Hi everyone. I'm new here.
OK, here's my question.
Ever since the anorexia started, I've had all these feelings of having to be better than all the other girls. I feel I have to be not only skinnier, but prettier, smarter, and have better grades. I'm a college journalism major and I feel threatened by skinny, smart girls in our jour. classes. I feel like a girl could know everything, but if she is fat then it doesn't count or matter. I feel so anxious in class because I am so intimidated by our professor. She is so nice, but also skinny, pretty, very smart/successful, dresses well, has a career outside of teaching and kids. She is everything I want to be. I feel like she is PERFECT. I can't talk in class because I'm scared of her, but jealous of her, too. Also, it's like I want her to mother me, but I'm terrified of her. The thing is, I don't even know her that well at all. I'm not sure what I'm asking, but I think these feelings are bizarre. Does anyone else understand this or ever feel this way?
Thanks!!!