ginnyash
11-07-2004, 03:36 PM
Hi am a 32 year old female with 0 sex drive! :eek: I think it all started after I had back surgery when my duaghter was 5 months old. After the surgery I never felt the same. Well now my duaghter is 6 and my sex drive has not returned.
Right now I am on no meds at all, waiting to go to U of M hospital to get a second opinion. So I know its not meds. I want them to test my hormones too, I am sure I don't have much.
The last two years I have had weird pains and then a few months ago I was finally diagnosed with FM. My husband wants to leave the marriage because he feels like I don't love him, because I am not all over him and wanting passionate sex or passionate kissing. I do love him, it's just sex is the last thing on my mind. I know part of the marriage problems are my fault, I should of made him a priority. I told him I would, but he says he knows it would not be real, so no thanks. Also, he feels like he would be hurting me, so he can't get interested in it eiher.
I'm I alone here? Does anyone have the same problems, :confused: if you do please respond so I can share this with my husband. My marriage is going to end and I feel so alone in all of this.
Thanks for any responses.
Gin
Right now I am on no meds at all, waiting to go to U of M hospital to get a second opinion. So I know its not meds. I want them to test my hormones too, I am sure I don't have much.
The last two years I have had weird pains and then a few months ago I was finally diagnosed with FM. My husband wants to leave the marriage because he feels like I don't love him, because I am not all over him and wanting passionate sex or passionate kissing. I do love him, it's just sex is the last thing on my mind. I know part of the marriage problems are my fault, I should of made him a priority. I told him I would, but he says he knows it would not be real, so no thanks. Also, he feels like he would be hurting me, so he can't get interested in it eiher.
I'm I alone here? Does anyone have the same problems, :confused: if you do please respond so I can share this with my husband. My marriage is going to end and I feel so alone in all of this.
Thanks for any responses.
Gin
Sponsor
wishn
11-07-2004, 09:12 PM
Gin you are not alone at all. I often have wondered if I was alone. For the past two years after coming down with the fibro I am the same way. I have been divorced for several years and haven't dated since the fibro. My children are always telling me to date again (two are grown and one teenager.) I could never see a man understanding what I feel with the pain and the sex drive is just like what you are feeling. I will be so interested in hearing from other people. I too feel so alone and I am not nearly as young as you, I'm 48, but I wish I did have someone in my life. My daughter graduates this year and I know she will start her life away from home.
Hang in there....I'm sure there will be some others who feel the same way. We will work together in ....working through this. I know after 2 years of believing that I will be alone for the rest of my years with no companionship...it would feel good to know how others have worked through this.
Annie :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:
Hang in there....I'm sure there will be some others who feel the same way. We will work together in ....working through this. I know after 2 years of believing that I will be alone for the rest of my years with no companionship...it would feel good to know how others have worked through this.
Annie :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:
tam821
11-08-2004, 02:15 AM
At times when I am in pain, gosh I dont have to have sex either.. how can you feel sexy when your hurting all over..
i do have an understanding hubby, which helps.
i wish your hubby would try to understand your pain and think of you, like your thinking of him :(
i do have an understanding hubby, which helps.
i wish your hubby would try to understand your pain and think of you, like your thinking of him :(
katte 28
11-08-2004, 03:02 AM
Gin ,
You are not alone. So not alone. My boyfriend of ten years just left me for someone else. He said it wasn't because of my illness but I think it was. How long have you been married ? This illness puts a serious strain on any long term relationship. Don't feel bad. THIS ILLNESS IS NOT YOUR FAULT ! Don't let your partner make you feel lousy. You need a supportive man. Have you given him literature ? How was your marriage before this ? I think existing problems only intensify with FMS. No matter what happens you always have yourself. Don't forget to be gentle with yourself. You are going through a tough time. Beyond that , I don't know what to say...
katte 28
You are not alone. So not alone. My boyfriend of ten years just left me for someone else. He said it wasn't because of my illness but I think it was. How long have you been married ? This illness puts a serious strain on any long term relationship. Don't feel bad. THIS ILLNESS IS NOT YOUR FAULT ! Don't let your partner make you feel lousy. You need a supportive man. Have you given him literature ? How was your marriage before this ? I think existing problems only intensify with FMS. No matter what happens you always have yourself. Don't forget to be gentle with yourself. You are going through a tough time. Beyond that , I don't know what to say...
katte 28
kcgage
11-08-2004, 10:06 AM
Hi Gin,
I can relate, although I am not married. My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years. I'm only 24 and he's 27 so we used to be all over each other. Now, we only have sex once every few weeks, usually when I feel "okay" and start to feel bad for him! He's been very supportive always telling me it's okay and as long as I'm okay but I always have that fear in my mind that he wants something more from a partner [he says this is not so]. I have given him some printouts to read and I think that helped him understand a little bit more. It's not even totally the "sex" thing but we used to go shopping, on road trips for long weekends, out to the bars, etc. and I don't do any of those things very much anymore. I'm a different person but he's stayed beside me.
This may be something you can speak to your dr. about but if your husband has read up on this DD and listened to you fully, and still doesn 't understand -- well, I hate to say it, but he's not worth it.
I'll be thinking of you.
I can relate, although I am not married. My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years. I'm only 24 and he's 27 so we used to be all over each other. Now, we only have sex once every few weeks, usually when I feel "okay" and start to feel bad for him! He's been very supportive always telling me it's okay and as long as I'm okay but I always have that fear in my mind that he wants something more from a partner [he says this is not so]. I have given him some printouts to read and I think that helped him understand a little bit more. It's not even totally the "sex" thing but we used to go shopping, on road trips for long weekends, out to the bars, etc. and I don't do any of those things very much anymore. I'm a different person but he's stayed beside me.
This may be something you can speak to your dr. about but if your husband has read up on this DD and listened to you fully, and still doesn 't understand -- well, I hate to say it, but he's not worth it.
I'll be thinking of you.
monkeychow59
11-08-2004, 01:47 PM
I'm the same way. No desire, but I think it's because I'm afraid to even try. I've not dated for years, knowing that the last times I tried, it was painful. I also have pelvic adhesions from several abdominal surgeries. Between the pain of that and fibro, I figure why bother dating? It's going to take a very, very special person to be understanding of that.
Deb
Deb
builder
11-09-2004, 11:35 PM
Hi am a 32 year old female with 0 sex drive! :eek: I think it all started after I had back surgery when my duaghter was 5 months old. After the surgery I never felt the same. Well now my duaghter is 6 and my sex drive has not returned.
Right now I am on no meds at all, waiting to go to U of M hospital to get a second opinion. So I know its not meds. I want them to test my hormones too, I am sure I don't have much.
The last two years I have had weird pains and then a few months ago I was finally diagnosed with FM. My husband wants to leave the marriage because he feels like I don't love him, because I am not all over him and wanting passionate sex or passionate kissing. I do love him, it's just sex is the last thing on my mind. I know part of the marriage problems are my fault, I should of made him a priority. I told him I would, but he says he knows it would not be real, so no thanks. Also, he feels like he would be hurting me, so he can't get interested in it eiher.
I'm I alone here? Does anyone have the same problems, :confused: if you do please respond so I can share this with my husband. My marriage is going to end and I feel so alone in all of this.
Thanks for any responses.
Gin
Right now I am on no meds at all, waiting to go to U of M hospital to get a second opinion. So I know its not meds. I want them to test my hormones too, I am sure I don't have much.
The last two years I have had weird pains and then a few months ago I was finally diagnosed with FM. My husband wants to leave the marriage because he feels like I don't love him, because I am not all over him and wanting passionate sex or passionate kissing. I do love him, it's just sex is the last thing on my mind. I know part of the marriage problems are my fault, I should of made him a priority. I told him I would, but he says he knows it would not be real, so no thanks. Also, he feels like he would be hurting me, so he can't get interested in it eiher.
I'm I alone here? Does anyone have the same problems, :confused: if you do please respond so I can share this with my husband. My marriage is going to end and I feel so alone in all of this.
Thanks for any responses.
Gin
builder
11-09-2004, 11:41 PM
I've had Fibro for many years. I did not affect my sex life until recently.
I am a male and over the past year or so my Fibro has gotten worse. To the point where I hurt almost every day. My sex drive use to be overactive. I had sex sometimes twice a day and if no female was around, I'd masterbate. The last six months or so my body feels numb. I'm not sure if this is from Fibro. I even went to a Neurologist to see if I have nerve problems. He also said he believes its Fibro. Sometimes if seems I have no feeling or sensations, which includes my penis. Just wondering if you also get this numbing sensation.
I am a male and over the past year or so my Fibro has gotten worse. To the point where I hurt almost every day. My sex drive use to be overactive. I had sex sometimes twice a day and if no female was around, I'd masterbate. The last six months or so my body feels numb. I'm not sure if this is from Fibro. I even went to a Neurologist to see if I have nerve problems. He also said he believes its Fibro. Sometimes if seems I have no feeling or sensations, which includes my penis. Just wondering if you also get this numbing sensation.
ginnyash
11-10-2004, 02:24 PM
Thank you everyone for respondin! My husband and I have been together a total of 9 years. 8 of them being married. When we were first together everything was great! Then I had surgery after about 1 and half years of being married. Then slowly my drive was going down, then their was other problems in the marriage, my husband started drinking working late and it just got horrible and then yes he did stop drinking, I was thankful for that.
I do not get the numbness feeling the other gentelman described. We keep arguring back and forth about going to counseling, he wants to go one minute and the next no. I am going to fight for our marriage, it will be tough though.
Thanks Again,
Gin
I do not get the numbness feeling the other gentelman described. We keep arguring back and forth about going to counseling, he wants to go one minute and the next no. I am going to fight for our marriage, it will be tough though.
Thanks Again,
Gin
apriltones
11-10-2004, 08:28 PM
hi. i have lack of sex drive too! its annoying, im 23! good job partner is supportive1 april x
caden/logan_mom
11-12-2004, 05:57 AM
Hi Ginny and everyone--
I understand so much of what you are all describing. I'm only 25 and I have been wondering what is wrong with me that I have a nice looking husband who wants to be with me like that and I want to be with him but I just can't seem to get my body together enough to act on things and when I do, it really hurts. The fatigue limits me so much too. I was thinking of getting my hormones checked or anything checked that might help but then I started to feel improvement in my symptoms for the first time in months and with that I also had increased interest in sex. I really feel like good communication is essential and even then it's still a difficult symptom to deal with. I just wanted to say don't feel like your marriage will fail because of this one thing, no offense intended but it sounds like your hubby may be a bit insensitive. Recently I've tried taking my Darvocet (which helps me, I realize some people get no pain relief even with narcotics) an hour before and I enjoyed sex a lot more and was able to participate more actively like I used to. Hang in there Gin, you're going through a very stressful time right now, I think counseling is wise!! If he won't go with you, then go alone, the support during this time will be tremendous for you and who knows it may just spur your hubby's interest in going to counseling as well. Let us know how you're doing okay!
Love to you!
Shawnee
I understand so much of what you are all describing. I'm only 25 and I have been wondering what is wrong with me that I have a nice looking husband who wants to be with me like that and I want to be with him but I just can't seem to get my body together enough to act on things and when I do, it really hurts. The fatigue limits me so much too. I was thinking of getting my hormones checked or anything checked that might help but then I started to feel improvement in my symptoms for the first time in months and with that I also had increased interest in sex. I really feel like good communication is essential and even then it's still a difficult symptom to deal with. I just wanted to say don't feel like your marriage will fail because of this one thing, no offense intended but it sounds like your hubby may be a bit insensitive. Recently I've tried taking my Darvocet (which helps me, I realize some people get no pain relief even with narcotics) an hour before and I enjoyed sex a lot more and was able to participate more actively like I used to. Hang in there Gin, you're going through a very stressful time right now, I think counseling is wise!! If he won't go with you, then go alone, the support during this time will be tremendous for you and who knows it may just spur your hubby's interest in going to counseling as well. Let us know how you're doing okay!
Love to you!
Shawnee