Its been almost a year already. Truely hard to believe. December 19th 2003. My best friends nephew died of cancer. He was 5. This little boy was also my second cousin. His aunt and I are cousins and grew up together, best friends for 29 years. I have been thinking about him alot over the past few days. I keep replaying the wake and the funeral over and over in my head. It was a beautiful funeral. If there is such a thing. For a 5 year old. His mom has a webpage that she updates every now and then. I have visited it frequently over the past year. He is always in the back of my mind. I didnt really come here seeking advice, I just wanted to get my thoughts out. Feeling better..............

I remember how that feels. A year of holidays and birthdays finally behind you. Knowing that nothing is different today, but at least if you got thru the first year there really is hope that you'll deal with another...

That's a good description of life, and I have a feeling that your little "Nephew of the Heart" would appreciate your love for him today and always.
:angel:

Well its within days of being a year since he passed away. I am just having a hard time getting into the christmas spirit. Last year at this time we were all grieving. It seemed so pointless to celebrate when this small child was so sick and dying. Usually I am so excited to put up all my decorations and I love all the lights and the shopping. This year it all seems so surreal. Normally I put up all my decorations the day after thanksgiving. This year I only have my tree up and I dont even really want that up. Im not in the mood to shop and I dont want to attend the many christmas's that I will be expected to be at over the christmas weekend. Yuck. I just want it to all go away and be January.

I understand that totally. Last December my grandmother died, painfully, the morning I was due to drive up to see her. Last Decmeber 25th I called mum to wish her a Happy Christmas and she cried on the phone which upset me so much I burst into tears during dinner and blew the day for everyone. This year I dread the same thing happening and Christmas just seems so surreal - but I think that for those who are still with us we must celebrate being here and being able to spend time with each other. If those who we have lost were here it is what they would want - for us to smile and love, and salute them and the memories they gave us. Firsts are always the worst and tho time moves on and memories fade the joy that the person brought us through their lives will always have a bearing on what we are today. Celebrate that!