.! He is blessed to have you their to fight for him.
Not that that makes us feel any better I know. Make the most of the time you have with him, say what you need to say...My heart hurts for you. Mattie

Thank you all for all your kind thoughts and prayers. Chaz has had a couple of very rough days and nights. Apparently he had some kinda bleed in his brain, and might have had a stroke. He also has some kinda infection he is fighting his temp rose to like 104-105 on and off for three days. He is hooked up to so many different machines it just doesn't look like him lying their. I just want to go back to the way it was. I think they are not expecting him to live, I can tell by the way they look at me. I just feel like I have no options, like someone else is in charge of our life. It just does not look like chaz anymore.

Hang in there...you may be reading into the way they look at you too much.

Are there any of Chaz's friends out their need to talk or is anyone their at all?

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I went through this with my mother, almost the exact same scenario and I know how terrifying this is. Please take cared of yourself too.
God bless you and your family.
Michelle

Thank you so much for your reply, I just seem so lost, we do everything together. It has all been so fast, we never reallized how sick he was, well I didn't I think he did. He seemed to resign himself that this is the way God wanted it otherwise a doctor would have interviened and done something. I don't want to think about life without him.

I will check in as much as possible...if you are online I will be more than happy to talk to you. This must be so hard on you...I hope they can stop the bleed and fix things for him...

Hi

They have stopped it, they had to put something in his head that reads pressure or something like that. He doesn't respond to anything, or anyone. I don't know if he is even their anymore, I just don't know anything anymore. I know he was on these boards looking for answears, he got very involved in peoples stories. I just don't know what I am going to do if he doesn't come out of this, I don't know how to go on.

hey mrs. chaz, i am hear for you if you need to talk, i still am in shock this has happened so fast, have they diagnosed him yet? did they tell you he has cancer? what are they telling you isgoing on with him and if he does have cancer where has it started?

Yah its def cancer the part about where it originated at is still a myst Chazz went downhill so fast, that is really secondary to getting him over his current problems. They are trying to find out if he had a stroke and how bad it was. The doc said usually it goes from the lungs to the brain but they again are not sure. His body is basiscally shuting down unless they can do something to stop it and I am not sure their is anything that can be done. Someone brought my laptop so I have a way to get online. I just cannot believe that this is happening. A little over a week ago we were out to dinner together and now here he lies. I almost cannot recogise him anymore.

I am so sorry and know that we all will chat with you for as long as you need us too, you said chaz is in a coma? have they been able to tell you anything yet? know that i am here to talk

He got to the hosp and basically went to sleep and it has gone downhill from their? They keep telling me all of what is working against him not about what the future holds.

Don't forget that when you don't feel strong enough, it is ok to let others hold you up...

I am not strong enough he held me up I feel like I let him down. He is is my strength. I think about every fight we ever had and the things I said out of anger, you cannot take them back.

Of course you can't take them back...but that is part of life, love and having a relationship...fighting doesn't mean you don't love him...I think it means that you do! People that love each other do fight! Everyone says things in anger...if they really did damage, you would not still be together. I'm sure those things haven't entered his mind since they happened.

When the doctors thought I had lung cancer, the last thing I was thinking of was the bad stuff. I thought of all the great things I had been blessed with, the great times with my family. I worried about them, not about fights that were in the past.

You ARE strong enough to survive...do not ever doubt your strength. We all have it...you need to find it!

My strentgh is laying in this bed with a 100 tubes coming out of his body. I am just feeling sorry for myself I should be concentrating on Chazz I am sorry

You are going through a terrible thing...don't ever be sorry...

This is just one of those times you don't have the strength to keep it together...depend on others for now...I would be the same way if Jim were in that hospital bed.

See if there is some sort of counseling you can get right away to deal with this...see if the hospital chaplain can come in and talk to you.

Our pastor has been up several times they let him in to the ICU, I am just feeling sorry for myself I need to straighten up, this pitty party I am having helps no one. The guy in the room next door died last night I watched as his family fell apart. I feel like we are in line here and its coming.

I would be feeling sorry for myself too.

You sound so scared...I wish there were something I could do for you...

I just wish I knew what was going on I cannot pin the doctors down on anything. I am scared but I also feel lost

I am sure the doctors aren't quite sure either...that's why they can't tell you. At least he is not in pain - that is a blessing but does not make things much easier for you I am sure.

So let's try and pass the time...

Do you guys have any kids? What do you do for a living?

I just wanted to say thank you to all that have had Chazz in their prayers, and listen to me vent, and rant and make absolutly no sence. I really appreciate all the thoughst and prayers.

We have one son he is 22 an in college. I am a stay at home mom. Chazz was always so proud of his son. Chazz was diagnosed with ADD about 10 years ago. He went back to school part time and eventually got his masters degree, he said nothing is going to hold him back thats the way he is. I hope he can overcome this, he just has so many things or odds against him right now

That's quite an obstacle to overcome (the ADD). Going back to school as an adult is hard enough!

I am a stay at home Mom too - not working for the first time since I was 12! I have a 12 year old daughter and a 15 month old daughter. I was working part time up until my surgery on September 15. I am taking the rest of the year off...doing some volunteer fundraising for my daughter's school (my career was in fundraising).

So I leave my laptop on all day...constantly getting emails. Change a diaper...do some work, feed her, do some more work...I am pooped!

You do sound busy, I am pooped to, I feel empty.

You are in Texas, right? Is your son close by? I hope so...

I am in the Boston area (Go Red Sox :) ) It is pretty warm up here for November...what's the weather on Texas like in November, December?

Has anyone else been sitting up there with you...are you eating ok?

We usually have cold spells they like sweep through and then it warms up to high 50-60. Lately it has been cold and drery. I have not been outside too much though. This is such a awful place the nurses are wonderfull but to work with all this death and sickness it must take a special person

Some nurses are just wonderful, and I am sure it must take a toll on them eventually.

Cold and dreary? I think it's good you're not spending too much time oustside! Do they let you play music in the ICU? That may help Chaz AND you.

I will ask thats a wonderfull idea, I am so afraid to leave what if I leave and something happens

Maybe a portable CD player with headphones...

This is a scary place, I hate when it gets late in here so mamy sick people.

I am sure the nights are long...do you go home at all?

I never leave I am so afraid of something happening if I leave. I have clothes that have been brought to me, and I shower down the hall. They bring me meals if they have any left over othewise I run down to the cafe downstairs. I feel guilty if I am away from him

I think I would do the same thing if my kids were grown. You sound like a wonderful person and such a great wife to him! I am sure that's what he thinks too!

I am in a panic what do I do if he dies, oh my God what am I going to do. I am so afaid they are going to like ask me to make decsions on his life how can I do that? I know he would never want to live like this.

I think you just answered your own question...

But if they are not asking you yet to make these decisions (such as a DNR), then don't try to deal with them yet. I couldn't make a decision in your shoes right now...you made need help. Is your son there too? He may be able to help you. Or a close friend...or ask your pastor.

Hang in there...

ooh my god I don't think he is goning to recover

Is something happening? Are you ok?

Well, that is not very encouraging Chaz's wife made that comment and signed off abruptly. I hope everything is ok - I feel so bad for her!

Hey mwessel have you talked to mrs. chaz yet?

Hi everybody, I am sorry if I scared you guys it was just a panic attack nothing happend to Chazz. He actually has had a good afternoon, he is still in a coma but some of his numbers have improved so we are all very hopefull. I think the prayers coming through this comp are helping keep it up. I would have came on earlier but for some reason my comp would not go to this page I kept getting an error message. Again I am sorry if I scared anyone, everything just seem to hit home at that moment and I became overwhelmed. I just start thinking that I could not go on without Chazz. We are high school sweethearts and have gone through alot over the years but I cannot phanthom life without him. Anyone that has any advice how to handle thoughts like this I would appreciate it. The doctors are still in a holding pattern till Chazz improves so we can start adressing some of the other issues that got him to this pooint. Mwellell and Shayser thank you so much for your kind thoughts it helps alolt to have someone to talk to. Again I am sorry if I scared yall I just got very overwhelmed at the idea of like without my soulmate. God bless you all

Mrs Chazzzzzzzzzzzz

So glad to hear nothing more happened to Chaz...I guess he and you have enough to deal with as it is...

I wish I could offer some words to make you stronger..I never lost anyone extremely close to me...my step-dad, a good friend...but not someone I spend every single day with...

I think if I were in your shoes I would think that the last thing my husband would want for me is to fall apart. He would want me to be strong and survive. If he were lying in a coma he I know he would expect me to take care of myself too...

Take care of yourself because Chaz will need you when he gets home!

Chaz has slipped some again, it seems like it is one step forward and two back. Thanks for all your prayers it means alot to Chaz and I.

r u still there, what happened? is he ok? did the dr's say what put him in a coma? and when he will come to? still in icu?

Hang in there Mrs. Chaz!!!

I am not strong enough he held me up I feel like I let him down. He is is my strength. I think about every fight we ever had and the things I said out of anger, you cannot take them back.

HI Hon

I'm so sorry things have gone downhill so fast. I haven't been able to get online, have been out of town working, and just got a hotel with internet connections. So, I can keep up till Monday.

First, you haven't let him down! If anyone let Chazz down, it was the medical team that he's been seeing since the start of this nightmare!

You know that when we're married, things get said in anger. It's just the way a relationship works. Chazz knows that- AND he knows that you love him! Even now, in a coma, he knows it.

I'm so glad you have the support of the Church right now. Please try and take care of you, too.

I'm just so angry that they have let him get to this point :( Please, don't feel that you have failed him in any way. You haven't. You've been together for over 20 years. Please don't sit there and beat yourself up over the petty arguments. They aren't important. The love that you two share is what is important.

Even in a coma, he knows it and feels it. It's said that people in comas can sometimes hear what is going on. Make sure that the doctors aren't talking about him while in the room. Make them take all discussions into the hall.

When you're with him in the room, talk to him. Let him know that you're there for him and that you love him. That's what is important right now.

As to the staging, and the primary site (staging is what degree the cancer has spread) and the primary site is the origin of the cancer, if no one has explained that to you.

At this point, they are moot. Getting him past this crisis is what's important, then you two can go from there.

It's possible that the coma is from the bleed that they found. It sounds like they've stopped it- that's good news. The things in his head right now are for reading pressure. That will alert the doctors if the pressure starts to rise again.

Now, something else to understand. When the brain suffers any type of trauma (like the bleed) it takes time for it to recover. It's resting and trying to heal. While a coma isn't great- it doesn't necessarily mean that this is the end either.

Remember to talk with him. We are all praying for him and your entire family.
I'd venture to guess that they have done an EEG. That detects brain waves. As long as there is brain activity, there is always the chance of coming out of the coma he's in right now.

Also, a high fever can cause coma- again, as the body tries to heal itself. Hopefully they are fighting the infection with anitbiotics.

He has an awful lot of people pulling for him at this point. He truly is in God's hands right now.

On this day of Thanksgiving, instead of beating yourself up for each and every fight you've had over the course of a 20 plus year marriage, try and give thanks for each day that you've been given. It's a rare thing in todays society to have a marriage that lives on like yours has. That tells me that you BOTH are very special people!

If God decides to take him home- he will still be in your heart. He'll always be there- and you'll be reunited again. You know that. Right now, it's got to just be overwhelming for all of you.

Spend what time you can in his room. Talk to him, read to him. Play his favorite music. Kick out anyone who says anything negative to him or about him while in the room. Even in comas, there often is a part that hears. Even if he can't respond just yet.

You are both in my prayers. Please keep posting. We're here for you, as much as we can be in the limitations imposed by the rules of this board.

If you have any questions I can answer, just ask. I'll offer whatever knowledge I have to help you understand what is happening. (No, I'm not a doctor)

Hugs
Patty

Mrs. Chaz. My heart is breaking for you right now. I have read all of your posts this morning, and cried a million tears. The things Chaz has gone through recently reminds me of Scott, almost the same story. I probably understand the hopelessness and fear that you are feeling right now. Just ALWAYS remember, PLEASE, God is here, and he will take care of Chaz, and he will take care of you. It is amazing how far faith can carry us, even when we are not sure we can make it.

Please keep us posted on you to!

Renee

Thank you Renee Again I don't know how to thank everyone here, I cannot imagine making the decision that I have got to make how can a person do this? I am at a loss of what to do, what to say or how to proceed. I know he would not want this but I want him, I don't want to let him go. All I can say is he has got to get better, he just has to and that is whats going to happen, thats all there is too it I will not believe that he is going to die I just will not accept it.

Thank you shadowrose for all your insight it makes alot of sence what you are saying. There is just so much death and sickness here its a horriable place its like a holding place for death. I feel like I don't have all the memories that I want, I want more, we have been together since high school I just cannot imagine what I would do without him. I have never paid a bill, or done anything like that he has always taken care of me.

The best advice I can give you right now is, listen to the little voice that is telling you what to do, that is God speaking to you. I know how hard it is to let go. I wish I had the right words for you, or something that can take it all away, but I don't.

Did they say, what are the chances of him pulling through without the life support? Is it any better then his odds with the life support?

I am so sorry that you have to make this decision, it is so hard to do this. Whatever you decide, never regret it, because whatever you decide is out of Love, and you can NEVER regret that!

You will be in my prayers!
Renee

OH Hon.

I feel so badly for you all :( It's just not right. None of this is right. He's obviously in a crash right now- but that doesn't necessarily mean that it is the end.

When the body is under a huge amount of stress, it tries to heal itself. That's what his is doing, I'm praying.

There is nothing wrong with temporary life support, if that is what they are suggesting. Look at it as a temporary measure to get him through the current crisis.

Once that happens, he can perhaps strenghten so he can fight the cancer.

Here are a few suggestions of things to ask the doctors:

1. Has an EEG been done- if not, request one.
2. Are the antibiotics fighting the infection- if not, do they need to be changed?
3. What can be done to make him comfortable and give him the best chance of fighting this?
4. If you permit a respirator, will it make it easier for his body to recouperate (since he wouldn't be struggling to breathe)
5. Have they done a brain MRI and/or CT? If not, demand one. They need to tell you exactly what is going on inside his brain.
6. Is the intracranial pressure from the bleed under control at this point? Assuming it is, it does take the brain time to 'come back' from that- so, he might remain unconscious for a time.
7. IS he in fact in a coma or unconscious? Does he respond to painful stimuli? Are his eyes reactive to light? There is a difference.
8. Have they done a bone scan to see why he was having the hip pain (I'm wondering if the cancer has spread to the bones or not)
9. How is his overall system? Kidney function, liver function.
10. If he is in a coma, is it drug induced (sometimes, when one has a brain bleed or pressure inside the brain, they induce a coma intentionally to allow the brain to recouperate.



If they have found even Stage IV cancer, that doesn't mean that it's the end! Small tumors, even multiple ones, can be controlled with treatment- at the very least prolonging his time with you. He just needs all the help you all can give him to fight this current crisis.

Again, make sure that all these questions and answers are NOT asked in his presence. Allow nothing that would or could upset or alarm him.

If they put in a respirator, make sure that you explain to him that it's TEMPORARY. He might not hear you, might not understand the words, but on some level, he'll respond to you. It's been proven too many times.

Oh, hon, I feel so bad for you all. I've been worried all week and couldn't get online to see what was happening.

But, something I read in one of Chazz's posts- YOU are his life. Don't ever forget that. He won't.

Get through each hour, each day. We are all here for you, even though it's not nearly enough, know that there are dozens of people on this forum praying for you both.

Hugs hon, and take care. I'll check back.

Remember, he has a strong will to live- that WILL make a difference. He hasn't given up, and you haven't either! Make the darn doctors FIGHT to pull him out of this crisis!

Hugs
Patty

Mrs. Chaz- I just want to clarify, I was not suggesting "giving up", I was suggesting you pray about it, like you have never prayed before!

Good luck, you are in my prayers!
Renee

i have been keeping track of this thread from the beginning. in fact i remember chazz's story of not feeling well around memorial day. not that i need to re-cap alll of this. i just felt like i should say something. chazz seems like a wonderful person and i hope and pray that he will recover. i wish we could all take turns and stay with you in the hospital mrs. chazz. i would do whatever you needed to make sure your daily life was taken care of so you could be with your husband in this time of need without a woory outside of that hospital. please know that i offer you and your family as much hope and prayer as i can give.

Thank you all so much I am just so overwhelmed with all this, our lives have been totally turned upside down. I am begining to realize it will never be the same, I long for the past I want to go back o the way it was. He always took care of me but their is nothing I can do for him but pray and wait. Shadowrose you know so much about this I wish I knew half as much about what is going on. Renee thank you so much for your kind words its such a comfort to hear from you all I feel like I have friends everywhere. Nyxin thanks so much the nurses take pretty good care of me well most of them anyways, some ya wonder why they are even in the nursing field. They all brough me food Thur it ment so much to me. Chaz is lingering the question really that i am facing is if they take him off and he does not take over for himself should we put him back on or let him go. I am at a loss I just could not imagine what it have to do

forgive me for asking this as i know it is in the thread somewhere, i just can't find it.... i am i right to understansd that he was just not feeling well, did some testing, then did some more and when they finally found something chazz went down hill right after a diagnosis? i am really upset with the fact that your husband has been trying to tell these doctors that something has been wrong and they brushed him off. my mom is going through a similar thing right now and i panic thinking how complacient (sp?) these people have become in the medical field.

your post was very moving when you said you wanted to go back to how things were. you really have put life into perspective. again, i wish that there was something i could do for you, but know that i am thinking of you and chazz.

Mrs. Chazz...just wanted you to know I am thinking of you...hang in there...

Chazz became very ill right after Memorial day, bed ridden could not eat or drink and lost 25 lbs. He put weight back on but never really recovered from the the initial thing that knocked him down. He got better somewhat and struggled for months while the doctors scratched their heads. Cat scans and xrays, ultra sounds were all done they found "nodes" on his lungs, lesions on his kidneys but it seemed that each specialist didn't talk to the other. Chazz just started sleeping more and more and becoming more and more detached, far of distant as I remember it. Then one day it was like a different person walked from the bedroom and sat in his fav recliner, I literally did not recongize him anymore? he deteriated from that point on to what he is today. I am sorry if I have alarmed anyone and don't want to scare anyone either I am sure this is a rare case. I just feel that I have no control any more, everything is just spinning and spinning and I feel like I jsut want to shout STOP IT and it will stop. Thanks for your posts each one lifts me up a little. Unfortunately their is no rewind in life, from being sick to things you say once they are out there is no way of stopping it. God bless all of you I feel like I have a world wide mother system, I am lifted up by each one of you that post. Thank you

HI

Just thought I'd check in and see how Chazz was doing. I'm so sorry you're in the postion of having to decide what to do.

I so wish I was there to hold your hand and lend you strength.

Any new news? We're all concerned, and are praying for a positive outcome to this crisis.

Hugs
Patty

Hi all hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I have this horriable feeling that Chaz is already gone, I look at him and its just not him anymore. I had this horriable dream last night Chaz was in a lake and he was asking for help and I was above him in a boat and I had a life jacket and I would try to throw it to him but the rope was to short I could not get it to him. I think Chazz was trying to tell me something through my dream. Do you think its a omen ? That he is aksing me to let him go? I don't know how to go on without him, how do you just go on without someone that has been with you for 27 years ? I cannot imagine life without him. Every morning he would leave for work and I would get up and he had made my coffee and usually left me a flower from the garden, he was the most wonderfull man inside and out, did I say was? why am I talking like he is gone ? God give me the strenght to get through this. I am sorry If I am so depressing this morning. Renee I pasted those verses up above his bed and I say them two or three times a day. There is one very special nurse that says them with me when she is hear, we hold hands with Chazz and say them. I am sorry I am just very down today.

Hi Mrs. Chazz,
I havent posted in this thread before but I have followed it from the very beginning. My heart breaks for you and for Chazz. This is such a horrible thing to deal with. I was raised by my grandparents and I lost my grandfather to cancer when I was 20. I took care of him when he got sick and it was one of the hardest things I ever did. It is not quite the same as a husband, but it was so hard to watch someone who had taken care of me for all of those years be so sick and helpless and not be able to really do anything about it. I stayed as positive as I could for us both for quite a while, but when it was truly time for him to go, I just knew, if that makes any sense. At that time I told my grandfather that I loved him and that it was ok for him to go, and he did that night. I think you too will know when and if that time comes. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so sorry you have to go through this, both of you. This is such a horrible disease that noone deserves. I am not going to tell you to let go, that is between you and God. When and IF you decide you do have to let, do it with God, don't try to do it alone. And by teh way, God has big shoulders, you can yell at him, it is ok, he can take it. Like my preacher told me, as long as you are yelling at him, you are still including him.

Saying goodbye is never easy, and neither is letting go. Living my life without Scott is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. But at the same time, I feel so blessed and rich to have not only know Scott, but also for the blessing of such a wonderful husband. We have experinced a love that a lot of people may never know. I would like to think it would be easier if I had never loved at all, but I know that is not true. Even though it is the most painful loss I have ever experienced, he was also the most joyous experience in my life.

I KNOW FOR A FACT there is nothing I can say to you right now that is going to ease your pain or take away your fears. But please know and believe, I am here, and I will listen anytime. I will not even say I "undersatnd from experience", because everyone's experiences with this is different, our circumstances are different. I am glad you do read the verses with Chaz, and what a sweet nurse!

You and Chaz are in my thoughts and prayers every day, and you will stay there!

Renee

You might want to look at the verses again, as much as I quote these 2, I someone typed one wrong. But I fixed it tonight. Sorry! I need to proof read my emails, I am typo queen!

HI Mrs Chazz

Of course you're down today. Anyone would be! It's a horrible thing to watch someone we love dwindle away before our eyes. Something that no one should have to deal with.

IF it is his time to go- you'll know. Have they done any of the tests I suggested? Is he breathing against the vent? How far has the cancer spread? I so want to help, I hate that we can't offer more than words on a forum for you.

He is still there- his mind is there. Continue to talk with him. Let him know of your love.


What news have his doctors imparted?

Patty
You both continue to be in my prayers.

Hey Mrs chaz, any improvement? how r u today? i have been thinking about you guys, any new news, have the dr's briefed you yet?

Chazz had a very ruff nigh, he is getting restless, I don't know how to interpert this. The doctors have said his internal organs are begining to shut down, and do not think he will survive the week. This has been a nightmare I cannot wake up from.

Shadowrose I am sure they have run some of the tests that you mentioned, they tell me stuff all the time but it is like greek to me, I feel so stupid and uninformed. I appreciate all the help.

Renee thank you for all your help, I am so sorry for your loss. I did not know till you mentioned your husband in the last post. Chazz had mentioned a Renee before but I did not know who it was. Bless you for all your help, you are so strong, I don't think I can be that strong. Also I think God will forgive the little mistakes on the verses.

To all the others that have posted if I do not remember to mention you its not that I do it intentinally its just my head feels like its spininig and will not stop.

I also wanted to mention that I have read some other posts from people that have gotten more worried about their condition by reading the posts by Chazz and myself, if I have caused anyone to do this I am sorry I feel horriable about it. One of Chazz'z favorite saying is everything happens for a reason. Although I don't profess to know the reason that this happend, I may someday.

I think Chazz knew this was coming I have had several of his friends tell me they had been contacted by him, he asked them to help me if something happend. One of them had told me a story that Chazz was going to by a small tape recorder and twenty tapes. He was going to say Happy anivesery baby on all 20, like happy 28th, happy 29 and so on. But he was afraid that might keep me from getting on with my life if he did this. I wish he had, the last words he uttered to me jsut before going into the coma was "everything is ok, I took care of everything" and that was it. I guess I am just rambeling so I will stop now, Bless all of you for your kindness, most are going through horriable circumstances and to take time and try to help others is an amazing gift. I find peace in your words. Thank you.

I am so sorry to come back here and see what is now happening. My heart is breaking for you! All I can say is, I am sorry, I know that does not help.

P.S. As for me being strong, NOT! I am so weak. But, it is not about strength, it is faith that counts. And, I do know, I will one day (In God's time) be with Scott again.

I wish I could do more, if I could reach you, I would give you the biggest hug!

Renee

hey mrs chazz i am so sorry to hear you are going through this alone and you are stronger then you think , at least you are able to be on here and vent, if i were you i don't think i would even be able to get on a computer right now let alone vent, you are very strong person i would like to send flowers or something to you and chazz, i know your not allowed to post hospital names on here , is he still in icu? is he still in a coma? and how do they know his body is shutting down,i am so angry at the dr's he as just on here posting less then 2 weeks ago..Hugs

Shayser, thank you for your thoughts, I come to these boards because they make me feel better. I feel all of you have been through this with Chazz from the start. I am not sure who all he talked to but there have been lots of people saying they have been following it from the start. I am not sure how they know he is slipping I guess numbers from all the stuff they have him hooked up to, I think he looks swollen some what and from his cathader he is not going to the bathroom. Yes he is still in a coma and in ICU.

Mrs. Chaz,
I havent been able to get in here, but know, not a day has passed that you both havent been prayed for.
I would like to just tell you a little bit about my mother, since you have spoken of the possibilty of the Dr's wanting you to make a descision?....
My mother had a 'subarchnode hemmorage' that they put a stint in to attempt to fix it, in the mean time we had to rotate family members in the room, because each time we went in her 'pressure in her brain would go sky high..it was so hard to only be with her a small amount of time, each day she put out less urine, and also was in a coma, (induced with manitol to keep her calm, while she healed)
They took her off the "vent" because she faught it so... she talked to us and joked, (but made no sense)then she kept trying to tug her tubing out of her head.. so they had to restrain her...then her heart started acting up, so they put in a pace maker, she had another 'bleed', and her brain pressure still wouldnt stablize again..they revented her...
she slowly left us.. each day she looked more puffy, her eyes also retained fluid..her kidneys where shutting down..thier was no response to our touch or voices no "tracking" with her eyes...and they did brain scans.. and said she had no brain funtion left... our choice was to insert a gastro feeding tube, a trach ... then remove life support and see if she would "go on breathing'...If she did go on breathing on her own they said. she would be a vegetable...needing feedings to exisit... we all gathered to make the descision to let her go....they removed the vent..and all the tubbings..and we gathered and stayed with her.. talking, singing.. holding her...crying...they gave her morphine to keep her comfortable.. it was Easter Sunday....she stopped breathing not long after midnight..and was finnally at peace....

Find out all the info you can .. what the tests say... what responses you get from Chazz...is it the med's making him that way?? or is he truly in a coma of no ones doing?? Could different or amounts be changed on the meds...I struggled with this so much....It killed me inside.. I looked at charts.. asked Dr's.. why..what about this? or that??
Even in the final hours I thought DID I MISS SOMETHING could I have did more... what if they are wrong?? (I didnt want her to go) even though they showed us the scans.. and explained things, I thought with moderen medicine why cant you fix her???on TV they show people 'snapping out of it weeks later'??maybe mom could too...
I think because we had to make the final descion.. It made it so unbearable for us.... even though we knew in our hearts she would be at peace.. we wanted more time with her...It all happened so fast....

I just wanted you to know what I went through, and even though it isnt the same, the struggle and anguish and fear are...all the unknowns....
I hope you have family members to give you support, help you till chazz can come home...... I am also praying for wisdom for the Dr's.. to know and do the best for him....
Follow your heart.. ..and do demand answers...their is no such thing as a 'stupid' question when it comes to ensuring the best care. Mattie

Hey Mrs Chaz I See Your Online How Is Everything Today , Better I Hope Have The Dr's Told You Anything New? Well I'm Here To Talk.............

We are gathering the family and church around Chazz, we are preparing for the end. I am not losing my sole mate I am losing my sole. God bless all of you and thank you for the kind thoughts.

I am praying for you.

Mary Ellen

My thoughts and prayers are especially with you at this time, and the days to come. As I have said before, please know we are ALL here for you, and we are not going anywhere.

Love and hugs!
Renee

I guess not hearing from Mrs. Chaz is a bad sign. This is just too sad. I am still floored by what what has happened to him over the past several weeks. How can cancer spread that far that quickly and the doctors did not even diagnose it? I just don't get it. Chaz knew all along there was something wrong...doctors need to listen to their patients...I think instincts are a very important part of diagnosis and treatment.

The same thing happened to my friend's father. He ended up getting admitted to the hospital, diagnosed with cancer that day and was gone in 4 days. 4 days! It baffles me!

Prayers to you Mrs. Chaz...

Yes, I think not hearing from her is most likely a bad sign. I HATE this DAMN disease! My thoughts and prayers are still with you Mrs. Chaz, you have a lot of prayers coming your way from all of us. We have all become somewhat of a close knit group, I thank God that he has weaved us all together. And, I hope we all know, we do not have to know the faces, we know the hearts, and we will all care for each other as best we can.

All: Please stop for a moment and say a prayer for this family, and all of the other families that have to suffer through loss.

Renee

i don't want this to sound in any way insensitive, but the experience that i have gotten from this is to love my family like no other. to open my heart up, not to let the little things get to me and to thank god everynight for the day i was given and that i may have another. all we can all do is take things day-to-day. no matter what we go through, this is the only shot we get and we must learn from every teacher we can. chazz has taught me to be more aggressive about my health, and not take the little things so hard, but on the flip side, not take the little things for granted.

thank you chazz for your strength.

Nyxin- That did not sound a bit insensititive, it was well said.

Renee

I have just sat and ready every page of this touching thread. It really makes you realize how quickly one can go from being healthy to very sick.

Mrs. Chaz and family, my prayers are with you. May God give you strength and peace during this time.

As many of you have suspected, Chazz did pass away early Friday morning. He never re-gained concisness. It was very peacefull and quiet. I am sorry I have not been able to come on here and tell everyone, but everything right now just seems like a blurr, I feel totally numb. I held his hand as he drew his last breath, his sister and a close friend of Chazz's was in the room also. It was so quiet with all the machines shut off. We had some soothing music playing in the background. I wanted to thank everyone for all the help they have given us through this whole process. Chazz got so much encouragement from all of your posts, and it has been a God sent to me through this. I am sorry for not coming on earlier and having everyone wonder what was going on. Please if I could pass on anything to anyone that reads this, hold on to your loved ones, you never know when they will be gone. A month ago Chazz and I were out at our favorite resteraunt and today I am a widow. Thank you again for all your words of encouragment. Renee, ladyJ, Shayser, shadowrose, all of you are angles in my eyes, I hope I am not leaving anyone out, beleive me my mind is not working very well lately. I do not know how I am going to go on.

Bless you all
Mrs. Chazz

How sad Mrs. Chaz...I know you will find a way to go on...draw your strength from your wonderful husband's legacy...

My prayers are with you

Mary Ellen

A while ago I came to this board scared,looking for advice and help.Chaz was one of the people who talked to me and assured me that I will be fine.He was right,I am fine.I will never forget Chaz,his kindness,his compassion,his good heart.As it happens so often,after I got good news from my doctor,I moved on with my life and didn't have time to come here any more(I realize how very selfish it was of me).Yesterday,on Sunday,was the first time in a long time I came back,thinking that it's about time I should check on Chaz - I remembered his story and wondered if he is OK.I cryed all day yesterday after I've read this post,I still can't believe everything happened so fast.Dear Mrs.Chaz,I konw my English is not that good,but,please,know you are in my thoughts and prayers.I know there are not enough words in this world to make you feel batter,but I do believe that Chaz is in the better place right now,where he will not worry about doctors and pain and tests any more,he will not be scared.I will always remember him.

Mrs. Chaz- I am so sorry to hear Chazz has passed, I know your loss is great, he IS a wonderful man! Chaz brought many words of encouragement to so many strangers, through this board, I was one of them! I know right now it feels like you can not go on. I will not paint you a pretty picture and tell you time heals, because I have not found that out yet. It has only been 12 weeks since Scott passed, an it is very hard. I will tell you, you can go on, it is just not easy, it takes a whole lot of work and effort! I hope you are surrounded by those that you can talk to. I know you have your children, and I hope you find some comfort in that. I hope Chaz will live on through them, in your eyes and in your heart. Please continue to come here for the support YOU need now. You took very good care of Chaz, and he is now safely home in God's most capable hands. It is now time to take care of you, and you know, you have to, Chaz would have it no other way.

Renee

Mrs. Chazz

i read your post yesterday. i have literally been trying to think of what to say from that point to now. i still don't know. everything seems to sound like a hallmark card. i want you to know that i am so blown away by this. i have cryed for hours over this. i cried for you and your loss and how unfair this all is. god this post sounds awful, i don't know what to say except i am sorry. i am so very very sorry and i wish that this never happened.

God Bless You At This Time! We all share something here on this borad. When My dad was ill, i came here for support, when dad passed in May everyone was here to help me. I still am here today since I have got to know some people here. I know it takes time, but they are really still with us.

Mrs. Chazz,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I sat here today and read this post from the beginning, my heart aches for you. I know no words will help with this pain you are feeling, I just wanted to say: you and your family are in my thoughs and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.
K.

I have read and reread the posts..unable to write......I hurt at your loss, Chaz helped so many....even though we never met its as though I knew him...
I will pray for strength and peace in this time of such greiving and deep sorrow... I am sorry.... Mattie

Thank you all again for your kind words, it is so nice to hear from people that had interacted with Chazz and it makes me feel good to hear from the ones that he maybe had helped. I am still in shock my body feels numb like I cannot feel things. Some of my family is commenting on how much time I spend at the cemetary is their a "time" how do you know ?

You will know... follow your heart. Dont allow anyone to "should "you..we all heal and deal with things differently, their is no rights or wrongs.
YOUR time ..is the 'right time'.. be it a month, six months, a year..The sorrow and loss will never go away, but we can find healthy ways of giving ourselves the OK to know when we can move from greiving to accepting and modifing our lives as best we can.

I hope your friends/family will help and support you with the unfamilar and new demands you now have. Or, direct you in who can help set you back on solid ground.
Even if it entails them doing some of it for you till you can restructure your days.

I too had the 'numbness' almost 'hollow', like I was walking around in a 'shell' of myself...all the life sucked out of me.... I greived.....

Know that If your greiving begins to affect your basic living needs ie..paying bills, buying grocieries, eatting, not answering the phone anymore, isolating yourself..Friends verbalizing concern for you...then do seek out help. This trauma.. unknowingly to us.... can precipatate depression.

Take heart Mrs. Chaz, we are all here for you..and we will keep you close. Mattie

Everything Lady J told you is correct, only "YOUR" time is the right time. Do not allow others to tell you how to cope with this, your heart will guide you. I still find a great deal of comfort in going to the cemetery. For me, that is where I left him, so I go back to him any time I want to, and I could careless what anyone says or thinks about it. I no longer go everday, but I do still go there, and I still feel closer to Scott when I am there. So, you go as much as you need to.

I do want to make one suggestion. I hope this has not already happened to you. Everyone told me, the sooner I got rid of Scott's things, the easier it would be for me, so I did. I gave away a lot of things. Guess what? THEY WERE WRONG! It has been less then 3 months and there are things that I gave away that I now wish I had. Do not do this, take your time, please!

I hope your family/friends do not do as mine, and tell you how to grieve. Tell you how to feel, how to think, etc... If they do, you will just have to explain to them,. that this is your loss, and you will deal with it your way and in your time. I did not speak up in the beginning, so I ended up snapping at everyone, not good!

I wish I could be there to help you through this! I know there is really nothing anyone could do, but I wish I could be a shoulder for you to cry on.

Renee

Mrs. Chaz,

Follow your heart. Everyone is different. In our situation, my dad passed away a little over a year ago. My mom still has not been to the cemetary (except to bury him). She can't get herself to see his name on the stone, because that will make it real for her. I on the other hand go often. I love to visit and sometimes I stay for 20 min. and other times I can stay for hours. I feel closer to him there, and I also feel better inside after I leave. I don't get upset at my mom, she will go when she is ready, weather it be next week, next year or never. We all just grieve differently. As far as cleaning out his things. My mom never will, when we go to her house his clothes are still in his closet, his slippers next to his bed. She talks about it, but her heart just won't allow her to do it, and that is OK.

I don't know if this was much help, I just wanted to tell you our story.

Please take care of yourself and know we are all thinking and praying for you during this difficult season.
K.

Thank you so much for the advice, I cannot even bare thought of going through Chazz's clothes or tools maybe someday. I find myslelf looking for him like he is lost not gone? I had to stop at the store and I would catch myslef looking for him when I would see a man or someone that even resembled him is that normal part of feeling alone. I feel like my heart is gone like I cannot feel anymore.

Thank you all again for your kind words, it is so nice to hear from people that had interacted with Chazz and it makes me feel good to hear from the ones that he maybe had helped. I am still in shock my body feels numb like I cannot feel things. Some of my family is commenting on how much time I spend at the cemetary is their a "time" how do you know ?

HI

You just spend as much time at the cemetary as you need to! Believe that Chazz can hear you talking to him, and is watching over all of you now from Heaven, for surely that is where he is!

He was so helpful to so many people. I think God has a special place in heaven for those that give of themselves like he did- even when he was so ill himself.

There is no time limit on grieving. And it's perfectly normal for you to at times even 'forget' that he's gone and look for him. I still do that about my Dad. it is normal, hon.

If there is anything we can do to help, please come here and post. We will always answer you, and listen to you vent- whatever you need, we are here for you!

It might be depressing for you to be here, but at least you will know that your family has had an impact on so many here that have benefitted from Chazz's help and kindness.

He's an angel now in heaven, instead of here on earth.

Hugs
Patty

Thank all of you for al the nice posts, I have not been on much at all I try to do things but I just don't seem to get them done. I am not looking forward to Christmas I am not sure how I will deal with all this.

God I miss you honey, bump to my angel