brainchild
11-29-2004, 07:57 PM
Hiya!
Right ok, I have posted on hee numerous times b4 about different concerns n everyones feedback is really helpful n kinda helps to put things into perspective!! so im hoping that there must b some people out there right now who can give me any any advice because i am driving myself absolutely CRAZY!! I have soo many things at the moment that i am worrying about n i feel like i am on one big downhill spiral! it had been like this ever since i finished uni this year and it is just getting worse and worse!!
i am really really sorry if this seems long but there is much going on upstairs im not even gonna b able to put it all down!! :s
The thoughts that plague me the most r responsibility ocd thoughts. But the thing is i am so convinced that these things may very well b true!
I'll try to explain!! I am currently living with horrible sense of gulit and anxiety that I might of in my lifetime caused someone to b injured badly or worse, to die. for instance, when i was 16, (6 years ago now) i went to use the public phones in the hospital which have little booths surrounding them and i had a can of coke with me, and when i got off the phone, i knocked that can of coke onto the floor spilling it in the corner of the booth. I panicked and i didnt know what to do n whether i should of told somebody or not and i didnt know who to tell so i kind of sat there for a bit n then left and started to walk home. If i cud change one thing in my life that wud b it!! because i have worried and worried for years that someone, particularly an elderly person or an injured person might have walked into that corner or walked through it and spread it about on the floor, causing someone to slip on it and injure themselves badly and die. So i have felt soo guilty about this! after it happened i spent every week searching thru the local newspapers for stories of ppl being badly hurt from slipping over in the hospital and i have even searched the news websites for the local papaers n other local news sites for stories of this nature, but i havent found any so i have convinced myself that maybe they just wouldnt mention it and i will never ever know. i cant stand that thought!! i just want to know that nothing happened!! and another thing is, i work in the hospital serving food on the wards and i we have to re-heat the food from frozen in a trolley and then take it out and serve it out and i am paranoid that i will of caused a patient or maybe more to get food poisoning and die :(, like this one time the chicken didnt reach 75 degrees as it is supposed to but after 2 more boosts it managed to reach around 70, 71, 72 ish, and that used to b the accepted temperature and the last time it had only reached that high i had rung up my supervisor and checked and she said that 70 was ok so i just assumed it wud ok that time too!! so i served out most of the chicken and it was only when one of the nurses who was being rude said to one of the patients is that hot? it doesnt look hot at all!! and he said umm no not really, and she came over and was like is this food hot enough?? the patients r saying its cold and it looks freezing!! and i said well it reached over 70 degrees n she was like oh hmm well it doesnt look hot, and as soon as she said that i panicked and was thinking oh no, what if i got it wrong and i shudnt of seved it, even tho on signs on the wall it says hot food shud be over 70, i still panicked and i have worried and worried ever since that i might have caused patients who r old and ill to get food poisoning and die!! there has also been events when the probe has appeared to b broken and playing up so i have used my judgement and listened to other ppl saying its fine n then im like what if it wasnt fine? i shudnt of listened to them etc etc and now the worrying is getting worse and worse and i am now afraid to breathe over food incase i contaminate it and make someone ill!! and a couple of weeks ago i laughed n breathed quite hard b4 putting some food in the microwave and have been panicking about that!! it is sooo horrible to have all these feelings of guilt and panic every single time i have finished work, of all these potential things i cud of done to cause ppl harm!!
i am always feeling so angry with myslef for letting these things happen! i feel like i cant actually live without causing people harm!! it is soo bad!! and the thing is, even tho i am writing it down it still isnt looking any crazier to me!! it still seems completely serious like everything i am worried about is likely to of happened!! and then there is my other worries, particularly of catching hiv, esp from abandoned needles, which according to my head i have lots of "potential stabbings" now :s now this does sound ridiculous when i write it down, but then i am like, maybe i am supposed to get hiv because i deserve it for being such a bad person and maybe i have caused somebody else to die and so i am not being allowed a happy life, i also think that maybe my bad skin is becuase of this too, and me being treated badly in relationships is all becauase basically i dont deservee any better!!
it is unbearable!! and on top of other general stresses like work (3 jobs at mo, plus an evening course, plus general living stuff to sort out) it is all way too much and i cant cope!! my skin on my face has gone sooo bad with spots n rash since finishing uni n having all these stresses multiply!!
its the fact that i dont KNOW and cant find out if these things wud happen!! i mean i dont KNOW if the local paper wud write about someone dying or being injured in the hospital by slipping, and i dont KNOW if my bosses wud tell us or approach us of ppl who had been served on out shift had got ill with food poisoning!! i dont know how easy or hard it is to get food poisoning, i think what if someone got ill and then went home and only got ill when they got home and therefore the hospital never found out about it!! so therefore i will never ever know!!
i used to b soo carefree and happy and chatty and now i am just a big wreck! i worry all the time, feel guilty all the time, my skin has gone bad, my nerves r a wreck and i am soooo moody and bossy sometimes!! and i hate it!! cos i am not like that!! i hate offending anyone, i used to b really friendly and helpful in work and now i just hate it so much, its like torture to me!! cos in my head its seems like if im not hurting someone then im getting stabbed with needles left in bags or coming into contact with contaminated blood or whatever!! i dont even allow myself to enjoy good things that happen to me or get excited about the things that i love the most because i am worried i have done something bad and am i bad person and that i dont deserve to b that happy!! ooh boy, i bet i sound like a total crazy person!!
well anyway, if u r still here and not nodded off to sleep or just got fed up then thanks for reading n any advice/help/reassurance/or anyone familiarise with what i say wud b extremely extremely appreciated!!
phew, my hands r gonna drop off! lol
xxxx laura xxxx :) :yawn: :confused:
Right ok, I have posted on hee numerous times b4 about different concerns n everyones feedback is really helpful n kinda helps to put things into perspective!! so im hoping that there must b some people out there right now who can give me any any advice because i am driving myself absolutely CRAZY!! I have soo many things at the moment that i am worrying about n i feel like i am on one big downhill spiral! it had been like this ever since i finished uni this year and it is just getting worse and worse!!
i am really really sorry if this seems long but there is much going on upstairs im not even gonna b able to put it all down!! :s
The thoughts that plague me the most r responsibility ocd thoughts. But the thing is i am so convinced that these things may very well b true!
I'll try to explain!! I am currently living with horrible sense of gulit and anxiety that I might of in my lifetime caused someone to b injured badly or worse, to die. for instance, when i was 16, (6 years ago now) i went to use the public phones in the hospital which have little booths surrounding them and i had a can of coke with me, and when i got off the phone, i knocked that can of coke onto the floor spilling it in the corner of the booth. I panicked and i didnt know what to do n whether i should of told somebody or not and i didnt know who to tell so i kind of sat there for a bit n then left and started to walk home. If i cud change one thing in my life that wud b it!! because i have worried and worried for years that someone, particularly an elderly person or an injured person might have walked into that corner or walked through it and spread it about on the floor, causing someone to slip on it and injure themselves badly and die. So i have felt soo guilty about this! after it happened i spent every week searching thru the local newspapers for stories of ppl being badly hurt from slipping over in the hospital and i have even searched the news websites for the local papaers n other local news sites for stories of this nature, but i havent found any so i have convinced myself that maybe they just wouldnt mention it and i will never ever know. i cant stand that thought!! i just want to know that nothing happened!! and another thing is, i work in the hospital serving food on the wards and i we have to re-heat the food from frozen in a trolley and then take it out and serve it out and i am paranoid that i will of caused a patient or maybe more to get food poisoning and die :(, like this one time the chicken didnt reach 75 degrees as it is supposed to but after 2 more boosts it managed to reach around 70, 71, 72 ish, and that used to b the accepted temperature and the last time it had only reached that high i had rung up my supervisor and checked and she said that 70 was ok so i just assumed it wud ok that time too!! so i served out most of the chicken and it was only when one of the nurses who was being rude said to one of the patients is that hot? it doesnt look hot at all!! and he said umm no not really, and she came over and was like is this food hot enough?? the patients r saying its cold and it looks freezing!! and i said well it reached over 70 degrees n she was like oh hmm well it doesnt look hot, and as soon as she said that i panicked and was thinking oh no, what if i got it wrong and i shudnt of seved it, even tho on signs on the wall it says hot food shud be over 70, i still panicked and i have worried and worried ever since that i might have caused patients who r old and ill to get food poisoning and die!! there has also been events when the probe has appeared to b broken and playing up so i have used my judgement and listened to other ppl saying its fine n then im like what if it wasnt fine? i shudnt of listened to them etc etc and now the worrying is getting worse and worse and i am now afraid to breathe over food incase i contaminate it and make someone ill!! and a couple of weeks ago i laughed n breathed quite hard b4 putting some food in the microwave and have been panicking about that!! it is sooo horrible to have all these feelings of guilt and panic every single time i have finished work, of all these potential things i cud of done to cause ppl harm!!
i am always feeling so angry with myslef for letting these things happen! i feel like i cant actually live without causing people harm!! it is soo bad!! and the thing is, even tho i am writing it down it still isnt looking any crazier to me!! it still seems completely serious like everything i am worried about is likely to of happened!! and then there is my other worries, particularly of catching hiv, esp from abandoned needles, which according to my head i have lots of "potential stabbings" now :s now this does sound ridiculous when i write it down, but then i am like, maybe i am supposed to get hiv because i deserve it for being such a bad person and maybe i have caused somebody else to die and so i am not being allowed a happy life, i also think that maybe my bad skin is becuase of this too, and me being treated badly in relationships is all becauase basically i dont deservee any better!!
it is unbearable!! and on top of other general stresses like work (3 jobs at mo, plus an evening course, plus general living stuff to sort out) it is all way too much and i cant cope!! my skin on my face has gone sooo bad with spots n rash since finishing uni n having all these stresses multiply!!
its the fact that i dont KNOW and cant find out if these things wud happen!! i mean i dont KNOW if the local paper wud write about someone dying or being injured in the hospital by slipping, and i dont KNOW if my bosses wud tell us or approach us of ppl who had been served on out shift had got ill with food poisoning!! i dont know how easy or hard it is to get food poisoning, i think what if someone got ill and then went home and only got ill when they got home and therefore the hospital never found out about it!! so therefore i will never ever know!!
i used to b soo carefree and happy and chatty and now i am just a big wreck! i worry all the time, feel guilty all the time, my skin has gone bad, my nerves r a wreck and i am soooo moody and bossy sometimes!! and i hate it!! cos i am not like that!! i hate offending anyone, i used to b really friendly and helpful in work and now i just hate it so much, its like torture to me!! cos in my head its seems like if im not hurting someone then im getting stabbed with needles left in bags or coming into contact with contaminated blood or whatever!! i dont even allow myself to enjoy good things that happen to me or get excited about the things that i love the most because i am worried i have done something bad and am i bad person and that i dont deserve to b that happy!! ooh boy, i bet i sound like a total crazy person!!
well anyway, if u r still here and not nodded off to sleep or just got fed up then thanks for reading n any advice/help/reassurance/or anyone familiarise with what i say wud b extremely extremely appreciated!!
phew, my hands r gonna drop off! lol
xxxx laura xxxx :) :yawn: :confused:
Sponsor
brainchild
11-29-2004, 08:15 PM
Oh yeah! sorry, forgot to add this as well!
a few weeks ago i was due to work on the friday but i was really ill with a bad cough on the thursday and i got sent home from my other job cos i couldnt stop coughing! i had had a cold n it had gone n i was left with just an irritating cough that wouldnt go away!
so when i got home i thought i'll ring in work now and tell them i dont think i shud come in 2moro cos im not feeling too good cos normally if u ring up on the morning they say no u have to come in!
so i thought id give them advance notice to cover it! but the supervisor who was a stand in one answered n she was like well 2 ppl r already off sick so i cant really cover it now but c how u feel in the morning n give us a ring back then.
so i wasnt very happy cos i knew that was pointless! but when i woke up the next day i felt quite a bit better so i went in but as the day progressed i started to feel a lot worse again. at lunchtime i went up to serve on some of the wards and the first two i was ok on, just paranoid about my breathing as usual, but then on the 3rd ward i was serving the food n i knew i was gonna have a coughing fit, so i moved as quick as poss away from the food n coughed and was practically choking, when i managed to i went of the ward as quick as poss n started coughing and choking just outside the wards by the food tray trolley, n went to get some water! so then after this i was worrying and worrying and worrying because i was on the dialysis ward when i started coughing and they r the day patients that come in to have kidney dialysis and i know that they r susceptible to colds and flu just as ppl with diabetes r and stuff, i know i didnt have the flu but i was worried that might of given one of them or some of them a cold n they might have got really ill from it!! and also when i went outside because i was coughing by the food trolley i was worrying that some cough particles might have travelled and landed on some clean plates which might make people ill!!
so this stuff happens all the time and builds up in my head of like a list of events when i might of caused something bad to happen.
and another thing i do cos i feel so bad is, this sounds ridiculous, i read the obituary pages in the newspaper to see if i could of possibly caused a person to die. if i see someone dies in the hospital or of an illness i wonder if it was me that caused it!
this is awful!! repetitive hand washing is a breeze in comparison to this!!
i know i probably sound crazy but i am actualy quite normal aside from this!!
i hope!! the old me must b under there somewhere!! lol
a few weeks ago i was due to work on the friday but i was really ill with a bad cough on the thursday and i got sent home from my other job cos i couldnt stop coughing! i had had a cold n it had gone n i was left with just an irritating cough that wouldnt go away!
so when i got home i thought i'll ring in work now and tell them i dont think i shud come in 2moro cos im not feeling too good cos normally if u ring up on the morning they say no u have to come in!
so i thought id give them advance notice to cover it! but the supervisor who was a stand in one answered n she was like well 2 ppl r already off sick so i cant really cover it now but c how u feel in the morning n give us a ring back then.
so i wasnt very happy cos i knew that was pointless! but when i woke up the next day i felt quite a bit better so i went in but as the day progressed i started to feel a lot worse again. at lunchtime i went up to serve on some of the wards and the first two i was ok on, just paranoid about my breathing as usual, but then on the 3rd ward i was serving the food n i knew i was gonna have a coughing fit, so i moved as quick as poss away from the food n coughed and was practically choking, when i managed to i went of the ward as quick as poss n started coughing and choking just outside the wards by the food tray trolley, n went to get some water! so then after this i was worrying and worrying and worrying because i was on the dialysis ward when i started coughing and they r the day patients that come in to have kidney dialysis and i know that they r susceptible to colds and flu just as ppl with diabetes r and stuff, i know i didnt have the flu but i was worried that might of given one of them or some of them a cold n they might have got really ill from it!! and also when i went outside because i was coughing by the food trolley i was worrying that some cough particles might have travelled and landed on some clean plates which might make people ill!!
so this stuff happens all the time and builds up in my head of like a list of events when i might of caused something bad to happen.
and another thing i do cos i feel so bad is, this sounds ridiculous, i read the obituary pages in the newspaper to see if i could of possibly caused a person to die. if i see someone dies in the hospital or of an illness i wonder if it was me that caused it!
this is awful!! repetitive hand washing is a breeze in comparison to this!!
i know i probably sound crazy but i am actualy quite normal aside from this!!
i hope!! the old me must b under there somewhere!! lol
sanrun
11-30-2004, 10:51 PM
Oh, my goodness! Take a deep breath girl! Relax! Relax! You didn't hurt anyone. Chop down the worry tree!
Take Care,
sanrun
Take Care,
sanrun
alexis222
12-01-2004, 08:46 AM
sanrun is right take a deep breath,relax I promise you its ok. I have had some of the same issues. I am in a hurry now but maybe we could talk some more.
take care
alexis
take care
alexis
brainchild
12-01-2004, 12:31 PM
hehe thanx for ur replies guys! or girls should i say! i know, its really hard and i really wish i could just not think about these things but they r always there in the back of my mind even if i am not thinking about them directly, and they cause me a ot of distress and anxiety its awful!! just as well as on overly large workload its all just too much to deal with because it distratcs me from my work too!!
i'd b interested in hearing your story alexis and how you managed to get over it!! i have been like this on and off for over 6 years now so its hard to imagine being completely free of this!! for me just imagining not worrying about either hurting someone or casuing some serious disaster or injuries or harm or worrying about getting some horrible disease particularly hiv, is just unimaginable!! but life wud b soo much better!! other ppl try to reassure you when you have ocd issues but that doubt always comes creeping back in and it hard to believe! its like even if what is bothering you is very unlikely, you will doubt it then and then think that is most likely to have happened to you! i dont know if that makes sense! its hard to explain!!
:-s ohh dear!! think my heads gonna explode sometimes!! :eek:
i'd b interested in hearing your story alexis and how you managed to get over it!! i have been like this on and off for over 6 years now so its hard to imagine being completely free of this!! for me just imagining not worrying about either hurting someone or casuing some serious disaster or injuries or harm or worrying about getting some horrible disease particularly hiv, is just unimaginable!! but life wud b soo much better!! other ppl try to reassure you when you have ocd issues but that doubt always comes creeping back in and it hard to believe! its like even if what is bothering you is very unlikely, you will doubt it then and then think that is most likely to have happened to you! i dont know if that makes sense! its hard to explain!!
:-s ohh dear!! think my heads gonna explode sometimes!! :eek:
alexis222
12-02-2004, 12:09 AM
Hi again.you had mentioned if only you knew the answer to that one thing about the coke u would be ok. I went through the same thing with one of my scariest obsessions. If I only new that it didn't happen I would be ok, back to normal exc... But the truth is that even if you could figure it out(which u can't cause that is what ocd is about the whole doubt thing) one doubt leading into the next. Unfortunately there is just another scary thought right around the corner. Then the whole process starts again. I have been going through the same feelings you have for about 7yrs now. started when I was 26 now 33. I have also felt guilty and worried all the time, that I didn't deserve to be happy exc.. just like u talked about. The truth is that we do deserve to be happy and I'll bet you are the nicest, sweetest, most compationate person. That is the kind of people that this happens to. So what to do about all this....I dont have all the answers I'm just a person like you working through this illness everyday. But I can tell you that I take medication and have gone to counseling. A trained ocd specialist can help u deal with the thoughts when they come. How to respond to them exc... All the what if's you talk about I'll tell u are ocd! People who do those bad things dont worry about them! I also just go over my thoughts once a day if I have to so it doesn't consume my whole day eventually you just get tired of thinking about it that it stops, staying busy is good, and when having the thought try not to let it spiral out of control. Recognize right away that it is ocd. And I'll asure u that as a little time passes u will see how ridiculous it was. have to live with the uncertainty, and move on. I try and help or do something nice for someone else everyday it kind of takes the focus off of my life and how scared I am.
Promise it will be ok. Its hard and scary I know you are so not alone!!
take care
alexis
Promise it will be ok. Its hard and scary I know you are so not alone!!
take care
alexis
Kathrin74
12-02-2004, 07:59 PM
I can sooo relate. Responsibiliy thoughts were always my main kind of OCD. For me it was more about things that might happen, not things that might have happened, but still, wow can I relate... just to that type of nagging anxiety, and yes, especially to the "maybe I will never know" fear.
One time I was so worried about somebody's gas stove, it suddenly popped into my head that when I was visiting there with somebody (that woman was a friend of a friend of mine) they had a gas problem - now that was 1 1/2 years ago at the time, but suddenly I felt like I had to remind them of it, to make sure somehow that they were safe now. And you know what the worst fear was that I had? That maybe my friend wouldn't give me their phone number (and I was living far away now), and maybe I would NEVER find out and never be sure that woman and her daughter were safe now... and maybe I would worry about it for the rest of my life...
OK you're probably interested in how it turned out - well, finally I did get the number (after a week spent in so much fear I felt physically ill at times, couldn't concentrate on my studies, etc). I called there and the woman said her stove was fine now, and I felt that longed-for surge of relief at that moment, BUT: I had told myself that if I got over that particulat worry, I would never worry about all the small things again, but guess what??? The same evening, maybe an hour later, I started worrying about something else.
All right, now, you say you work at a hospital... I worked at one for three months one time, some kind of practical training. At that time my OCD was already in control (I'm on medication now, and did some therapy too, and I would say I am ok now, I may worry a bit more than other people sometimes, but who knows... anyway, in the range of normal, I would say). I remember one time I had a cold and was a little worried about passing it on to patients. We had one isolation room where a girl was staying whose immune system wasn't working due to chemotherapy. I think on one day when I just got the cold I asked if it was maybe better if I don't go into that room with her food or something, and somebody else went instead. But then another nurse said as long as I stick with the precautions (mask, gloves upon entry into that room), it should be safe. I still decided not to go in if possible. And yes, I am usually very careful when I have a cold, not to sneeze and then shake somebody's hand, etc... But I must say, hosiptal workers do get colds like everybody else, and of course when it's really bad it's good to stay home, but often it is not possible. What I am trying to say: You are not the only one there with a cold. We're all part of a big system somehow, and so even IF (which is HIGHLY UNLIKELY) you passed your cold on to a patient who got very sick as a result, it wouldn't be your fault, because you didn't CHOOSE to do that.
OK I have very little computer time left (I'm at the library), but I want to say something about the "coke incident". Ha, yeah, that's the type of thoughts that could have driven me nuts as well!!!! Anyway - think about it, we have probably all done something like that in our lives (ha I remember going outside to clean up something slippery I was worried about, only to realize that the water I used might freeze during the night - imagine how I must have felt!!!) :-) Anyway, ok, as I said, we all do stuff like that, and the probability that something happens is very small, and you are NOT A BAD PERSON!!!!!!!!! We just can't clean up everything all the time.
Plus: Coke is sticky, so probably not slippery. And just think about how fast it must have dried.
And of course that would have been in the newspaper, if somebody had died.
OK need to go!!
:-)
Kathrin
One time I was so worried about somebody's gas stove, it suddenly popped into my head that when I was visiting there with somebody (that woman was a friend of a friend of mine) they had a gas problem - now that was 1 1/2 years ago at the time, but suddenly I felt like I had to remind them of it, to make sure somehow that they were safe now. And you know what the worst fear was that I had? That maybe my friend wouldn't give me their phone number (and I was living far away now), and maybe I would NEVER find out and never be sure that woman and her daughter were safe now... and maybe I would worry about it for the rest of my life...
OK you're probably interested in how it turned out - well, finally I did get the number (after a week spent in so much fear I felt physically ill at times, couldn't concentrate on my studies, etc). I called there and the woman said her stove was fine now, and I felt that longed-for surge of relief at that moment, BUT: I had told myself that if I got over that particulat worry, I would never worry about all the small things again, but guess what??? The same evening, maybe an hour later, I started worrying about something else.
All right, now, you say you work at a hospital... I worked at one for three months one time, some kind of practical training. At that time my OCD was already in control (I'm on medication now, and did some therapy too, and I would say I am ok now, I may worry a bit more than other people sometimes, but who knows... anyway, in the range of normal, I would say). I remember one time I had a cold and was a little worried about passing it on to patients. We had one isolation room where a girl was staying whose immune system wasn't working due to chemotherapy. I think on one day when I just got the cold I asked if it was maybe better if I don't go into that room with her food or something, and somebody else went instead. But then another nurse said as long as I stick with the precautions (mask, gloves upon entry into that room), it should be safe. I still decided not to go in if possible. And yes, I am usually very careful when I have a cold, not to sneeze and then shake somebody's hand, etc... But I must say, hosiptal workers do get colds like everybody else, and of course when it's really bad it's good to stay home, but often it is not possible. What I am trying to say: You are not the only one there with a cold. We're all part of a big system somehow, and so even IF (which is HIGHLY UNLIKELY) you passed your cold on to a patient who got very sick as a result, it wouldn't be your fault, because you didn't CHOOSE to do that.
OK I have very little computer time left (I'm at the library), but I want to say something about the "coke incident". Ha, yeah, that's the type of thoughts that could have driven me nuts as well!!!! Anyway - think about it, we have probably all done something like that in our lives (ha I remember going outside to clean up something slippery I was worried about, only to realize that the water I used might freeze during the night - imagine how I must have felt!!!) :-) Anyway, ok, as I said, we all do stuff like that, and the probability that something happens is very small, and you are NOT A BAD PERSON!!!!!!!!! We just can't clean up everything all the time.
Plus: Coke is sticky, so probably not slippery. And just think about how fast it must have dried.
And of course that would have been in the newspaper, if somebody had died.
OK need to go!!
:-)
Kathrin
brainchild
12-02-2004, 10:06 PM
hi guys! thanks so much for your replies! its good to hear from people who understand what i am feeling!! although it is NOT good that you are also going through it too because ocd is a horrible thing!! i hope you are right and one day i will look back and see how silly i was being but in the meantime i try and think like that and that doubt always keeps creeping back in!!
im glad you also agree that it would of been in the newspaper!! its just so horrible not knowing!! what do you thinbk about the food temperature thing? do you think i have reason to worry?
its good that you have both managed to seek therapy for ocd, i am quite curious, what do they do? what does therapy consist of? that is something else i am scared of!! anything medical!! lol
thanks again soo much for using your time to not only just READ my big essay lol but to reply to it as well!! thanks!!
xx :)
im glad you also agree that it would of been in the newspaper!! its just so horrible not knowing!! what do you thinbk about the food temperature thing? do you think i have reason to worry?
its good that you have both managed to seek therapy for ocd, i am quite curious, what do they do? what does therapy consist of? that is something else i am scared of!! anything medical!! lol
thanks again soo much for using your time to not only just READ my big essay lol but to reply to it as well!! thanks!!
xx :)
Kathrin74
12-03-2004, 04:14 PM
Hello again,
personally I don't know enough about the food temperature thing, but I think it is your supervisor's responsibility, maybe you can make them aware of the problem again?
By the way, a good measure I have read is: If it feels like it might be just OCD, it probably is.
What I was mostly afraid of in terms of therapy was medication, I was so afraid of the side effects. Finally after years of suffering I sort of changed my attitude and "embraced" the medication thing, really wanted it to work and believed it would, so maybe that was why it worked so well for me.
As for therapy besides medication, it is the cognitive-behavioral therapy that works for OCD. Do you have medical insurance that would cover therapy and/or medication for you?
I also highly recommend the book "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey M. Schwartz, it has some very good tips on how to deal with OCD thoughts!
Kathrin
personally I don't know enough about the food temperature thing, but I think it is your supervisor's responsibility, maybe you can make them aware of the problem again?
By the way, a good measure I have read is: If it feels like it might be just OCD, it probably is.
What I was mostly afraid of in terms of therapy was medication, I was so afraid of the side effects. Finally after years of suffering I sort of changed my attitude and "embraced" the medication thing, really wanted it to work and believed it would, so maybe that was why it worked so well for me.
As for therapy besides medication, it is the cognitive-behavioral therapy that works for OCD. Do you have medical insurance that would cover therapy and/or medication for you?
I also highly recommend the book "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey M. Schwartz, it has some very good tips on how to deal with OCD thoughts!
Kathrin
Sillygrl
12-09-2004, 10:07 PM
Hi there! I am so sorry that your mind never takes a break, I am the same way believe me. I know how exhausting, yet at the same time frightening it is. I have intrusive thoughts that I may harm someone seriously, when I know that I dont want to. I have however had something similar to what you have happen to me. This one time I was turning right onto another street and I had the right of way and there was a guy riding his bike that I didnt see and I started to go and bumped his wheel with the front of my car and he lost his balance is all and I didnt even hit him. I was totally freaked, so I pulled over to see if he was ok and well I figured he was since he rode off flipping me off. Well, for like months after that happened I looked in the papers to see if someone "hit" (I barely tapped him, thank God) by a car had died. I was so worried that he had injuries he didnt know about when it first happened and he had died.
So, I know how you feel. Like the other posts said, take a deep breath. Sometimes when my mind wont relax, I relax my body. Lie down for a few and concentrate on deep breathing and try not to think of anything. Also, I would see about getting some help, there is nothing wrong with getting help if you need it.
You really sound like a great person and the comment you made about your hands falling off from typing made me laugh. You seem awesome! Just try to relax (though I know how hard that can be) and know what we are all here for you.
So, I know how you feel. Like the other posts said, take a deep breath. Sometimes when my mind wont relax, I relax my body. Lie down for a few and concentrate on deep breathing and try not to think of anything. Also, I would see about getting some help, there is nothing wrong with getting help if you need it.
You really sound like a great person and the comment you made about your hands falling off from typing made me laugh. You seem awesome! Just try to relax (though I know how hard that can be) and know what we are all here for you.
brainchild
12-10-2004, 06:57 PM
hehe lol! thanx, thats really swee! its true tho isnt it with the typing thing! you have so much going on in your head and you want to get it all down so people can try to understand! lol
but yeah, that situation is EXACTLY like something I would do as well!! Even if i go over a little dip in the road I m like oh my goodness! what was that?! And in situations like yours with the bike, even though you KNOW in your rational mind that absolutely nothing ahppened and everyhting was fine your other mind keeps doubting and doubting! And i think the more you think about it, the worse it gets!! I read somewhere that if you can put the worries aside to later on then when u come back to thuink about it, it doesnt seem so likely then or your worry seems more ridiculous!!
I cant believe you check the news too!! Wow! I thought i was the only one who did that!
Thing is keep convincing myself that maybe they wouldnt put these events in the news or I wouldnt find out about them and maybe I will never ever b able to find out and it will haunt me forever!!
And i still convince myself that all my worries are not only extrememly logical but also very likely to have possibly happened! so much so that sometimes i have convinced myself that the chances of me having caused harm are so high that they must of happened and then i get myself into a right state!! i mean, i argue with myself whether these worries ARE ocd or rational thoughts!! it is hard to differentiate sometimes!! I know i have ocd but sometimes i tell myself that the worries are real and not ocd!! Sometimes i see how other ppl work and am like how can they b so casual and relaxed and not worry about this? n then i think, well its prob typical that nothing bad wud happen to them, it will prob only happen to me because i have been worrying about it!!!!!!
what do you think? do you think my major worries are ocd or do u think they r rational worries?
i have also started back on the hiv needles fear lately :-s its such a night mare!! the slightest little sharp feeling and i am convinced it is a needle!!
like i went out last thursday and i when i was in the bar i noticed a little bit of skin pulled away on my finger, like when u get a splinter? i couldnt see any blood or anything, dont know where it came from!! but i ignored it, altho it did hurt if i got water or salt in it!!
anyway the next day, it was all puffy round the edges, like from water, and it looked like a burst blister, n there was a red hole in the middle where the skin was pulled away, n over the next few days is just got bigger until it was about 5mm across, n then it just started healing again!! i have no idea what caused this! but i convinced myself it was a needle!! even tho i saw no blood and the wound didnt look like a needle mark to the best of knowledge anyway!! but in my head, it MUST of been a needle, even if there r other possible things that cud of caused it!! :-s n i think maybe its cos i am supposed to get a horrible disease to get back at me for harming someone else!! they r HORRIBLE thoughts and very upsetting!! :(
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hate ocd!! if this IS really what it is!!
Do u get thoughts like this at all too?
hope everyone is well!
take care!! Laura xx
but yeah, that situation is EXACTLY like something I would do as well!! Even if i go over a little dip in the road I m like oh my goodness! what was that?! And in situations like yours with the bike, even though you KNOW in your rational mind that absolutely nothing ahppened and everyhting was fine your other mind keeps doubting and doubting! And i think the more you think about it, the worse it gets!! I read somewhere that if you can put the worries aside to later on then when u come back to thuink about it, it doesnt seem so likely then or your worry seems more ridiculous!!
I cant believe you check the news too!! Wow! I thought i was the only one who did that!
Thing is keep convincing myself that maybe they wouldnt put these events in the news or I wouldnt find out about them and maybe I will never ever b able to find out and it will haunt me forever!!
And i still convince myself that all my worries are not only extrememly logical but also very likely to have possibly happened! so much so that sometimes i have convinced myself that the chances of me having caused harm are so high that they must of happened and then i get myself into a right state!! i mean, i argue with myself whether these worries ARE ocd or rational thoughts!! it is hard to differentiate sometimes!! I know i have ocd but sometimes i tell myself that the worries are real and not ocd!! Sometimes i see how other ppl work and am like how can they b so casual and relaxed and not worry about this? n then i think, well its prob typical that nothing bad wud happen to them, it will prob only happen to me because i have been worrying about it!!!!!!
what do you think? do you think my major worries are ocd or do u think they r rational worries?
i have also started back on the hiv needles fear lately :-s its such a night mare!! the slightest little sharp feeling and i am convinced it is a needle!!
like i went out last thursday and i when i was in the bar i noticed a little bit of skin pulled away on my finger, like when u get a splinter? i couldnt see any blood or anything, dont know where it came from!! but i ignored it, altho it did hurt if i got water or salt in it!!
anyway the next day, it was all puffy round the edges, like from water, and it looked like a burst blister, n there was a red hole in the middle where the skin was pulled away, n over the next few days is just got bigger until it was about 5mm across, n then it just started healing again!! i have no idea what caused this! but i convinced myself it was a needle!! even tho i saw no blood and the wound didnt look like a needle mark to the best of knowledge anyway!! but in my head, it MUST of been a needle, even if there r other possible things that cud of caused it!! :-s n i think maybe its cos i am supposed to get a horrible disease to get back at me for harming someone else!! they r HORRIBLE thoughts and very upsetting!! :(
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hate ocd!! if this IS really what it is!!
Do u get thoughts like this at all too?
hope everyone is well!
take care!! Laura xx