leonna
12-01-2004, 04:15 PM
hiya all
my head is seriously messed up,and i think im seriously going mental or something..anyway,i will try to explain. Right,First thing is,i done something real bad when i was 12,im not going to say what it was,but it was bad,and now for some reason,5year's later,its haunting me,i mean,i forgot about it till now.every day it haunts me. and i am so scared and upset,and i cant work out why i did it..also,i have morbid thought's.ive saw somewhere that this is called morbid obsessions? but,i dunno! i don't wanna hurt anyone,and when i have these thought's i feel like dying,i seriously do..sometimes i imagen doing this morbid things..and my god it scares me so much! i am a nasty evil person,i must be!. i have weird thoughts every single day! like,im not real,or what if this is all a dream,what if i die,what if my family really isnt my family,what if i do a certain thing and accidently harm someone..what if my family hate me and i dont know about it,what if i hurt my family,what if im going mental..and sometimes im to scared to do certain thing's,incase i get ill,or faint...or die.I used to always be changing my bedroom around,but now i wont incase i go mad :s...and,when people talk about movin house,i panic incase i go insane...thing's like this haunt my mind everyday. I dont feel like myself anymore..and its all getting 2 much.and like,if i look forward to something*which is hardly ever now* i think im going to die before it happens.Im terribley scared..im sixteen,and most teenagers are out there having the time of there life,while im here suffering none stop about thing's which i dont even wanna do!and i think about things which i dont even belive are true,but yet i still worry none stop! .. Also,i was watchin a programme the other day about this alien abduction,and i worried incase it would happen 2 me,if i watch a horror movie,like scream..i worry incase i can kill someone like that person behind the mask does! A man my mum and dad knows hung himself the other day..and i just freaked,i thought i was going to try to hang myself,and i thought even if i didnt want to..what if i just lost it and done it. and then i got even more morbid thought's.also,i worry that i will get serious illness's..erm,i know i sound like a nutcase lol,and i actually feel like one.but,ive been feeling like this for 3yrs..erm,it didnt get this bad till april tho,which is when i got very ill and didnt go out for like 3months..,and then suddenly,i get even worse. i heard my dad talkin about this man who had OCD..and some bits sounded like me,so i looked it up,and alot of it is me..could any of you tell me what you think might be up? or maybe as i said,im just an evil nasty nutcase,ive no idea...i really havent.
thank you so much...
Please post a reply a.s.a.p
Leonna :confused:
x
my head is seriously messed up,and i think im seriously going mental or something..anyway,i will try to explain. Right,First thing is,i done something real bad when i was 12,im not going to say what it was,but it was bad,and now for some reason,5year's later,its haunting me,i mean,i forgot about it till now.every day it haunts me. and i am so scared and upset,and i cant work out why i did it..also,i have morbid thought's.ive saw somewhere that this is called morbid obsessions? but,i dunno! i don't wanna hurt anyone,and when i have these thought's i feel like dying,i seriously do..sometimes i imagen doing this morbid things..and my god it scares me so much! i am a nasty evil person,i must be!. i have weird thoughts every single day! like,im not real,or what if this is all a dream,what if i die,what if my family really isnt my family,what if i do a certain thing and accidently harm someone..what if my family hate me and i dont know about it,what if i hurt my family,what if im going mental..and sometimes im to scared to do certain thing's,incase i get ill,or faint...or die.I used to always be changing my bedroom around,but now i wont incase i go mad :s...and,when people talk about movin house,i panic incase i go insane...thing's like this haunt my mind everyday. I dont feel like myself anymore..and its all getting 2 much.and like,if i look forward to something*which is hardly ever now* i think im going to die before it happens.Im terribley scared..im sixteen,and most teenagers are out there having the time of there life,while im here suffering none stop about thing's which i dont even wanna do!and i think about things which i dont even belive are true,but yet i still worry none stop! .. Also,i was watchin a programme the other day about this alien abduction,and i worried incase it would happen 2 me,if i watch a horror movie,like scream..i worry incase i can kill someone like that person behind the mask does! A man my mum and dad knows hung himself the other day..and i just freaked,i thought i was going to try to hang myself,and i thought even if i didnt want to..what if i just lost it and done it. and then i got even more morbid thought's.also,i worry that i will get serious illness's..erm,i know i sound like a nutcase lol,and i actually feel like one.but,ive been feeling like this for 3yrs..erm,it didnt get this bad till april tho,which is when i got very ill and didnt go out for like 3months..,and then suddenly,i get even worse. i heard my dad talkin about this man who had OCD..and some bits sounded like me,so i looked it up,and alot of it is me..could any of you tell me what you think might be up? or maybe as i said,im just an evil nasty nutcase,ive no idea...i really havent.
thank you so much...
Please post a reply a.s.a.p
Leonna :confused:
x
Sponsor
hry33
12-01-2004, 08:13 PM
Hi Leonna
I suggest you print out what you told us and take it to a doc and ask him to read it, it sounds like you have some sort of anxiety and OCD related problems and some meds, probably an antidepressant should help
everything you said I have heard before, your thoughts or fears arent unusual, doc wont be surprised :) 16 year olds often have your problems
I suggest you print out what you told us and take it to a doc and ask him to read it, it sounds like you have some sort of anxiety and OCD related problems and some meds, probably an antidepressant should help
everything you said I have heard before, your thoughts or fears arent unusual, doc wont be surprised :) 16 year olds often have your problems
leonna
12-01-2004, 09:11 PM
Hi Leonna
I suggest you print out what you told us and take it to a doc and ask him to read it, it sounds like you have some sort of anxiety and OCD related problems and some meds, probably an antidepressant should help
everything you said I have heard before, your thoughts or fears arent unusual, doc wont be surprised :) 16 year olds often have your problems
Thank you for replying :)
im on antidepressant's,saroxat*or however they are spelt* lol.
i have alot of other problems 2 u see,im also agraphobic..and other things lol,a doctor is coming out on the 13th,and mums telling him about it all then..im
I suggest you print out what you told us and take it to a doc and ask him to read it, it sounds like you have some sort of anxiety and OCD related problems and some meds, probably an antidepressant should help
everything you said I have heard before, your thoughts or fears arent unusual, doc wont be surprised :) 16 year olds often have your problems
Thank you for replying :)
im on antidepressant's,saroxat*or however they are spelt* lol.
i have alot of other problems 2 u see,im also agraphobic..and other things lol,a doctor is coming out on the 13th,and mums telling him about it all then..im
RatGirl
12-02-2004, 11:14 PM
First, you're not alone. This is very common OCD stuff. Do you have a psychiatrist?
Another thing...other teenagers aren't having the time of their lives. Trust me, it's one of the hardest times of your life and it *will* get easier! :)
I had so many similar thoughts you have and people swear I'm a sweetheart, ;) so don't beat yourself up too much. I am on Paxil and Seroquel and things are SO much easier now. I still have bad days from time to time, but it's at a level I can handle, and most of the time I feel pretty comfortable with myself. And no, I don't think you're likely to act on bad thoughts. I've had them forever and haven't acted on a single one.
Another thing...other teenagers aren't having the time of their lives. Trust me, it's one of the hardest times of your life and it *will* get easier! :)
I had so many similar thoughts you have and people swear I'm a sweetheart, ;) so don't beat yourself up too much. I am on Paxil and Seroquel and things are SO much easier now. I still have bad days from time to time, but it's at a level I can handle, and most of the time I feel pretty comfortable with myself. And no, I don't think you're likely to act on bad thoughts. I've had them forever and haven't acted on a single one.
Kathrin74
12-03-2004, 04:57 PM
You know what I personally can really relate to? The part where you say that when you are looking forward to something, you are afraid you are going to die before it. When I was about your age (almost 30 now, wow that's hard to believe!! I still feel like a kid sometimes;-)) I often had those kinds of fears.
Yes and I was also very sad because I saw all those other people who looked so happy and careless (who knows if they really were, though)... and here I was, just worrying almost all the time.
(Really now looking back I believe that all things happen for a reason, and everything leads to growth, and I am happy with the person who I have become!!! You are probably much deeper, maybe more intelligent, and most likely more sensitive than people who don't have those problems. They say OCD happens to smart people... maybe we're too smart for our own good sometimes?) ;-)
Yeah, I would say a lot of what you describe does sound like OCD. Those morbid thoughts... they don't mean that you are "mental". (Well we're all mental somehow, I mean everybody, right?) :-) And most importantly: They don't mean that you are bad. Those obsessions are always about things we would NEVER do, that's why we worry about them! It's the "what if I do it" fear that is so worrisome, right? It's something that scares you, not something that you would want to do.
It is great that you are going to see your doctor. Try to be as open as possible. Don't be ashamed of those thoughts; tell him exactly how you feel. Be assured that he has heard very similar stories many times!!!! He won't judge you are think you are just crazy. But he can only help you if he knows what is going on, right?
If the medication you are on doesn't work, maybe you'll have to try another one. But first you have to give it enough time at a high enough dose.
Oh, whatever it is that you did so many years ago... it sounds like you need to find some closure there. Can you talk to somebody about it? Maybe a priest or something, or a counselor?
See we all do things that we regret later, we are all just human... and even if it was something really bad, there is forgiveness. (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
Kathrin
Yes and I was also very sad because I saw all those other people who looked so happy and careless (who knows if they really were, though)... and here I was, just worrying almost all the time.
(Really now looking back I believe that all things happen for a reason, and everything leads to growth, and I am happy with the person who I have become!!! You are probably much deeper, maybe more intelligent, and most likely more sensitive than people who don't have those problems. They say OCD happens to smart people... maybe we're too smart for our own good sometimes?) ;-)
Yeah, I would say a lot of what you describe does sound like OCD. Those morbid thoughts... they don't mean that you are "mental". (Well we're all mental somehow, I mean everybody, right?) :-) And most importantly: They don't mean that you are bad. Those obsessions are always about things we would NEVER do, that's why we worry about them! It's the "what if I do it" fear that is so worrisome, right? It's something that scares you, not something that you would want to do.
It is great that you are going to see your doctor. Try to be as open as possible. Don't be ashamed of those thoughts; tell him exactly how you feel. Be assured that he has heard very similar stories many times!!!! He won't judge you are think you are just crazy. But he can only help you if he knows what is going on, right?
If the medication you are on doesn't work, maybe you'll have to try another one. But first you have to give it enough time at a high enough dose.
Oh, whatever it is that you did so many years ago... it sounds like you need to find some closure there. Can you talk to somebody about it? Maybe a priest or something, or a counselor?
See we all do things that we regret later, we are all just human... and even if it was something really bad, there is forgiveness. (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
Kathrin
artsykid
12-04-2004, 02:43 PM
Wow, I so know how you feel. I am always obsessed with something, and lately it is "what if I kill myself?" I dont like being alone cause Im scared Ill actually do it. I was on the 2nd floor of my school the other day and there was this ledge and I was like...what if I just jump off head first and kill myself. IT WAS HORRIBLE my heart started beating so fast thinking Id actually do it. I feel like a complete nutcase I also feel like what if this is a dream, what if life is a big joke on me, what if I never feel normal again? I am so scared Ill never feel normal again! I dont know why it has gotten so bad for me lately but I dont even feel like myself anymore. I take comfort in knowing other people experience the same thoughts....I thought maybe I was the only one who had those thoughts about....what if this is all a dream? Also when I see code or something or just like a list of random numbers I think...what if thats a code trying to tell me something or that means something. Does that make any sense to anyone here? I hate this disease soooooooo much I dont know what to do I just pray so much that God takes it away. I will pray for you and know that you are not alone. If anyone here is spiritual will you please pray for me and for everyone here? Prayer really works. I was just put on Wellbutrin but I dont know how much it will help because I dont know if it is specifically for OCD....has anyone tried it? Let me know. Oh yeah, Aso when I get Dejavu i TOTALLY freak out- it totally sceaves me out and I dont know why. I feel like I am driving myself crazy and I will end up in a mental institution. Also Leonna, I think ...about what you did when you were 12....if you just confess it to someone, someone you trust, even if it is to God....maybe you will feel a lot better. Just hang in there ok? It does get better.
etb72
01-22-2005, 11:10 PM
yeah im very scared too my legs are getting tight.i thought i herd somebody say unobody has ever died during an attack.which could be true. but that's weird.it maybe believe maybe isnt a deadly disease.
leonna
01-25-2005, 09:00 PM
so,the doctor came out and we kinda talked.he asked me alot of questions,and my mind,went blank.i mean totally blank.
he asked what i obsess over,worry about.and all that,and i could not think! and,now im pretty sure he just thinks im some faking loser. and i dont even think he thinks i have ocd,so i think 'what if i dont have ocd? what if i am faking it? what if im just a nutcase?' but yea,i mean we didnt talk about it much,and it seemed like,he didnt think i had it,maybe i was being paronoid? it's so hard telling a stranger tho! i mean,i think im mental,i dont need another person thinking it! god! im so messed up :( i wish he could like read my mind,and know what i think,and know how bad it actually is!
he asked what i obsess over,worry about.and all that,and i could not think! and,now im pretty sure he just thinks im some faking loser. and i dont even think he thinks i have ocd,so i think 'what if i dont have ocd? what if i am faking it? what if im just a nutcase?' but yea,i mean we didnt talk about it much,and it seemed like,he didnt think i had it,maybe i was being paronoid? it's so hard telling a stranger tho! i mean,i think im mental,i dont need another person thinking it! god! im so messed up :( i wish he could like read my mind,and know what i think,and know how bad it actually is!