Well, let's see. I'm mark, i'm 21 years old, i'm single. I had my first girlfriend when i was 13 years old. Back in middle school I had nothing to worry about, I was like a class clown, a really cool personality. But then when I hit highschool I gained a LOT of weight (100 lbs to be exact) and I got made fun of like crazy, by people in school, and by my dad, and sister. I turned very shy and I was scared of talking to other people. My sister has always told me things like "you're so ugly, you'll never have a g/f" and it kinda hurts, and I've started to believe it. I now have zero self confidence, and I'm very scared about what other people think about me. I am upset that my sister got all the good looking genes from my parents and I didn't get anything.

My sister is only 18 and she has a great life, she has a wonderful boyfriend who she's been with for about 2 months now, they're madly in love , and I have no doubt in my mind that they'll be married one day. I am single, and I can never find the courage to talk to girls. I just don't think anyone will want me, ya know? I have this fear of rejection that's bothering me constantly. If I go up to a girl and she thinks I'm ugly and walks away, I will cry {REMOVED}. I am absolutely terrified of speaking to a female. Even now that I'm older and lost a lot of weight(i'm 6'6 195 lbs now), I do look a little better, but still I don't find myself very handsome. I want to be better than average at least, but I'm not.

Anyone have any recommendations as for what I can do? I have some pictures so you can see what I'm talking about. You can see both my sister and me, notice how she's far better looking than I am.

{REMOVED}


What can I do to make myself look better? i'm tired of being lonely and unattractive

mark

You look fine.. I don't see any problem, you look way better than most people I know who have self confidence and gfs. You probably just stare at a mirror and point out all your flaws like I do right? You probably point out tiny flaws that nobody will ever notice.

It's funny actually, if I saw you walking passed me, I would never think you had any lack of self confidence and I would think you're nuts if you told me what you posted above.

Maybe I'm the same way too? I don't look bad and it's all in my head? yeah probably. I feel the same way about my sibling having taken all the positive genes in the family.. the feeling sucks.

Sounds like your family did a number on you and now it's up to you to undo it huh? I would think a look in the mirror would be proof enough that you are just as, if not, more attractive than your sister. You need to start seeing what is really there and stop filtering what you see through all the slug that was dumped on your by your family.

I'm curious, how many girls, exactly have walked away when you approached them? Where I come from girls would find you attractive and I can't see too many of them walking away from a tall, nice looking guy. You might have to face that fear of rejection and start stepping up to the plate and actually ask a few girls out. The only way you will ever get past what was said to you and the damage that was done is to prove them wrong. That takes guts...you've got the looks, now all you need is guts. Bet you could find it somewhere.

Oh, and another thing, there is no girl in the world worth killing yourself over. If she walks away then find yourself someone who is able to recognize quality when she is confronted with it. Displace some of that self doubt off onto anyone who would not be interested in getting to know you. A litte arrogance can really turn a girls head...give it a try.

Well you are awfully young to feel that you will "die alone." Give yourself some time. Let go of your past and how others made you feel about yourself. (I couldn't get the link to work so I have no idea of what you look like.) Take control of yourself and realize that what is on the inside is what matters most anyway. Don't continue to blame others for how you feel now because that was the past and you need to put the past behind you.

You don't have to die alone unless you convince yourself that you cannot make friends or find a life partner based on your looks. Surely you are a good person on the inside.

hey I went through a similar thing growing up. My sister was a twig, and I always had more a muscular/chubby body type. I always felt like I had to be smarter then my brainiac brother, prettier then my sister, and the social butterfly like my other brother. It felt like no matter what I did I couldn't live up to what they could do/who they were. When I broke down, me and my sister went through it and she was envious of a bunch of things she felt I had and she couldn't. Anyways, everyone is insecure about something. If it's not your sister, someone has something about themselves that they wish was more like you. You're a good looking guy, so just remember that not all girls are that shallow and are more into the individual then their look. Start out small. Where else did your confidence come from when you were 13? Try to find the other things that made you able to roll out of bed without looking in the mirror and feel great about the way you look (not sure if you ever did that but many guys I knew around 13 seemed to love to)

Mark,

Well... I'm a girl that's close to your age (23), so here's my opinion for what its worth.... if that's you in the pictures, then... I really have no idea what you're talking about. :confused: You are good looking -- I would talk to you if you came up to me... and so will other girls, if you give them a chance to...

I know it is hard to put yourself out there and talk to strangers. I have a very difficult time with it myself. I am always pushing potential new friends away. In fact, I'm usually pretty quiet and I tend not to get personally involved with people. As a result, people I've since warmed up to have told me that they found me intimidating when they first met me. I found that really ironic, considering that I'm the one who's usually intimidated. But I guess people who are shy and reserved can sometimes make others feel uncomfortable because they don't know what you're thinking.

So that would be my advice to you: make an effort to open up to girls you meet a little more. I know it isn't easy, but there is nothing wrong with the way you look, so it is all about your self esteem.

It deosn't work the way you think it does. First of all your sister was into sibling rivalry- a cruel syndrome but not uncommon. She may have always feared getting fat and projected the anxiety to you or worried your social sucess would compete with or hinder hers. So discount 85% of her words.
Talk to girls who aren't the type you find most attractive and just be a gentleman. Have manners and humor. Practice socializing with people without the pressure of considering does she like you or not, will she or won't she accept a date. All conversations, all encounters do not have to lead up to those things. Once you are more comfortable you an transition at your own pace to asking someone out.
Plan to live a long life.
Look at couples everywhere and note: there are plug ugly guys with beautiful girls, ugly girls with billboard guys, average faces next to knockouts........ appearance is only one factor that attracts.
Personality is a big factor.
Income/prospects another.
Common interests are a biggie.

There was a tv show years ago: L.A.Law with a storyline about an odd couple. A babe lawyer saying yuck this guy is ugly,goofy lookin' messy dresser, and I will never go out with him. She tells him that. He says yeah you will because I'm a nice guy and when you realize how really good a guy I am, you'll want to be my date. And his character was a great guy whom she feel for against her own reason because she was smart enough to re-evaluate her objections. That was one of the truest storylines I've ever seen because I watch people get together when it seems the odds are against it. You just work at it. Good guys almost always win out; you got a good shot at being part of a couple and happy.