Hi I am a member of this board and have Fibro and can't really do much except work and rest, but my urgent question is my husbands friend just won an all expense paid trip to the playboy mansion, he really wants to go, but Im worried about what goes on there and don't want him to go, am I being unfair by not letting him go, he told me that if I don't let him he doesn't want to talk to me what do i do????

Hi,

I would not want my husband to go either and if he does not respect that then he is not respecting you. I have seen parties about that place and its nothing but woman dressed very sexy. I guess it also depends on how much you trust each other too. If you feel like he is very strong and would not act on anything, then let him go. But I don't many men are that strong. Good luck to you.
Gin

well thats great he won, now first, I know there are bunnies there hopping around and all, but I dont think your allow to touchhhhhhh them if you know what I mean,...

did he win a trip there just to visit and look around, ??

I know fibro makes ya fell like "crap and all, but your hubby married you hun cuz he loves you :)... no harm in letting him go "LOOK" around with his friend..

I think he'll love ya more for trusting him and letting him go.. :)

If ya say no, gosh he will just be grumpy, and whine FOREVERRRRRRRRR, not too many people get to go there, so what the heck :)

and dont you worry ok, those girls there arent "giving it out to anyone"
they are there for looks only... and I think your hubby will be safe.

Id let mine go,

tell him have fun, but not too much and give him a smile

I agree with Tam, if it were my hubby I'd let him go. My words to him are always, if I can't trust you out of my sight, then there's really no use in having trust at all. I have no doubt that my hubby loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. I've never seen a little harmless flirting hurt a marriage. I know if I had a chance to see the Chippendales with a friend, I'd be there. I always pick my battles carefully and I don't think this one is a big deal. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.


Chris

I just wanted to add that if it makes you uncomfortable, he should respect that! But keep in mind that if you were say, invited to go see the chippendales and it made him uncomfortable that you would respect that as well. I think that if it makes you uncomfortable and he goes anyway even if you say it's okay even though you're still uncomfortable then it's just going to come back again and again to bite you both. This is really personal, but applicable. My hubby was looking at internet porn, he didn't see any problem with it and still doesn't but after much marriage counseling he now realizes that even if he does not see anything morally wrong with looking... it devastated me and that makes it wrong for him if he wants to be in a healthy relationship with me. He respects my feelings and doesn't want to hurt me so even though I'm sure he misses the "looking" he doesn't now out of respect for my feelings.
I hope everything works out okay for the both of you!

if your hubby was on the internet in porn and doesnt do it anymore,, hmmm,
he will find a way.. these darn men always do...

cookies dont really help you, but you can get a free program that copies every site and every word he types, when your not around.. if that makes you feel better.. try c-net.com ...... look under downloads..... type in search what you want... this may ease your mind more....

i am sure its hard thinking if he still does and wrroies you sick :(

tammy

My thinking is ...... let him go. But tell him you are going to attend a strip club where there are men strippers. And DO it. If there are none in your town, hire a sitter if you have to, grab a girlfriend and travel to whatever city close to you (or not) has one of those clubs.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If nothing else it will give him pause to think about how this makes you feel.

well, i sorta dont agree with snowbird, thats just playing head games..

sorry snow.

my question would be, why does he really feel the need to go so badly? and why would he threaten to stop speaking to you if you didn't say yes? that in itself is a mindgame and manipulation. I would fell pretty badly if he were so excited and determined to go ( all that for a little nakedness? hmmm ) that he was willing to treat me that way.

I'm not sure if this is a joke or not.
First of all, out of all the inmates interveiwed in prisons about why they raped, molested, committed incest or were involved in sexual abuse 98% of them said it was because they got introduced to pornoghraphy at an early age and kept on going. That's what all this stands for.
I can't believe how tolerant this world has become. This would be the highest insult a husband could give his wife. No, there's one more. Honey, would you watch this XXX rated show with me because you don't turn me on anymore and I need to watch some sleeze bag to get it on. I'd say hit the road Jack. I hope you don't have kids because I'd worry about your daughters getting molested by the brothers that were taught that this too was okay.
I know more victims than not.

i think your blowing this way out of proportion here,,,,,

just a husband asking to go away with his friends, who the heck said he was going to do anything,,,

TRUST IS THE KEY in marriage...

not all men are rapists and pigs..

nothing wrong with LOOKING a pretty woman ..

gosh,,,,

whats the big deal here.

First of all, If this guy wants to see one hot Mama, he should take a look at what he's already got. Buy her a dress, give her a day at the Salon, get a babysitter, go to dinner and then to a hotel. That way he can have his cake and eat it too.
I bet she could give those bunnies a run for their money.
Second, I never called him a pig or rapest or said he could do anything, even if he wanted to, with them, but these activities do lead to other things especially since he already has a problem with porn. This is not just a guy wanting to go out with his buddies. He obviously knew she would disapprove so he threatened her and she answered under duress. This is not love and he didn't give her any reason to TRUST him. He was only thinking of himself.
He didn't give her a choice at all. Let me go or you'll regret it forever? Yeah boy! That calls for trust, I'd trust him. I'm sorry he put you through the stress he did. He had no consideration for your feelings at all and it sounds like he doesn't respect women in general at all. And it makes it worse when we have been victims of abuse, which I clearly call this a form of emotional abuse, or when we are weak and don't feel good, FMS, speaking from my own and many others women's experiences, we don't feel like we have the right to say no. As for LOOKING? You're right. There is nothing wrong with looking at anything beautiful. But there is a difference between looking to appreciate beauty and looking to lust. This is my guidline. The Bible says "If any man looks at a woman to lust after her he has already committed adultery in his heart." This guy was basically ordering his wife to give him permission to go lust which, if you're married, the Bible calls it Adultery. The 4th commandment is Do not commit adutery, it also says that Adulters, liars and murderers go to hell. All of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and broken the laws but when we repent of our sins and ask Jesus to come into our hearts, He will forgive us and help us follow Him. The Holy Spirit lets us know what's right or wrong and is our helper. The Bible tells us to dress modestly so we don't stumble each other, We can dress stylish without exposing everything.
You can't tell me this guy was just going to enjoy a pretty face and nothing else. I would think they would have a few token pictures and books laying around. There is software called covenant eyes that will keep tract of all your families computer activities. You're right again,Tam, There is nothing wrong with going out with the guys to have some wholesome fun. However, this is not good, clean or wholesome. It is detestable to God what he did and even if this guy does not know the Lord, he will still be held accountable for his actions. To those of us who have a righteous fear and respect for God and His Word and care about others enough to go agianst the flow of worldly values that only lead to destruction we need to have good roll models for our boys and Daddy at a Playboy party ain't it. I could write a book on the damages done to women that I know personally. 92+% of all women, by the time they are 18 have been sexually abused in some way and a lot of it started because of Playboys. Watch and listen to what little teenage boys say and do. These men are just big boys that haven't learned to respect women yet. Playboy is Pornography and is soft porn compared to what it leads to and is a major problem among Chistian men and women too. Every young man's battle is a good book to give your teen boys. It's to help them learn about the damages of pornography, the rewards of staying away from it and purity and yes we can all start over. Their is one for girls too about the importance of modesty and purity and the consequences of the way they dress and how it affects young boys and men.
If you don't listen to me, check it out yourself and your eyes will be opened to a lot of things.

Amen Sister!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe you should read the bible a bit more, about JUDGING people you dont even know. and about
babbleing on and on and on.

She asked for some OPINIONS. and she recieved them.

This is a married couple and whatever she decides is between her and her husband. STORY OVER.

Well, it's obviously a personal thing now so I'll end it on my part with this.
It's Bible, not bible and the things I mentitoned were not my judgements but God's Words and commandments, not my advise. I see you had no problem throwing your ill-advise out there. It's always different when you bring the name of Jesus or God into it but the world can mention anything they want, porn, gay, witch craft, wicken, Budha, gay marriage, etc. anything that is un-Godly, but heavens! Don't say the name of Jesus or hold anyone accountable for their bad behavior.
The Bible also says that if you don't receive His Word then kick the dust off your feet and move on and to not cast your pearls among swine. Now it's over and your accountable now that you know the truth. It's not about me. Where will you go on judgement day?
Every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. I truly suggest that you read the Bible for yourself. In it you will find the Life and Truth, not religion for Jesus said that He is the Way the Truth and the Life and NO ONE will go to the Father except through Him.
Best wishes.

Okay, I need to add my two cents in here LOL :)
I would be extremely hurt if my husband wanted to go away with "buddies" to the Playboy mansion or any other destination that included that sort of thing. I beleive a man and woman are to remain true to each other - and this includes porn, online porn, "looking", internet chatting, physical touching, flirting, etc. And a husband's threat that he won't talk to you if you don't allow him to go is pure crap.
Amen to Romans.
God bless, Jen

wowwwwwwwww I didnt know Roman was a pure saint, and never committed a sin in her/his life. I am impressed. I surely cant question or even argue with a person who has never sinned in their life. cuz your sure preaching it out like your one...

Im sorry I didnt know you were perfect. OOPS.


Personally, I was born a sinner, I just go to church every week, and I feel good about it. and I live the best way I can I life.

I dont think I am better than anyone else, because I JUDGE people by reciting THE BIBLE to them, I do it in my own way, by being kind and treating them with respect.and showing love.

buy hey, I am mortal, I made a mistake, cuz I didnt do that with you,
but I cant, you already judged me and thru me in hell.and your a perfect being,

My Hubby would not have the nerve to even ask. BUT If he had and told me that I would have to tell him take all his items when he goes because he did not ask he told you he was going. LIKE it or not does not go well with me at all. IF he had sat down and talked to me and WE decided that everyone was ok with it then that's a different story.

Hi,
Just because someone quoted something out of the bible is not saying they are perfect. I live by the Word and if I need an answer I go there and if someone asks, I will give them the same answer. Either you believe the Word of God a 100% or you don't. Yes, we are all sinners, but when we get saved the bible and Jesus tells us to repent and sin no more. Each day we need to transformed more like Jesus and when you tast the good fruit it's hard to turn back.

I would say anyone that is having this issue as the woman originally posted about that they have problems in their marraige or else she would not have posted in the first place. This woman needs to know that she is prescious to God and she does not have to condone her husbands behavior, it is not Godly by anymeans.

Now if this woman is not a Christian, then everything I just typed will not mean a thing and I am sorry if I offended her. God bless! Gin

Hi,
It bothers me that we have postings in which people who are here to support each other are writing the things that they are writing to each other. We are here for support - not mean spiriting bickering! I know we all feel awful most of the time but please don't take that out on each other.

I'm a Christian but feel this is not the forum to discuss my views of faith or to condemn or berate someone who beleives differently from me. Talking about judgement and sinning should not be here - take it to the postings on the religious boards.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I'm sorry - but I come here for comfort, understanding, love and support, not the kind of stuff I've been reading through this thread.
God bless, Jen

Dear Jen,
No offence taken as the direction of this string has been very clear all the while, so you must have been drawn to it like the rest of us. For me, I was in total disbelief and hoped that some would find comfort in knowing that saying no to porn is okay.
But if it offends you, maybe you should take this opportunety to pray for this string. Maybe that's why God led you here, to pray for all of us.
If you re-read this string again you'll see that the majority of people are lifting this sister up in their way and others in letting her know that she has the right to say no to her husband.
This string started with a distraut precious woman that was going through a very real, hurtful situation with her husband.
The Word of God is never used to at attack anybody but for edification, so I give you.
Heb. 4:9-12 There remaines therefore a rest for the people of God. For He who has entered His rest, has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His. Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall, after the same example of disobedience. For the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. There's no creature hidden from His sight, But all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him, to whom we must give account.
It offends some because they either don't know the Lord and I hope they come to know Him but God gives us all a free will of our own.
He wants us to take our rest in Him as I encourage you to do.
And Gen, Next time you are at the church that makes you feel so good, I would like to know what your pastor says when you ask him what he thinks about pornography. Ask a few people and re-read my post, then let me know what I said that was so wrong. I'm always open to correction as long as it's backed by the Word and not your angry words.
Please, read, not just skim, the scripture above. Heb.
Romans 8

Personally, I think you should sit down with your husband and make him talk to you about this. Make him listen to your side and make yourself listen to his side and look at it from his perspective. I don't think you should listen to anyone here about what to say. I think you should listen to your heart more than anything. Your heart and your hubby. Neither letting him go or asking him to say is WRONG. It's what you want. But you both should respect what the other wants. It's these kinds of things that makes relationships/marriages hard, but you just have to work through them together in a calm, mature, rational way. And if you don't let him go, give him a little extra lovin or something. If you do, just make sure he isn't going to do anything but look. Let us know how it all goes.

I personally would want my husband to go, just because I am limited does not mean I have hold him back. One thing I have learned since being diagnosed with FM is that trust is an absolute need between you and your partner. Yes, I have noticed tension, but our trust has not changed. This is a "once and a lifetime" thing for him, and like stated, he married you because he loves you, and being ill doesn't change those feelings. He would do things just for your happiness (or at least I hope he would). I was always taught it doesn't hurt to look,and flirt a little and really who would be human that doesn't whether male or female. As human beings it is our nature to take in everything, whether good or bad. Who knows after he takes this trip, it may make his feelings towards you even stronger than they are now knowing how far your trust for him is. I know when my husband flirts, I am actually a bit flattered that he still has it, and kind of think in the back of my head, "yep, all that and it's all mine teehee". Besides all of the above, when he returns, your intimate relationship will flourish, because he will know exactly where your level of trust, and in return it will reflect "emotionally" in your relationship, we all know how hard it is for men to show emotion to begin with, so this could turn into a good thing for you both.
Good Luck, .......you could leave teh decision up to him, If he decides to go, just tell him have a good time, and if not, then Thank him for respect of your feelings. Everything happens for a reason, we may never know that reason, but it all works out in the end....

AMEN JEN
and GOD BLESS YOU TOO.