This week in half has been HORRIBLE...i was to start a 3-5 day fast (yes i know not good) just wanted to get off the holiday pounds you know...but since last Tuesday i have just been eating away...and usually what do i do when i eat alittle or i eat alot i purge it all...but for some reason i havent purged at all, and its not like i eating everything in site, just normal lunch and dinner...and some in between snacks...and a couple of times i would purge but only a little not like the norm where i sit there still its all out...then i just wouldnt i would sit there with my belly in pain and tell myself youhave to go vomit before it adds the pounds...and quit frankly i havent....( i know its good in a way) BUT, i just stand there in the mirror and tell myself how disappointed i am and how fat i look and cry...i can see it all pounding on!!! I dont know what to do i actually loved eating the food and actually enjoyed it..not having to have my throat hurt, blood come out, i hadnt had any dizzy spells or blacks in the shower i know i am not healed because i keep having these thougths...but i know what that food is doing...very confused :confused:

I think you're really doing well! i know it's impossible but i hope that someday the guilt of enjoying a good meal will slide away from you. i know how hard it is to spend your whole energy focused on what is or is not going into your mouth. keep up the good work, you should look at yourself and smile

What you're going through is the hardest part...I know, I've been there...but it's not worth going back, just keep fighting. Some day it'll all be over and you'll have won, you won't ever want to go back there.
Zizzi.

You should feel great, not horriable. Not purging is the first step in over coming bulimia. I was bulimic for 5 years. I cannot stress how BAD it is on your body, the complications it can cause and the dental bills you will pay!
Once you stop the purging, you stop the binging, when the binging stops, you'll maintain a healthy weight. Binging and purging is a VICOUS cycle. When you stop one, the other eventually stops too. Seeing a therapist really helps with ED.
Congrats on NOT purging! :bouncing: