Giving up????


For those of you who don't know my SIL has been staying with me and her 3yo son. They are staying with me because they are adding extra rooms to the home for the new arrival. She is 9 months PG and still drinking and smoking.....

My SIL went home yestersday but said she will be back after her little one is born. HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO DEAL WITH THAT???? A new born in my house???when I can't get PG???? I really don't think they understand the magnitude of what they are asking me to do here. I wish they would just leave me alone. BUT how can I NOT give them a place to stay without being a b*tch??

I started my follistim last night. There's a part of me that really doesn't want to do this aymore. I'm going through the motions half-heartedly. I think this will be my last month. I'm hoping for a incredible Christmas miracle. I just don't know how to come to peace with the impending possibility that I will not be a mother. How does one come to peace with that? I think it's the fear of admitting that I won't be a mom that is keeping me in the IF treatments. Ah, I just don't know :(

Sorry to be so down in my post today but that's how I'm feeling, pretty down.

Thanks for listening

Doreen

is IUI all they they are giving you and option for? and i also think that your SIL is being VERY insensitive to your situation.

Hey D,

I think they are not giving me the option for IVF because they now know that I can achieve PG with the IUI's. Who knows? I'm just really tired, very emotional and don't think I can give much more. I'm trying though :)

My SIL and brother are being insensative, but what can I do to get them out of my house without looking like a complete ***??

Wow - I completely understand how you feel! I have a family that expects me to be the hero and save everybody's day - no matter if it is at a horrific price to me or not. I am sorry, but someone else is going to have to take the burden on here - other than you. Is there any other family or friends that they could stay with? Seriously, that is something HUGE to ask of anyone - a newborn in someone else's house?!?!

I am not going to lecture you here because I know you already know this...........
but it can be a waste for you to do any kind of treatment when you are under so much stress. You just sound like you don't believe that they are going to work after so much disappointment - honey, that is just pure emotional exhaustion! I have been there! I had to tell my dr. that I would not continue w/ any treatment until probably January. He didn't like that - but when I explained that I was under too much stress at home - he agreed. I have fibromyalgia and was feeling a little flared up - my house is under construction - and my family had just turned on me for not helping my parents move when I had explained that I was having a medical treatment and could not help (really depressed me). Enough is enough!!!

It sounds to me that your family knows about your treatments, and if I were you I would just blame it on your doctor - tell them he advised that you remain as stress free as possible and to get a ton of rest. I bet if you asked him - that WOULD be what he would say!

I am sorry but this is majorly insensitive - I have a brother and sil (much younger than me) that have 2 babies and are kinda the same way --- SO SELF-CENTERED!!!!!!!

More power to ya -

I had a doctor closing the door on me and my husband. My FSH was a 12.5 and I was told he would not treat me further. Well, that was not acceptable!

I found another fertility doctor who is just wonderful. He is even doing natural IUI's on me because I am 43 years old and have not responded to Injectibles with enough eggs.

My DH and I are considering the donor egg program. At least the embryos will be genetically connected to my DH and I get to have the pregnancy.

So....giving up right now is not an option for us. There is still hope for you and your DH. It sounds like you need to find another doctor that gives you more hope and other treatment options.

On the emotional side - you need to work on your emotions. There are babies everywhere when you are going through this. You need to work at keeping your stress level down, you emotions on track - because you need the faith, the hope and the strength to get through this difficult time. Sure, I am disappointed about me and my DH unable to have kids. But we are trying all the options and treatments available out there. We even spoke to a nice couple that adopted Domestically and found out it is only around $20,000 to adopt with a $10,000 tax credit. So, that is our last option, but we are trying first for own genetic connected kids with medical science.

As for your brother and SIL - let them get an hotel room! They have nerve to live in your house with a newborn. Ask yourself this - will your brother's house be available for you and your dh if you needed a place to live on a temporary basis? If not, then you know you need to sit down with your brother and talk with him. Not your SIL.

Don't come to terms with anything until you found all the options out there. Good luck.

Hi, Gosh I really really feel for you. I think that allowing your SIL, brother and son AND new born baby is really just TOO much. Its a horrendous emotional toll for you, you have rights too, in this situation. I assume they know that you are trying for a baby? they must be either desperate (financially) or really thick skinned not to appreciate your plight and emotional roller coaster. I think as the above post says you have to have a polite but FIRM chat with your brother and just say errr NO its too much for me to take right now. I really pray that this is YOUR cycle and that you get your precious bundle. I can really understand all that you say as I myself had infortility problems (unexplained) for four years straight after losing a baby late due to an abnormality. My heart goes out to you. (((hugs))

If his SIL and brother are in need I don't see why one can possibly feel jealous with the new birth of someone in the family. I would love to present at the birth myself. A new life is reason for celebration as is God that has given life to someone. I know we need prayer ourselves so we do not feel envy of someone else's fortune. So my advice enjoy to see that pregancy. I wished I could have seeing a baby of my brother while what I got to see was his funeral. We have so many blessings, just having health alone is such a big blessing alone.

If his SIL and brother are in need I don't see why one can possibly feel jealous with the new birth of someone in the family. I would love to present at the birth myself. A new life is reason for celebration as is God that has given life to someone. I know we need prayer ourselves so we do not feel envy of someone else's fortune. So my advice enjoy to see that pregancy. I wished I could have seeing a baby of my brother while what I got to see was his funeral. We have so many blessings, just having health alone is such a big blessing alone.

Ladivapr, I think you might have misunderstood what is being said here. There is NO JEALOUSY. Doreen is very understanding of her brother and sil's situation - my goodness, they HAVE BEEN staying with her and if you look at her other posts - she has taken on A LOT for her relatives in times of need. Of course we are all excited when a new life comes along!!! What a wonderful and glorious thing to see! But, to ask to bring a newborn into to someone's home (as well as the the other 3 in the family) WHILE THEY ARE ENDURING IFERTILITY TREATMENTS is just too much to ask. A human being can only endure so much. I don't know if you have ever been through a treatment, but your emotions are all over the place and it is a time that you need to take extra care of yourself. It has absolutely nothing to do with "not counting blessings". Trying to remain positive on our own matters - is not discounting or shunning other's matters. We all only have so much to give and should never be judged for how much.

Oh my!
I didn't realize when I posted this thread that I would ever offend anyone, and I am very sorry if I did.
The point of my post IS that I know I need to be there for my family, and want desperately to do so. BUT.... at this time it IS asking a LOT of DH and I. Just getting along with DH is hard enough with all these hormones, stress and not to mention the darn Flu (Yes DH and I are still very sick)

But..Ladivipr you also have the right to feel as you do, just as my brother and his family do. There are two sides to everything, it's just a matter of your beliefs and understanding of certain situations... it's not a matter of right or wrong but what your feeling at the time. We are all entitled to our feelings. The truth is maybe I really need to sit down with my family and tell them how I'm feeling and maybe then they will understand the situation they are putting me in. The only person to blame is myself and my inabilty to make them understand for fear of looking as cold as you may see me. I'm afraid of looking selfish, and that is MY problem, no one elses.

Thank you Jan(healthseeker) once again you have proven just what I've been telling you. That you make this road of IF alot easier. Thank you for being there for me :)

Willsmom- No, It's not a money problem as my brother and his wife do quite well... as I said earlier, maybe if I had the strenght to just let them know.

Ang- I'm very happy to hear that you are not giving up without a fight :) AND I doubt if they would be there for me to live in their house, but they wouldn't have to worry 'cause I sure wouldn't ask;)


Well, I am really tired and I just poped on but I just had to respond to this post. I'm having a hard time keeping my head up.

You are all in my thoughts.... BABYDUST~*~*~*~*~*~*

Oh i c. I think I misunderstood oops. Yeah I do have heard the treatments are rough. Actually I really wouldn't do them. I have heard those fertility treatments can have bad side effects and that freakes me out. Guess I would change of mind if I were in the situation. I have never consider not even the pill for birth control. I just get scared with drugs that mess around with the hormonal system. Good to ask can someone educate me regarding the safety of these infertility treatments?

Yeah I do have heard the treatments are rough. Actually I really wouldn't do them.

Good to ask can someone educate me regarding the safety of these infertility treatments?

Probably a good question for a dr. as the side effects vary greatly per different treatments and different people. I wouldn't worry about it though, as you have already stated that you would not do them.

My SIL AND her 3 year old AND her 2 day old are coming tonight. Soooooo I guess i'm a rotten person for not wanting them there?

I wish i were back in my little one bedroom apartment because then i wouldn't need any darn excuses. I bought a house for MY family, which of course 3 years later, I still don't have that family:(

It's gonna get stressful ladies so PLEASE just bear with me and my "moody" posts

TIA,
Doreen

Hi DSAK
I am starting to feel the same way you are about giving up on ttc anymore. My dh and I have been trying for 3 1/2 years. I have been on the Clomid along with Metformin for 2 cycles. I have went through so many tests and now they are talking about doing more. Not for sure how much more testing we want to do and how far we want to go. Insurance doesn't cover anything for us. I just don't know how much more I can handle. I have a ds that will be 9 next month but dh doesn't have any children. He has been tested and is perfectly fine nothing wrong with him just me.
I don't think I would feel very comfortable either at this time to have a newborn living in my house that is not mine. You have a lot of will power and comforting support for your brother and sil more than what I probably could have. Good luck with the situation. Hopefully they can find another place soon so it is not as problem some for dh and you. I know what you are saying when you say that you have emotions and hormones that don't get along with the dh very well. We are having that problem too.
Well I should go for now and help out with milking and feeding the calves.
Sue P :wave:

Oh!!! My niece is the CUTEST lil' peanut!! God! She's soooo tiny and perfect! I'm in love!!!

BUT...

I STILL don't them here..

SueP- I'm sorry to hear about your situation as well. Dealing with infertility is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It can cause major problems in a marriage. I also he testing felt like it was never going to end. I'm sorry that nothing is covered for you through insurance..on that end I am very lucky all of it has been covered, but almost to my limit. Now, I feel like the treatments are all I live for I eat, breath, think and dream about IF.. I am getting very tired as well, so you are not alone. I just don't know what "giving up" will do to my marriage and i am afraid to give up as well.

I wish you the very best of luck in your journey. Babydust ~*~*~*~*~*~

Doreen

I also have an SIL that is 8 1/2 mo. pg and at first it was almost unbearable because her and my BIL are always fighting and separating while me and my DH are so much better off in our relationship. But now I have thrown myself into helping out as much as possible and yeah there are nights were I cry about it but I have faith that whether by adoption or what ever I will get my baby someday... I believe its all about FAITH!!
Good luck, remain calm and you will do whats right....

Hi everyone, new to this thread. What a kind person you are to have your SIL stay with you, and to enjoy the new baby just for the miracle that she is. When I was facing infertility, I actually did something similar. I volunteered at my church nursery school. Everyone thought I was crazy, but it actually helped me a lot. It gave me a connection with babies and also a reality check, so my fantasy of them did not get so carried away that I imagined that they never cried, never pooped etc. My heart does go out to you. I remember that feeling of not wanting to go own in the maze of infertility. My son, who arrived through the gift of adoption is going to be three in March. My life is so beautiful and happy, it is almost impossible to remember how horrible it was during those terrible years of infertility. Do give adoption more than a passing thought. I could never love my son more than I do, and there are days when I am convinced that you love an adopted child more than a biological one. It's a magical connection. I know it's not for everyone, but it is so sweet and beautiful. Imagine being so happy that you cannot even *remember* these days you are suffering now. That is how good it is. It can happen for you to. Good luck in your efforts for a family. I do hope that you conceive.

Hello,

I would just like to wish you the best. I am sorry you are felling so low, and I hope that you do recieve respect from your family. Also, I am crossing my fingers and toes and really hoping that you concieve. I also had a doc refuse to treat me based on FSH levels. It's very very paintful. The thing is. we are not merely those numbers. I hope your new doctor treats you as a person and not an FSH level, and whatever you decide I hope you will be happy.

Best wishes and mucho baby dust