Let me start out by saying, I am a 29 year old, independent woman, working on her Masters Degree. I have an addictive thought personality-which is important in my story here....

I was with a man a year (1997-1998). It ended badly and I know he cheated on me (he cheated and had a baby actually....) anyhow.....I started to realize how WEIRD he was....he was even possibly bisexual. His behaviors, well, I must have ignored....i've never seen him again.

Anyhow, one day, in 1998, i saw a story on HIV.........and TO THIS DAY, over 6 years later.....

I have dated ONE MAN because I think of HIV all the time. The thoughts in my head are so addictive at times....the man I dated for 2 (the only man I have dated) years is in the Marines, and (TMI here)....we had sex a LOT and that included a lot of anal sex as well. (started dating him in 1999-2001). We are still friends....
last year , he called and had to go have his yearly medical tests, which included HIV....you guys....I lost 10 lbs and sleep NONE for days ...I thought he'd call and tell me I gave him the virus....until I talked to him after it came back neg....still didn't ease my mind.

My thoughts are my worst enemy. Do you think I should chill out ? Is anyone else like this? I don't date, I don't have sex, I am an attractive, fun female, and I refuse to let anyone in....due to past worry's, and future ones for all that matter.....do you all think I'm overreacting?

I needed to get this off my chest, cause i can't /won't talk about this with anyone IRL.

Thanks so much.

Izzy

Hey!
Well first of all... GET TESTED. I really dont care if you want to or not because shying away from it and not getting tested will not change your result. second of all, when you get a negative test and you probably will because if you were with that man for over a year and he didnt get it from you... 90% chance you dont have it. I think that HIV is always in the back of every ones mind... constantly... the smart ones are the ones that let it scare them because trust me would you rather take percautions and not get this... or not think about it not let it bother you and end up dead in 10 years!!!
But overreacting to it is also very bad for youe health... Once you get your test result date! you can date without catching hiv unless of course a date to you always ends with unprotected sex... Just be smart protect yourself and if it really worries you that much you could always wait to have sexual relationships with men until you know them well and they agree to get tested with you! And if he doesnt then can you really trust him? if he sais its out of his way... or sais hes hurt because you dont believe him... ditch him! obviously 1 he might be hiding something 2 he doesnt care that much!
Anyways I hope this helped... and just to remind you its a proven fact that when you worry too much you can cause yourself to become sick... and maybe even have symptoms of HIV when realy its nothing at all... Get tested put your mind at ease!
xoxox Heaven