I have a long story to tell and am trying to make it as short as possible but....here goes.
First of all, I gained 35 lbs with my last child and haven't lost it yet (it has been 4 years). I have tried everything in the book and nothing. That is the basis of my problems. From there it goes into my sex life with my husband. We have been married for 6 years and we have had our really rough patches but made it through them together. This latest thing started around the time our son turned 1. With the 30 extra pounds on my body, I am not the nicest thing to look at so my husband had suggested that we experiment with another person. WE....that meant both of us there and experimenting....Well, I did try it and did not like it. Don't get me wrong, the thrill was there but it was the after part that I don't ever want to go through again. I felt inferior to this other woman and that I could never please my husband again. That sounds really stupid now that I am putting it into words but that is the truth. I still feel this way and he is asking to do it again. I don't know how I can go along with it again knowing the way I felt the last time. I know that he is not going to leave me but I always feel inferior and I don't like that feeling. I have tried explaining this to him but it always comes back to my weight and how I look. I have tried to get rid of it, believe me I don't like it either. My doc says there is no reason (medically) that I should not be losing weight I just can't seem to do it. That is a whole other issue that could take a lot more time but my main thing is...Is there anyone who has gotten over the whole thing of feeling inferior to every other woman in the world? I would like to be able to do this with him without all of the baggage that is left in my head at the end. This has really been getting to me and it is on my mind all of the time. Please, can someone give me some pointers on this. I have no intention of leaving my hubby over this and I hope no one suggests that. I want to be a part of it but don't know how to get over the feeling of inferiority. Thanks

I'm really sorry I can't help but I think you need to expalin this to your husband...I'm really sorry I can't help you at all. And the inferiority thing I feel that too...I think it's the highly competitive attitude of women...Sorry, I can't help.
Zizzi.

I'd suggest some couples counseling. Obviously your husband is not thinking of your best interests if he NEEDS to have a thinner woman for sexual fulfillment. A couple should be supportive of each other, like they say through better or worse. I think he needs to learn to show more empathy towards what you are going through and how you feel. You may not be a supermodel but he probably isn't either. Make sure he knows what you are telling us right now. If he really want's you to lose weight he should maybe get off his butt and excercise along with you. It's not fair if you have to do all the work in the relationship. Just makes you bitter. Maybe make it a family thing. Take walks and jogs together, start a new diet and lifestyle together. Take some community center latin dance classes together get some new hobbies, discover a new sport you guys can play. The fire may have burned out but there's no reason why it can't be started again. He needs novelty and newness. The easiest way to get that for a man is usually to find another woman and I think your weight gain is just a convenient excuse for him to get what he wants but what he REALLY needs to do is to start being responsible, grow up and face the fact that he made a promise to you for life. If he needs novelty there ARE other ways to go about it to make him fullfilled. It's not all about sex, it's about being excited about life so you two should start something new together that will make BOTH of you feel good.

-Frank