Hello all I am Amanda, I am 18 years old.

I saw my Grandfather pass away in January 2004. He had COPD for about 7 years and got really bad in December 2003 and died in January. I was with him in the hospital for a few days before he died...and was at his house the night he died...and went in his room and saw him laying there and I gave him a kiss...everyone was going crazy. Well.......

In February 2004, I got a bad feeling I was about to die and still have it...I think everything bad is going to happen to me. What can this be?
Alot of people think that it was because I saw him die, that I am facing my own mortality. Is this just post traumatic or what? I just think God is telling me I am about to die. Please, any advice would help.
Thank You and God Bless!!

Hi there,
I can relate to the way you are feeling. My great grandfather passed away just after australia day in 2000 at 85 years old (a good innings).

I was 18 yrs old at the time, just like yourself.

He suffered from fluid on the heart and lungs. The whole family was around him in his last few days which was at his home and then the last 2 days in hospital.

We watched him go from a reasonably healthy and happy man to a sick, grey skinned, sunken eyed elderly man. It was a little heartbreaking.

He collapsed on the toilet at his home, the toilet door was not locked but he had fell in a way that nobody could get into the toilet to assist him, his brain went for 20 mins without oxygen before the ambulance eventually showed up.

He was in hospital brain dead for the next 2 days before he eventually took his last breath.

Now if your relative went in a similar manner or traumatic way you do get the energy and you are in shock of it happening plus you are usually in denial about the relatives death as I was, but I had a funny intuitive feeling something was going to happen 2 days before something did but just shrugged it off.

The only time I accepted he wasn't coming back was at his funeral, the family chose to have an open casket and I went to give my respects, I had never seen a desceased person before and this cold, shocked feeling went over me when I saw him laid out (it looked like he was just sleeping), I put my letter and photo in beside him near his bible in his hands and gave him a kiss on his forehead , it then hit me when I did that, he was so cold.

For the next few months after he was buried I suffered nightmares and panic/ anxiety attacks (sweating, heart racing, couldn't breath properly, felt like I was going to die) and was worried about my own mortality.

I visited the hospital on several occasions because I was fearful of these attacks I was having. I thought there was something physically wrong with me until I has every test done by my gp/ hospital and even went to a heart specialist, had a halter monitor on for 24 hrs/ a dopla (heart ultrasound) everything came up ok. I then decided it must be mental and went to a shrink.....he has helped me immensly over the last 4 yrs and I haven't had a panic or anxiety attack for about 6-7 months now and have accepted that we all have the same fate eventually, we are all going to pass on at sometime in our lives so I might as well not worry about it happening and enjoy my life why I have it.

Also might have to go to another funeral in the next few years as my great grandmother is 79 yrs old at the moment and is having the same fluid problem, its not really bad just yet but oneday I will get a call I will dread but I think I will be able to handle it pretty better second time around having travelled that road once before.

Maybe also read some books about becoming spiritual (which by the way has nothing to do with religion) but getting to know yourself.

I hope I have helped you with my experience and hope you can put it to good use.

Amanda,
I don't think you're going crazy, and your feelings about dying yourself are probably a way of coming to accept that death is real, and that you, too, will die someday. You were closely involved with the death of your grandfather, and its not surprising that you'd be deeply affected by the experience. I doubt your feelings about dying soon are correct, but even if they were, what would that mean? Probably just to live every day, appreciating your life, the good and the bad? I think death helps us identify what's important in life, isn't that what God would want for you?

I'm sorry you feel afraid, and hope you'll feel better soon. To really accept that we are mortal requires a sort of courage, to keep on living every day, knowing that it won't last forever, but not becoming crippled by worry or fear of dying. Our death is something we really don't have much control over, and that's a scary thing. But it's OK, I think, once you get used to the idea. We didn't have any control over being born, either, but most of us are glad we're here! This is an area where religious or spiritual beliefs comfort many people, including myself. So, I encourage you to seek help in that area, according to your own belief system. Good luck, and I hope you find peace with this. I hope your grief over you grandfather's death is lessened by the fact that you were there for him and the family.
Tintx

Hello all I am Amanda, I am 18 years old.

I saw my Grandfather pass away in January 2004. He had COPD for about 7 years and got really bad in December 2003 and died in January. I was with him in the hospital for a few days before he died...and was at his house the night he died...and went in his room and saw him laying there and I gave him a kiss...everyone was going crazy. Well.......

In February 2004, I got a bad feeling I was about to die and still have it...I think everything bad is going to happen to me. What can this be?
Alot of people think that it was because I saw him die, that I am facing my own mortality. Is this just post traumatic or what? I just think God is telling me I am about to die. Please, any advice would help.
Thank You and God Bless!!

Hi

Sorry to hear of your sad loss. I know how you feel. I am suffering at the moment with panic/anxiety thinking I am going to die, any slightest pain...ie. headache, chest pain, can't breathe properly. The doc advised that this is all part of a panic attack/anxiety through grief.

Like you I lost a close member of my family my father 6 years ago, I thought I grieved, never stopped crying etc etc..... until May this year when my partner lost his father and it brought it all back to me. I am trying to cope now, with trying to find my life again.

As my doc said spend say 15 minutes thinking of the good memories you had with your grandfather (cry if needed) talk to your family, you will be surprised what they are bottling up because they might not want to upset you (I found this out with my family). please post back here if you need someone to talk to, even to vent out the way you are feeling. It as helped me a great deal.

Evonne

may not be what you think is ideal but I experienced simmilar experience. I was put on anti-depressants and within about 4-5 weeks the irrational obsessional thoughts of death and dying simply disapeared and I was then able to carry on with my life.