Ok, So I have been having weight issues for like that last 7 years. I usually have spurts where I wont eat until I lose some weight and it never was a super problem. But now I have begun to purge everytime I eat. I know it is extremely unhealthy but I cant stop. Scary thing is blood was in my vomit yesterday. For sure I cant stop because I cant let the **** I eat stay in me. I have such a hard time becasue I am a college athlete which requires me to have bulky leg muscles, and though I know they are solid muscle it makes me feel fat. I am a perfectionist and I want all fat off of me. I feel guilty if I dont work out for at least an hour everyday. I dont want to get sucked back into the world of ED, I dont konw how to stop before it really begins to consume my life again, I am already obsessed with food and exercise. What can I do to stop this?

Hi there :wave:. I'm really sorry that you are suffering so much, I can kind of relate to what you're going through because I also have an ed. I am also a perfectionist, and I know it often has has an adverse effect on my life, and on how I see myself. I have been struggling for months and have realised I just cannot do it on my own. So I went to see a doctor and am now waiting to see a counsellor. Are you receiving any support for your ed, and have you been able to talk to anyone about it? Because the thing is, we can try as hard as possible to get skinny and be in control, but ultimately it'll never solve the underlying problem, whatever it is that triggers us to feel so insecure in our bodies. I'm sorry there isn't much I can say to help, except that I'm here whenever you need to talk and I'm thinking of you. You sound like a very determined person, and I'm sure you will get through this triumphant. But remember you don't have to do this alone, there are people out there who can help you and I really hope you find the right kind of support for you. Take care! :angel:

THe only person I have ever talked to about this is my roomate, and we purge together. Its so bad and I was sad to see that she had joined me, I am afraid to let anyone in my family know and I cant tell a lot of my friends becasue it would get back to coach and I would be in a lot of trouble. A part of me wants to stop but right now a bigger part of me wants to keep going and lose more weight. :confused: Thanks for your support, I know that is what I will need to get over this, but I feel like it is going to be a long long time before I ever feel good about myself.

I really think you should talk to a doctor. They have to keep it confidential and they are more qualified to help you, whether it means seeing a counsellor, a nutritionist or whoever you think might help. They can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. I haven’t seen the counsellor about my ed yet but will soon. I went to see a counsellor in the past because I was very depressed, had a low self-esteem and was cutting. It helped me so much, for quite a few months I was feeling fine, until I started going out with this guy, and my wed kicked in... Your friend doesn’t sound like she’s helping you at all, although you can probably relate with each other, it’s not going to help you get past this. Only one of my friends knows and I had to tell her to back off because she just didn’t know how to help! I really hope you can find someone to talk to about this and who will actively help you get past it. Pleas let me know how you do; I know how hard it is and whenever you need to vent I’m always hear to listen to you. Take care :wave:!