Hi everyone, im 19 and new to these boards :wave:
just wanna let my thoughts out, feel free to reply with advice, its MOST welcome :p
i know no1 has the answers for my life, but
i don't know what to do anymore.
i dont want to feel the way i feel.
i dont want to take pills. (been on and off Efexor XL)
i want to feel like myself again.
i feel like im not here sometimes, but i know i am, feels like im sorta numb to everything.
i dont want to feel numb to everythin, i wanna feel happy/interested/annoyed/attracted etc about things.
i wanna stop crying/stressing/worrying, i wanna stop.

i dont want to stay feeling this way, but don't know what to do.
i want to belive i can feel better and think positive about everthin. but when i go to do things and what im doing dosnt feel as easy as it used to be i get stressed/frustrated/confused/upset/worried about it.

i sort of feel like someone has taken me away again, and replaced my usual happy self with the guy who is writing this. This isnt me. But it is...
i havnt wanted to talk about the way i feel, ive jus wanted it to go away and get on with my life.

I first encountered depression around this time last year, and was given Efexor XL by my doc, i was on them for around 5months, i did get better and felt my old self again and i was :D purely on the basis of feeling my old self again and thought right them feelings are conqured and gone, time to LIIVE again! :bouncing:

now these feelings are here again, it upsets me even more.

just recently i ended a relationship with my girlfriend i had been with for 4months and i love her to bits, i broke my own heart but my health was upsetting me and her i could see it. she is only 17 and i didnt want to feel like im a burden to her, but i did. i just felt lost,frustrated,stressed, and i had no control over myself anymore and felt like i couldnt make her happy as i once could. i was happy i was with her, but didnt feel happy and then i got upset infront of her alot of the time and i knew it couldnt go on like it was.
i miss her loads..

it feels like time jus goes by these days and nothing is gnna change, but it'll only change if i want it to change right? i want it to change belive me i do but when i
can't remember things well
can't concentrate well
communicate well
get anythin sense of joy/buzz from anythin at this moment in time.
feel like im worth something to anyone,
and i get upset for what it feels like no reason it all stresses me out and worries me.
and i sometimes think, ...tomorow comes but i dont want to come with it,
with the way i feel. i jus wanna go back 2 bein my usual self again then i want to do things.

i think alot. infact they way im feeling is always on my mind, :o i dont want to think like that i just want to do things - be happy. but i have this feeling of i don't want to do things while i feel this way i just want to hide away where no1 can see me like this. i can't bring any laughter/smiles to myself or anyone else like i used to. i was happy but things don't feel the same.

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Hey i dont know what to say apart from Hey im 15 and im feeling exactly the same as you, and you are not alone.

you are not alone. Also, a BIG welcome to the boards. Stay around and vent as often as you like.

You have beautifully articulated how you feel, and thats a GREAT BIG step! Contemplating your feelings and being able to identify them and not be in denial about them is a huge success, so start by giving yourself a big pat on the back for that!
Also, coming here and starting on the boards is taking a step ( and one I think you will benefit from- I know I have! )
Are you still on the prescription that made you feel better? Have you gone back for another consultation with your doctor abot how you are feeling? You know, if doctor visits leave you tongue tied ( as they often do me ) you should print up your posting here! This gives your doc a good way to understand how you are feeling when you can speak straight from your heart.
This board is a great support system and theres no one who posts under any topic that won't have an idea what the other people posting are going through and will be supportive and as helpful as possible!

Hi David! Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.

Here's a couple (or more) thoughts for you. One is that it's normal to feel really down after ending a significant relationship. Give yourself some time before you expect too much out of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Baby yourself.

Are you currently in counseling? If not, I think it would probably be a good idea. I know that, in the UK, Cognitive Behavior Therapy is popular and might really help you.

Last, try exercise. I find that a brisk walk around the block is better than nothing. It doesn't cure anything but does provide a little mood elevation for a couple of hours. Try it.

Welcome to the board.

i agree, counselling helped me after a breakup (amongst other things) its important to find someone u can relate to and this may take a while, it did for me as well. sometimes meds are needed to boost you and make u feel better? i know i feel better sometimes on my meds not always tho and the side effects are crappy.

good luck :)

Brett