We've been TTC now for 18 months and I am really down about it. My best friend is six months pregnant and I just found out that another friend is expecting her second child. I am so sick of feeling down and being jealous of my friends, but I would just like to say IT"S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!

Sorry, just had to get that out....

I know exactly how you feel. I sat back and watched as my SIL had three children which would make the total 5 and my sister also have her second which was not planned. Also watching so many of my friends get PG at the drop of hat (or sperm LOL), but I also watched a few friends have a very hard time and when they finally became PG I shared in there joy and did not feel jealous at all. It took us almost 5 years but we now have a beautiful 3 month old baby girl and it is definately worth the wait.

I know it's easy to say but keep the faith. After 2 years of infertility treatments and DH having surgery that made no improvement we got PG naturally, so there definately is miracles.

Thank you for sharing...I love hearing those stories. It definitely gives me hope. But it also scares me to think that so many of you have tried for soooo long (5, 6, 7 years????) Such a large part of our lives is centered around trying to have kids, while the rest of the world is able to just get pregnant and move on with their lives....

I'm beginning to think I should go to counseling....

I understand too. I have 1 dd but we have been TTC #2 for about 14 months. My sister knows we have been trying and she called me a few weeks ago because she was upset that she might be pregnant. Can't believe she had the nerve to call me. I cried all night thinking if she was, why her, she's not married and not even trying. We all have our moments when we get depressed. It's all worth it though to have the possiblity of the miracle happening.

Jennifer

Hi,
I just read your message, and I feel exactly the same as you. My husband has just been told that he is infertile. The doctors say we have no hope of having our own baby. These last few days have been terrible and we have both been very depressed. I'm angry and frustrated, and I'm also very jealous of other people who just seem to get pregnant by looking at each other! But I also think that miracles do happen. Although I'm very impatient, I still hope that the doctors are wrong and we will have our baby soon. In the meantime, we are exploring spermdonorship.
Michele

Kudos to all your posts! Every now and then, we need to vent to each other about how unfair it is...because who else could possibly understand (okay, blowing our own horn a bit there)! It is just somehting you have to experience to understand I guess what I'm trying to say...

Okay, here's my gripe...
I have some realatives who had to get married because of a pregnancy - there's also drugs and alcohol involved here (nice, huh?) - then when the child was a couple of months old ended up with a broken bone and the state took him away. My dh and I made an agreement with the state to take him until this couple got counsleing, etc.. and they could figure out how it happened. The couple was thankful to us for a couple of days because it got thier child out of foster care. But then began to HATE US - as if WE took their child from them. They refused to visit him at our home because they hated us! THAT is putting yourself in front of your child! They preferred to go out on the town with friends instead - made me sick for the baby! Did I mention she got pg again during this! It is now a year later and they now have 2 babies and say horrible things about me - like - I hope she never has children! All I did was care for their's and they actually wish this on me!

Okay, never have gone off on that before here - guess I needed to because now I feel better! Whew! Thanks for putting this post up! Jan

Hello everyone.
I'm also in the same boat. This is very hard and emotional. We've been ttc for 2.5 years. A few of my friends and I all started to try at the same time.....all 3 of them were pregnant within the same month. They have beautiful babies. I cried a lot and I felt left out..i guess you could say I felt selfish..why them and not me? Only a year later 2 of my relatives are pregnant within days of eachother...a few weeks after my m/c....2 aquaintances had to get married due to pregnancy AND 2 other friends are pregnant. I've said before I'm amazed at how I communicate with them all...they don't see me crying myself to sleep. Dh is very helpful and caring..i love him sooo much!
I know how everyone is feeling and i'm glad that we can vent and cry here. Everything feels so unfair...I am getting tired of people telling me that "it'll happen" "quit stressing" or "You're still young" .....i'm beginning to tell everyone that i don't want to hear it.
I'm sorry about all of our situations but our day will come. I just know it!
S.

Wow, so much to respond to:

katiemaesmom - Sometime's I think it's worse when a relative of ours is PG because you can't seem to escape it. Is your sis definitely PG?

Michele72- I am so sorry about your news. How did you find out he is infertile? Do you know a cause? Not that it would be any easier if there was cause. It is still very sad news to hear. I have heard that male factor infertility is the cause of 40% of couples infertility problems. That's an extraordinary percentage! I am so happy to know that you are considering sperm donation. i can't imagine how agonizing a decision like that would be.

healthseeker - What a story!! Some people just don't "get" it. That is a sad story for all involved (even if the parents don't realize it's a sad situation). Good for you for stepping in when you could though.

S&J- My heart goes out to you. I know what you mean about the communicating with your friends part. Somehow we get through the day with a (at least a half) smile and others probably think not getting pregnant bothers us, but it's not that bad. They see us at the times when we have to put on a facade and pretend we are doing alright, but we are really dying inside!!!

Why do people continue to complain about baby related things when they know that we are going through such an ordeal??? I sat today at the office and listened to other women talk about their labor stories for almost an hour and had to hear about how those first few nights with the baby are just oh-so-tough. I PROMISE my future baby right now that I will never complain about any nights/days/minutes/moments with him/her!

I think some people think that if they complain enough around us, it will make us want to be mommies less....but really I think it just makes me want it more because it just singles me out as the only person who hasn't experienced that.

Thanks for all of the responses...let's keep this up! Believe it or not, this is helping!

I am just writing to you to give you encouragement. I wanted a child for as long as I can remember.....All my friends and family were having children and I tried and nothing ever happend. I had three (so I thought) serious relationships and tried with each one and nothing. So there I was 28 and so depressed because I truely believe I was never going to have a child of my own. I know the hurt, I know the pain, I know how it is to look at someone with children and want to cry. I remember walking in a store with my mother and I said "mom, I think I am going to adopt a child or find out about it. I really want a child" and she said "well, find out about it" and guess what?? I had no clue I was pregnant at that exact time! (crying as I type) I had my son in 2000 and when he was 4 months old I wanted another one and I got pregnant with twin girls. I agree that miracles do happen, I know I have three. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't pray and thank god that I have them. I think the time waiting made me a great mother. I charish every day with them. Don't give up hope and turn it over to God. I did all kinds of stupid things, I hung over the bed with my feet in the air and my head on the floor. Don't EVER give up. ~~~~~~~pg vibes coming your way~~~~~~~~~~~~

I slip in here an lurk every now and then because this is a subject so close to my heart. I've been where you are. I've heard all the well-meaning comments from people who just don't get it. We tried for years as friends and family members had babies and those babies grew up. We finally adopted a beautiful baby boy. All our friends' children were 8-10 years old by the time we started. But, believe me, you WILL be better mothers! We made sure our child always knew he was important to us...much more important than a job or our social life...we put him ahead of all that. And he grew up with very high self-esteem. That was 20 years ago. And he has been successful in school, on his job, and with his friends. He's always been a blessing to us. I know adoption is not an option for everyone. These days it is much more expensive. And some people are determined to have biological children. To each his own. I do wish you all the gift of motherhood. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It has been a long time, but the pain of infertility is still fresh in my mind. Try to be forgiving of those who don't get it. And remember...YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Use this forum or whatever you need to get you through it. Best wishes and prayers to all.

To Soulcatcher and Summerlove:

Thank you so much for sharing your stories...they really touched my heart! :angel:

Healthseeker - Your story just breaks my heart. I just can't stomach child abuse. No child should ever go back into a home like that. And when you are suffering from infertility, it is SO hard to see children being abused, or just not appreciated. Children deserve so much better than that! Believe me, I've dealt with my rage over that and also people having abortions just because a child wasn't a "convenience" at the time. Don't even get me started on that!
Take care everyone.

Hi Everyone.
I'm alot like summerlove in that I lurk every so often and pop on to express my thoughts or share a little something. I am completely with you ladies... it gets depressing to see and hear of everyone else around you getting pg and my dh and I want it so bad we can taste it. I'm tired of hearing, "just let it happen..." or "relax" (that comes from my own mom! I hate that one!) or even the "You just need to forget about trying... and it will happen." I mean, come on - how are we supposed to just forget about it... much less relax!!! I mean, darn!!!! :eek: I hate that dh and I haven't gotten pg yet.... he has a son from a previous marriage... I love him, but its not the same. I want to feel all the changes... I want to have and hold my own little baby.
And going through all the tests... WOW. What more could they possibly put a woman through!!!
Ok -- I'm sorry - just had to share my frustrations!!! Thanks for listening... and I, too, love this board because so many women are SO very helpful and caring -- there are so many of you out there that are just amazing for support!!!!!
Take care -- and Lots of baby vibes to us all!!!
Hugs and smiles -- Jen :angel:

I think that its up to God if a child will happen or not. I remember a coworker of mine who had tried for 5 years and went through several invitros without success and then became pregnant when she was not in any fertility treatment to prove us that only God gives life at the time he dispose it to be. I'm 31 and I'm not even married, my bf is infertile due to vasectomy (he is widower with 2 children). If I were to marry him I know infertility would be in the agenda for me. Reversal of vasectomy are never guaranteed. I could find a fertile bf but I love this guy and I understand that if God will want a life to happen He will make it happen.

If there is something good that pain brings is that it makes us good people. Things seem to be backward sometimes when we see women who abort a child when there is many good women that are trying to conceive without success. Same as I see very promiscous girls getting married so easily when very decent girls like me are struggling to get married. I wouldnt miss the chance of having a child. If I were infertile I would adopt a child in a heartbeat, I have been thinking of doing anyways if I get to be 35 and single. When jesus was in the cross he said to Mary
"When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son!
Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home." John 16(26-27)
My prayers are for everyone here :)

Hey jlteaches - I know what you mean by people telling you to "relax". That one was the worst! I'm now 50 years old, been married for 31 years, and have not used any type of birth control since our 2nd year of marriage. I'M SURE SOMETIME IN THAT 29 YEARS I WAS "RELAXED", but I never got pregnant. RELAXING is NOT the answer people!!! *_* Then people told me I would get pregnant as soon as we adopted. Ok, adopted son is now 20 years old... Anyway, as I said we need to be forgiving of those who just don't get it. Air your feelings here where we all understand!

This board is for health related infertility issues.

Depression issues belong on the Depression board.

Thanks.

Moderator BAC