Hi. My band director just died this morning.. I am very upset about it, and I dont know how to deal with it. I'm 15, and a sophomore in HS, and ... I just dont know what to do. This just happened so all of a sudden that I didn't think it could be real. Just friday, we had to march at a football game, and he was there cheering us on, then last night, he was playing in the local symphony orchestra, and I went to watch him play, and he seemed fine. Then, I got two calls this morning saying that he had a heart attack and passed away. This is really hard, and.. I just dont know what to do.. I am so upset, and I find myself crying and crying, and.. He was just so close to me, because he was like the only person that could motivate me to do better in band (i play the sax) and he always helped me with my solos, and would buy me any music I ever needed.. i just keep hoping that this is all a dream and I'm going to wake up and it's going to be back to normal.. but i know deep down that its not. And I know my friends are trying to help, but all they keep saying is "i'm sorry, i'm sorry". Why say your sorry?? I mean, it's not like they killed him... maybe.. saying "i'm sorry that this had to happen" but.. what should I do?

robyn

Robyn it sounds like you are a young woman of wonderful depth and feeling.
Death just isn't easy - ever. I believe that Time and Faith are the only things that get us through a death. There are stages of grief that most people go through. But mostly everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time.

For example, you may decide to continue on with your sax in memory & honor of him. Or decide to graduate with honors so that when you walk across the auditorium you will know how very proud of you is still is.

Don't ever believe that death is the end.
Whatever it is that makes you you, and your band leader who he is, isn't in our bodies. Call it our personality, or soul, our energy - it lives on because it isn't tethered to our bone marrow or brain chemistry.

His is free now - and you can believe that his energy is aware of yours and of the entire schools...
Do something positive with your grief. Grades, the sax, volunteering, just do it in his memory...
Also, write him a nice long letter. Tell him how important he is to you, what you learned from him, how you feel about him being gone. You can add to it, burn it in a little ceremony, tear it up and write another one, but just write it out...
And I'm so glad you came here. Loss is so hard, it's nice that there are places like this to come to.
:angel: