Giggles100
12-10-2004, 10:40 AM
Hi all
I'm new here and would be grateful if anyone could give me some information or advice regarding my dad. I am 29 and he is 57.
He tells everyone how he has a worn disc in his coccyx and how he's unable to work, how poor life has treated him etc. Is it possible to have a worn disc in your coccyx? I thought the coccyx was made up of 3/4 pieces of bone fused together. He then said it was above his coccyx.... then he finally said it was a degenerative disc. Each time I've looked up the information, it doesn't seem to tie in with what he says and how he acts. He says he is unable to sit at his computer for long, unable to walk for long, unable to stand for long....
He doesn't seem to be in any pain, doesn't take any painkillers. Each time he has a twinge he rests for a few days. He doesn't take painkillers because he says it will make him worse. He finished working over 10 years ago after being on the sick for a while with this but the doctors said he was fit for light work. He appealed twice but the result was the same, and he finally got the lower level of disability a few years ago. He says how hard done by he is and that everyone else gets all the disability etc but he gets unfairly treated. And he still insists this is all for his back.
He was diagnosed with depression a few years ago which he says he is over now, but he has very strict and rigid views and opinions. I annoy him because I don't say "Oh you poor thing, here you go, let me come and look after you" (I live 1 1/2 hrs drive away)... and because I don't agree with him, plus he doesn't take any responsibility for himself because it is all down to god, fate, society etc. He seems unable to face up to it, living in this kind of half land. The only people he can talk to are people who have a dog or a boat because if anyone gets any deeper than that, his thoughts and opinions are delusional, but as his daughter I should "Respect and follow his views" and because I don't I have been "corrupted by society". I feel he is definitely suffering from mental distress but is delusional by blaming it on his back. Take recently, he's just a new boiler fitted.... it was a bit of stress for him so he rested for a couple of days because he "overdid it with his back". If he admitted to himself that mentally he was incapable, and not physically, he would probably get on a lot better and at least we could be able to get the right kind of help and meds.
As with any kind of invisible illness, it can be very hard for a family member to understand (and it doesn't help he alienated all other family so there isn't anyone I can ask... I've spoke to his doctor but they can't tell me anything because of patient confidentially) but it would be very helpful for me to understand so I ask if you can draw on your own experiences and if any of you relate to what I am saying.... and if so can you tell me what it was like before you were diagnosed, how you felt etc and how long it took and how hard was it for you to get diagnosed. Did any of you get told you were hypochondriacs? And what was the best way that your family helped you (please remember that this is someone who refuses to admit they have a mental problem)? Did you alienate anyone by your problem?
Your responses will be much appreciated.
Kind regards
Gig
I'm new here and would be grateful if anyone could give me some information or advice regarding my dad. I am 29 and he is 57.
He tells everyone how he has a worn disc in his coccyx and how he's unable to work, how poor life has treated him etc. Is it possible to have a worn disc in your coccyx? I thought the coccyx was made up of 3/4 pieces of bone fused together. He then said it was above his coccyx.... then he finally said it was a degenerative disc. Each time I've looked up the information, it doesn't seem to tie in with what he says and how he acts. He says he is unable to sit at his computer for long, unable to walk for long, unable to stand for long....
He doesn't seem to be in any pain, doesn't take any painkillers. Each time he has a twinge he rests for a few days. He doesn't take painkillers because he says it will make him worse. He finished working over 10 years ago after being on the sick for a while with this but the doctors said he was fit for light work. He appealed twice but the result was the same, and he finally got the lower level of disability a few years ago. He says how hard done by he is and that everyone else gets all the disability etc but he gets unfairly treated. And he still insists this is all for his back.
He was diagnosed with depression a few years ago which he says he is over now, but he has very strict and rigid views and opinions. I annoy him because I don't say "Oh you poor thing, here you go, let me come and look after you" (I live 1 1/2 hrs drive away)... and because I don't agree with him, plus he doesn't take any responsibility for himself because it is all down to god, fate, society etc. He seems unable to face up to it, living in this kind of half land. The only people he can talk to are people who have a dog or a boat because if anyone gets any deeper than that, his thoughts and opinions are delusional, but as his daughter I should "Respect and follow his views" and because I don't I have been "corrupted by society". I feel he is definitely suffering from mental distress but is delusional by blaming it on his back. Take recently, he's just a new boiler fitted.... it was a bit of stress for him so he rested for a couple of days because he "overdid it with his back". If he admitted to himself that mentally he was incapable, and not physically, he would probably get on a lot better and at least we could be able to get the right kind of help and meds.
As with any kind of invisible illness, it can be very hard for a family member to understand (and it doesn't help he alienated all other family so there isn't anyone I can ask... I've spoke to his doctor but they can't tell me anything because of patient confidentially) but it would be very helpful for me to understand so I ask if you can draw on your own experiences and if any of you relate to what I am saying.... and if so can you tell me what it was like before you were diagnosed, how you felt etc and how long it took and how hard was it for you to get diagnosed. Did any of you get told you were hypochondriacs? And what was the best way that your family helped you (please remember that this is someone who refuses to admit they have a mental problem)? Did you alienate anyone by your problem?
Your responses will be much appreciated.
Kind regards
Gig
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zilea
12-13-2004, 07:21 AM
I think he might be dissatisfied with his life, possibly partly because of his depression, and so has become a little bitter...Maybe you could ask him what he wants out of life and why he feels he can't have it.
Sorry I hope this helps.
Zizzi.
Sorry I hope this helps.
Zizzi.
Giggles100
12-15-2004, 07:30 AM
Thanks for your response.... It's difficult because he feels he can't have what he wants due to physical abilities. It has had back problems in the past and he does have to be careful to a certain extent... i.e. lifting and carrying, but unfortunately he seems to have took it to the extreem so the slightest twinge and he rests for days.
As god is responsible for him and what he becomes he doesn't really have any personal responsibility for himself so just lives from day to day.
As god is responsible for him and what he becomes he doesn't really have any personal responsibility for himself so just lives from day to day.