Cozimafighter
11-30-2004, 11:51 PM
Has anyone ever had a fight with thier partner , and feel like they have to leave the relationship i.e. at that moment they don't care if the relationship breaks up?
i'm in a serious relationship and we had a big argument , of course it was a misunderstanding but there have been times when i have felt i can't do it anymore , then a day or afew days later i can't stand the thought of been without my partner , coz i love her and want to marry her.
i get upst with the disagreements :( frank , flossie , hry 33 can any of you guys help ? i never want to leave her
i'm in a serious relationship and we had a big argument , of course it was a misunderstanding but there have been times when i have felt i can't do it anymore , then a day or afew days later i can't stand the thought of been without my partner , coz i love her and want to marry her.
i get upst with the disagreements :( frank , flossie , hry 33 can any of you guys help ? i never want to leave her
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Calv1502004
12-01-2004, 07:44 AM
Hi, im suffering quite bad with this at the moment, it split me and my girlfriend up once and now its trying to do the same again, I was hoping someone would be able to come up with a strategy for combating it, until someone offers some proper help let me give you a run down of what to expect:
1) Feeling like you'll never be happy while your together.
2) Feeling as though you want to be with someone else.
3) Feeling as though you want to have sex with someone else.
4) Feeling like you have no feelings for them at all.
5) Feeling like you've been lying to yourself all this time.
The truth is, although its really hard when your struggling with OCD it can be obvious to people whether it is OCD or a real relationship problem. If the thoughts distress you and you want to get rid of them then its OCD! If you have any of the normal OCD symptoms like, its worse in idle moments, thoughts are always there, taking over your life, don't think you can cope, perhaps the desperate urge to confess to your girlfriend then its OCD.
Anyway sorry I can't be much help, just thought idlet you know your not the only one, maybe we can fight this together.
Calv
1) Feeling like you'll never be happy while your together.
2) Feeling as though you want to be with someone else.
3) Feeling as though you want to have sex with someone else.
4) Feeling like you have no feelings for them at all.
5) Feeling like you've been lying to yourself all this time.
The truth is, although its really hard when your struggling with OCD it can be obvious to people whether it is OCD or a real relationship problem. If the thoughts distress you and you want to get rid of them then its OCD! If you have any of the normal OCD symptoms like, its worse in idle moments, thoughts are always there, taking over your life, don't think you can cope, perhaps the desperate urge to confess to your girlfriend then its OCD.
Anyway sorry I can't be much help, just thought idlet you know your not the only one, maybe we can fight this together.
Calv
TSGTLCM
12-01-2004, 01:47 PM
Oh my gosh Calv! Man you hit it right on the nose for me. I do this with my wife and I confess to her, I think all the things you have listed and this does give me great stress I haven't been able to sleep, eat and it is constantly on my mind. Especially when I get around her it gets worse, like she will see right thru me or I will confess what I am feeling. So you think it is OCD if I get stress from it? I am looking for somehing to smack me in the face that I love her. It is like my head is cloudly and I can't think staight and I can't find the answer. I am sorry that people go thru these feeling but it is comforting to know I am not alone
Frank186
12-02-2004, 03:47 AM
Cozima/Calv,
This is exactly the kind of thing I was experiencing and still am a bit but it's much better for me now. I don't think all of this is OCD. I know I have OCD for sure because of all the other obessions I've been going through in addition to my relationship OCD. My theory is many if not all these feelings are a part of most all long term relationships. No more feelings of 'magic', desire, and passion and having feelings of doubt, uncertainty, and wanting to leave, anger, irritation, fighting all the time. I think the way we react to these feelings is what differs from other folks. Like I said in an older post I don't think you can attribute all your feelings about your relationship to OCD. Lots of it is normal realtionship type issues. The difference and problem is how we react to these thoughts. Obviously we attibute more meaning to our thoughts than other 'normal' people. We seem to have more at stake thus the stress and anxiety. I was always an obsessive type of person. Meaning before my OCD I always thought too much about things and overanalyzed things and replayed things over in my head a lot but I never had anxiety over these thoughts. One day I had this passing thought about leaving when I just finished having a fight with my wife and bam the beginning of OCD. I think it's something about what I'd be loosing that triggered my ocd. Maybe I'm just insecure, I don't know, but I know I can't loose my woman. I guess it's this conflict of completely different feelings that caused some break in the psyche leaving it totally confused which triggered the cycle of OCD. Sorry I can't tell you guys what to do exactly but you're on the right track if you seek out a therapist. There will probably be no 100% cure for us but we can chip away at it day by day. I know that for me I don't always have anxious thoughts about my wife. Many times when talking or doing activities with her I'm very very happy with my relationship. Sometimes I relapse into moments of my old OCD patterns with this 'checking' my reactions to her presence, but I just have to remind myself that these thoughts and emotions will pass after a while, just like all emotions. So I keep working daily to improve positive relations with my wife and I suggest that you guys do the same with your gf that way even if you DO someday leave you will have given it your best shot. Good luck.
Frank
This is exactly the kind of thing I was experiencing and still am a bit but it's much better for me now. I don't think all of this is OCD. I know I have OCD for sure because of all the other obessions I've been going through in addition to my relationship OCD. My theory is many if not all these feelings are a part of most all long term relationships. No more feelings of 'magic', desire, and passion and having feelings of doubt, uncertainty, and wanting to leave, anger, irritation, fighting all the time. I think the way we react to these feelings is what differs from other folks. Like I said in an older post I don't think you can attribute all your feelings about your relationship to OCD. Lots of it is normal realtionship type issues. The difference and problem is how we react to these thoughts. Obviously we attibute more meaning to our thoughts than other 'normal' people. We seem to have more at stake thus the stress and anxiety. I was always an obsessive type of person. Meaning before my OCD I always thought too much about things and overanalyzed things and replayed things over in my head a lot but I never had anxiety over these thoughts. One day I had this passing thought about leaving when I just finished having a fight with my wife and bam the beginning of OCD. I think it's something about what I'd be loosing that triggered my ocd. Maybe I'm just insecure, I don't know, but I know I can't loose my woman. I guess it's this conflict of completely different feelings that caused some break in the psyche leaving it totally confused which triggered the cycle of OCD. Sorry I can't tell you guys what to do exactly but you're on the right track if you seek out a therapist. There will probably be no 100% cure for us but we can chip away at it day by day. I know that for me I don't always have anxious thoughts about my wife. Many times when talking or doing activities with her I'm very very happy with my relationship. Sometimes I relapse into moments of my old OCD patterns with this 'checking' my reactions to her presence, but I just have to remind myself that these thoughts and emotions will pass after a while, just like all emotions. So I keep working daily to improve positive relations with my wife and I suggest that you guys do the same with your gf that way even if you DO someday leave you will have given it your best shot. Good luck.
Frank
TSGTLCM
12-02-2004, 08:47 PM
Man you scared me when you didn' think it was all OCD, until I understood what you were saying. I agree I think it is the way we intepret our thoughts, there is a disconnect between our hearts and minds. There is an article written by Steven Phillipson, PHD called I think it moved. What we are going through is more at the end of the article. I don't know if I can mention the website but I am sure if you do a web search you should be able to find it. It is helping me understand so hopefully it may help others too.