Holidays are the worst, I know. My husband died in April at the age of 43. He wasn’t sick; he just never woke up.

I was still mourning the death of my parents.

Please tell me it gets better.

I am sick of death!

Holidays are the worst, I know. My husband died in April at the age of 43. He wasn’t sick; he just never woke up.

I was still mourning the death of my parents.

Please tell me it gets better.

I am sick of death!


as time goes on your pain will heal. u won't ever forget them but just remember that u can do anything and it will be ok. i am here if u need to talk

seawater- It gets better, so I hear! I just lost my husband in September to lung cancer, he was sick for 9 months before he passed away, he was 45. This Holiday season will NO DOUBT be the worse ever! But, we can get through this, just not without that empty feeling, and a whole lot of tears! I have found that my friends are a very good rock for me, they listen and let me cry and cry. I also go to church more often then before, this is the BIGGEST help!

I know how tough it is, let the tears come when they want to, and then do your best to move past that moment, try not to get stuck in it.

Good Luck! Come here and vent anytime you need to, I will check on ya!

Renee

Yes, it gets better. I lost my husband May 2003. My situation was much different, though, as my husband was 83 and had had a major stroke four years earlier. So, since I believe that the physical body is just a temporary housing for the spirit, I am able to now visualize him whole again.

I still think of him almost every day, but in a different way. Of course I miss him, but I just thank God for the 39 years we had together. I no longer cry, but cherish the memories. My faith has been the main reason I've adjusted so well.

Yes, it gets easier over time. I'm sure the adjustment was faster for me because of my husband's age and health prior to death, but it will get easier, I assure you.

Thanks Uff-Da- I do believe God will heal us, in time. If we did not grieve and feel the pain of losing a loved one, how could we love anyone? That is what I think! I am sure that God did not take Scott from me, because he wanted me to learn things. But, I am learning! I have learned that I NEED God; He has always been with me, and I have always known that, but I need him now more then ever before. I have learned how to tell the people in my life what they mean to me every chance I get. I have learned the value of life, and I no longer take time or people for granted. I no longer say "I will call him/her tomorrow", if I think of someone and want to talk to them, I call them NOW. I have learned that I can yell at God, and he still Loves me. I have 2 nieces, when I look at them now I CRY, I see the beauty and innocence in their faces like never before, and I see how "fragile" they are, like life. Wow, I could go on and on with what I have learned this past year, but I will spare you all. Some days I feel like I can not pick myself up, but I do, I push myself and try to go on. It is difficult, but I know I must, I know my husband would not want me to fall to pieces without him, but honor him instead. Over the past 14 years, I have learned so much from my husband, and when I think I can not go on, I think of what he would say to me, and that helps me pick up and push forward. I am only 33, I know I have to live my life the best I can, and be the best person I can. Somedays are just harder then others, but I know I will make it. Like you, my faith is strong, and my heart is true to God. If I can just make it past these Holidays, that in itself will be a HUGE step!

Renee

Seawater- Are you ok today? I know Thanksgiving was a tough one, I slept most of it away. I spent time with my family, ate like a pig and then came back home, climed in my bed, cried a lot, prayed a lot, and slept a lot. Today is not much better to tell you teh truth. Scott has been gone 11 weeks today. I think I torture myself! I went yesterday and bought a 2005 calendar. I took my 2004 calendar down to write down all of the anniversaries and birthdays on my new calendar. It was like a knife in my stomach. My 2004 calendar was full of days like "Scott chemo, Scott radiation, Scott Dr. appointment for checkup, Scott CT scans, Scott bone Scan...etc". And then of course, the day he died, his Birthday, our anniversary. It was horrible! I continued and finished writing everthing in my new calendar, but it is probably tear stained, because I cried the ENTIRE time.

Praying for us! :angel:
Renee

Seawater and Uff-Da- The message below is a post I replied to under this forum, the post was called "near death". When I posted this, I never thought I would go back to, but I do, very often. I guess it has kind of become a tribute to Scott, and it reminds me that my husband was strong, and I "need" to be. It also reminds me that God WILL take care of me, and he is with me. Writing about Scott, or even to Scott helps me.

I just wanted to share. It is long, if you do not read it, that is ok to!

I have not personally had a near death experience, but I can tell you a story of a man who died for 9 months, knowing he was dying. My husband, 45, was diagnosed with extensive small cell lung cancer, his diagnosis was on December 26th, 2003. From that day on, he had to live the rest of his life knowing he was dying. And, with every right to, he never got angry, nor was he bitter towards God. Scott lived the rest of his life on this earth praising God. Yes, praising him. People would say "If anyone can get a miraculous healing, it would be Scott". And yes, Scott prayed for a miraculous healing, we all did.

After each test, Scott anxiously awaited the results, his wish was to hear a doctor say "I can not explain how, but your cancer is gone".
He would proudly say, with excitement "WOW, what a testimony". He constantly told us, "you'll see, it will happen. God will heal me, and think of the testimony I will have for my God". For 9 months, he never failed to thank God, and praise God. Imagine for a minute what this might be like. I can't! Even though I went through this with him, I still can not imagine how he must have felt deep inside his soul. Here is a man that has cancer and has been told "all we can do is keep you comfortable, but you will die within 9 months, that's all the time we can buy you". He was taking treatments that made him sick, made him tired, made him bald, made him weak and robbed him of his appetite. His whole life as he knew it has been taken away from him, all in an instant. The first thing he did was apologized to me. And then he said, "we have to get everyone praying for a miracle".

Scott did what he set out to do. He got everyone praying, asking for a miracle. I saw the hundreds of lives that Scott witnessed to. And the hundreds of lives he touched. Just by simply believing in God. If you give your heart to God, and believe that God, your father, will protect you and comfort you, he will!!! Some people say, "Scott was such a strong Christian, why did God let him get cancer"? Well, this is a good question. Scott's answer was, "God gave me free will, and he respects my free will". He also said, "by having free will, I am allowed to make my own choices, I chose to smoke. God did not tell us that it is ok to make the wrong choices, and he did not say that there would be no consequences when we do make the wrong choices".

Scott admitted, God did not punish him. He punished himself by smoking. Scott knew the consequences of smoking, but he did it anyway, he took his chances. And just like any child, he ran to God, his Father, because he was hurt, he needed assurance and comfort. Scott had the assurance he needed. Scott had the promises of God, and never doubted they were true. Because he knew this promise was true, he never feared dying. The only fear Scott had was the fear of how this would affect the people he loved. He was leaving an amazing beautiful mother, a loving Grandmother, a proud father, a brother he looked up to and loved so much, a best friend of 26 years. And a wife that loved him, and whom he loved in return. We all loved him, and he loved us. He did not want to see us in pain. He always reminded us of how wonderful and joyous it would be in heaven. He taught us the amazing love of Jesus. He showed us that everything we need to know is all right there, all we have to do is look for it. It is in our bibles, all in red print. And by seeing his death and feeling his Soul being taken from his body, and the peace that was in him in his final moments, I will never doubt the amazing power of God. I saw it myself, and I was in awe.

If you really turn your life over to God, you will not fear anything in this world. And, you will not fear death. This is just a lay over. Our lives will begin when we reach our destination. This is what I have learned from my husband.

Scott also said "if just one soul is saved, it is worth it". I can tell you for sure, Scott was able to lead more than one soul back to God.

Renee

I want to thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me that I can always come to these boards for comfort and guidance. You people are the greatest and I mean that.

And renee-ky, I can’t even begin to imagine the torment you went through. My husband died in his sleep from a plaque rupture in one of his arteries leading to his heart. I don’t think he suffered. When I called 911, I thought he was just unconscious; he was in a heated waterbed with a peaceful look on his face.

I wish you all strength through the holidays.

Renee, what a blessing God gave you when you met your husband.

Thank you for touching a few lives in return...

:angel:

RENEE...your husband Scott sounded alot like my husband Steven. On September 11th, the day the terrorists attacked America, my husband turned
43. A few days later, I took him to ER with stomach pain that the surgeon said was his appendix. He went in for surgery at midnight and the surgeon came out to tell me at 3:00 in morning that it was Stage 4 colon cancer. We were shocked and devastated! I watched a strong hard working carpenter wake up weak and with a colostomy. I watched what cancer did to his body with all the scars from surgery and chest tubes, baldness, thinness etc. Our calendar too for two years were filled with his doctor appointments, chemo, radiation etc. He passed on to glory land at the age of 45. He told me the whole 2 years that he had a "peace." He also believed that he was going to be healed and we envisioned this healing ministry that the two of us were going to share with others. I don't understand why he wasn't healed on this earth, but I DO know that he entered heaven BELIEVING and all God had asked of him was to have the FAITH that he was going to be healed. Because without FAITH, it is impossible to please God. This past year that he has been gone has been lonely and very very hard. Since he had passed away just a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, I went through all the holidays so soon after his passing. And all the special days like our anniversary, his birthday, the anniversary of his death etc. has been much much harder than I ever anticipated that it would be. I just stay close to God. I seek him in prayer and through his word daily. I appreciate all of you here sharing your stories. It reminds me that there are so many others out there with hurting hearts.

I know how you feel my bestfriend dies from a drunk driver 2 days after my birthday august 8th, 04 and then the 27th of sugust when i was sick in the hospital my husband died in iraq i cant say personally it gets better becuase i am not good at dealing with this but i have a feeling that things will turn around if you can look up on life and see that there is good in it and that the loss of them is final and they arent going to come back just someday you will see them in heaven and to make the best of what you have to live thats what they would have wanted you to do im sure. Get counseling thats what im working on now....im sorry to hear about your loss i hope things turn around for you