meditation
12-12-2004, 12:00 AM
Hi everyone.
I guess I am having a pretty rough night. And, I just wanted to vent a little. I don't know if it is a bad vent. But, here we go and thank you for reading and commenting.
For the past 7 months, I have made near weekly visits to my oral surgeon...for trigger point injections and twice...injections into my joints.
The pain has continued on its' downward spiral...getting worse by each day.
About a month ago, my doctor informed me that I will probably need a total joint replacement...on both joints.
I had TMJ disorder when I was a teenager. It was resolved almost 12 years ago, when my doctor (the same one I see now) performed an open joint procedure on me and put in my ear cartilage for my discs.
In may, I went into a restaurant and there was a stupid screw in my meal...which I didn't see or know...and, yep, I bit on it.
I've seen myself deteriorate every day, wondering if this continues, if I will have a job next year. At this point, I wouldn't care anymore..only of the pain stops...
And, all of us knows how this pain goes...so, i won't vent too much about it.
Needless to say, though, I've recently found something very weird happening, and would appreciate any help or advice. When some of the bad pain episodes happen, I end up passing out from the pain. My doctor believes me; but, he is not a GP doctor. So, I went to my GP, and he ordered a cat scan, hoping to rule out anything neurological. I had the cat scan done yesterday...so, we'll see.
I'm frustrated beyond words. All I want is for the pain to go away. I would handle not opening far ever again....prior to the screw incident, I opened to 50 mm. I would really never care about eating solid food again... I wouldn't even care about an impending bankruptcy.
So, as the holidays arrive, I begin to think. I hear my friends..about what they want. And, I guess it never hurts to put it down... because I truly believe anything is possible.
How about a wonderful, full nights' sleep. How about one day without being in so much pain that all I do is cry. How about appreciating the small things, like I used to. How about friends who truly support and understand what I am going through. How about one day of feeling on top of the world again.
To everyone out there, who is going through this, or whose loved one is enduring TMJ disorder.
Be good to yourself these holidays. Do one thing, for yourself. Take some time for yourself.
For the loved ones, listen to your loved one. If they need to talk, please just listen. Many times, that is the one thing they need. Hug them. Hold them.
Have a happy holiday, everyone
Johnna
I guess I am having a pretty rough night. And, I just wanted to vent a little. I don't know if it is a bad vent. But, here we go and thank you for reading and commenting.
For the past 7 months, I have made near weekly visits to my oral surgeon...for trigger point injections and twice...injections into my joints.
The pain has continued on its' downward spiral...getting worse by each day.
About a month ago, my doctor informed me that I will probably need a total joint replacement...on both joints.
I had TMJ disorder when I was a teenager. It was resolved almost 12 years ago, when my doctor (the same one I see now) performed an open joint procedure on me and put in my ear cartilage for my discs.
In may, I went into a restaurant and there was a stupid screw in my meal...which I didn't see or know...and, yep, I bit on it.
I've seen myself deteriorate every day, wondering if this continues, if I will have a job next year. At this point, I wouldn't care anymore..only of the pain stops...
And, all of us knows how this pain goes...so, i won't vent too much about it.
Needless to say, though, I've recently found something very weird happening, and would appreciate any help or advice. When some of the bad pain episodes happen, I end up passing out from the pain. My doctor believes me; but, he is not a GP doctor. So, I went to my GP, and he ordered a cat scan, hoping to rule out anything neurological. I had the cat scan done yesterday...so, we'll see.
I'm frustrated beyond words. All I want is for the pain to go away. I would handle not opening far ever again....prior to the screw incident, I opened to 50 mm. I would really never care about eating solid food again... I wouldn't even care about an impending bankruptcy.
So, as the holidays arrive, I begin to think. I hear my friends..about what they want. And, I guess it never hurts to put it down... because I truly believe anything is possible.
How about a wonderful, full nights' sleep. How about one day without being in so much pain that all I do is cry. How about appreciating the small things, like I used to. How about friends who truly support and understand what I am going through. How about one day of feeling on top of the world again.
To everyone out there, who is going through this, or whose loved one is enduring TMJ disorder.
Be good to yourself these holidays. Do one thing, for yourself. Take some time for yourself.
For the loved ones, listen to your loved one. If they need to talk, please just listen. Many times, that is the one thing they need. Hug them. Hold them.
Have a happy holiday, everyone
Johnna
Sponsor
Mosmom
12-12-2004, 12:59 AM
Johnna -
I rarely visit this board on the weekends (I save it for work-time when I am really, really bored) - so I feel I was drawn to your post for a reason....
You have been dealt a very poor hand in life - of that there is no doubt. But have you ever considered the true blessing you have been given? You write so beautifully...so concise and with such true feeling (I say this as someone who has made her living writing for many, many years).
During certain, more difficult, times of my life, I have used writing as a tool for healing. I urge you to keep a journal. Don't limit your writing to message boards where you are writing for others. Go to the office store and buy one of those black and white composition books and just start writing...write...write...write - not for others, but just for you. Describe your pain. Describe your frustration. And, on those rare occasions, describe your joy.
Johnna - I first started visiting this board a couple of years ago when my daughter began her journey with TMJD. Although she has had fabulous results with her treatment, I am compelled to return here and check up on the progress of the people I have "met" during my visits here.
I think of you (and the others) daily and I sincerely wish for nothing more than your well being.
My most sincere best wishes to you Johnna - and the rest of the people on this board - this holiday season.
Mo's Mom
I rarely visit this board on the weekends (I save it for work-time when I am really, really bored) - so I feel I was drawn to your post for a reason....
You have been dealt a very poor hand in life - of that there is no doubt. But have you ever considered the true blessing you have been given? You write so beautifully...so concise and with such true feeling (I say this as someone who has made her living writing for many, many years).
During certain, more difficult, times of my life, I have used writing as a tool for healing. I urge you to keep a journal. Don't limit your writing to message boards where you are writing for others. Go to the office store and buy one of those black and white composition books and just start writing...write...write...write - not for others, but just for you. Describe your pain. Describe your frustration. And, on those rare occasions, describe your joy.
Johnna - I first started visiting this board a couple of years ago when my daughter began her journey with TMJD. Although she has had fabulous results with her treatment, I am compelled to return here and check up on the progress of the people I have "met" during my visits here.
I think of you (and the others) daily and I sincerely wish for nothing more than your well being.
My most sincere best wishes to you Johnna - and the rest of the people on this board - this holiday season.
Mo's Mom
Mosmom
12-12-2004, 01:07 AM
...oh...and one more thing....treat yourself to a really GOOD pen for yor journal. I am not a wealthy person by any stretch of the imagination. My only indulgence, my only attempt at acheiving the "good life" is my beautiful fountain pen.
Ann123
12-12-2004, 01:45 AM
That is a beautiful holiday wish, Johnnna. I am sorry you are not feeling better. Thank you for sharing your words with us. Happy Holidays to you as well. Ann
westin4
12-13-2004, 01:50 AM
Johnna,
I am glad you came to vent. Sometimes it is very healing just to get it out and that is what we are here for.
I too had complete relief of this ugly beast only to have it return this last year after 5 years of no symptoms. The hardest part for me is that it came back and now I cannot remember what it was like to live without pain. I wish I could have just one of those days back again so I could enjoy it totally. I know one thing for sure, if I have a good pain day, I make the most of it cause you never know when one will come around again.
I am so sorry you bit into a screw! Did you do anything about this?? I think the return of the monster is a very emotional thing to deal with. Knowing that you had relief at one point and it disappeared just eats at me.
Please keep us posted my friend.
Karen
I am glad you came to vent. Sometimes it is very healing just to get it out and that is what we are here for.
I too had complete relief of this ugly beast only to have it return this last year after 5 years of no symptoms. The hardest part for me is that it came back and now I cannot remember what it was like to live without pain. I wish I could have just one of those days back again so I could enjoy it totally. I know one thing for sure, if I have a good pain day, I make the most of it cause you never know when one will come around again.
I am so sorry you bit into a screw! Did you do anything about this?? I think the return of the monster is a very emotional thing to deal with. Knowing that you had relief at one point and it disappeared just eats at me.
Please keep us posted my friend.
Karen
littlegreek25
12-13-2004, 11:59 AM
Johnna,
The other night I was thinking the same thing about getting a full night's sleep. I was tired and was getting ready to go to bed. I thought back to the time when I was able to lay in bed on my side, put my head into my pillow, and go right to sleep. Now going to bed consists of having to lay on my back, making sure my pillow is not touching my face, and alternating my heating pad to both sides of my jaw until I fall asleep. I never get a full nights sleep anymore. When I wake up my jaw hurts from clenching during the night. I remember when my life was "normal" and wonder if it will ever be that way again. I wish I had appreciated it back then, but how was I to know that at 28 my life would never be normal again? I remember how the only meds I had to take were birth control pills. Now I'm in the the game of trying different pills to find out what works and what doesn't. So far I have more ones that don't work than do. I know it's even worse for you because you had a pain free time, then you were thrown back into this nightmare. I know how hard it is to find friends that truly understand what you are going through. I don't have any. At least we have eachother on this board though, so we know we're not alone. Big hugs to everyone.
Happy Holidays,
Amy
The other night I was thinking the same thing about getting a full night's sleep. I was tired and was getting ready to go to bed. I thought back to the time when I was able to lay in bed on my side, put my head into my pillow, and go right to sleep. Now going to bed consists of having to lay on my back, making sure my pillow is not touching my face, and alternating my heating pad to both sides of my jaw until I fall asleep. I never get a full nights sleep anymore. When I wake up my jaw hurts from clenching during the night. I remember when my life was "normal" and wonder if it will ever be that way again. I wish I had appreciated it back then, but how was I to know that at 28 my life would never be normal again? I remember how the only meds I had to take were birth control pills. Now I'm in the the game of trying different pills to find out what works and what doesn't. So far I have more ones that don't work than do. I know it's even worse for you because you had a pain free time, then you were thrown back into this nightmare. I know how hard it is to find friends that truly understand what you are going through. I don't have any. At least we have eachother on this board though, so we know we're not alone. Big hugs to everyone.
Happy Holidays,
Amy
meditation
12-13-2004, 02:46 PM
Hi everyone.
Just wanted to take a moment and say thank you.
I wish I had a computer at home so that I could be on here more, because I tell you this really helps.
Thank you for all your advice and well wishes. And, again, everyone out there, have a beautiful holiday season.
Johnna
Just wanted to take a moment and say thank you.
I wish I had a computer at home so that I could be on here more, because I tell you this really helps.
Thank you for all your advice and well wishes. And, again, everyone out there, have a beautiful holiday season.
Johnna