I'm at a loss and don't know what to do. I've been married for a little over a year and have a wonderful and terrific husband. He is truly a wonderful partner and I can't say enough great things about except: we don't have sex. We've never even consumated our marriage. We've had this problem even before we were married but felt that because we had such a good friendship and understanding of one another we can work through it. Turns out I don't think we can. We've been together for over 5 years and don't have any children (lack of sex) but everytime I think about leaving I just can't picture life without him. Here's the problem: in the last 5 years i've had more affairs than I can count and each and everytime I torture myself. I'm very careful with the men that i'm with by always using protection and i'm well aware of the high and low risks. I never put myself in any real risk by always using protection and making sure the condom stays on correctly yet right after I feel that i might have contracted HIV. My husband knows I have affairs and I think in the back of his mind he is reliefed that I'm having sex with someone else. This has been going on for more than 3 years. Everytime I sleep with someone I run out and get an HIV test 3 months later and for those 3 I'm driving myself crazy thinking i've contracted something yet knowing I was safe and careful. I don't know what to do. I'm very depressed, confused and angry with myself. It feels like each time I get another negative HIV test i feel like i've been given another chance and that makes it all okay. I know I need to talk to someone about this and i have tried but it just didn't work. Any words of wisdom?

You do seem to have a problem but it is definitely not HIV related as you are never really at risk at all!

Maybe try the relationship board as your fears may be stemming from some kind of guilt about cheating on your husband.